TresSugar

You Asked: My Husband Has Gotten Fat!

DearSugar — Fri, 10 Apr 2009 12:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I love my husband. He is everything I ever wanted in a man and more - about 25 pounds more. When we first met, he was very fit and athletic, but over time he's really put on the chunk. I find it very unattractive and I am much less interested in sex now, and it's starting to cause problems in our relationship because he feels rejected. I've never outright told him to lose weight, but I'm starting to think I should.

I'm fit and healthy (I'm training for my second marathon) so I'm constantly exercising and eating right. I always prepare healthy meals and have plenty of healthy snacks in the house, but he continuously goes to the grocery store to buy junk food, he goes out to lunch at work, or he eats obscenely unhealthy portions of what would otherwise be a healthy meal. When I invite him for a run or to walk the dog, he's not interested. What do I do? - Turned Off Olivia

To see DearSugar's answer, read more.

Dear Turned Off Olivia,

So this doesn't cause any more strain on your relationship than it already has, you've got to speak up and tell him what's on your mind ASAP. Not only is it important so you can salvage your relationship, but his unhealthy eating habits are most definitely wreaking havoc on his mind, body, and spirit.

Talk to him in a very nonthreatening tone so he won't get defensive, and instead of turning it into a "you need to lose weight" conversation, approach the topic as a life change you'd like to see him make. It sounds like your husband has simply slipped into an unhealthy rut, so work together to break this new cycle. Turn the nightly dog walks into time spent together, and if he needs those occasional breaks from the diet food, indulge in a pizza night together or treat yourselves to an ice cream cone every once in a while. As we all know, depriving ourselves of the things we love could throw off our weight loss plan all together so start with baby steps.

At the end of the day, your husband is still the same guy he was before he put on the chunk, so speak up, be honest with him, and hopefully he'll make getting back into shape a priority for him and you. Good luck!

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Tough Question No. 5: Have You Lost/Gained Some Weight?

DearSugar — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 07:30:00 -0800

Weight is one of those topics that makes almost everyone feel uncomfortable. Calling out a person's weight gain or loss not only puts them on the spot, but it can easily do a number on their self-esteem. If Thanksgiving is the holiday that brings your family together, chances are you'll be seeing some relatives you haven't seen for a while, so if they comment on your weight, here are some ways to hold your own.

To see my responses for tough question number five, read more.

Looks are an easy thing to zero in on if you haven't seen someone in a long time, and most people tend to comment on weight. If it's not something you want to discuss, acknowledge their comments and quickly move the conversation along.
Weight fluctuation has a lot to do with diet and exercise, but personal issues can be another trigger. If someone comments on your noticeable weight loss, be short and say something like, "Yes, I guess I have lost a few pounds. It's been a very stressful Fall but I'm really looking forward to a great Thanksgiving dinner!" If you leave it at that, they shouldn't fish for any more details.
If you've admittedly gained a few pounds - 'tis the season! - and a relative approaches you about it, address it in a cheeky manner. Say something like, "Yes, I've been slacking a little, but now there's just more of me to love!" or "I'm embracing the holidays, Aunt Jessie - by Easter I'll be as slender as can be!"
If you've struggled with your weight, but you're finally where you want to be, take the compliments you're given this Thanksgiving. If you've worked hard to get back into your skinny jeans, be proud of yourself; reaching your goal weight is no small feat!

Have any of you had to face weight questions like this? If so, how did you handle it?

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This or That: He Puts on Weight or You Do?

DearSugar — Thu, 14 Aug 2008 12:00:00 -0700

You and your boyfriend have been dating for over a year now, and while you both prided yourself on working out prior to your relationship, after changes at work, and a decrease in free time, life has gotten in the way of your usual routines. After months it’s finally showing. Would it be worse if . . .

This: Your boyfriend’s packed on the pounds big time? He’s eating healthier, but he’s not enthusiastic about putting in the effort to actually lose the weight.

Or . . .

That: You’ve put on some weight in your mid-section, and though your boyfriend hasn’t said anything, you know he’s noticed? The worst part is that it's definitely your problem area, and it's going to be a huge pain to lose.

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You Asked: How Do I Approach My Boyfriend About His Weight Gain?

DearSugar — Mon, 04 Aug 2008 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

My boyfriend has gained about 15 pounds over the last year. He's mentioned it offhandedly on occasion, but doesn't seem to be doing anything about it. I haven't made a big deal out of it so far because I thought he'd lose it eventually, but now I'm not so sure and I'm worried. Today was the last straw when one of his guy friends told me he was looking a little tubby and I might want to suggest he hit the gym. If it were me, I wouldn't want anyone to tell me that I've gained weight, but at the same time, if I was aware that I had put on weight, I'd start doing something about it before it became noticeable. So should I mention my concerns to him as his girlfriend, to give him more motivation to lose, or should I keep my mouth shut?

- Unsure Sharon

To see DearSugar's answer, read more.

Dear Unsure Sharon,

Unfortunately, weight gain is always a dicey subject to bring up. It seems no matter how it's done, feelings get hurt, which is why I always think it's best to start with a gentle, less-direct approach. Especially since you know your boyfriend has noticed his weight gain. Mention that you think you both should start being more active together a few times a week - trying jogging, hiking, taking up tennis, or even taking a walk after dinner. If he seems put off, just tell him that you want the company while you do it!

Once you've started to get him moving again, incorporate better foods into your home. Make big steak salads for dinner or whip up stir-fries with lots of veggies. It's likely that once he starts seeing himself get back in shape, he'll want to keep it up. But by making it a team effort in the beginning, it will not only get him off the couch, but it'll give you something to look forward to as a couple. And make sure as his body changes, you reward him well!

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The How-To Lounge: Avoiding Weight Gain at Work

DearSugar — Tue, 11 Sep 2007 10:00:00 -0700

Do you ever ask yourself if your job is making you fat? Well if so, you're not alone. For some easy tips on how to keep your waistline from expanding, click here to read more

According to Glamour Magazine, a new British study found that chronically stressed women are 73% more likely to become obese than their more relaxed co-workers despite diet and exercise, so staying calm at work is critical
Even though it seems like there aren't enough hours in the day, it's important to make friends at work. Not only will it give you a break from your job, but you will have someone to small talk with, gossip with, even commiserate with
If your company stocks a lot of junk food in the kitchen, try to avoid it at all costs. Opt for healthy snacks like nuts and veggies instead
Getting out of the office for lunch is important as well. When you eat at your desk you're less focused on your lunch, which can lead to over-eating so try to take at least 20 minutes away from your desk
Some say that when you're in a subordinate role at work, you're more likely to get bored and distracted which can lead to grazing and over eating, so if you can, take on more responsibility and keep busy

Good luck and if you have any tips that work for you, please share them in the comments below.

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PMS: Oh, it's Real!!!

DearSugar — Wed, 08 Aug 2007 08:00:00 -0700

When I was growing up, I remember being in a bad mood and some stupid boy saying, "Oh, you must be on the rag!" That really pissed me off -- just because I'm not happy does not necessarily mean I have or am getting my period!!

With that said, right before I do get my period, I do feel crappy and not myself. It's not just a dumb joke between guys - it's completely REAL, but why does it happen?

Premenstrual Syndrome (PMS) happens because your body goes through a series of hormonal changes in the 2 weeks leading up to your period. The female hormone estrogen starts to rise after menstruation and it peaks around mid-cycle (ovulation). It then rapidly drops only to slowly rise and then fall again in the time before you finally get your period. These crazy changes can trigger disruptive symptoms that affect you emotionally and physically.

PMS affects all women differently, and its symptoms can vary from month to month. For most women, symptoms include mood swings, uncontrollable crying, depression or anxiety, and the over all feeling of being "out-of-control."

Want to know what else PMS causes? Then read more

You can also experience headaches or migraines, dizziness, abdominal pains, backache, constipation, fluid retention (that's my fave right there), acne, breast tenderness, weight gain, heart palpitations, painful joints, cravings for certain foods like chocolate, or fatigue. Fun stuff huh!

The severity of your symptoms may be hereditary, and some women experience symptoms that completely disrupt their ability to function. If that rings a bell, take Dear's tips below.

Dear's Tips: Going on the Pill may help to regulate your hormone levels, and because you're not ovulating, your symptoms may become greatly alleviated. Monophasic birth control, like the Nuvaring or Seasonale may be a better option since they deliver an equal amount of hormones to you each day.

You Asked: What If I Can't Fit Into My Bridesmaid Dress?

DearSugar — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I was asked to be a bridesmaid for a friend a year ago and since then I've started graduate school and, sadly, piled on some weight. Unfortunately we bought our bridesmaid dresses a year ago, preweight gain, when they were on sale at Ann Taylor. The wedding is coming up in two months and I'm worried I won't be able to lose enough weight to fit into the dress. What do I do if I can't? - Gained Weight Wednesday

To see DearSugar's answer read more.

Dear Gained Weight Wednesday,

You have two months so get on it sister! Stop eating junk food and start eating lean protein, whole grains, and a ton of veggies. Get to the gym every day and stop drinking alcohol until the wedding. If you've gained just too much weight to lose in such a short amount of time, call Anne Taylor and see if they can track down another dress for you in a bigger size. If that's not an option, get a referral for a seamstress and hopefully she'll be able to work some magic on your dress: let out some seams, add in some extra fabric, etc.

If all these options I've suggested won't work for your situation, I'd talk to the bride. Ask her if there's another girl in the wedding that you might be able to trade dresses with and as your last resort, ask her if you can buy a different dress in the same color and style that will match the other girls.

Whatever you do, don't leave it to the last minute - two months is still pretty far away so hopefully diet and exercise will do the trick! Good luck.

Source

You Asked: Is My Boyfriend Making Me Fat?

DearSugar — Tue, 10 Jul 2007 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar--

I am 19 years old and am in a stable relationship, but we have just moved to Europe together and I have really put on weight. When I ask my boyfriend if he can tell, he says yes, but he loves the extra meat on my bones. Now I just can't be motivated to lose weight. I am worried my weight gaining will spin out of control. I am now 5 ft 3 in tall and I weigh 125 lbs. Should I start dieting before I pick up more weight? Or should I stay the way I am now because it makes my boyfriend happy?

--Worried About my Weight Wendy

To see DEARSUGAR's answer read more

Dear Worried About my Weight Wendy --

First of all, you are NOT at all fat! Second of all, your weight is your business, so don't worry what your boyfriend or anyone else thinks about it. It's up to you to decide if you are happy with yourself or not. Your current weight isn't what's making your boyfriend happy -- YOU are making your boyfriend happy, and it sounds likes he's one of those amazing guys who loves you for the person you are on the inside as well as the outside.

Since you just moved to a new city, it will take a period of adjustment before you get back to your old healthy habits. Moving can be stressful and tiring, and it's easy to eat out a lot and not have time to exercise which can wreak havoc on your diet. Once you get settled in, you'll be more in control of your grocery shopping, your meals, and ways to stay fit.

If you continue to gain weight, and you're not happy about it, then I'd focus more on eating right and getting regular exercise. Just remember, the most important thing here is to be healthy and happy!

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Is Your Boyfriend Making You Fat?

DearSugar — Fri, 27 Feb 2009 07:30:00 -0800

When we start a new relationship, gaining weight is not part of the plan, but unfortunately it can happen. It's a combination of spending more time together and less time at the gym, eating out more, and sharing bottles of wine and dessert. Also, if your guy is eating more and more often, you can end up munching when you're not even hungry. All it takes is 500 extra calories a day and boom! - you're gaining one pound in a week.

A while back I gave you four tips for keeping your diet in check while dating, but what happens if your man's unhealthy habits are starting to rub off on you? Well luckily author Jenna Bergen, who wrote Your Big Fat Boyfriend: How to Stay Thin When Dating a Diet Disaster ($11), has some great suggestions for sticking to your healthy ways. She shared some of her tips on preventing "love-induced pounds" in a recent ABC News interview; check it out after the jump. But in the meantime, tell me, has your relationship affected your waist line?

To see what Jenna Bergen has to say, read more.

Women's Common Complaint: My Man Is Letting Himself Go

DearSugar — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 17:00:00 -0700

Many women take great pride in making themselves look good. They eat right, exercise, spend money on makeup, manicures, and highlights, and they're always up to date on the latest fashion. We want to look good for our own self-confidence, but we also do it for the men in our lives. But once we're in a relationship, I'm sure we can all admit to getting comfortable and perhaps not trying as hard. Guys are the same way, but what happens if your man takes comfort to a whole other level and completely lets himself go? Maybe he grows a beard, wear sweats all the time, doesn't shower as much, spends an insane amount of time on the couch, drinks excessively, or gains weight. He may think, "she loves me no matter what" so what's a girl to do? To hear my suggestions read more.

He should be able to be himself with you, but if it's affecting your relationship or his physical and mental health, something must change so tell him how you feel. Explain that it's upsetting that he doesn't show as much effort as he once did, and that it's difficult for you to watch him lose interest in taking care of himself. Give him specific examples so he knows exactly what you're bothered by. You don't have to be mean, but don't beat around the bush either. Be clear with what you expect, and hopefully he'll appreciate your friendly, yet stern advice. After all, he wants you to still find him attractive, right? Has this situation ever happened in one of your relationships?

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