TresSugar

Lubricants: Oil, Water, and Silicone Based

DearSugar — Tue, 08 Jan 2008 09:00:00 -0800

Having sex doesn't always feel as amazing as we think it should, and that's where lubricants come in handy. A few drops on either partner will make things glide along smoothly when the woman isn't creating enough of her own natural juices. There are so many different kinds to choose from and since I've already told you about glycerin and the ingredients in many lubricants that can cause yeast infections, why don't I now tell you about the differences between ones that are oil, water, and silicone based?

Click here to read more.

	Oil Based	Water Based	Silicone Based
Types and Brands	Vaseline, mineral oil, baby oil, vegetable oil, cold creams, lotions	Astroglide, KY Jelly, Probe, Wet, Liquid Silk	Eros, Wet Platinum, ID Millennium
Should be used with what type of condom	Polyurethane	Polyurethane or Latex	Polyurethane or Latex
Use with sex toys	Can be used with any toys except those made out of latex.	Can be used with toys made out of any material.	Never use with a toy made out of silicone (it'll break down the material).
Cool Facts	It beads up when in contact with water.	Instead of applying more of this lube, you can reinvigorate it by adding a little water to you or your partner's parts.	Since it doesn't break down in water, some people like to use this kind of lube when being intimate in the bath or shower.
Cleanup	Washes off with soap and water.	Rinses off easily with water.	Washes off with soap and water.

Dear's Advice: I'd stick with a water-based lubricant. It's the cheapest to buy, easiest to find (you can get it at most pharmacies and grocery stores), it can be used with all types of condoms, and it washes off easily from skin and fabric.

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Hump Day: Why Do I Get Dry Sometimes?

TresSugar — Wed, 30 Sep 2009 04:00:00 -0700

Welcome to Hump Day, TrèsSugar's sex advice column. Are you confused about sex? Do you have trouble having an orgasm? Is there something you'd like to try but you're worried it's too weird? Send your questions to TrèsSugar, and our friend Dr. Charlie Glickman from Good Vibrations will offer his sound advice!

Today's Question:

"I get really dry sometimes when my boyfriend and I are having sex. I know all about lubricants, but I'm having trouble guessing when I might need help." To read Dr. Glickman's response, read more

There are a lot of reasons why women experience fluctuations in how much they lubricate. For some, it’s just part of the menstrual cycle. Some women lubricate more at ovulation, while others say that’s when they’re driest. Lots of women also report that their vaginal lubrication changed when they got pregnant and again, some say that they became much wetter and others say that they got drier. So while we know that changes in hormones can influence it, there’s a lot of variation in how much and in what direction. It’s also worth mentioning that menopause generally reduces how much lubrication your body will produce.

Lots of medications and drugs also affect vaginal lubrication, even if it’s rarely listed on the bottle or box. For example, allergy medications are formulated to dry the mucous membranes in your sinuses, but they can do the same to the vagina. Anti-depressants, antihistamines, anxiety medications, smoking cigarettes or marijuana, and drinking alcohol can do the same. In general, if a medication or drug makes your mouth or sinuses dry, it could also reduce vaginal lubrication. Unfortunately, most doctors are unaware of these effects or they don’t feel comfortable talking to their patients about it.

I think it’s really unfortunate that we have this cultural myth that vaginal lubrication is proportional to arousal. Many women find that they can be totally turned on while being pretty dry and others might be quite wet while barely aroused. The best thing we can do is learn to separate the two things in our minds.

You say that you know about lubricants, but for the folks who don’t, here’s a little info.

There are pros and cons to the lubricants on the market, and it can take a little experimenting to find one that will work for you. You might also find that a lube that worked great for a long time isn’t working so well anymore. It’s kind of like shampoo or skin lotion - after a while, you might need to change brands as your individual chemistry changes.

Water-based lubricants can be thin and slippery, or they can be thicker gels. They rinse away really easily, making cleanup a snap, but they do dry out after a while. The glycerin-based lubes last a bit longer, but they tend to get sticky when they dry out. You can add a little water or saliva to freshen them up. While glycerin doesn’t cause yeast infections, it can make one worse if you get one for some other reason, so if you’re prone to yeast infections, avoid these lubes. The glycerin-free lubricants don’t get sticky, but they usually don’t quite last as long. They soak in like hand lotion, so adding water doesn’t work; you need to add some more.

Silicone lubricants don’t dry out (so if you spill some on the kitchen floor, be sure to wipe it up) and are hypoallergenic. They’re also waterproof, which is a plus if you want to have sex in the shower but it can make them a bit trickier to clean up and they sometimes stain sheets. They’re also hypoallergenic and have no taste or scent.

Some people like to use oils as sexual lubricants. If you want to give them a try, use something organic and vegetable-based, such as coconut or almond oils. Mineral oils like baby oil or Vaseline actually dry the skin since the body can’t absorb them or break them down. Coconut oil is solid at room temperature, so it doesn’t go rancid. Keep almond oil in the fridge. And never use oils with latex condoms, diaphragms or cervical caps. Oils will make them dissolve: a condom will break in about 30 seconds if it comes into contact with oil.

A few tips for using lubricants. First, keep the bottle near the bed. You’ll want to be able to grab it when you need it. Second, pump bottles make it a lot easier to add more without fumbling to get the bottle open. Third, if you accidentally get too much lube out of the bottle, don’t put the extra back in. You don’t want to contaminate the bottle with anything that might be on your hand. And lastly, many lube makers offer single-use packets or small bottles. While they cost more per ounce than larger bottles, you can stick them in a pocket or purse pretty easily, not to mention your carry-on bag.

So I think that the best thing for you to do is to keep lube handy and use it when you need it. It takes about 5 seconds to apply and it’ll make sex a lot more fun. And don’t stress about whether it means anything that you sometimes need a little extra slipperiness.

Don't forget to send your questions to TrèsSugar, and our friend Dr. Charlie Glickman will offer his sound advice!

Hump Day: I'm Curious but Nervous About Back Door Action

TresSugar — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 07:00:00 -0700

Today's Question:

“I’m curious about having anal sex with my boyfriend, but I’ve had unpleasant experiences in the past. Any tips?” To hear what Dr. Glickman has to say, read more

I’ve noticed an increase in questions about anal play over the last few years, and while I think it’s great that more people are discovering new ways to experience pleasure, anal play isn’t everyone’s cup of tea. Many people don’t enjoy it at all and unfortunately, some guys have a tendency to pressure their partners into doing it. Quite a few women report that their boyfriends have seen so much anal in porn that they’re convinced that every woman wants it. But sex in porn is like a car chase in an action movie. There’s a lot that happens behind the scenes that you don’t see in order to create the illusion that shows up on the screen; in the case of anal sex - lots of lube and warming up.

For some women, anal play (note: not just anal sex) heightens their orgasms. First, the anus is very sensitive and packed with nerve endings. Second, its muscles are connected to the rest of the pelvic muscles and contract along with the vagina during orgasm. Third, there are people who enjoy the experience of doing something naughty or taboo.

So now that we have that taken care of, there are three ingredients to hot anal play: relaxation, lubrication, and communication. Let’s take them one at a time.

Relaxation: the anus is made up of two rings of muscles and they’re under both voluntary and involuntary control. With practice, you can learn to increase how much control you have over your ability to relax. And ironically, if you’re nervous about anal play hurting or not being fun, it can make the anus get tighter, which makes it more likely to be unpleasant.

The best way to get started is to go slowly and start small. Try a little external pleasure with a finger or a slim vibrator. If you’re concerned about keeping things clean, slip on a glove. Experiment with tightening the anus and bearing down - you’ll be able to feel it contract and relax.

If you want to try penetration, go slowly and use lots of lube (either water-based or silicone-based, which doesn't dry out as easily but is harder to clean off). You’ll probably enjoy it more if you’re also doing something that you enjoy such as using a vibrator. Lots of women report that anal play on its own isn’t nearly as much fun as when it’s an add-on.

Communication: the anus is a delicate part of the body and it’s easy to get too rough with it. It’s super-important to be able to tell your partner when things are uncomfortable, if you need more lube, or if you want to try something else. For that matter, it’s important to be able to say something if you’re not enjoying it, or if you’re experiencing any pain. And if your partner is pressuring you to do something that you don’t want to do, that’s a big red flag!

Important safety tips: any toys that you use for anal play need to be smooth, have a base, and ideally made of easy-to-clean silicone. Since the anus is so much more delicate than the vagina, it’s easy for toys with bumps and ridges to cause discomfort. (If you have a porous rubber toy or you’re not sure if it's made of silicone, cover it with a condom.) And NEVER put anything that has been used anally inside the vagina - that’s a great way to give yourself an unpleasant infection. Lastly, if your toy doesn’t have a base, there’s a chance that it could go all the way in and not come back out. That can mean a trip to the emergency room.

If you’re looking for more info, here are some great places to start. For books, I'd recommend Anal Pleasure & Health and The Ultimate Guide To Anal Sex For Women. For DVDs, Tristan Taormino's Expert Guide to Anal Sex and Anal Massage For Lovers are great.

I hope that helps! Email the folks at TrèsSugar if you have more sex questions. I’d love to hear from you.

Hump Day: Is My Cold Sore Contagious?

TresSugar — Wed, 12 Aug 2009 06:00:00 -0700

Welcome to Hump Day, TrèsSugar's sex advice column! Are you confused about sex? Do you have trouble having an orgasm? Is there something you'd like to try but you're worried it's too weird? Send your questions to TrèsSugar, and our friend Dr. Charlie Glickman from Good Vibrations will offer his sound advice!

Today's Question:

“I know that cold sores are the same virus as herpes. Is it a bad idea to go down on my boy when I have one? Is it transmissible that way?” To hear what Dr. Glickman has to say, read more.

Dr. Glickman's Answer:

YES!!!

There are two types of herpes virus: HSV-1 and HSV-2. Oral herpes is usually HSV-1 and it’s estimated that 80 percent of the population has been exposed to it. Genital herpes is usually HSV-2 and it’s estimated that 25 percent of women and 12 percent of men have it. However, genital herpes can be caused by either version of the virus, so going down on someone when you have a cold sore (another name for a herpes outbreak) can spread it. To make things a bit more complicated, only about 1/3 of the people who have genital herpes are aware of it - either they’ve never had an outbreak or the outbreak was very mild. (See herpes.com for more info.)

Part of what makes herpes tricky is that it can be transmitted even when you don’t have a visible outbreak. The virus lives in your nervous system and every so often, it’ll come to the surface. It’s especially likely to happen when you’re sick or have been stressed for a while. There’s evidence that the virus starts shedding from the skin (and is therefore potentially contagious) before any visible symptoms. It’s a low risk, but it’s a possibility. To make matters worse, if the site of the shedding isn’t covered by a condom, it can be spread even when you’re practicing safer sex.

While herpes can be uncomfortable, it doesn’t represent nearly as much risk as other sexually transmissible infections (STIs) such as chlamydia, gonorrhea, syphilis, human papilloma virus (HPV), or HIV. Having said that, there’s evidence that HSV-2 makes HIV transmission more likely. See this article for more information about how that works.

It’s also worth mentioning that I’ve seen a lot of people get really upset about STIs when they don’t get nearly as upset about any other health issue. I’ve also seen a lot of people who have all sorts of judgment about STIs but think nothing of going to work and sharing their flu germs (or worse)! STIs can be unpleasant, annoying, or life-threatening, but they don’t mean anything about the person who has them any more than chicken pox or measles do. Negative attitudes about STIs are a holdover from before we invented antibiotics and when diseases such as syphilis were seen as the wages of sin. But now we know that they’re just germs and we don’t need to shame people for having them. (Not that I’m saying that you’re doing that, but I wanted to mention it.)

The best thing that we can all do is to get tested for STIs regularly, even if you’ve never had a symptom. Lots of people have STIs and don’t know it. Check your local Planned Parenthood or other agency for information, although I recommend going with anonymous testing in order to ensure your privacy.

And safer sex is always a good choice. It’s easy to do, with a little practice. Using a lubricant can make safer sex more enjoyable since latex tends to have a bit more friction than skin. Try a silicone-based brand if you’re prone to yeast infections. Water-based brands are a bit easier to clean up since they rinse away.

If you or your partner don’t like the way condoms feel, try a different brand. The Japanese-process condoms such as Maxx and Skinless Skin are more sheer than other types. Or you could give Skyn a whirl. It’s made from polyisoprene, rather than latex, so it’s very sheer and both people will get more sensation.

Given that you have oral herpes, you might want to talk with your boyfriend about using condoms for oral sex. If you go that route, change the condom before having intercourse. That will make sure that you don’t spread the herpes virus to your vulva or vagina. It’ll also reduce the risk of your condom breaking; teeth can cause small abrasions that weaken the condom.

For an excellent, sex-positive read on safer sex, check out The Hot Guide to Safer Sex . It’s full of helpful advice and great tips.

Conventional Wisdom: Ask a Bartender

TresSugar — Mon, 18 May 2009 06:00:00 -0700

My boyfriend who was also my best friend has left me, very cruelly. Ten days after the breakup, he started posting pictures of himself with a new girlfriend on Facebook! I hate my job in the family business and want to go abroad. My parents are extremely unhappy about this. None of my friends are here anymore; they have all moved out of town, either getting married or getting a career. I am lonely. I don't even have anyone to go watch a movie with.

Although I have a postgraduate degree, I am not confident that I will find a job in this economic climate, after three years of working in the family. My mom has been diagnosed with an ovarian cyst, which may or may not be malignant. Being the only child, now I am duty bound to take care of her, postponing my rebellious move out of the country. I am 26 and have no idea where my life is going. I have taken to popping Xanax and sleeping off my days; I prefer my dreams to my reality. I wake up at nights with a thumping heart and read novels as long as I am awake. Show me a way. Tell me what to do . . . please. I need help!

- Woeful With Wanderlust

To see what the bartender had to say, read more.

Dear Woeful,

I am not sure where to begin here. I seriously had to shake myself a stiff martini before I could delve into all of your issues. It sounds like someone has been having the only kind of party that is not any fun: a pity party. It's time to splash some cold water on your face, snap out of your benzo-induced haze, and do some serious soul searching.

Although your ex-boyfriend's behavior may seem cruel, he might have been unhappy for a long time and checked out of the relationship months prior to making the move. People get lazy in that comfortable space and often don't have the gumption to break up with the person until they meet someone else. You should be thankful that he had the decency to break up with you rather than carry on some torrid affair based on the fear that he didn't want to hurt you.

I am going to take a stab in the dark here and guess that you were one of those girls who let her friendships wane, instead spending nights at home watching movies with your boyfriend. Please learn something from this experience. You should only have to experience that feeling of complete and utter aloneness once in your lifetime. Having a great group of friends always helps ease the pain of a breakup. They are there to remind you what a fun, smart, and sexy person you are and can say things like, "There are so many other fish in the sea," and "We always thought he was a douchebag but just didn't have the heart to tell you."

As far as your family and career go, yes, yes, yes to living abroad. Become bilingual, trilingual, quadlingual. People automatically respect you. If you're worried about dilly dallying away your time while our economy is in the crapper, do some volunteer work in another country. I have a sense that you might be a business-minded gal; what about helping women in South America write business plans? Just a thought, but I am sure there are programs applicable to your profession out there, and I am a firm believer in always trying to better yourself.

You seem like you have been the dutiful daughter for far too long. Since you are the only child, I am sure your parents are going to be nervous, but they obviously love you and will not disown you for making an independent decision. Now, if your mom truly does have ovarian cancer, maybe consider a month-long trip oversees - in which case, party your ass off - instead of relocation.

Lastly, lay off the freaking Xanax. Benzodiazepines are highly addictive with long-term use. Your words suggest anxiety and depression, which I predict is a product of your current situation and hopefully not a chemical imbalance that needs medical attention. You seem like a hardworking, sensitive, and smart woman. Empower yourself instead of feeling sorry for yourself. Always trust your gut; it never lies. And don't forget to tip your bartender.

Click here to find out more about Conventional Wisdom and here to submit a question.

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Water Taxi: Company Bottles New York City Tap Water, Sells It

CitizenSugar — Wed, 25 Feb 2009 13:30:06 -0800

I've always known (for like the last year) that the larger the water system, the cleaner the water. But Tap'dNY has taken New York City water to a new level: It's selling it. People even buy it!
The five boroughs actually have some of the healthiest water in the country. So healthy that the Environmental Protection Agency said it didn't need filtration (though Tap'd does filter) in 2007. And it's long been hailed the special ingredient in the city's bagels and pizza crusts.

Hope to taste that fresh Upstate water after it's flown through the sinewy pipes of Gotham? Forgetta 'bout it. The water is only sold in New York. City. Because, you know (everyone knows!), New Yorkers don't have faucets.

Since we're all caught parched and water bottleless at some point, I'll entertain the idea that Tap'dNY makes sense. To find out how, read more.

The green idea behind Tap'dNY is that it's local. It's pumped in a warehouse in Brooklyn and bottled 12 miles away in New Jersey. It's a lukewarm environmental tactic, considering 80 percent of water bottles go to rest in landfills. Yet at least one merchant has canceled its order of Poland Spring because the Maine-based (Nestlé-owned) company cannot keep up with its new competitor.

Are you drinking it up, or will the idea run dry?

6 Reasons a Condom Might Break

DearSugar — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 09:00:00 -0700

Male condoms are one of the best forms of birth control out there because they're cheap, you can buy them anywhere, they prevent pregnancy, and they also prevent the spread of STIs, but they only work if they don't break! Below are six reasons why a condom might rip, so keep them in mind the next time you're getting busy.

The condom is past its prime. Condom wrappers have an expiration date on them, so be sure to take note.
Storage issues. Heat damages latex condoms, so they shouldn't be kept in a hot place such as a glove compartment or a wallet. Keep them in your medicine cabinet or nightstand instead.
Lack of lubrication. If there is friction while having sex, especially anal sex, not only will it cause pain and irritation to your privates, but the condom can break. So be sure to use lubricated condoms or use extra lube if you need to.

To hear the other three reasons read more.

You're using the wrong lubricant. If you're using latex condoms, oil-based lubricants can weaken the rubber and cause a tear, so use only water-based lubes.
The condom doesn't fit. If the condom is too small or too large, it can rip, so experiment with different sized condoms to get a snug fit - not too tight and not too loose.
The woman is tight. Some women's vaginal muscles are naturally tight, so to help prevent condom breakage, lubrication (and a lot of it) is a must.

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What's the Deal With Glycol in Lubricants?

DearSugar — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 09:00:00 -0700

If you're prone to yeast infections, and you're a fan of using personal lubricant, then you probably found my Lube Quiz very helpful. It showed you which lubes contain glycerin and which don't, but I recently noticed another ingredient in some water-based products that I thought you should know about - propylene glycol.

To find out if this is something to avoid, read more.

Propylene glycol is a faintly sweet and colorless, clear, viscous liquid that's derived from natural gas. Sounds sexy, doesn't it? It can be found in many products including moisturizers, toothpaste, mouthwash, and medications, in addition to many edibles such as cake mix, salad dressing, and fat-free ice cream. The ingredient is identified as GRAS (generally recognized as safe) because of its low oral toxicity (meaning it won't badly harm you if ingested), although it may irritate your eyes, and some may experience a burning sensation from contact on their skin.

KY products such as Yours+Mine and Astroglide contain propylene glycol, so if you've noticed irritation from using these products, this ingredient may be the culprit. If you want a propylene glycol-free lube, try Sliquid H20, Pjur Woman Bodyglide, Slippery Stuff, or Good Clean Love.

Moving to the Moon? Scientists Say Moon Can Hold Water

CitizenSugar — Thu, 18 Dec 2008 13:00:53 -0800

Scientists think the moon's polar craters, which never see sunlight, could contain ice. A lunar water supply means that astronauts would be able to use the moon as a home base for space exploration. The US, EU, Japan, India, and China already have plans for permanent moon bases to be set up around 2025.

If astronauts begin living permanently on the moon, I don't see why nonscientists wouldn't soon pack up and move to outer space shortly after. The moon's only three days away - much shorter than the ship voyage made by Europeans moving to the New World, for example.

Would you move to a settlement on the moon? Would you worry that territory disputes could break out between settlers from different countries?

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Does Soap Make Good Lubrication?

DearSugar — Thu, 17 Jan 2008 11:00:00 -0800

Sex in the shower or bath is definitely safe, but it's not exactly the most comfortable way to get it on, especially for a woman. The water washes away any natural lubrication she might have, so you'll have to use a lube in a tube.

What about soap, you might ask? Sure it's easy to use, clean, inexpensive, and it happens to be right there, but is it a good idea to lather up your parts before sex? If you've ever tried this, I'm sure you know that answer is no. Soap can seem innocent and gentle enough, but when rubbed on your sensitive membranes, it can cause painful irritation, burning, and redness. Sex plus soap equals ouch.

To find out what to use instead, read more

Oil-based lubricants are a good choice since they don't wash off easily in water, but if you're using a latex condom, oil-based lubes are out of the question. You can try using a water-based lube if you maneuver your bodies so water isn't gushing down on your parts, but silicone-based lubricants are the best choice for water play, since they don't break down in water and you can use them with all types of condoms. Just so you know, silicone-based lubes are usually more expensive, but if you can't live without lovemaking sessions in the shower, it will be well worth the money!

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