TresSugar

Hump Day: I'm Curious but Nervous About Back Door Action

TresSugar — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 07:00:00 -0700

Welcome to Hump Day, TrèsSugar's sex advice column. Are you confused about sex? Do you have trouble having an orgasm? Is there something you'd like to try but you're worried it's too weird? Send your questions to TrèsSugar, and our friend Dr. Charlie Glickman from Good Vibrations will offer his sound advice!

Today's Question:

“I’m curious about having anal sex with my boyfriend, but I’ve had unpleasant experiences in the past. Any tips?” To hear what Dr. Glickman has to say, read more

I’ve noticed an increase in questions about anal play over the last few years, and while I think it’s great that more people are discovering new ways to experience pleasure, anal play isn’t everyone’s cup of tea. Many people don’t enjoy it at all and unfortunately, some guys have a tendency to pressure their partners into doing it. Quite a few women report that their boyfriends have seen so much anal in porn that they’re convinced that every woman wants it. But sex in porn is like a car chase in an action movie. There’s a lot that happens behind the scenes that you don’t see in order to create the illusion that shows up on the screen; in the case of anal sex - lots of lube and warming up.

For some women, anal play (note: not just anal sex) heightens their orgasms. First, the anus is very sensitive and packed with nerve endings. Second, its muscles are connected to the rest of the pelvic muscles and contract along with the vagina during orgasm. Third, there are people who enjoy the experience of doing something naughty or taboo.

So now that we have that taken care of, there are three ingredients to hot anal play: relaxation, lubrication, and communication. Let’s take them one at a time.

Relaxation: the anus is made up of two rings of muscles and they’re under both voluntary and involuntary control. With practice, you can learn to increase how much control you have over your ability to relax. And ironically, if you’re nervous about anal play hurting or not being fun, it can make the anus get tighter, which makes it more likely to be unpleasant.

The best way to get started is to go slowly and start small. Try a little external pleasure with a finger or a slim vibrator. If you’re concerned about keeping things clean, slip on a glove. Experiment with tightening the anus and bearing down - you’ll be able to feel it contract and relax.

If you want to try penetration, go slowly and use lots of lube (either water-based or silicone-based, which doesn't dry out as easily but is harder to clean off). You’ll probably enjoy it more if you’re also doing something that you enjoy such as using a vibrator. Lots of women report that anal play on its own isn’t nearly as much fun as when it’s an add-on.

Communication: the anus is a delicate part of the body and it’s easy to get too rough with it. It’s super-important to be able to tell your partner when things are uncomfortable, if you need more lube, or if you want to try something else. For that matter, it’s important to be able to say something if you’re not enjoying it, or if you’re experiencing any pain. And if your partner is pressuring you to do something that you don’t want to do, that’s a big red flag!

Important safety tips: any toys that you use for anal play need to be smooth, have a base, and ideally made of easy-to-clean silicone. Since the anus is so much more delicate than the vagina, it’s easy for toys with bumps and ridges to cause discomfort. (If you have a porous rubber toy or you’re not sure if it's made of silicone, cover it with a condom.) And NEVER put anything that has been used anally inside the vagina - that’s a great way to give yourself an unpleasant infection. Lastly, if your toy doesn’t have a base, there’s a chance that it could go all the way in and not come back out. That can mean a trip to the emergency room.

If you’re looking for more info, here are some great places to start. For books, I'd recommend Anal Pleasure & Health and The Ultimate Guide To Anal Sex For Women. For DVDs, Tristan Taormino's Expert Guide to Anal Sex and Anal Massage For Lovers are great.

I hope that helps! Email the folks at TrèsSugar if you have more sex questions. I’d love to hear from you.

Dear Poll: Have You Ever Experimented With the Back Door?

DearSugar — Wed, 19 Nov 2008 15:00:00 -0800

Since sex can be somewhat embarrassing to talk about, I gave you all an opportunity to ask whatever burning questions you had over the weekend, anonymously of course. A lot of you were curious about the booty, and I wasn't all that surprised - anal sex isn't the easiest or most PC topic to discuss! Since it was top of mind for many, I'm curious to know if you've ever experimented with anal sex before, so tell me . . .

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Handle This: He Wants to Try Anal Sex

DearSugar — Thu, 30 Oct 2008 13:00:00 -0700

On occasion, your boyfriend has mentioned that he’s really enjoyed anal sex in the past and would like to try it with you. You've always felt hesitant about the idea, and naturally brushed off his requests. Lately, however, you’ve started feeling as if he’s pressuring you into it. One night when you’re fooling around, he pulls away from you and says that he’s bored with your sex life. He thinks it’s unfair that you haven't tried anal sex with him; it would really mean a lot to him if you just tried it; just once. How would you handle this?

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Binge Drinkers Are at a Higher Risk For STIs

DearSugar — Mon, 08 Sep 2008 11:00:00 -0700

Over the weekend I came across an article that I just had to share with all of you. A study performed at Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine found that binge drinkers (five or more alcoholic beverages at one time) are more likely to engage in risky sexual behavior, making them (particularly women) more likely to contract an STI. We all know that binge drinking lowers inhibitions, but the findings of this new study are very sobering:

Across gender, women binge drinkers are more likely to have anal sex than men binge drinkers. Within gender, women binge drinkers are three times as likely to have anal sex, and twice as likely to have multiple sex partners compared to women who do not drink alcohol. Compared to non-drinking women, women binge drinkers are also five times as likely to have gonorrhea.

To make things even worse for women, anatomical differences place women at a higher risk of contracting STIs, since men infect women with disease more efficiently than women to men.

This is pretty frightening stuff, but is it all that shocking? Of course alcohol affects everyone differently, but what are your thoughts on this news?

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Booty Business: Facts and Myths

DearSugar — Wed, 09 Apr 2008 12:00:00 -0700

What you do in the bedroom is totally your business, but I thought it was high time we talked about something that's a little taboo - anal sex. There, I said it! I know some of you may be a little shocked that I'm talking about this, but just like with all things having to do with sex, it's good to know the facts. So ladies, take this quiz and find out how much you know. And as always, if you have any burning personal questions, you can always send me a private message!

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Take the quiz

You Asked: Am I Ready for This Next Step?

DearSugar — Thu, 29 Nov 2007 06:00:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

I can't believe I'm going to ask this but I don't have anyone else to ask and I have come to trust your opinions, so here it goes. I am a very happy married young lady and my relationship with my husband is great and so is our sex life, but for the past couple of months he's been wanting to have anal sex - something I've never done before. I must say I am really scared of having sex that way and I don't even know why ( I guess I think that it will hurt) but I also want to satisfy my husband's needs. I happen to feel that being a bit adventurous will never hurt a relationship so I guess what I want to know is is there a way that I could convince my hubby that it won't work or if you can tell me of something to use to not make it so nerve wrenching. - I'm Game Gertrude

To see Dear Sugar's answer read more

Dear I'm Game Gertrude,

I admire you for wanting to please your husband and keep things interesting in the bedroom, but if you aren't ready to take the plunge, you have every right to speak your mind and decline his fantasy. The thing that makes experimentation so special in a relationship is when both people are on the same page. If you don't have that level of comfort or trust, one person is bound to become either uncomfortable in the middle of the act or resentful for being pushed out of their comfort zone after the fact.

I think you should talk to your husband - let him know how badly you want to please him sexually, but you would like to try to come up with another way to do so. Your husband loves you so if you're just not ready, I'm sure he will understand. Talking out your fears might also calm your nerves about the pain, so if you decide to go through with it, make sure you feel safe, go slow, and if at any time you feel uncomfortable, be sure to tell him to stop. And last but not least Gertrude, don't forget lube! Good luck.

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Anal HPV (Yep, That's What I Said)

DearSugar — Tue, 15 Apr 2008 11:00:00 -0700

So I'm sure you're sick of me talking about HPV, the STI that can cause genital warts and certain types of cervical cancer, but I'm not finished yet. There's also another type of HPV you should know about - anal HPV - that's just as common as cervical HPV.

No, anal HPV isn't only contracted through anal sex, although women who engage in this act are definitely more at risk, but so are women who are young, white, with lower levels of education and income, and a history of having multiple sexual partners. It can also be passed through sexual play (by using fingers or sharing sex toys). It's thought that oral sex may also transmit anal HPV, although doctors unfortunately aren't clear about all the ways it can be transmitted.

Why is anal HPV something to watch out for? To find out read more.

The thing to know is that anal HPV can lead to anal cancer. Although this is rare, more than 4,600 are diagnosed with anal cancer in the US each year and nearly 700 people die from it.

Dear's Advice: Doctors are not urging women to get anal Pap tests (phew), so the best thing you can do is to be sure you use protection when you engage in any type of sexual activity. Since many women have no symptoms and don't even know they have HPV, be sure to get tested regularly. If you're not in a committed relationship with one person, you may want to think about getting the Gardasil vaccine. It won't protect you from all types of HPV, but at least you'll be protected against the four types that are linked to 70 percent of cervical cancers and 90 percent of genital warts. Doctors think that this vaccine may also help protect against anal HPV.

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Group Therapy: Anal sex

Fri, 11 May 2007 16:00:00 -0700

My boyfriend is curious to try out anal sex. I'm nervous as I have never tried it before. Is there anything one should do before engaging in anal sex and how to avoid bumping into mr poopoo if you know what I mean. Please I really need to know. Advice will be much appreciated.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: To be involved in more GROUP THERAPY, click here]

Bro vs. Douchebag: Is There a Difference?

TresSugar — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 06:00:00 -0800

Listening to Phish. Wearing popped collars. Playing ultimate Frisbee. Flaunting the number of chicks bagged.

Are these the traits of a bro or a douche? Is there a difference? While pondering this question, you might want to pop over to BroBible.com, a "brocial" networking site created by 24-year-old Doug Banker, a hesitantly self-identified "bro" who wants to redeem bro culture from being demonized as douche culture. (Sample post: "What's More Bro: Oral or Anal Sex?")

Last year when the site was still under construction, he had this to say about the distinction: "[A] bro is just someone who likes to go out and have a good time, who likes to stay connected to their group of friends while expanding their horizons. It’s not one of our goals to make the word ‘bro’ more positive. But yes, hopefully, that will happen."

So is there a difference between a bro and a douchebag? Does it matter? Do you wish those words would go away? Inquiring minds want to know!

Dear Poll: Would You Ever Bleach Down There?

DearSugar — Thu, 07 Feb 2008 13:00:00 -0800

Yes, you read the question correctly, I am asking if you would ever bleach down there, but not the down there you might think. If you're in the market for a new look, BungGlow 8 may have just what you're looking for.

A recent Daily Candy talked about South Beach Skin Solutions Lightening Gel, and I just can't get it out of my head. It's an all-natural product that has the ability to dye your "bunghole" (gasp!) to match the natural color of your skin in just weeks.

Now ladies, I'm no prude but I can't say that I've tried it, although they have most definitely caught my attention! I know this is a bit crass, but tell me, how do you feel about anal bleaching? Would you dare to try it?

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