TresSugar

Tip No. 2 For Getting the Romance Back After the Holiday Stress Is Behind You

DearSugar — Tue, 09 Dec 2008 09:00:00 -0800

Patty's back! Check out her second tip on how to bring the romance back after the holiday stress is behind you below:

Make an effort to do little things for your partner. A recent study showed that 83 percent of couples held hands while in the beginning of their marriage versus only 38 percent after a decade together. Compliments, surprise notes, thoughtful gifts, or gestures can go a long way toward keeping you feeling close and connected. So make a New Year’s resolution to change any complacent or negative patterns and become a better, more supportive partner in the years to come.

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Dear Poll: Are You Affectionate in Front of Your Family?

DearSugar — Tue, 25 Nov 2008 15:00:00 -0800

Most of you feel that a little PDA goes a long way, but showing some affection toward your significant other is a nice way to communicate your love, at least in my opinion! When you're around family, though, the rules tend to change. Of course it depends on the couple and the family, but in your situation, tell me, are you affectionate with your significant other in front of your family?

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Relationship Protocol: How Often Does He Compliment You?

DearSugar — Mon, 27 Oct 2008 09:00:00 -0700

There’s something extra meaningful when you get praise from a significant other. Of course, a compliment is always nice, but when it comes from your loved one, it tends to hold more meaning. That kind of positive energy really goes a long way in keeping the romance alive. How often do you get compliments and praise from your significant other?

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You Asked: There's No Affection in Our Relationship

DearSugar — Tue, 14 Oct 2008 12:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

My wife and I have been married for 13 years and we have four kids. I don't feel as if she loves me anymore. She does not show me any affection and only goes along with what I initiate. I will occasionally stop her throughout the day to give her a hug or a kiss, but she never initiates it. She never tells me that she loves me unless she is responding to my "I love you." For our anniversary, I put love notes around the house and in her car so that she would see them through every event of her day and I bought her a dozen roses. She said thank you, but that was it. I didn't even receive a hug or a kiss!

The only time we ever have sex is if I make the move. This has been going on for the last five years. Before that she would at least show some interest in me. When I try to talk to her about the way I feel she turns it all around on me and it inevitably leads to a huge argument. I tried for years not to let it bother me, but it really is starting to affect me as I am always thinking about it and hoping she will initiate just a simple kiss or hug.

- Missing Kisses Kevin

To see DearSugar's answer, read more.

Dear Missing Kisses Kevin,

Obviously, you and your wife have been together a significant amount of time and I'm sure raising four children is not nearly as easy as it is rewarding. Your wife sounds very unhappy, which may have more to do with her role in life rather than her feelings for you. Unfortunately, this isn't something that's likely to get better on its own, and if you wait until your children grow up, it's possible the distance will be too great to fix.

Your attempts to talk to your wife have only led to arguments thus far, but don't give up - you need to be able to have a conversation about this. I'd guess that pointing all this out to her leads her to feel inadequate in her role as wife, but also resentful to have another demand on her life. Instead of telling her what you need from her and what she's doing wrong, let her know how you're feeling and how you see it affecting your relationship in the long term. Preface the conversation by asking her to recognize that this isn't an attack on her; you just want a few minutes to voice your feelings. Ask her to do the same and find out if there's anything you can change about your behavior that might make her feel more satisfied in your relationship.

Realize these problems won't be fixed overnight. In fact, it may take months and months to figure out. I would definitely consider couples therapy to break through this sooner rather than later. Of course, this is something you'll need to discuss together, but an open forum for communication may illuminate issues that neither of you are able to recognize right now. I wish you luck.

Source

Group Therapy: He Won't Wash!

Thu, 07 Aug 2008 15:00:00 -0700

My husband has gotten into the habit of not brushing his teeth or showering every day. In fact, he often goes a couple of days without either, and it is really disgusting. I have talked to him about it over 20 times in the past year, but he stubbornly refuses to change his ways. This affects our sex life and pretty much depletes any chances of affection between us, so I am being cheated out of a lot due to his self-professed laziness. He often jokes around that since he is married, he doesn't have to care as much about his looks and health anymore. So ladies, what do you think is the future of this situation? Am I stuck with this for life, or do you have any creative ideas for me to get him to wash up?

[EDITOR'S NOTE: To be involved in more GROUP THERAPY, click here]

Source

Relationship Protocol: Is Constant Affection a Relationship Necessity?

DearSugar — Thu, 19 Jun 2008 12:00:00 -0700

Outside of sex, physical affection is still a significant part of any relationship. It’s a way for couples to express their desire, devotion, and connection without saying a word. With the stresses and demands of daily life, what begins as a very affectionate relationship can end up being one in which a quick kiss or cuddle on the couch is all a couple has time for on a given day. Like saying “I love you,” for some couples the show of affection remains a rare, but nevertheless, special occurrence. It may not be ideal, but do you think that a relationship with limited affection can still be a healthy one? Or do you find constant affection a necessity? If so, how do you and your significant other express it outside of the bedroom?

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Ask E. Jean For DearSugar: Am I Just Being Used?

E Jean Carroll — Thu, 12 Jun 2008 10:00:00 -0700

Dear E. Jean,

My wife displays no affection for me whatsoever! When we first met, it was like magic. I lived in a big city in an upscale neighborhood and had a thriving business. I was 37, never married, no kids. She was divorced with seven kids.

I knocked on her door while campaigning for a friend’s Senate position, and the rest is history. I was at the point in my life where I was tired of looking for my soul mate. My family thought I was nuts for marrying her. But it was something I always wanted - a lot of kids and a beautiful wife.

We married, I bought a ranch, and we moved.

Now, here comes the bombshell: She tells me that she was a prostitute to support her kids. She stopped just two weeks before our meeting. Her pimp (a prominent local businessman) is still calling the house after four years wanting to hook her up.

In the meantime, I’m catering to her every need, because I know she had a very difficult time in the past. I’m doing all the shopping, taking the kids to school, and basically running the house. I write her love notes, bring her flowers, chocolates, and give her massages. When we make love, she tells me she’s never felt that way before.

However, I’ve begun to notice she doesn’t and hasn’t done anything for me. No attention, no initiation, no love or affection. No cards. No love notes. I’ve tried to talk to her about it. She says that if one person (me) is initiating the love in the marriage, that’s all that’s needed.

I feel unwanted. I’m losing confidence in myself. I feel like a dog chained to a tree that doesn’t get any food or water. I love her but I feel as though I’m being badly used. Help! - Lost in Texas

To see E. Jean's answer, read more.

My Dear, Dear Texas,

You pierce my heart! My man, you deserve love notes from every woman in America! If I had your address. I would send you 33 pounds of chocolates, then fly to Texas to help you eat them. But as for your wife . . .

I’m guessing she can’t show affection to any man. I’m guessing she’s so hungry for love herself, so busy with the children, so exhausted, she can’t even see your needs. I’m guessing she spent so many years being paid to love gnarly, greasy, brutal, stupid, selfish men, spent so many years pretending to love their idiot sex fantasies - turning tricks to feed her children has got to be one of the toughest ways to earn money in the world - she doesn’t know how to handle the real deal from a spectacular guy like you.

Pardon me, I don’t want to add to your pain, but I think you will have to accept her as she is - flaws and all. You can’t make her be affectionate. Until she learns to love herself (and she will probably have to go to a therapist to get a new perspective on herself) she won’t be able to love you as you deserve.

Of course, you can do a hundred little things to nudge her along - you can ask her to tell you she loves you. You can ask her to give you a kiss. You can use humor - write a love letter to yourself, ask her to sign it, and then mail it to yourself (and when it arrives, rip it open, read it aloud, and praise her for her, ahem, “gorgeous writing style”). But in the end, it will always come down to one thing: You are too good for her.

To see more advice from E. Jean, visit Elle magazine and AskEJean.com.

Where Do You Stand: Being Affectionate With Your Girlfriends

DearSugar — Wed, 28 May 2008 14:00:00 -0700

There's really nothing better than having a best friend - it's that unbreakable bond that makes for such a special relationship. But if you're a cuddly type, is being affectionate with your gal pal crossing the line of friendship?

Lindsay Lohan and her BFF Samantha Ronson might take it to an extreme, but last weekend Michelle Williams was photographed holding hands with her co-stars at the premiere of Adoration in Cannes in an endearing, supportive sort of way - something that I found very sweet. Now I know some people feel uncomfortable with PDA, but where do you stand on being touchy-feely (in a friendly manor) with your girlfriends?

Source & Bauer-Griffin Online

Dear Poll: How Often Do You Say "I Love You" to Your BF?

DearSugar — Fri, 09 May 2008 12:00:00 -0700

Just as some couples can’t keep their hands off each other and others save the physical affection for the bedroom, the same is true when it comes to saying “I love you.”

Even though every couple may be in love, the expression of those feelings is different for everyone. Some of us like to say "I love you" every time we talk to our significant other, while others say it few and far between. Of course there is no right way, so tell me ladies, how often do you say, “I love you”?

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Do Tell: Are You Affectionate in Front of the Family?

DearSugar — Fri, 18 Apr 2008 16:00:13 -0700

No matter how old I get, I’m old-fashioned when it comes to PDA in front of my parents. When I’m with the family, any excessive touching becomes unnecessary and kissing is kept brief and subtle. I’m not actually sure if this is something that my parents notice, but I guess it’s just my own thing. However, I realize not everyone’s quite as traditional as me. Do tell: Are you like me when it comes to family-time PDA? Or do you have no qualms about a little affection when your parents are around?

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