TresSugar

You Asked: Is Our Anniversary Ruined?

DearSugar — Fri, 03 Oct 2008 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

My fourth wedding anniversary is coming up at the end of this month. Every year, my husband and I try to take a vacation around this holiday. The problem is I plan the trip every year but have a lot going on with work right now and the stress of planning is just too overwhelming. I conveyed this to my husband and he said he would take on the task. I was a little apprehensive at first, maybe due to my own issues with control, but I got over it and agreed. Well here is the problem; we are now two weeks away from our anniversary and he has yet to plan anything! Last night, we looked online at some places within driving distance, but truth be told, I am a little upset that he didn't make more of an effort to plan something special. I fear that now, I will have to come up with something last minute. Why is it so hard to get a man to make plans?! - Disappointed Dina

To see DearSugar's answer, read more.

Dear Disappointed Dina,

I don't need to tell you that men are a different breed than women, and unfortunately, many men lack the planning gene. Of course it's disappointing that your husband hasn't already booked a wonderfully romantic getaway, but could he be surprising you with something? Is he the type to fake you out, lead you to believe that he didn't plan anything, all the while having something amazing up his sleeve? If that's just wishful thinking, your anniversary trip can still be great even if it is planned last minute.

Since you're obviously frustrated, tell your husband that you're upset that he didn't put forth more of an effort. If you hold onto your anger, it could turn into resentment rather quickly, so I suggest nipping it in the bud ASAP. Once you have that off your chest, take an hour or two each night to research your options and go from there. Lately it feels like there aren't enough hours in the day for anyone, so if you have to push out your trip by a week or two, do it if it means going someplace really special. In other words, don't just settle on a destination you can drive to if you usually use this vacation time to jetset somewhere unique. If you take the last-minute route, be sure to search the Internet for deals - many times traveling last-minute pays off. Good luck and happy anniversary!

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Dear Poll: Which Celebrity Couple Will Live Happily Ever After?

DearSugar — Tue, 20 Feb 2007 08:00:00 -0800

With the divorce rate in America holding steady these days, it's likely that most of our favorite Hollywood couples won't actually make it in the long run. Although Rita Wilson and Tom Hanks have set an amazing example for young celebrity couples, long-standing commitments in Hollywood seem hard to maintain. Which of your favorite couples do you think will make it to their 25th wedding anniversary?

Source and Source

Front Page: The Nation Remembers 9/11 Eight Years Later

TresSugar — Fri, 11 Sep 2009 08:00:26 -0700

The country mourns the eighth anniversary of 9/11 with a moment of silence and a day of service. - AP
Meanwhile, the Pakistani Army announces the capture of a key Taliban leader. - New York Times
Abuse of prescription drugs such as Oxycontin has dropped since 2007. - USA Today
South Carolina Republicans call for Gov. Mark Sandford to resign. - CNN
Police search for missing Yale student Annie Le, set to wed this weekend. - Newsday

5 Wedding Traditions and What They Mean

DearSugar — Thu, 26 Jun 2008 09:00:00 -0700

Something borrowed, something blue, and something . . . . totally bizarre. Don't you sometimes wonder where our weirder wedding traditions come from? From throwing rice to wearing blue, lots of things happen at weddings that I've never totally understood. Mental Floss has a fun list of eight weird origins of wedding traditions. Here are five of my favorite back stories from MF's list of bizarre traditions.

Brides wearing white. Apparently, it wasn't until Queen Victoria donned a white gown that this virginal shade became the wedding-dress color of choice. Before that, a bride was merely expected to dress in her finest finery.
Dads giving the bride away. The tradition of fathers walking daughters down the aisle actually goes back to the days when dads used female offspring as bartering tools to pay off debts or make peace.

Three more fun facts, so read more.

Tossing the bouquet. This one is hilarious: In the past, newlyweds would just sneak off to a separate room after the ceremony to consummate their union, and the wedding guests would crowd outside the door. The bride tossing her bouquet started as a way to divert guests' attention.
Saving the top of the wedding cake. Some couples save the top of their wedding cake to eat on their one-year anniversary. But the original reason people saved part of the sweet treat was so that it could be served at the first baby's christening.
Throwing rice as the couple leaves. Initially, this tradition wasn't limited to rice; guests could also opt for oats and corn. Either way, the sentiment is the same: showering the newly married couple with good fortune and fertility.

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Relationship Protocol: Who's Better at Remembering Your Anniversary?

DearSugar — Wed, 25 Jun 2008 14:00:00 -0700

My parent's 32nd wedding anniversary is next week and although my dad may not be the best at remembering to pick up trash bags at the grocery store, he's good at remembering the important things like birthdays and anniversaries. It was my mom this year who actually said to me midsentence on a completely separate topic, "Oh my gosh, it's our anniversary next week, I almost forgot!!" So ladies, even if you don't make a big deal out of your anniversary, who tends to remember it most, you or your significant other?

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DEARSUGAR NEEDS YOUR HELP: My Friend Invited Herself Over On My Anniversary Weekend

DearSugar — Fri, 10 Nov 2006 14:09:43 -0800

DEARSUGAR and Panicked Penny need your help. An out of town guest needs a crash pad the weekend of her first wedding anniversary. Should she tell her buddy to hit the road, or should she oblige and make plans to go out with her husband to celebrate?

Dear Sugar
This Sunday is me and my hubby's first year anniversary. We've decided to save money and stay home all weekend but we wanted to make the weekend special by cooking together, making a fire, watching old movies and defrosting our wedding cake that's been in our freezer all year. We so rarely ever get an entire weekend of downtime together, and I am so excited for this.

I just got a call from an old friend of mine who mentioned that she was coming to town this weekend. Of course I was happy to hear from her, but I was hesitant to make plans with her since this is our anniversary weekend. I felt terrible that I was beating around the bush, and just when I was about to tell her that I would love to meet her for coffee on Sunday, she told me that she desperately needed a place to stay.

My heart sank. I froze and told her that I'd have to call her back. She was at our wedding, in fact, she was a bridesmaid, so she knows this is our anniversary so she must be really desperate. What should I tell her? Is it selfish of me to want just one weekend alone with my hubby to celebrate our first year anniversary?

Quiz Nation! Monica's Day Job?

LibertySugar — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 16:07:37 -0800

Since we just "celebrated" the tenth anniversary of the revelation of the Monica Lewinsky scandal, we just thought we'd ask . . .

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Take the quiz

Group Therapy: Should I Wait For Him?

Sun, 20 Jan 2008 10:30:00 -0800

I've been with my fiance for almost six years now. We've been engaged for seven months, but no wedding plans have been set. Just last night he said that he needed a little break, like one to two weeks. He said that he's really stressed with work, not getting any sleep and just overwhelmed in general. He said he just wanted to get away from everything and be by himself (we don't live together yet). Yet he also said that nothing in our relationship had changed; he still loves me and still wants to get married. I'm crushed to say the least, but I know what he means and I can see where he's coming from. This is something he said we needed to do before we get married, because marriage in our eyes is something that is forever.

Every word he said made me feel like this is just to evaluate things, not to truly break up. He even said we would see each other on our anniversary together - it's this Friday. So it's basically just not speaking during the weekdays. There was one thing he said though that really bothered me: during this break, I can go out with anyone I want but not do certain physical things. We'll still be engaged but we can go out with other people, what does that mean? I don't know what to do, my head is spinning. Should I be patient or upset?

[EDITOR'S NOTE: To be involved in more GROUP THERAPY, click here]

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Group Therapy: Do I run away from or run to the one I love...when he's already married?

Wed, 01 Aug 2007 14:00:00 -0700

My best male friend and I have known each other for about two years. We met at graduate school and developed a very healthy “academic friendship” that progressed into a deeper “I’ll be there when you need me” friendship. When we first met, he was engaged and I was in a long-term relationship (going strong for 3 years). Being committed to other people allowed us to become close friends. We didn’t have any strangeness with the boy-girl dynamic because we considered each other as “safe.”

We have a lot in common and spend most of our free time together, either hanging out on campus or studying. Last summer, he got married. At the time, I remember feeling uneasy about the wedding, mostly because he had told me a lot about the problems they had as a couple-not necessarily deal-breakers, just indicators that they were not as compatible as they might have believed when they got engaged. I had asked him at the time if he was “really sure” about getting married, his response was that nobody is ever really sure.

Anyways, fast forward a year. He just celebrated his first year anniversary a few months ago, and I am now single and fairly independent. We worked in different cities this summer and he recently came to visit me. Being apart for a few months was really difficult. We were very eager to see each other. I can’t really describe it the feeling, but he’s the one I want to talk to when I wake up in the morning and we usually talk each other to sleep at night over the phone. Anyway, I found myself very drawn to him the minute I saw him--not purely physical, I felt a need to be closer to him. Nothing inappropriate happened on the trip, but we did start a conversation about how much our friendship had evolved.

Click here to

The following week, we had back-to-back intense conversations about what we meant to each other. And we both confessed that we’ve had regrets that we didn’t ever try to become a couple, since we care about each other so much. When we started posing hypotheticals about the future, I knew that we were headed toward a dangerous place. I want to believe that we aren’t the type of people who would ever have an affair, but I feel as though we’re already cheating emotionally. We want to spend time together so much that sometimes I feel as though my heart physically aches.

At my insistence, we stopped talking about a week ago…no emails, text messages, nothing. It’s been so difficult. But we came to an understanding that we’ll give each other some space for a few weeks until school starts again, to see if these feelings would go away and if we could possibly go back to the way we were before we made our confessions. I never imagined I would be the “other woman” but it feels so right. I’m really scared that we’re both going to do something that messes up both our lives, but I am also really scared about living the rest of our lives apart. What do I do?

[EDITOR'S NOTE: To be involved in more GROUP THERAPY, click here]

Group Therapy: Girls Just Wanna Have Lunch

Thu, 12 Jul 2007 03:00:00 -0700

There is this girl at my office that I really, truly, cannot stand. We were very friendly when she first started working here, but I quickly realized that everything is about her and that this would be a giving relationship on my part and a taking relationship on her part. This is fine, as long as I know what to expect. I know that not every friendship is going to be completely balanced. But I just started to back off a little and kept her as more of an acquaintance/co-worker type “friend.” We had lunch occasionally, usually with a group of girls, not too much one on one.

Recently, though, my best work friend was laid off during company wide lay-offs, and this girl now has her job. And, P.S., she sucks at it. I’m truly hoping that this girl gets fired soon for not doing her job.

Click here to

Basically I resent her and I’m angry at her that she got to keep her job and my good friend got laid off. Even though I know she didn’t chose for any of this to happen, I’m still mad. So I’ve been cordial to her since this happened about two months ago, but nothing more, no lunches, nothing friendly, just hi, good-bye, necessary work speak, that’s it.

Today after lunch she came to me for something work related and said, “oh we haven’t talked in awhile, I miss you” and I was just like “yeah” and she said, “we should have lunch next week, what does your schedule look like?” And she looks over at this calendar that I take with me everywhere, it’s my life, and I look at it and say, “Next Monday” and she says, "Okay, let's go then." What was I supposed to say?!? I know that my feelings toward her are irrational, but I still don’t like her! So I said okay and now I’m wondering:

a) Can I get out of it, and if so, how?

If it helps in any way with coming up with an excuse, my wedding anniversary is the next day.

b) How can I avoid this situation in the future? Is there a polite way to say no?

I’m starting by putting my date book in a location that is not so easily visible on my desk!