TresSugar

Want to Be Successful? Start Worrying

Emily Co — Wed, 18 May 2011 11:14:34 PDT

We're always espousing the importance of work-life balance, because it's important to have a healthy mindset. Although anxiety is generally associated with being a negative feeling, a New York Times piece by professor Robert Frank of Cornell University's MBA program says that worry can actually motivate us and push us to be more successful. In fact, evolution has actually programmed us to become more competitive when we're worrying. Frank says:

In [Darwin's] framework, the brain has evolved not to make us happy, but to motivate actions that help push our DNA into the next round. Much of the time, in fact, the brain accomplishes that by making us unhappy. Anxiety, hunger, fatigue, loneliness, thirst, anger and fear spur action to meet the competitive challenges we face . . . Within limits, worry about success causes students to study harder to gain admission to better universities. It makes assistant professors work harder to earn tenure. It leads film makers to strive harder to create the perfect scene, and songwriters to dig deeper for the most pleasing melody. In every domain, people who work harder are more likely to succeed professionally, more likely to make a difference. The anxiety we feel about whether we'll succeed is evolution's way of motivating us.

This reminds me of a recent quote by Indra Nooyi, the female CEO of PepsiCo, who spilled the secret to her success. She said, "I have an immigrant mentality, which is that the job can be taken away at any time, so make sure you earn it every day." Although Nooyi is already the head of a billion-dollar company, she still worries about her position, which pushes her to succeed day after day. If she has been complacent and happy about her job, there will be less incentive for her to work hard.

Actually, seeing as our economy still has a lot of recovering to do, the sentiment of possibly losing your job might not be too unrealistic. However, you need to make sure that this anxiety does not eat you up inside, and manage it properly so it does not manifest into extreme symptoms like panic attacks.

Group Therapy: Worried About Him Proposing Over the Holidays

Tres Community — Thu, 09 Dec 2010 06:00:04 PST

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

Thanks to some not so subtle hints on my boyfriend's part and many conversations about marriage, I know that he has bought me an engagement ring and plans to propose over the holidays.

We have been together for about a year and a half and lived together for six months. Our relationship is great. We are truly best friends, have tons in common, communicate well, and generally have a blast together. Since I found out the proposal was coming, however, I have been feeling somewhat anxious. To summarize all my issues, my parents had a horrible relationship and when I was in elementary school my dad cheated on my mom with a much younger woman (now my stepmom) and I have had trust issues in all of my relationships. I also struggle with depression and insecurity.

For the first year of our relationship, my boyfriend and I were long distance. We made the decision that I would move to where he is because my career is very flexible in that I can find a job just about anywhere. About a month or so before we moved in together I felt like my boyfriend was pulling away and acting strange, I snooped in his email and found an email he had sent to an ex saying that he felt weird about moving in with me because he still thought about her all the time.

Read the rest on Group Therapy.

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

Graphotherapy Exercise For Relaxation

OnSugar Blog — Wed, 01 Sep 2010 10:30:35 PDT

Stressed out? Grab a pen or pencil and some paper, and do this relaxation exercise from the OnSugar blog goddessbody.

I call this exercise the Phone Cord (before the cell phone and cordless phone). It promotes calmness and relaxation and relieves inner tension. It also helps improve balance and coordination.

Learn how to do this easy exercise when you

Group Therapy: Return From Vacation Plagued With Panic

Tres Community — Wed, 07 Jul 2010 06:00:29 PDT

This question is an excerpt from Group Therapy in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

After a wonderfully relaxing long weekend away at my parents house in the mountains, I returned to the city yesterday evening with plenty of time to unpack, clean my house, and prepare myself for the week. However, when I went to bed, I was struck with a horrible bout of insomnia due to a panic attack. Basically, I started to obsess about all of the work I had to do. I couldn't sleep and woke up feeling uneasy and stressed.

This isn't the first time this sort of thing has happened to me. Last year when I went on a two-week vacation to Spain, the night before I came back, I had the worst panic attack of my life. I kept thinking about how much work I had to do when I returned home. I'm wondering how I can keep the state of mind I had while on the weekend/vacation during the week? How can I not get overwhelmed by the work that I know is waiting for me? Any advice would be appreciated!

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it, anonymously, to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

Music: It's Like a Massage but Cheaper

FitSugar — Mon, 22 Mar 2010 03:47:40 PDT

Listening to music may not feel the same as getting a massage, but it does have the same calming effect. A new study shows that massage therapy is just as effective in reducing anxiety as lying down and listening to music.

Researchers from the Group Health Research Institute randomly assigned 68 participants with 10 one-hour treatments: a massage with music, breathing deeply while lying down and listening to music, or listening to music while lying down and being warmed with heating pads. After three months the anxiety level of each group had decreased by half.

This is great news for patients who might not be able to afford the costs of massage therapy since lying down with music is much cheaper. And while music can't work out a sore body, it often helps lift my spirits - how about you?

Oh Snap! Overcoming Anxiety For Narcissists

TresSugar — Fri, 19 Feb 2010 06:00:00 PST

Stephen Colbert distracted himself from men's speed skating at the Olympics while working on his, undoubtedly, Canada-induced anxiety.

What Makes You Nervous These Days?

TresSugar — Thu, 21 May 2009 11:45:00 PDT

Americans are smiling less and worrying more than they were a year ago. Depression, cigarette sales, and sleepless nights are on the rise. But you probably didn't need this new survey from Gallup to tell you that.

According to today's New York Times, it's not debt or a lack of money that's making people more miserable. Rather Americans feel worse when something bad might occur, than when they know something bad will occur. For example: if you know you're going to lose your job, you can start moving on. But if you might lose your job, you will continue to worry about it. Ironically, the option where you get laid off could end up making you happier!

Are there any uncertainties that make you nervous?

Source

You Asked: Waiting For the Other Shoe to Drop

DearSugar — Mon, 23 Mar 2009 12:51:43 PDT

Dear Sugar,

I feel like I've been on a mental downward spiral for the last few months and I don't know how to get out of it. Two months ago my company announced that there would be layoffs, but we won't know exactly who is getting the ax for another few weeks but the stress of waiting is starting to affect all aspects of my life. I tell myself how lucky I am to still have a job, but still, I'm unfocused and unmotivated at work, I'm depressed at home, and stressed out all the time.

Normally I'm a very active and social person but I find myself too tired to plan anything with my friends and lost all interest in meeting people on the romantic front. I keep trying to stay interested in my hobbies and my life, but I'm just so mentally wiped out. Do you have any advice? - Waiting Around Abbie

To see DearSugar's answer

read more Dear Waiting Around Abbie, I'm sorry to hear that you're struggling right now - waiting for the other shoe to drop can't be a good feeling - but since you do still have a job, I'd try to keep everything in perspective. Remember that if you slack off at work that could in turn jeopardize your position, especially if they are hand picking who gets let go. And if you're really concerned with your future at this company, I suggest you start looking for other positions now, just in case. While I understand that you're mentally exhausted, now is the time to lean on your friends and family for support so you can get out of your head. Push yourself to get lost in one of your hobbies or exercise a few times a week, and instead of hiding out from your social life, commit to going out even when you think you're too tired - I'm almost certain that you'll be happy you did once you're out. This is a hard time for a lot of people so don't be too hard on yourself for feeling a little down and out, but if your overwhelming anxiety continues, I'd consider talking to a therapist. Good luck to you. Source

Dear Poll: Are You Yearning For Mindless Entertainment?

DearSugar — Mon, 23 Feb 2009 15:13:34 PST

I don't know about you, but all I want to do to unwind when I get home from work these days is watch some mindless TV or read a trashy magazine. Not only can I get a good laugh out of it, but it's much less stressful than worrying about the economic crisis. If you've been feeling anxiety in the air lately, too, tell me, are you also yearning for some senseless entertainment to get your mind off things?

Source

Relationship Protocol: Has Monetary Stress Affected Your Relationship?

DearSugar — Tue, 27 Jan 2009 06:00:00 PST

Even if the economy hasn't forced you to drastically change your lifestyle, the stress in the air is undeniable. Though 2009 is sure to be an exciting year, it'll also be one chock-full of uncertainty and apprehension. I know that money woes affect everyone differently, so tell me, has it played a role in your otherwise carefree relationship?

Source