TresSugar

Relationship Protocol: Are You Fighting About Money?

DearSugar — Tue, 17 Mar 2009 10:00:00 -0700

I wasn't all that surprised when I read in the April issue of Glamour magazine that 43 percent of couples fight about money. When you're having to learn to love the simple life again and cut back on your frivolous spending, it's easy to be on edge - especially if your money woes are ruining your sex life!

Of course this recession is affecting everyone differently so tell me, is money a topic of conversation that lends itself to an argument these days?

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Dear Poll: Have You Ever Fought With Your Significant Other in Public?

DearSugar — Thu, 12 Mar 2009 15:00:00 -0700

Yesterday I gave you the dos and don'ts of fighting and one of my suggestions was to fight in private. Not only is it important for the quarreling couple to be disturbance free, but fighting in public is sure to make everyone in the vicinity feel incredibly uncomfortable. Now I know that it's easy to let our emotions get the best of us, but tell me, have you ever gotten into a knockdown, drag-out fight with your significant other in a public place?

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A Do or a Don't: Getting Emotional in Public

DearSugar — Tue, 21 Oct 2008 17:00:00 -0700

Last night I went out to dinner with friends and we got seated next to a husband and wife who were clearly having an argument. They ate in silence and then halfway through their meal, she burst into tears. Though I know it's impolite to stare, we just couldn't help ourselves!

When you take your personal drama out in the public, one has to assume that people will not only eavesdrop, but feel slightly uncomfortable, too - an awkward situation for all! Sure, sometimes our emotions get the best of us, but is getting emotional in public - no matter what the circumstances - a do or a don't?

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Do You Have a Contentious Relationship With Anyone in Your Family?

DearSugar — Tue, 21 Oct 2008 11:00:00 -0700

It's no secret that Spencer and his younger sister Stephanie don't get alone, but it seems like he constantly goes out of his way to be mean to her. If he's not reminding her how much he dislikes her then he's making her look foolish in front of her friends, and last night's episode of The Hills proved just that. As we all know, families can be complicated, so tell us, have you ever had an contentious relationship, like Stephanie so clearly does, with anyone in your family?

To learn about all the fashion from The Hills, check out CelebStyle.

Photo courtesy of MTV

You Asked: Did I Destroy Our Friendship?

DearSugar — Tue, 14 Oct 2008 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I have been broken up with my ex girlfriend for three months - we had been together for more than four years. After the breakup we talked occasionally and our friendship was pretty solid. She recently flew to another city for a job interview and we got into a fight. I had finally expressed my feelings to her for the first time so I had a lot of built up frustration. I did say things out of anger, but they were not insults, I simply told her that I felt she no longer took my needs into consideration. She became infuriated and told me she doesn't want to be friends anymore. I have called her multiple times asking her to listen to my explanation - that I was scared of losing her to a job faraway, but my attempts have been unsuccessful. I don't know how to keep the friendship together and although I am still in love with her, I am willing to just be friends so I don't lose her from my life altogether. I have told her that I will give her space, but I am scared that the space will make her forget about my great qualities and the good times we've had. Do you have any advice for how to keep the friendship together? - Holding on Henry

To see DearSugar's answer, read more.

Dear Holding on Henry,

You say you're concerned with keeping your friendship with your ex, but it's pretty clear that you are still in love with her, so this quest could be a difficult one for many reasons. I don't know the details of your breakup, but if you're interested in pursuing a romantic relationship with her, I'd be honest and tell her how you feel, as it's obviously affecting your current rapport.

Since you feel the need to explain yourself, try writing her an email. Let her know where your angry words came from and tell her exactly what you've told me. If it's space that she wants, you don't have much of a choice but to give it to her, but at least you'll know that she knows where you stand. Hopefully after she gets the breathing room she needs, you can work out your relationship and figure out where you fit into each other's lives. Good luck.

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Relationship Protocol: What Are Your Re-Occurring Arguments?

DearSugar — Mon, 08 Sep 2008 16:00:00 -0700

Whether he starts them more than you, or you rock the boat more than he, fights between couples are relatively normal. And while some couples steer clear of those touchy subjects, there are some issues that are not easily avoidable, thus becoming regular bones of contention. So do you have any re-occurring fights in your relationship? If so, what causes them?

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The How-To Lounge: Agreeing to Disagree

DearSugar — Fri, 05 Sep 2008 09:00:00 -0700

Even if you’re about as easy-going as they get, disagreements among friends, family, co-workers, or significant others are inevitable. Often, through numerous conversations and a lot of back and forth, a mutual consensus can be reached, but sometimes there’s no end in sight. But before you throw in the towel completely, I have a few tips for learning how to agree to disagree. To see them just read more.

The first and most important step is accepting the fact that you’re not going to be able to convince the other person to agree with you. You can’t reach the decision to disagree amicably without acknowledging that there’s nothing left you can do to convince the other side.
As part of accepting your differing views, you have to stop arguing. Unless you’re the type that gets a kick out of fighting, there’s really no point in going around in circles. If you find yourself in that cycle, don’t be afraid to stop it by simply acknowledging that neither party will ever completely agree.
Just because you’re openly acknowledging and accepting that you’re not going to agree, it doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t try compromising. Once you’ve made the resolution to accept your varied positions, it’s time to establish the middle ground.
Once you’ve decided to amicably disagree and focus instead on a compromise, give yourself time for some much-needed introspection. If your differing opinions are something you can’t get over, then perhaps there’s a bigger issue lurking that you need to deal with.

Some of the best relationships are built on differences, so don’t let an argument get in the way of a successful partnership.

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You Asked: Why Do We Keep Fighting?

DearSugar — Fri, 05 Sep 2008 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

My boyfriend and I have been together for four years. After much thought and discussion, we decided to move in together. The first month things seemed to be going very well. We had to make obvious adjustments to each other's lifestyles, but all in all, we seemed to be managing things well. Recently, however, we have been bickering about a lot of little insignificant things and we both don't understand why these arguments never arose before. It's very frustrating. We spent two years in a long distance relationship and now that we are finally together, we are at each other's throats! Is this something that I should be concerned about, or is this just another step in the relationship that is going to take time? - Cohabiting Casandra

To see DearSugar's answer, read more.

Dear Cohabiting Casandra,

Since you spent two years in a long-distance relationship, it's no wonder that you and your boyfriend are having some growing pains. Going from having your own space to living with someone is a huge adjustment, so my first suggestion is to sit tight and give yourselves time to work through the kinks.

Since these arguments are over petty, insignificant things, try to keep the lines of communication open and talk things out before they blow up into something bigger - sometimes taking a step back and thinking before you speak can make a real difference. Compromise is also really important when living with someone. It's perfectly normal for you guys to get bugged by each other every once in a while - arguing from time to time is healthy and normal - but try to keep things in perspective and remember to pick your battles. If you're annoyed about him leaving dirty dishes in the sink, just ask him not to do it next time. If he is irritated that your hair is on the bathroom floor, make more of an effort to clean it up. Cohabiting for the first time takes an adjustment period, but after you figure everything out, I promise that it'll be a lot of fun. Hang in there and remember to be open and honest about your feelings and ask him to do the same.

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Relationship Protocol: Competition

DearSugar — Tue, 12 Aug 2008 12:00:00 -0700

I don’t consider myself a competitive person, but I can get pretty feisty during a round of Guitar Hero or a game of Scrabble. There’s nothing wrong with a little competition in a friendly game, but what about when it comes to a relationship? I’ve always kept my tiny competitive edge away from my significant other, but I’ve seen some couples duke it out over Monopoly or worse, their roles at work. Maybe it has more to do with the urge to get out a little tension than an actual desire to win, but what do you think? Have you seen this in other couples? Do you and your man ever go head to head?

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You Asked: I Can't Control My Jealousy

DearSugar — Tue, 12 Aug 2008 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I am in a relationship with a wonderful guy and the only problem we have is me - I cannot control my jealousy. I take every look or stare he gives another woman as a demerit to myself, leaving me wondering why I'm not good enough. I know a look is just a look, but I can't help but take it personally. I end up silently holding a grudge until he makes me upset about something unrelated, then I bring it up again. I know I am being stupid and ridiculous, not to mention causing problems in my relationship, but I don't know how to be all right with it. He used to be the one in my shoes, driving me crazy and getting mad over the smallest glance that I'd give to someone else, yet he doesn't seem to understand how I feel. Please tell me how to pull myself together. - Overprotective Onnalee

To see DearSugar's answer, read more.

Dear Overprotective Onnalee,

It sounds to me like your boyfriend planted some unhealthy fears into your head, which are now getting the best of you. All successful relationships should have a level of trust which outweighs any jealous tendencies, and it's pretty clear that you guys are lacking that variable. While some jealousy is perfectly normal in even the best relationships, picking your battles is crucial so it doesn't create too much bitterness or resentment.

Since you both bring a level of insecurity to the table, something tells me you, or both of you, have been cheated on in the past. Since he used to behave this way toward you, he has to understand how you feel, so have a heart-to-heart with him and talk it out in a calm setting, before a fight ensues. Holding a grudge and using past hurt feelings to prove a point will only create more distance, so if you can't get your jealousy under control on your own, I suggest talking to a therapist about it. As you know, being possessive and insecure can wreak havoc in any relationship, so hopefully you can gain a clear head and move on in your relationship.

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