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How to Make Richard Simmons Cool

GiggleSugar — Sat, 18 Oct 2008 02:00:00 -0700

You know, other than the doofy perm, bright orange skin and wait . . . is he even wearing pants? But seriously. The dude's got some moves.

Panda Walks It Out

GiggleSugar — Mon, 05 Nov 2007 04:00:00 -0800

This panda heard that Hottie McOtterson got his 15 minutes of fame by shaking his money maker-and he was not about to let a smaller mammal outdo him. Hence, this dance-off.

Ask a Wife: How Do I Stop Being the Other Woman?

TresSugar — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 08:00:58 -0800

Conventional Wisdom is a different kind of advice column. Your questions will be answered by people from all walks of life rather than by advice experts. This week, a woman in a happy marriage tries to help out a woman stuck in an affair. If you have a question you'd like answered on Conventional Wisdom, you can submit it here.

Today's Question:

I am involved with a married man and I don't know how to stop. He's been married for a couple of years, and his wife often goes out of town. I feel like I'm in a relationship with him: he calls or texts before he goes to sleep, cooks me dinner when he can, and we talk about almost anything with each other. I don't expect him to leave his wife for me, and it doesn't seem like he's going to. He just says he wishes we would have met before he got married. I know deep down that this is so wrong, but I feel like I can't do anything about it. I feel too happy when I'm around him. Help!

Signed,
The Other Woman

To see the advice, read more.

Dear The Other Woman,

I have some bad news and some good news. First, the bad news: you are not happy. You are in a relationship that is damaging to both you and this man's wife. The only person remotely benefiting from the situation is this unfaithful person you are involved with.

Now the good news: real happiness does exist. You can find someone - who's not married - to talk, laugh, cry, and have sex with. And it will be so much better. But first you need to do some work on yourself. Look at your life and decide what type of person you want to be. Do you want the adjectives selfish, dishonest, and disrespectful to describe who you are? Or would you rather have the words loving, faithful, and complete describe your behavior and your relationship? Next you need to boost your confidence. Think about what has made you do something that is undoubtedly so hurtful to yourself and this other woman. Is it because you are afraid of being alone? Is it because you think this is the best thing you can get? If so, let me tell you that a little patience can go a long way. Focus on the things you really enjoy in life (do you like running? painting? traveling?), the things that make you excited, and you will only become more desirable.

The search for love is a hard and frustrating one, but you are just going down a dark and depressing path with nothing but hurt waiting at the end of it. End things with this unavailable man, figure out why you love yourself, and then you will find someone who loves you for all those qualities too.

Signed,
A Wife

East vs. West: Berlin Wall Divided Two Attitudes Toward Nudity

TresSugar — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 08:00:49 -0800

When the Berlin Wall fell 20 years ago last week, East and West Germany had to integrate two very different cultures. Freedom may have spread quickly through the East, but nudity - the East's favorite and perhaps only freedom - never caught on in the West.

Freikörperkultur (FKK), or liberal body culture, was really the only way to rebel in the East, where the most quotidian details of people's lives were observed by the Stasi, East Germany's secret police. Though the East German government forbid FKK at first, many government officials were into walking around nude, so they protested with the argument that "doing FKK" did not mean you weren't a good communist. Good point - don't they put kids in school uniforms to level the playing field? What's more egalitarian than wearing nothing!

Yet on the west side of the wall, the attitude toward nudity was more on par with America and its don't-even-discuss-it-in-public ethos. A West German interviewed a former East German for Vice magazine to find out what's so great about wearing nothing. Check out some of the highlights after the jump.

Ask an MBA Student: Is It OK For My Boyfriend to See His Ex?

TresSugar — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 09:00:44 -0800

Conventional Wisdom is a different kind of advice column. Your questions will be answered by people from all walks of life rather than by advice experts. This week, a guy working on his MBA tries to help out a woman nervous about her boyfriend's ex. If you have a question you'd like answered on Conventional Wisdom, you can submit it here.

Today's Question:
My boyfriend's ex-girlfriend just moved back in town and he wants to hang out with her. She's going to stop by his house this week so they can catch up. They broke up a couple of years ago, but they dated for a few years so this sort of makes me uncomfortable. Can I tell him that I don't want them to be friends? I don't know whether I should be upset or just let it go.

Signed,
Nervous

To read the MBA student's advice, read more.

Dear Nervous,

My advice is to let them hang out and catch up initially. It's natural for friends who haven't seen each other to meet up; there is nothing to worry about. I think it might be a good idea for you to be there, if your boyfriend is OK with that. If this is truly a friend situation, he shouldn't have a problem with you being there, and if the ex-girlfriend is moving back into town then she should want to get to know you. After they catch up, the novelty might go away and they might never see each other again as people change. However, if they continue to hang out and see each other a lot, you can let him know that it makes you uncomfortable. He should respect your wishes and tone it down.

Signed,
An MBA Student

Front Page: Obama Wants Healthcare Bill, Not Abortion Bill

TresSugar — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 08:00:11 -0800

President Obama is asking Congress to drop the clause in the House healthcare bill that puts new restrictions on abortion coverage. - ABC News
Virginia will execute John Allen Muhammad (aka "The DC Sniper") today. - CNN
RNC leader Michael Steele says some white Republicans are scared of him. - Politico
Fans apparently walked out of Tracy Morgan's Carnegie Hall performance last night because it was too raunchy. - New York Daily News
Former Miss California Carrie Prejean says she has been "Palinized." - MSNBC

Ask a Trader: Is He Into Me?

TresSugar — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 06:00:00 -0800

Conventional Wisdom is a different kind of advice column. Your questions will be answered by people from all walks of life rather than by advice experts. This week, a trader helps out a frustrated woman. If you have a question you'd like answered on Conventional Wisdom, you can submit it here.

Today's question:

I have been seeing this man for a little over a month. He is significantly older than me (13 years) and pretty busy. We talked last weekend and both said we wanted to take things slow due to failed past relationships (jumping into them too quickly; he was engaged).

That's perfectly fine with me, but the problem is that we never talk. We Facebook message each other, but it's extremely brief two word phrases. When the weekend hits, we might see each other one day. When we do see each other, he acts like he really enjoys my company until I say something nice (he runs a gallery, so I told him if he ever needs help getting a show set up, to let me know) in which case he kind of buries his head. He also won't respond if I send him a compliment via one of our Facebook messages.

He does let me keep some toiletries at his house if I ever spend the night, which is rare - we don't have sex either. I really like this guy and want to get to know him, but it seems impossible and I feel like I'm just getting strung along. Should I talk to him and tell him what I expect with "taking it slow" or something? Or does it seem he really isn't into me at all? Would he really string me along if he knows I don't want to get hurt anymore?

Signed,
Taking it Too Slow

To see the trader's answer, read more.

Dear Taking it Too Slow,

It sounds like, for whatever reason, this guy is not romantically attracted to you. You are right to worry that he lets you stay overnight and keep toiletries at his house, without ever making a move. You say you really like him, but I must recommend that you not waste too much more time on him without knowing he feels the same way because it sounds like you keep putting forth effort, without getting anything back from him. Tell him how you feel, and if he shares those feelings then you can explore the possibility of a real relationship together. If he says he's just not ready, this is your cue to move on and trade up. And no need to second-guess breaking off your sexless sleepovers: if he really does have feelings for you, he'll come back when he's ready, and if you want to, you can give him another shot.

Signed,
A Trader

Someone Cared! Woman Called 911 in Richmond Rape Case

TresSugar — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 11:22:01 -0800

Margarita Vargas, an 18-year-old woman from Richmond, CA (and a graduate of Richmond High) was the lone person who called 911 on the night a teenager was gang raped outside her high school while a homecoming party was still going on. It's alleged that at least 20 people watched and did nothing. Vargas says that her brother-in-law came home and told her he'd seen a woman being raped; it was Vargas who insisted they call the police.

It might seem pretty sad that we're applauding Vargas for doing what people should do, as she said, "without thinking twice," but you'd be surprised how often people are apathetic. So many people are saying, "What do you expect of Richmond?" but I can say, as someone who was grabbed on the streets of San Francisco in broad daylight and ignored when I asked for help - apathy happens everywhere, in all communities. (Just read about the bystander effect.)

Many years ago, I was walking down a busy street in a popular business district in a "good neighborhood" and a man grabbed me inappropriately. I had just bought coffee, so instinctively, I poured it in his face and grabbed onto him, hoping to get him arrested. As I grappled with him, trying to make eye contact with people walking by, riding by on their bikes, driving by, and yelling, "Someone help! This man attacked me!" no one did anything. Eventually, I couldn't hold the man any longer, and he got away, perhaps to assault someone else later. Helping out is rarer than you think, so kudos to Margarita, who even walked over to the school to make sure the police had arrived.

Ask an Older Woman: Help! My Friend's With a Married Man

TresSugar — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 06:00:00 -0800

Conventional Wisdom is a different kind of advice column. Your questions will be answered by people from all walks of life rather than by advice experts. If you have a question you'd like answered on Conventional Wisdom, you can submit it here.

Today's question: One of my good friends has been seeing a married man for about a year. He also just happens to be her boss. When we get together, she bombards me with the details of their relationship. He tells her he's never been happier, and that he'll leave his wife for her soon (yeah, we've heard that one before!) and she seems to believe him. My problem with this whole thing is that not only am I sick of listening to her, and of course could tell her so, but I've lost respect for her. Is it wrong to break up with a friend who's doing things I find morally reprehensible? Is there anything I can do to get through to her that what she is doing is horrible for her, not to mention this man's wife?

Signed, Confused Friend.

To hear what an older woman has to say, read more
Dear Confused Friend,

Ahh, the folly of youth. For every bad relationship I bored my friends with, I in turn listened to details about men (or women) they were with who didn't deserve them. It's part of being a friend.

My best advice to you is to be honest with your friend. You don't mention if you've told her how you feel, or if you did, how she reacted. If you haven't, now is the time to start. Tell her you care about her, but you think that contributing to cheating is morally messed up, and that in the end she's probably just going to get hurt. (I guess "the other woman" sometimes ends up with the guy, but who wants to end up with a cheater?) Also, sleeping with your married boss? Pretty dumb. Do other people in her office know? This is not good for her professional life either. I'd tell her that, too, although it's hard to imagine an adult who doesn't know this.

If you really like this friend and this is the only thing she's done that makes you question her character, ride it out and hope she comes to her senses. There's only so much advice we can give people. If you've told her how you feel and she continues with this affair, that's her decision. If she steers you toward this topic when you hang out, just let her know you don't feel comfortable listening to it anymore.

Sometimes, though, if friends do sketchy things, those acts are a window into the rest of their sketchy selves. I had a friend who not only cheated on her husband once, but throughout their marriage, and I began to notice that her behavior towards him mirrored her behavior towards me and everyone else. She was selfish, narcissistic and unable to ever admit fault. We'd had fun partying together when we were younger, but as we grew older, I realized I needed to respect my friends. After a blowout fight when she said horrible things to me, I took it as my cue to get out, and I dumped her.

You're in a tricky situation, but honesty is the best policy. If you can't be honest with her, maybe you aren't really great friends to begin with, in which case slowly turning down her invitations to hang out and discuss him should send her a message. Good luck!

Ask a Party Planner: Should I Date Outside My Religion?

TresSugar — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 04:00:00 -0700

This week, a party planner offers advice to a woman unsure about a new love interest. After you read her answer, be sure to check out our Group Therapy group where I found this question.

Today's Question:

I'm a single 32-year-old woman and I am under immense pressure to get married from my family and community. I have been single for two years since my last relationship, and four months ago I met this guy and started dating him. We quickly got close and we really care for each other. He wants me to be his girlfriend now, however there a few issues with us - he is only 28 and from another religion. If this goes anywhere, then we are sure to face opposition from both our families. We are from cultures where our families mean a lot to us.

We have talked about this being a long-term relationship, but we have yet to figure out if we will end up married since it's obviously too early. I'm wondering if I should date other guys while we figure this out. I really don't want to, but my friends warn me to not put all my eggs in one basket, especially when he is four years younger than me. I also worry that our religions will come between us in the future.

What should I do? Date other guys, or be his girlfriend and see this through?

Signed, Unsure

To see the party planner's answer, read more.

Dear Unsure,

It seems like there are two issues here: first, his age, and second, your religions. Let's discuss.

I think you should not worry about his age. Twenty-eight is old enough to be in a serious, committed relationship if that's what he wants. Like you said, it's early in the relationship, so you can't predict whether you two are going to get married. But there is only one way to find out - by dating him exclusively.

As for the religion issue: this is something to seriously consider. But I think you need to figure out if you're willing to date someone with a different background - is it worth it to you, not your family, to work through the inevitable obstacles (like choosing how to celebrate holidays, or how to raise kids)? As for your family, I think that they will be more supportive than you think. If you're happy, they should be happy for you too. And you say this guy really values his family, so I think it's great that you found someone who thinks his family is important - just like you do.

If you really like this guy, it's worth giving it a chance. Good luck.

Signed,
A party planner