TresSugar

Product of the Day: Anything and Whatever Soft Drinks

GiggleSugar — Wed, 18 Jun 2008 02:00:00 -0700

"What would you like to drink?" "Anything." "Well, I have a lot of choices." "Whatever." In Singapore, this conversation probably goes on a lot. Why? Because they have two soft drinks available with the two words teenagers like to say the most (especially "whatever"). Whatever is a carbonated soda - you'll know that much going in - and Anything is some kind of tea. What flavors they'll be is a surprise. They're like the iPod Shuffle feature, only they're soft drinks. (If you're like me, though, I never like anything Shuffle gives me, which makes me wonder sometimes if it's really my iPod or if I'm just a control freak.)

She's Like, So Whatevah...

GiggleSugar — Fri, 16 Nov 2007 10:57:59 -0800

The ultimate showdown would be to put the Avril fan club in a playhouse with this little diva- who would out 'tude the other? If round one is any predictor of the outcome (Avril: "Hey! Hey! You! You!" Diva: "Whatevah!"), my money's on Miss Thang below. "Whatever" trumps any argument.

Hump Day: Sex Makes Her Uncomfortable

TresSugar — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 07:30:23 -0800

Welcome to Hump Day, TrèsSugar's sex advice column. If you have questions about sex, send them to TrèsSugar, and our friend Dr. Charlie Glickman from Good Vibrations will offer his sound advice!

Today's Question:
I'm 24 and in my first relationship. I really like the guy, we've been going out for six months, but I get nervous whenever he slips his hand under my underwear. He gets the hint and stops. I don't mind him doing other things (we haven't slept together yet), but I wish I wasn't such a prude. I don't know what he expects and I worry that he will be grossed out, as I only shave/wax the bikini line but not the whole thing. What if he thinks it is ugly? I also don't know what I should expect; he knows I'm a virgin, but I don't know how to speak to him about why I get uncomfortable, and I don't know how to overcome it! I also have a few stretch marks and worry that he will be grossed out by them. Please help?

To read Dr. Glickman's response, read more.

Thank you for sharing this challenging situation. I know that it can be scary to talk about things like this, but these are all really common thoughts.

One of the things that can help when you’re on the edge of your comfort zone is to take it very slowly. It’ll probably help to tell your guy about your discomfort, even if you can’t tell him why it’s there. You could simply say "I have a lot of discomfort around sex." You also might want to do a little solo exploration. It takes the pressure off because there aren’t any partner expectations. Check out the wonderful book Becoming Orgasmic. If you’re looking for tips or ideas for techniques, Tickle Your Fancy is full of suggestions. Once you know a bit more about what you like or dislike, you and your boyfriend might be able to find something that you both like to do.

It’s worth mentioning that vulvas come in all different shapes. (The vulva is the external female anatomy. The vagina is the inside part.) There’s a long history of negative attitudes towards the vulva, but each one is unique and beautiful in its own way. A lot of women have the idea that there’s something wrong with their vulvas because they don’t look like what we see in porn or because they have hair, and I think that’s unfortunate. I strongly recommend getting to know your parts and Scarleteen has a great site about that. It’s geared towards teens, but there's lots of amazing info about sex, bodies, and pleasure.

Another option would be to explore some of these concerns with a therapist. When you have an itch on your back, you need someone else to scratch it. Therapists help us by reaching the spots we can’t reach on our own. Lastly, depending on where you are, you could join a body-image support group. While they tend not to focus on sexuality, they can be an incredibly helpful way to work through our concerns about our bodies and how we (or other people) feel about them.

Working through these challenges isn’t always easy, but it can be very rewarding. Whatever route you choose, I hope you find the pleasure and joy that you deserve.

"What Is His Deal?"

Tres Community — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 09:00:00 -0800

This post comes from Group Therapy in our TrèsSugar Community. Feel free to add your advice in the comments!

My friend (let’s call her Laura) recently introduced me to a good male friend of hers (let’s call him Mark) at a Halloween party. Mark and I had a good time talking to each other and he emailed my friend a day later to tell her that he thought I was really nice. He then found me on Facebook and asked me out for the following weekend, to which I said yes.

We texted a few times and flirted a little bit. However, when the weekend came he got sick (I was sick too so I didn’t mind that we weren’t going to meet, although I didn’t tell him that). But now it’s been a week and I haven’t heard anything from him, no texts, no nothing. I think this is a little strange since he was the one who initially pursued me. Plus he’s friends with my friend so I didn’t think he would just ditch our plans. There is such a thing as politeness and I’m a little surprised that he hasn’t called me to let me know that he’s still sick, or busy, or whatever. So, I don’t know what to do if and when he calls. Should I go out with him? He’s already demonstrated that he can’t keep me in the loop.

There's lots of fun stuff going on in our community - join it, check it out, share your posts or advice in the great groups and maybe we'll feature it here on TrèsSugar!

Dating: When Does Older Become Grosser?

TresSugar — Wed, 08 Jul 2009 09:00:00 -0700

I saw Woody Allen's latest film this weekend - Whatever Works, meaning do whatever it takes to make you happy, or "filch whatever happiness you can" as Larry David's nihilist character says. For him that means marrying a much, much, so much, younger woman, played by Evan Rachel Wood. Wood is 21. David is 61.

Thankfully, save a shudder-worthy Viagra reference, Allen spares the audience from any sex scenes between the two. But whether it's Larry David's unfalteringly artless performance or Woody Allen's personal baggage left over from marrying his adopted daughter, it never feels right or romantic or even endearing. (Meanwhile, a woman over 40 who dates men younger - but not this much younger! - has her own pejorative term.)

When it comes to dating, how old would you go? Is there a limit, or should we do whatever works?

The Dark Side of Cute

TresSugar — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 15:00:00 -0800

Kittens in casts. Babies nudged to laugh every five seconds. Stuffed teddy bears left at killing-spree sites. We are so surrounded by the tyranny of cute that even multibillion-dollar corporations have cute names like "Google" and "Twitter," and the uncute business of insurance is represented in ads by a cute lizard with an English accent. (And yes, I too am guilty of spreading cuteness.)

What's up with the cute? Writer Jim Windolf has had enough and decided to try to get to the bottom of what he calls the "self-infantalization" of Americans. His conclusion? There's a dark, manipulative side to cute. If you want to know what it is, read more.

In Daniel Harris's book Cute, Quaint, Hungry, and Romantic, he says that there's a hidden sadism to our love of cute, citing the barrage of images of cats falling, puppies slamming into mirrors, and even babies trapped in high chairs being prodded to laugh.

"The process of conveying cuteness to the viewer disempowers its objects," he writes, "forcing them into ridiculous situations and making them appear more ignorant and vulnerable than they really are. Adorable things are often most adorable in the middle of a pratfall or a blunder." In other words, they are cute insofar as they are helpless, and we, conferrers of cute, are all-powerful.

Becoming cute, conversely, is one way of disarming opponents or critics. It's not incidental, argues Windolf, that the cult of cute in the US emerged during the Bush years, when "the American image went from that of protector to invader, from defender of human rights to aggressor on the lookout for loopholes in the Geneva Conventions." Cuteness then, according to this theory, "came about as some sort of correction, as a way for us to convince ourselves and our friends that we're not as bad as our recent national actions have made us seem." (It reminds me of smiley emoticons at the end of passive-aggressive email messages and instant messages. In this case, American cute is like a ginormous cultural smiley face emoticon tacked on the end of dubious actions telling our allies we're not all that bad.)

Windolf traces American cute back to Japan's kawaii culture, which got huge 10 years ago but actually emerged at the end of WWII after it was "humiliated and emasculated." If you're interested in political and cultural psychoanalysis, I suggest reading this long essay. But whatever you do, remember - ~~sometimes a cigar is just a cigar~~ sometimes a cute kitten isn't just a cute kitten.

Source

Ask a Trader: Is He Into Me?

TresSugar — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 06:00:00 -0800

Conventional Wisdom is a different kind of advice column. Your questions will be answered by people from all walks of life rather than by advice experts. This week, a trader helps out a frustrated woman. If you have a question you'd like answered on Conventional Wisdom, you can submit it here.

Today's question:

I have been seeing this man for a little over a month. He is significantly older than me (13 years) and pretty busy. We talked last weekend and both said we wanted to take things slow due to failed past relationships (jumping into them too quickly; he was engaged).

That's perfectly fine with me, but the problem is that we never talk. We Facebook message each other, but it's extremely brief two word phrases. When the weekend hits, we might see each other one day. When we do see each other, he acts like he really enjoys my company until I say something nice (he runs a gallery, so I told him if he ever needs help getting a show set up, to let me know) in which case he kind of buries his head. He also won't respond if I send him a compliment via one of our Facebook messages.

He does let me keep some toiletries at his house if I ever spend the night, which is rare - we don't have sex either. I really like this guy and want to get to know him, but it seems impossible and I feel like I'm just getting strung along. Should I talk to him and tell him what I expect with "taking it slow" or something? Or does it seem he really isn't into me at all? Would he really string me along if he knows I don't want to get hurt anymore?

Signed,
Taking it Too Slow

To see the trader's answer, read more.

Dear Taking it Too Slow,

It sounds like, for whatever reason, this guy is not romantically attracted to you. You are right to worry that he lets you stay overnight and keep toiletries at his house, without ever making a move. You say you really like him, but I must recommend that you not waste too much more time on him without knowing he feels the same way because it sounds like you keep putting forth effort, without getting anything back from him. Tell him how you feel, and if he shares those feelings then you can explore the possibility of a real relationship together. If he says he's just not ready, this is your cue to move on and trade up. And no need to second-guess breaking off your sexless sleepovers: if he really does have feelings for you, he'll come back when he's ready, and if you want to, you can give him another shot.

Signed,
A Trader

Have You Ever Gotten Into a Brawl With Another Woman?

TresSugar — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 13:00:00 -0800

First, a rumored bar fight involving Mischa Barton, and now Miss England? Whatever happened to sweet and demure?

Rachel Christie, the reigning Miss England, has to give up her crown and withdraw from the Miss World competition which will be held in South Africa next month because of an alleged bar brawl earlier in the week with another beauty queen, one Sara Beverley Jones (Miss Manchester).

As someone who has thrown a punch (or two) back in the day, I'm no one to judge, so I shall refrain. Did you get into physical fights with other girls when you were younger, or have you ever gotten into a brawl with another woman?

Do Tell: What's the Sexiest Foreign Accent?

TresSugar — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 13:00:00 -0800

Maybe we can blame the foreign exchange students in high school or the soap operas we watched that featured mysterious foreigners whose arrival shook up small towns like the fictional Port Charles. Whatever the cause, a lot of chicks love a foreign accent.

Well, the results of a worldwide poll asking 5,000 women who has the sexiest accent have yielded an answer: the Irish. For decades, French men held the title. (Tant pis, mes amis!) The Irish and their sexy (if indecipherable) lilts were followed by the accents of Italian, Scottish, French and Australian men, in that order. (Americans were in tenth place.)

If you like a man with a foreign accent, what do you think is the sexiest?

This American Life Faithfully Takes on Infidelity

TresSugar — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 13:00:00 -0800

I am a faithful listener of the radio program This American Life. Each week the show offers an entertaining and in-depth look into various themes ranging from the financial crisis, to children switched at birth, to the perfect break-up song. This week, the program took on an invariably popular topic of discussion: cheating.

In the intro, host Ira Glass discuses how some happy couples have no problem admitting that they got together because one or both of them cheated. You can see evidence of this in the New York Times Vows page, where newlyweds often use coded language implying that it took infidelity to bring them together. (Of course, they also want to believe that fate was somehow involved too.)

These write-ups will say that a couple's romance was a "bumpy road" or that they "encountered some obstacles." The episode suggests that these couples justify their infidelity by believing that whatever happened, everybody (including the exes) is better off because fate brought together two people who were meant to be. True or not, this is definitely a self-serving conclusion!

Do you think there can ever be a happy ending when infidelity is involved?