TresSugar

Virginity Pledges Don't Mean Much

DearSugar — Tue, 30 Dec 2008 10:00:00 -0800

For years, there has been an ongoing battle between two opposing ways of schooling: sex education and abstinence only education. A new study may help sex education win this war once and for all since research shows that encouraging teens to be abstinent until marriage is ineffective. For teens who are taught to wait, some are also encouraged to publicly declare their decision to remain a virgin. But as it turns out, those who made this virginity pledge were just as likely to get it on as those who didn't promise abstinence. What's worse is that teens who took the pledge were less likely to use condoms once they did have sex. That's because those young adults only learned to "save themselves for marriage," and never learned how to protect themselves from pregnancy and STIs.

To hear more about virginity pledges, check out this video from The Today Show.

There is no right answer here, but which kind of education do you think is most effective?

Keeping the Faith: Are Abstinence-Only Pledges Unrealistic?

CitizenSugar — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 11:30:00 -0800

Ever think evangelical teens are most likely to be the next Juno? You might be onto something. While religion may be a good gauge for attitudes towards sex, it is not for sexual behavior.

A national survey talked to 3,400 teens between 13 and 17 and found that evangelicals are the most likely to say they do not believe in sex before marriage, yet they are just as likely to have it - if not more. Seventy-four percent say they do not believe in premarital sex, compared to 50 percent of mainline Protestants and 25 percent of Jewish teens. Second only to black Protestants, they lose their virginity on average shortly after turning 16.

While the effectiveness of abstinence pledges that are so popular among evangelicals has long been contested, I never knew inflation was a problem. A pledge movement often collapses in a school when it becomes too popular. As soon as it loses its magical minority milieu - 30 percent is the tipping point - teens feel less unique and pledges get tossed aside like last year’s yellow.

Minding the gap between sexual beliefs and behavior becomes even harder when looking at the outcome of abstinence pledges. To find out how effective they are, read more.

According to a 2001 estimate, 2.5 million people in the US pledged to abstain from premarital sex, yet more than half of them do it anyway. Pledges do have some impact though. Teens who take them lose their virginity 18 months later than those who do not and have fewer partners on average.

Once religious conviction gets factored in, pledges sounded even more effective. Those who scored high on religiosity - defined by behaviors like going to church and praying at home - are more likely to abstain. But better indicators are the strength of social networks and quality of relationships with parents. Teens who live with both biological parents and feel their families understand them, pay attention to their concerns, and have fun with them are the most likely to delay sex - regardless of how religious or what religion they are.

What do you think about abstinence-only pledges? A good guideline? Or unrealistic and only for the most religious?

Source

Ask E. Jean: How Do I Explain My Extreme Shyness?

E Jean Carroll — Thu, 15 Jan 2009 10:00:20 -0800

Dear E. Jean,

Whenever I meet a girl I don't know, I suffer from truly spectacular social awkwardness. It's difficult for me to function at any level, including breathing. The result: I'm 40, and I've never had a girlfriend. Never even come close. I've gone out on three dates in my life, each one a disaster. It didn't help that I lived at home into my mid-30s - way too long, I now realize. I'm trying to change my life. I've moved out, bought a house, and have been working hard to overcome my shyness. I've begun having conversations with people I don’t know well. To my immense relief, I'm getting better with practice.

So the question is, now that I'm working up the courage to begin dating, how and when do I tell someone about my odd case history without throwing them for a loop or appearing to be way too peculiar and turning them off completely? Yes, I'm also worried that I'll make every other dating faux pas in the book, but one problem at a time. (Please, please, please no 40-year-old virgin jokes.) - Self-Conscious Enough as It Is

To read E. Jean's advice, read more.

Self, My Swordsman,

I beg your pardon. Did you say . . . three? Only three disasters, sir? Hell, there are hundreds of social catastrophes for you to enjoy. Get ready. Here are your five steps to victory:

Lay Plans: Go to your local church and sign an "abstinence pledge." Statistics show you will lose your virginity within seconds after leaving the building.
Know Your Weak Points: Don't date. It will kill your social life.
Vary Your Tactics: Instead, go to meetup.com. It's genius! Scroll through the dozens of inspiring, egg-heady, wild, world-bettering get-togethers in your area and choose a group that you like. (Yes, there are "virgins" meetups, not to mention the "Beltway Atheists." And if you don't join a group that is at least half women, I'm going to come to your town and hold a meetup called "Bang Jim.") Then all you have to do is show up. Shake hands. Share a beer. No pressure. Make friends of all ages and both sexes.
Wage the PR War: Your story: single guy, a bit shy, good job, owns his own home, no baggage.
Allow Yourself to Be Conquered. And when you get effed-up and shaky in the middle of a conversation-excellent! Most young ladies will walk over their own grandmothers to find a man who will listen to them. (Sun Tzu says the warrior who "gathers the highest intelligence" achieves the "greatest results.") So don’t worry. Wear something handsome, look her in the eye, ask a question, listen, throw out a compliment, ask another question, and in a few weeks you’ll be poking like blazes! Good luck!

To see more advice from E. Jean, visit Elle magazine and AskEJean.com.

"No Condom For the Heart." Does Abstinence Education Work?

CitizenSugar — Mon, 31 Mar 2008 16:00:34 -0700

No-nookie talk is breeding like rabbits! The New York Times magazine section this weekend got to at least second base with a great feature on virginity clubs at Ivy League schools. These "just-say no-way-until-marriage" groups, have religious members, but some are focused on the feminist part of withholding the goods. Janie Fredell, the co-president of the True Love Revolution, the Harvard group at the center of the piece said,

I am an unconventional feminist. . . . it takes a strong woman to be abstinent, and that's the sort of woman I want to be.

What struck me about the piece were the stats about abstinence education:

A 2004 report issued by Representative Henry Waxman, (D - CA) found 11 of 13 abstinence programs his government-reform committee examined were rife with scientific errors and false and misleading information about the risks of sexual activity.
A national survey found that those who took virginity pledges held on to their technical virginity about 18 months longer than teenagers who didn’t pledge, but they were six times more likely to engage in oral sex than virgins who hadn’t taken a pledge. They were also much less likely to use condoms during their first sexual experience or to be tested for sexually transmitted diseases.

And these reports are just out too:

$1.5 billion tax dollars have been spent on abstinence programs since 1982.
A new study shows that students who receive comprehensive sex education are half as likely to become teen parents as those who get none or abstinence-only sex education.

Even Grey's Anatomy actress Kate Walsh is talking abstinence, saying on CBS's Early Show on Friday that, "Abstinence only is not working. It's a $1.5 billion program over the last 10 years that has, quite frankly, failed."

Should we be saying yes to saying no? Should abstinence be taught?

Source