TresSugar

Sunday Confessional: She Doesn't Want to Date a Virgin

TresSugar — Sun, 15 Nov 2009 08:00:00 -0800

This week's anonymous confession comes from the TrèsSugar Community group Confession Booth. This confessor finds herself worried about dating a vrigin. She explains:

"I am seeing an absolutely amazing guy. He's everything I've hoped for - honest, funny, charming, trustworthy, and insanely handsome. I feel like he's my reward for putting up with the worst examples of men this world has to offer. I feel so lucky and safe. I couldn't be happier! Oh wait . . . actually I could. There's one small issue that I'm afraid could be a huge issue for me. He's a virgin - and he plans to stay that way. I thought it wouldn't be an issue for me; it's nice to know a guy likes me for me and not just for sex! As we get closer I realize it will eventually be an issue for me. I like sex. Sex with someone I care about is awesome. I thought I could live without it, but now I'm not so sure. I feel like "such a dude," but I'm hesitating at the thought of continuing to see him. Am I a terrible person for needing sex in a relationship? Do I continue to date him and risk resenting him later? I don't know what to do or how to feel."

Do you think this is a big deal?

How Old Were You When You Lost Your Virginity?

TresSugar — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 13:00:00 -0700

In a hard-to-believe fit of modesty, sexy funny lady Tina Fey revealed to David Letterman last night that she was 24 before she lost her virginity and "couldn't give it away." (I'm incredulous about the latter claim - not that she was 24.)

I don't think I know anyone who waited that long, but everyone has her reasons for delaying sex. Honestly, I think being ready to have sex is better than "getting it out of the way" as I hear some people describe their motivations for having sex for the first time.

I had a good first experience, but it happened before I was 24! At what age did you lose your virginity? If you want to see the clip of her revelation, read more.

56-Year-Old Woman Declares Virginity at Wrong Education Hearing

TresSugar — Tue, 22 Sep 2009 15:00:00 -0700

To make her point that you can teach kids that they can be sexual without taking their clothes off, this former schoolteacher declared that she was still a virgin at 56 in front of a crowd at the Texas Education Agency during what she thought was their sex-ed hearing. ("Technically" a virgin. What does that even mean?) How would she have linked these two things together? We may never know, because she was interrupted before she could go on. It turns out that the sex-education hearing was the day before. Ruh-roh! The term cringe-worthy may not be adequate to describe what you're about to see.

Genetics Could Trump Daddy Issues in Sexually Active Teens

TresSugar — Tue, 15 Sep 2009 15:00:00 -0700

The age at which you lost your virginity could be programmed in your genes. Though researchers have often suspected that having an absent father, a single mom, or sexually active single parents could lead teens to have sex earlier, genetics seem to play a larger role than previously thought.

According a new study published in Child Development, the average age at which teens with absent fathers lost their virginity was 15.28, compared to age 16.11 for kids whose fathers were always around. Children whose fathers were sometimes absent lost their virginity at an average age of 15.36.

The findings are based on a study of 1,000 cousins at the University of Oregon, and the familial relations of the subjects led to some other interesting conclusions. Namely:

The more genes the children shared, the more similar their ages of first intercourse, regardless of whether or not the children had an absent father.

This doesn't mean there is an "absent father gene," says University of Oregon's Jane Mendle. But the researchers did observe parental traits - such as impulsiveness, addiction, and "sensation seeking" - that led to earlier sexual activity in teens.

At what age did you lose it? And do you think your early sexual urges were genetically predetermined?

Losing Your Orgasm Virginity

TresSugar — Thu, 28 May 2009 08:30:00 -0700

Thanks to the new book Thanks For Coming: One Young Woman's Quest For An Orgasm, the topic of the elusive female orgasm is back in the news. Maura Altman, the author of the book, lost her virginity at 17, but didn't lose her orgasm virginity until 26, when she finally decided to buy a vibrator.

The 377-page overshare inspired a lady writer over at the Daily Beast to one-up Maura by sharing that she didn't have her first orgasm until the age of 30 - so, ha!

Both these women experienced a gap between when they lost their virginity and when they reached climax because they had an aversion to masturbation. Once they got over it, newly purchased vibrators almost instantaneously took their orgasm virginities.

When did you lose your orgasm virginity? Anyone out there still waiting?

Source

Say What? Brooke Shields Talks Virginity

TresSugar — Tue, 26 May 2009 06:00:00 -0700

"I would have lost my virginity earlier than I did at 22. I had the public and all this pressure, and I wish I had just gotten it over with in the beginning when it was sort of OK. I think I would have been much more in touch with myself. I think I wouldn’t have had issues with weight - I carried this protective 20 pounds [in college]. It was all connected. And to me, that’s a health regret."

She may have seemed like an early bloomer at the age of 15 in Blue Lagoon, but Brooke Shields told Health Magazine that she didn't lose her virginity until years after that movie. Would you change the age you lost your virginity if you could?

Source

The Hills: A Surprisingly Chaste Discussion of Chastity

TresSugar — Tue, 28 Apr 2009 13:00:00 -0700

Even if I didn't save myself for marriage, I have friends who did, often for religious reasons, and it was sweet to imagine them having a real "wedding night" on their wedding night. On last night's episode of The Hills, Heidi's Southern-Baptist high-school boyfriend, Colby, and his girlfriend come to visit; the couple doesn't drink and sleeps in separate hotel rooms. They're very open about the fact that they're waiting to do "it" until saying "I do."

If the other option is turning out like Spencer Pratt, maybe saving yourself for marriage isn't a bad idea. And as I recently learned, there doesn't necessarily have to be a separation of church and sex. How do you feel about the idea? Did you wait until marriage to do the deed? Did you have friends who did?

You Asked: I Want to Wait Until Marriage

DearSugar — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 12:30:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I have been dating this wonderful guy for about three months now. We always have a great time together and the chemistry is undeniable. He has initiated sex before, but I told him I wasn't ready yet. My problem is that I lied - I'm a virgin and I don't plan on having sex until my wedding night. From past experience, I've learned that telling guys right off the bat scares them off, which is why I haven't come clean yet. I want to be honest but I don't know how to tell him the truth without freaking him out. I know that sex is important in a relationship, especially for someone that's had it before, so what should I do? - Waiting Until Marriage Melissa

To see DearSugar's answer read more

Dear Waiting Until Marriage Melissa,

If the guy you're dating is as wonderful as you describe, he'll be understanding with your news, but you're right, sex is an important part of a relationship so if he's not willing to wait for you, he's simply just not the guy for you.

Keeping secrets from your significant other is never a good idea so I'd come clean ASAP. Since I don't know anything about this guy, I don't know what his reaction will be so the only advice I can give you is to be honest. Yes, he might freak out, and yes, things might not work between you two, but if waiting until marriage means that much to you, it'll be worth waiting for the right guy too. Good luck.

Source

You Asked: Should I Come Clean?

DearSugar — Tue, 17 Feb 2009 13:43:02 -0800

Dear Sugar,

I'm not a virgin, but my fiancé thinks I am. When we first started dating, I wasn't ready to have sex with him - my first and only time was extremely traumatic for me - so I lied to him, and have continued to lie to him for over a year now. I know I made a big mistake, and it's been weighing heavily on my conscience. Part of me wants to come clean, but the other part of me doesn't; I'm afraid he'll end things with me. I'm torn and it's eating me up inside. What should I do? - Not a Virgin Virginia

To see DearSugar's answer read more.

Dear Not a Virgin Virginia,

While the decision is completely up to you, I advise you to come clean before saying "I do." Entering your marriage with a lie about your virginity will only make you feel worse about this secret you've kept from your soon-to-be husband. I understand you're scared about your fiancé's reaction, but think how much worse it would be if he found out months, or even years, into your marriage.

Keeping such a big secret from the man you love is going to wreak havoc on your mind, body and spirit - if it hasn't already - so trust the old saying that the truth will set you free. Good luck to you.

Source

Virginity Pledges Don't Mean Much

DearSugar — Tue, 30 Dec 2008 10:00:00 -0800

For years, there has been an ongoing battle between two opposing ways of schooling: sex education and abstinence only education. A new study may help sex education win this war once and for all since research shows that encouraging teens to be abstinent until marriage is ineffective. For teens who are taught to wait, some are also encouraged to publicly declare their decision to remain a virgin. But as it turns out, those who made this virginity pledge were just as likely to get it on as those who didn't promise abstinence. What's worse is that teens who took the pledge were less likely to use condoms once they did have sex. That's because those young adults only learned to "save themselves for marriage," and never learned how to protect themselves from pregnancy and STIs.

To hear more about virginity pledges, check out this video from The Today Show.

There is no right answer here, but which kind of education do you think is most effective?