TresSugar

Dear Poll: Will you Change your Name?

DearSugar — Thu, 26 Apr 2007 14:45:00 -0700

Before women had such a strong presence in the work place, they almost always changed their names after getting married. Throughout the years, times have changed and women have worked incredibly hard to gain notoriety, both personally and professionally, leaving some reluctant to give up their recognizable last name.

So all you women out there who are engaged and or newly married, are you planning on taking on your husband's last name? Are you looking forward to being Mrs. XYZ?

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You Asked: What's in a Name Anyway?

DearSugar — Thu, 14 Feb 2008 06:00:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

I'm getting married in four months. My fiancé and I have been in a bit of a tussle over the past year regarding what to do with my last name. I have no desire to change it for a number of reasons like the fact that his name always gets mispronounced in a derogatory fashion, and my first and last names go so well together. I'm a scientist with multiple publications under my last name, and I really want to maintain my own identity, both personally and professionally. I finally decided I would be the bigger person in this situation and compromise. I offered to hyphenate my name, but my fiancé has made it very clear that this still isn't good enough.
We recently received an email from our band leader with a list of questions related to the music at the wedding, and among them, we were asked how we wanted to be introduced when walking into the reception. I just put down our first names and when he saw this, he threw a fit. He said we need to be introduced as The "HisLastNames." He has picked multiple fights over this lately and I really don't know what to do. I'm concerned that if we are introduced as Mr & Mrs HisLastName, it will set precedence for everyone to call me Mrs. HisLastName for the rest of my life. Am I being too stubborn here and should I just give in and agree to change my name altogether? I don't want to start the marriage off on the wrong foot, but it really upsets me that he refuses to take my point of view into consideration. It makes me feel like I am his personal property and when I bring this up to him, he just gets angry. Am I the one being out of line here, or is there some way to help him understand my side so we can reach an agreement?
- Maiden Name Nancy

To see Dear Sugar's answer read more

Dear Maiden Name Nancy,

Changing your name is a very personal decision and while it's traditional to do so, it's not by any means mandatory. You're fiancé sounds very old-fashioned and while I'm sure it's his ideal to have your name be Mrs. HisLastName, people keep their maiden names all the time for reasons just like yours, work being the most common one. Have you considered changing your name personally but not professionally? Or what about changing your middle name to your maiden name?

I don't think you're being out of line for standing your ground, but I do think you should both take a step back and look at each other's points of view. Since you both feel so strongly, one of you is going to have to compromise here. Planning a wedding is hard enough as it is, so if you can't come to a middle ground, perhaps you should put off this decision until after the wedding - you never know if one of you could have a change of heart. And if you decide to be introduced as Mr. and Mrs. HisLastName on your wedding night that doesnt mean you've "caved" per se, it might just mean your excited to be the new wife of your new husband. I hope I was of some help, and good luck.

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Couples Who Shouldn't Hyphenate Their Last Names

GiggleSugar — Fri, 03 Aug 2007 02:00:00 -0700

Hardy-Harr is not the only couple whose marriage is the stuff of jokes. The following couples also share hilarious-when-hyphenated last names. Hopefully, the ridicule these folks endured from the wedding announcements was enough to keep them from passing the hyphen down to their children one day. "Sally Wang-Holder" just doesn't have a very nice ring to it, does it?

View 6 Photos ›

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Love It or Leave It? Disney-Inspired Engagement Rings

TresSugar — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 15:00:00 -0700

Some girls never let go of their wish to be princesses, and thanks to designer Kristie Kelly, they don't have to. The Kirstie Kelly for Disney by Mouwad collection, shown at Bridal Week in New York, features six engagement rings and wedding bands that pay homage to Disney's leading princesses.

The engagement rings, named after Sleeping Beauty, Snow White, Cinderella, Jasmine, Ariel, and Belle are supposed to be "subtle references to the personalities of each princess." For example, the baguettes and clean lines of the Ariel ring are supposed to reference the bold style of art deco and Ariel's "bold individuality."

Although I was never a fan of princesses, have no plans of getting married anytime soon, and would feel sheepish taking a leap into adulthood wearing a Disney-inspired engagement ring, I do fancy the look of the Sleeping Beauty ring. What do you feel about this collection?

Say What? Director Mira Nair on Amelia Earhart

TresSugar — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 06:00:00 -0700

"[S]o much about Amelia is so undeniably modern. If she were to walk into a room today in her jodhpurs and her aviation jackets, [with] her ideas about marriage or men and women, she would still be considered an iconoclast."

- Director Mira Nair on the subject of her upcoming biopic Amelia starring Hilary Swank, about the pioneering aviator's life. Nair, who directed Salaam, Bombay!, Monsoon Wedding, and the recent I Love You, New York was taken with Amelia's plainspoken directness when she studied archival footage of her. Earhart was the first aviatrix (I love that word!) to fly solo across the Atlantic Ocean. She insisted on keeping her name when she married and called marriage a "partnership" with "dual control."

Sometimes You Just Know It Was Meant to Be

GiggleSugar — Thu, 08 Jan 2009 11:00:00 -0800

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Where Do You Stand? Changing Your Name When You Get Married

DearSugar — Thu, 17 Jul 2008 07:00:00 -0700

I have a close friend who's getting married and she has an amazing last name. It's so awesome, in fact, that everyone refers to her by it. Her dilemma then is, should she change her last name and take on her husband's after saying I do? It's a tough decision for any woman: giving up your identity to take on your man's is not a decision that should be taken lightly. Some women may find comfort in the idea of becoming a family and both having the same last name whereas others prefer to hold on to her own family roots; and then there are those who stay safe somewhere in the middle. It's totally a personal preference, so where do you stand on this issue? After getting married, will you take on your partner's last name?

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Say What? 1960s Ad Agencies Really Were All Sex and Booze

TresSugar — Tue, 01 Sep 2009 15:00:00 -0700

"We used to have an agency 'sex' contest near the end of every year. . . . We'd go to a no-name Mexican restaurant . . . and we'd drink giant margaritas all day. . . . We'd take a blind vote to name the person at the agency you'd most want to go to bed with. We also took a vote on the person of the same sex you'd like to go to bed with. We did this for 15 years. I'd get to announce the winners each year. The first prize was a weekend at The Plaza hotel for the winning couple."

- Veteran Madison Avenue advertising executive Jerry Della Femina, 73, shared his experience working as a mad man in the 1960s. He said the characters on Mad Men would look innocent if you compared their actions to what really went down.

Do you think you could have worked in an environment like that?

Photo courtesy of AMC

Awkward! Toaster Gets Toasted

TresSugar — Mon, 18 May 2009 14:00:00 -0700

Among the many tips given to people who make toasts at wedding receptions - don't be long-winded, include witty anecdotes, mention those you are toasting by name and explain how you know them - it should go without saying that you shouldn't be a drunken fool while giving toasts.

That's just what happened at a wedding I attended, and unfortunately I ended up being embarrassed on behalf of the drunk toaster.

Here's how it went down. I reluctantly agreed to go to a friend's wedding even though her soon-to-be brother-in-law had just dumped me for an older woman. (It's a long story, but she'd set me up with - oh, let's call him Jake - and I kinda fell for him. Shortly after we realized it was never going to work, he began dating someone else.)

I didn't want to see Jake, in part because I was still hurting from the rejection, in part because I didn't want to see her, but there I was, trying to support my friend and keep a low profile.

No dice. Jake, a bigger drama queen than I, had to get stinkin' wasted during the wedding. After he gave a sweet toast, albeit filled with risqué jokes told in slurred speech, he began looking around the room - for me. "Hey, where's X? X should give a toast . . . Hey give a toast, X!" I cringed, blushed and then wanted to hide under the table when I saw what none of us wanted to believe was happening: his new girlfriend proceeded to throw coffee into his lap after he finally sat down.

Oh, sheesh. They began to argue, someone else tried to diffuse the situation, and I ran to the open bar for my own alcoholic beverage.

Have you ever attended a wedding in which the toaster got toasted or said something stupid?

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Awkward! Wedding Planning With Fiancé Causing Tension

TresSugar — Fri, 01 May 2009 07:00:00 -0700

I know a very modern bride who is beginning to wonder if she really knows the guy she's marrying. It's not that she's having second thoughts - it's just that planning their wedding is highlighting differences of opinion about tradition and convention she didn't know were there.

For example, this bride is hip to the fact that weddings are not unique events. Lots of people get married. At the same time, she wants her wedding to have a personal, nonconformist touch. This is where the conflict with her more traditional fiancé has come in. He values conformity and sees it as a social good. Unlike his fiancée, he actually cares what other people think.

So what are the differences of opinion they have about how they should plan their wedding? To find out read more.

First off, she doesn't want name cards at the table. He thinks they're classy; she thinks they're an unnecessary cost and a waste of paper.

Secondly, both have agreed to cupcakes instead of wedding cake (OK, so traditional guy is a little nonconformist), but he wants vanilla (because "it's supposed to be that way") and she likes chocolate because . . . it's more delicious.

Last but not least - the guest list. The bride wants to give their moms a guest limit so that they don't invite too many people and overrun the wedding with people they don't know. He doesn't want to tell his mom that there's a limit and, in addition, he thinks having a lot of diverse people will make them look good to other people.

Should weddings conform to traditional wedding etiquette at the expense of personal touches, practicality - or the bride's wishes? How should this bride and groom get over their differences and celebrate their union? And finally, have you ever experienced something similar?

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