TresSugar

What Is He Thinking?

GiggleSugar — Wed, 27 Feb 2008 15:00:00 -0800

From the odd posture to the Mona Lisa-esque smile Jared Leto seems to be mighty pleased . . . or something. What is he thinking in that ~~pretty~~ greasy little head of his? Tell me in the comments!

Source

Hump Day: What to Do When He's Not Well Endowed

TresSugar — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 08:00:24 -0800

Welcome to Hump Day, TrèsSugar's sex advice column. If you have questions about sex, send them to TrèsSugar, and our friend Dr. Charlie Glickman from Good Vibrations will offer his sound advice!
Today's question:
What are some good techniques to use with a partner who has a relatively small penis?

To see Dr. Glickman's answer, read more.

There are a few different things you could try to make intercourse better. The first thing is to have lots of buildup for both of you. The more excited he is, the harder his erection will be. That can maximize the sensations for you since the vagina tends to be most sensitive near the opening. And the closer you are to orgasm before intercourse, the easier it might be to have an orgasm once he’s inside you.

Some positions may work better for you than others. If you try rear entry (aka doggie style) and arch your back, you’ll probably be able to get deeper penetration. Some women report that crossing their legs (after he’s inside) in this position makes things snugger, which creates more intense sensations for both people. If you prefer face to face contact, prop your hips up on a pillow or the amazing Wedge. Bending your legs so your knees are against your chest also maximizes penetration. Since both the vagina and the penis vary in dimensions, you’ll have to experiment a bit to find the ones that feel best to you. Sadie Allison’s book Ride’Em Cowgirl is full of useful tips and fun ideas.

If you’re having trouble getting enough stimulation for your pleasure, you can always make sure that you get your needs taken care of first or keep the fun going after his orgasm. There’s a commonly held belief that simultaneous orgasm is the ultimate sexual experience, and while it can be fun, if that ideal is getting in the way, then ditch it. If he gives you oral sex or uses his hands first and then you switch to intercourse (or vice versa), then you’re both getting pleasured and I think that’s a great thing.

Quite a few partners of men with smaller penises find that oral sex can be a lot easier. After all, if you have a sensitive gag reflex or a narrow jaw, a smaller penis can be much more fun to play with. I definitely encourage you to get creative when it comes to blow jobs. Check out this excellent DVD on oral sex. Similarly, a slender penis can make anal sex more pleasurable, too. While a lot of people aren’t into anal play, if you happen to be, you might find that it feels better when you’re with someone on the slimmer side of things. You can check out this DVD on anal play.

As you can see, there are lots of choices. You may need to talk with each other to figure out what will work best for the two of you. While you might have some worries about talking with your guy about his penis size, I can guarantee that he already knows about it. If you approach the conversation from a desire to make sure that you’re both having fun, it’ll go a lot better. And whatever you do, don’t make fun of him or shame him for his body. Lots of men are hyper-sensitive about penis size and that’s not going to be a constructive thing to do.

Lastly, for the record, most penises are about five-six inches (12.7-15.24 cm) long and about five inches (12.7 cm) around. Lots of people have distorted expectations about penis size, especially if they watch porn. But a lot of people in porn movies (both male and female) are short - it makes penises look larger, just as they used to make cowboy movie sets small to make the actors look bigger. That sort of forced perspective is a trick of the camera, and unfortunately, it can lead to unrealistic expectations.

I hope that helps. Have fun!

Spoken by a Man, Written by Women: Don Draper's Wisdom

TresSugar — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 15:00:25 -0800

Mad Men's Don Draper spends a lot of time not talking, which does the rare double duty of adding to his appeal while reducing him to a total ass. But when he does talk, his words are elegant, philosophical, and - if you think about - really great advice! Even so, when they're all put together in this montage above, Don sounds more like a narcissist with a God complex than a wise man with a gift for language, reminding us where his words came from: women writers. With women filling the pool of writers on Mad Men, we'd be remiss to give Don all, or any, of the credit. So what's your favorite line?

Ask a Wife: How Do I Stop Being the Other Woman?

TresSugar — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 08:00:58 -0800

Conventional Wisdom is a different kind of advice column. Your questions will be answered by people from all walks of life rather than by advice experts. This week, a woman in a happy marriage tries to help out a woman stuck in an affair. If you have a question you'd like answered on Conventional Wisdom, you can submit it here.

Today's Question:

I am involved with a married man and I don't know how to stop. He's been married for a couple of years, and his wife often goes out of town. I feel like I'm in a relationship with him: he calls or texts before he goes to sleep, cooks me dinner when he can, and we talk about almost anything with each other. I don't expect him to leave his wife for me, and it doesn't seem like he's going to. He just says he wishes we would have met before he got married. I know deep down that this is so wrong, but I feel like I can't do anything about it. I feel too happy when I'm around him. Help!

Signed,
The Other Woman

To see the advice, read more.

Dear The Other Woman,

I have some bad news and some good news. First, the bad news: you are not happy. You are in a relationship that is damaging to both you and this man's wife. The only person remotely benefiting from the situation is this unfaithful person you are involved with.

Now the good news: real happiness does exist. You can find someone - who's not married - to talk, laugh, cry, and have sex with. And it will be so much better. But first you need to do some work on yourself. Look at your life and decide what type of person you want to be. Do you want the adjectives selfish, dishonest, and disrespectful to describe who you are? Or would you rather have the words loving, faithful, and complete describe your behavior and your relationship? Next you need to boost your confidence. Think about what has made you do something that is undoubtedly so hurtful to yourself and this other woman. Is it because you are afraid of being alone? Is it because you think this is the best thing you can get? If so, let me tell you that a little patience can go a long way. Focus on the things you really enjoy in life (do you like running? painting? traveling?), the things that make you excited, and you will only become more desirable.

The search for love is a hard and frustrating one, but you are just going down a dark and depressing path with nothing but hurt waiting at the end of it. End things with this unavailable man, figure out why you love yourself, and then you will find someone who loves you for all those qualities too.

Signed,
A Wife

How Would You Feel?

TresSugar — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 04:00:04 -0800

This post comes from Group Therapy in our TrèsSugar Community. Feel free to add your advice in the comments!

I'm 20 years old and have been dating this guy for four years. Last night, I was using his computer and I saw that he searched for plus size lingerie. My feelings were instantly hurt. I felt so fat! I think that my boyfriend should not make me feel like that! He has never called me fat or anything, but just the fact that he looked at plus size lingerie says that he thinks it! If I ask him if he thinks I'm fat or anything he, of course, denies it. He says that if he thought I was ugly he wouldn't be with me. So, what now? Am I just overreacting? I am so hurt!

There's lots of great stuff going on in our community - join it, check it out, share your posts or advice in the great groups and maybe we'll feature it here on TrèsSugar!

Gender Roles - Love 'Em Or Leave 'Em?

OnSugar Blog — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 13:10:00 -0800

Here's a poll from OnSugar blog Rantings of a Single Girl.

Let's go back to the 1940s for a minute. My grandmother was married, raised a kid, ran a farm, taught school, and kept a clean house. All while my grandfather was away at war. After my grandfather came back from the war and had recovered from his wounds, they went back into their traditional roles. He ran the farm and did all the "manly" things. My grandmother raised my aunt, taught school, and still had dinner on the table by 5:30 PM every night. All while pregnant with my dad.

I'm exhausted just talking about it.

I bring all this up because I've been thinking about gender roles lately. I look at my parents. Granted, my dad still does majority of the "manly'" things around the house and my mom does the household things, neither one is afraid to help out the other. My dad does housework. My mom can swing a hammer when needed.

And that's what I like.

I'll never be able to date a guy who believes in traditional gender roles. As much as I like cooking and being in the kitchen, I don't like being expected to be there. If we have kids, I'm not going to be the one who raises them. I certainly expect their father to help out. At the same time, I don't expect him the only one who takes out the trash or fixes things when they break. I think 50/50 is a good blend.

So could you be with someone who firmly believes in traditional gender roles? Or would you rather share the load?

Want to see more? Start following Rantings of a Single Girl or start your own OnSugar Blog. Maybe your stories will be posted here on TrèsSugar!

Hump Day: Sex Makes Her Uncomfortable

TresSugar — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 07:30:23 -0800

Welcome to Hump Day, TrèsSugar's sex advice column. If you have questions about sex, send them to TrèsSugar, and our friend Dr. Charlie Glickman from Good Vibrations will offer his sound advice!

Today's Question:
I'm 24 and in my first relationship. I really like the guy, we've been going out for six months, but I get nervous whenever he slips his hand under my underwear. He gets the hint and stops. I don't mind him doing other things (we haven't slept together yet), but I wish I wasn't such a prude. I don't know what he expects and I worry that he will be grossed out, as I only shave/wax the bikini line but not the whole thing. What if he thinks it is ugly? I also don't know what I should expect; he knows I'm a virgin, but I don't know how to speak to him about why I get uncomfortable, and I don't know how to overcome it! I also have a few stretch marks and worry that he will be grossed out by them. Please help?

To read Dr. Glickman's response, read more.

Thank you for sharing this challenging situation. I know that it can be scary to talk about things like this, but these are all really common thoughts.

One of the things that can help when you’re on the edge of your comfort zone is to take it very slowly. It’ll probably help to tell your guy about your discomfort, even if you can’t tell him why it’s there. You could simply say "I have a lot of discomfort around sex." You also might want to do a little solo exploration. It takes the pressure off because there aren’t any partner expectations. Check out the wonderful book Becoming Orgasmic. If you’re looking for tips or ideas for techniques, Tickle Your Fancy is full of suggestions. Once you know a bit more about what you like or dislike, you and your boyfriend might be able to find something that you both like to do.

It’s worth mentioning that vulvas come in all different shapes. (The vulva is the external female anatomy. The vagina is the inside part.) There’s a long history of negative attitudes towards the vulva, but each one is unique and beautiful in its own way. A lot of women have the idea that there’s something wrong with their vulvas because they don’t look like what we see in porn or because they have hair, and I think that’s unfortunate. I strongly recommend getting to know your parts and Scarleteen has a great site about that. It’s geared towards teens, but there's lots of amazing info about sex, bodies, and pleasure.

Another option would be to explore some of these concerns with a therapist. When you have an itch on your back, you need someone else to scratch it. Therapists help us by reaching the spots we can’t reach on our own. Lastly, depending on where you are, you could join a body-image support group. While they tend not to focus on sexuality, they can be an incredibly helpful way to work through our concerns about our bodies and how we (or other people) feel about them.

Working through these challenges isn’t always easy, but it can be very rewarding. Whatever route you choose, I hope you find the pleasure and joy that you deserve.

Robert Pattinson Believes in "the One" - Do You?

TresSugar — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 04:00:51 -0800

Twilight's Bella may find "the one," but Kristen Stewart doesn't believe he exists. When Pop's Molly asked Kristen if she believes in "the one," the actress defended her doubt saying that she doesn't believe there are "chosen ones" who find their soul mates and other unlucky people who don't. What does she believe? That different levels of love can be achieved.

Yet, when Molly popped the same question to Robert Pattinson, he had a very different answer. "Ahh, maybe," he said. "Yeah, yeah - I think so." Not too convincing, but more starry-eyed than realist Kristen. Could get awkward if they really are together, as they seemed to be in Paris last week!

Do you believe there's one for everyone? What if your partner disagrees?

Sunday Confessional: She Doesn't Want to Date a Virgin

TresSugar — Sun, 15 Nov 2009 08:00:00 -0800

This week's anonymous confession comes from the TrèsSugar Community group Confession Booth. This confessor finds herself worried about dating a vrigin. She explains:

"I am seeing an absolutely amazing guy. He's everything I've hoped for - honest, funny, charming, trustworthy, and insanely handsome. I feel like he's my reward for putting up with the worst examples of men this world has to offer. I feel so lucky and safe. I couldn't be happier! Oh wait . . . actually I could. There's one small issue that I'm afraid could be a huge issue for me. He's a virgin - and he plans to stay that way. I thought it wouldn't be an issue for me; it's nice to know a guy likes me for me and not just for sex! As we get closer I realize it will eventually be an issue for me. I like sex. Sex with someone I care about is awesome. I thought I could live without it, but now I'm not so sure. I feel like "such a dude," but I'm hesitating at the thought of continuing to see him. Am I a terrible person for needing sex in a relationship? Do I continue to date him and risk resenting him later? I don't know what to do or how to feel."

Do you think this is a big deal?

"What Is His Deal?"

Tres Community — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 09:00:00 -0800

This post comes from Group Therapy in our TrèsSugar Community. Feel free to add your advice in the comments!

My friend (let’s call her Laura) recently introduced me to a good male friend of hers (let’s call him Mark) at a Halloween party. Mark and I had a good time talking to each other and he emailed my friend a day later to tell her that he thought I was really nice. He then found me on Facebook and asked me out for the following weekend, to which I said yes.

We texted a few times and flirted a little bit. However, when the weekend came he got sick (I was sick too so I didn’t mind that we weren’t going to meet, although I didn’t tell him that). But now it’s been a week and I haven’t heard anything from him, no texts, no nothing. I think this is a little strange since he was the one who initially pursued me. Plus he’s friends with my friend so I didn’t think he would just ditch our plans. There is such a thing as politeness and I’m a little surprised that he hasn’t called me to let me know that he’s still sick, or busy, or whatever. So, I don’t know what to do if and when he calls. Should I go out with him? He’s already demonstrated that he can’t keep me in the loop.

There's lots of fun stuff going on in our community - join it, check it out, share your posts or advice in the great groups and maybe we'll feature it here on TrèsSugar!