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    Related: culture, Tyra Banks, Friendship, Do Tell
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    1 of 32
    Do Tell: Have You Ever Had a Jealous Friend?
    May 25 2009 - 4:00am Last Friday, Tyra Banks hosted a show on jealousy and friendships. On air, one woman confronted her friend for copying her hairstyle and her wardrobe and also accused the friend of resenting her success. The accused friend admitted that being a cash-strapped single mom made her envious of her friend.
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    27 Comments Post a Comment

    Anonymous's picture
     
    Anonymous

    I'm really skinny, size 0 or 2. I have one friend from high school, who I don't see very often, but every time I do she has to comment on how skinny I am. She jokes about having me move in with her so she can feed me and make me fat. I hate it so much. She is a little overweight, but I've never thought of her that way. She carries her self well and is very pretty. She is not the only one I get comments like that from. I used to be very uncomfortable in my body, just like anyone else. However, I got over it. I wish other people would. There is no sense in wasting your time being unhappy with yourself.

    1
    Mon, 05/25/2009 - 6:24am Report Comment
    Allytta's picture
     
    Allytta [+]

    yes i did. i was 14 and my mum told me that girl is just too jealous and thus isn't a good friend to me. i didn't believe. the girl was from poor family without a father and her mum gave her no love, i came from well financed family with stay at home mum that cared for me and dad that loved us so much. in the end the b*tch made up lies about me, stole my boyfriend and tried to get me beat up. but that's teenagers for you.

    i think a lot of my friends a bit jealous of me being to brave - I moved to London from far away without knowing a soul there. And they stayed back home with no prospects.

    2
    Mon, 05/25/2009 - 8:52am Report Comment
    Anonymous's picture
     
    Anonymous

    I dunno if it's jealousy/envy or just plain hatred, it was during college.
    My parents bought me a car (ok, peeps, it's not an Escalade, it's a 97 sedan Ford Escort) for my 21st birthday (b4 that, I relied on bike, public transportation and walking like everyone else).
    And my parents also treated me to a 'birthday party' with 10 of my close friends *basically took all of us out to a local nearby Chinese restaurant to eat dinner.
    There, 2 of my 'good' friends started chiding me, calling me 'Little rich princess,' and after the party, they changed completely, avoided me, and said to our mutual friends that they can't handle/don't like being around someone so 'pampered' as I was.
    Believe me, I wasn't 'rich' or 'pampered,' it was a special occasion that happened ONCE in my life and suddenly they just didn't want to hang out with me anymore because of a birthday 'party' and me owning a car.

    3
    Mon, 05/25/2009 - 9:14am Report Comment
    Hiding55's picture
     
    Hiding55 [+]

    I don't really know if anyone has ever been jealous of me because I don't really notice that kind of stuff. In high school I was jealous of everyone and everything. I never thought I what I had was good enough or that I was cool enough. That may be normal for a teenager though. Got over that real fast as soon as I got comfortable with being me. Being a teenager sucked!

    4
    Mon, 05/25/2009 - 9:31am Report Comment
    spacekatgal's picture
     
    spacekatgal [+]

    I take my health really seriously, and am super skinny because I work to maintain my weight. I find close friendships with larger girls to be impossible because of the jealousy issue.

    I also had one close friendship end back in my single days, because I was so much more successful with men. I really liked the girl, but she was not an extrovert. In every social situation we participated in, I got attention and she didn't. We ended up having a huge fight the weekend I met my husband, and it never recovered.

    5
    Mon, 05/25/2009 - 10:27am Report Comment
    margokhal's picture
     
    margokhal [+]

    I've always done really well in school and when it comes to academic-type things. I never bragged about it [in fact I used to put myself down a lot and act like I was stupid to be cool], but now I can say it without feeling ashamed - I'm smart. I had "friends" throughout school and college who would always put me down about EVERYTHING else - my weight, especially, the fact that I never dated, spreading rumors about me being untrustworthy and a liar, etc. - because they were jealous. I've lost at least 3 friends over it, but the fallout would always be in conjunction with something else ["you're too smart, but you're SO fat!", "it's great that you got an A, but at least I have a boyfriend!", "you're too smart to be trusted. you'll trick me in the end."]

    I've been jealous of other people too. Mainly their thinness and the fact that most people had more friends/social outlets that I did [still do, actually]. I didn't think it was ever fair that I got to be smart but lonely. The only time I ever acted out about it was in elementary school...another girl came along and basically stole my supposed best friend at the time. The new girl tried to apologize, saying "you're just not that awesome". I got upset and hit her in the leg with a huge tree branch [it left a bunch of bloody scars, it was pretty huge] and she ran around telling everyone how terrible a person I was. Coupled with all the rumors already, that was DEFINITELY not a good year for me.

    6
    Mon, 05/25/2009 - 10:47am Report Comment
    Chrstne's picture
     
    Chrstne [+]

    All through school k-senior in college, I was envied. That is what comes with "popularity". All the people who did not like those who got attention hated me -- even if they never spoke to me. It was sick, and ugly, and disgusting. I felt bad about myself because of other people liking me -- which in turn made other people not like me. I had self esteem issues in a way. I never felt outwardly jealous of a friend, but I would be like "Damn, I wish my boobs were like hers" or "I really wish my hair was a bit thinner and looked like hers". I think most girls do that. However, I have never been jealous of a friend's material purchase or whatever -- or even of their relationships and stuff. I had my own, and it never dawned on me to care.

    Now, there are things I work on changing about myself or improving upon, or even learning to do. I am happy with who I am on the whole, and don't feel as insecure as I did then.

    7
    Mon, 05/25/2009 - 10:57am Report Comment
    Chouette4u's picture
     
    Chouette4u [+]

    I had a good friend for a while who was always trying to "one-up" me. Whether it was guys, or school, or clothes, she would always try to find a way to out-do me. I never wanted to compete with her, but she would never just be happy if something good happened to me; she had to turn it into HER special thing. Lots of the time she didn't even actually succeed and would lie or greatly exaggerate her situation. I just never understood why she wanted to impress me or compete so much.

    8
    Mon, 05/25/2009 - 11:17am Report Comment
    Pistil's picture
     
    Pistil [+]

    I think the only jealousy between my friends and myself has been the normal "I wish I had your boobs/hair/waist/etc, you're so lucky!". If anyone has been seriously jealous of me, I never knew about it. And I, with my self-esteem issues, often find myself jealous of other people, but have never let it affect a relationship.

    9
    Mon, 05/25/2009 - 11:20am Report Comment
    soapbox's picture
     
    soapbox [+]

    Somehow, I always end up with jealous friends. I just keep my distance, even if I may end up totally friendless for a month or so. I rather be alone than have jealous friends.

    10
    Mon, 05/25/2009 - 12:33pm Report Comment
    Jinx's picture
     
    Jinx [+]

    Only one situation I recall, and it was way back in high school. A good friend of mine ended up in the same English class, and she would compete for grades. Everytime something was returned she always told me what she got and wanted to know my mark. I usually came out above her in that class, and she used to get "jealous". The weird thing was, I didn't care, I wouldn't even have brought up our marks if she didn't.

    11
    Mon, 05/25/2009 - 12:49pm Report Comment
    GlowingMoon's picture
     
    GlowingMoon [+]

    Yes, I did. The operative word is "did." They're no longer in my life. As many posters have experienced, my so-called friends were too jealous, and it ruined our friendships.

    Has anyone experienced a jealous family member? How about a jealous parent? That makes for dysfunction in a family. Unfortunately, unlike friends, family members are more difficult to remove from one's life. It's more complicated.

    12
    Mon, 05/25/2009 - 12:58pm Report Comment
    rainbow cadillac's picture
     
    rainbow cadillac [+]

    There have been some incidents where people have been jealous, but they weren't a big deal. Mostly they were about grades, weight, stuff like that. But none of them were blown out of proportion.

    However, I do have a twin sister. With my sister, there always going to competitions and people will always compare us. But we have never let the "comparisons" ruin our relationship. I mean, sometimes I am jealous of her. However, we grew up knowing that we both have strengths and that we actually complement each other.

    13
    Mon, 05/25/2009 - 2:08pm Report Comment
    Sun_Sun's picture
     
    Sun_Sun [+]

    way too many jealous "friends". but i learned and grew from those experiences. like others, i never thought that she was jealous or her actions came from envy, i was so unaware that people let jealousy get that far!!!
    glowingmoon, i have a very jealous sister, ugh!!!!

    14
    Mon, 05/25/2009 - 2:30pm Report Comment
    Anonymous's picture
     
    Anonymous

    Most of my high school friends at least the ones I still hang out with pretty often are a size 12 at least, they have both always had weight issues and one of them is quite unattractive. I stick with them because of course I like them and they are nice ppl. But everytime i see them they have got something to say about my weight, I'm a size 6 which is really not thin at all but I am quite proportioned and have nice boobs and butt. I also have a pretty face, which tecnically means i'm "hot", the thing is I am very insecure I realize that I'm attractive but I've never thought beauty was going to fix any and everything, I've always had insecurities about my body and about my personality, I'm quite shy. And I really never try to be boastful unless anyone else tries to make my brains or beauty a huge deal. My weight is always between 130 and 140. So basically everytime these girls would see me I'd be thinner but not because I was on a diet just because my body tends to fluctuate. They would always point out how I'm "getting too thin".
    They also seem jealous that I've found other friends in college, friends I see more often. And I usually feel like they try to put me down intellectually to make themselves feel better. This makes me mad I can't understand why we can't consider someone sexy AND smart, it doesn't have to be one or the other.
    Some of my other friends seem to be jealous about me being quite pampered, which I'll admit I kind of am.

    15
    Mon, 05/25/2009 - 2:48pm Report Comment
    bonchicbongenre's picture
     
    bonchicbongenre [+]

    Ugh, college was the worst for me. I was attractive and popular, and some of my "friends" hated me for it. I had three girls in particular, who would always try to bring me down. They were full of backhanded compliments, like "good thing you're so pretty, because you're never going to have successful career". Anytime anything good happened to me, I was afraid to tell them because I knew it would make them feel insecure and then the nasty comments would come. I am so glad those days are over!

    16
    Mon, 05/25/2009 - 3:01pm Report Comment
    Marci's picture
     
    Marci [+]

    Maybe. I can't say for sure. But possible one or two friends have felt a tad envious because I'm a free spirit that lives life by own rules.

    17
    Mon, 05/25/2009 - 3:09pm Report Comment
    Anonymous's picture
     
    Anonymous

    I don't have any close friends because of jealousy. I don't get what they are so jealous of, a lot of my friends are well off (You know brand new bmw's, extravagant parties, the whole 9 yards) while I grew up in an average suburban household. This fact never bugged me at all, so I was surprised when they would constantly poke fun at me. Needless to say, our friendships never went anywhere but a casual. conversation here and there.

    Also, I'm pretty thin, straight as a board lol, but a lot of other women like to make comments about it. I lost many friends over the weight issue alone, but its not my fault that I love running and have a fast metabolism.

    18
    Mon, 05/25/2009 - 6:46pm Report Comment
    linds.saurus's picture
     
    linds.saurus

    I had a friend who would always "one up" me or give me one of those backhand remarks. if i told her a secret she would say it out loud in a form of a question to everyone. one of the worst things she would do is become abusive and blame her boyfriend troubles on me. if ur having problems get rid of him. i dont need your fake apologies. eventually i stopped becomming a pushover and stopped talking to her.

    19
    Mon, 05/25/2009 - 6:54pm Report Comment
    Michelann's picture
     
    Michelann [+]

    Why do people usually sound so full of themselves when they talk about other people being jealous of them?

    20
    Mon, 05/25/2009 - 6:55pm Report Comment
    Pistil's picture
     
    Pistil [+]

    Haha, Michelann... that's exactly what I was thinking... Don't hate me because I'm beautiful! And skinny, and smart, and rich. It's a curse, really Smiling

    21
    Mon, 05/25/2009 - 7:13pm Report Comment
    spacekatgal's picture
     
    spacekatgal [+]

    Yeah, though it is the question at hand. Smiling We'll save the self denigration for "Do Tell: What was your biggest failure in being a decent person?"

    22
    Mon, 05/25/2009 - 7:40pm Report Comment
    lickety split's picture
     
    lickety split [+]

    i had a friend that was so jealous of me being a sahm that it ruined our friendship. but really it was they way they spent money that made it necessary for her to work. they had a ski house in tahoe, flew there 2 or 3 times a month, got new ski equipment every season, took an expensive vacation every year (one year they sailed around the greek islands). so when she would say things like "well YOU don't have to work". it was hard to not say "neither do you. you like expensive things". she competitted in everything. got old. so did the friendship.

    23
    Mon, 05/25/2009 - 8:12pm Report Comment
    telane's picture
     
    telane [+]

    Yes, I have had friends that have been jealous of me.... one proceeded to spread rumors about me all over town and pretty much ruined my reputation. Pissed me off to no end that she would betray me like that - and we are no longer friends - but I have always marched to the beat of my own drum anyway without a care to what others think, so she didn't get the pleasure of hurting me like she had intended.

    @ GlowingMoon - You asked about family members - My mother is jealous I believe in my case.... She feels the need to compete with me and I can't stand being around her for that reason. It is so irritating, and yes, much more difficult to handle.

    24
    Tue, 05/26/2009 - 8:03am Report Comment
    lilkimbo's picture
     
    lilkimbo [+]

    Mich, I thought that same thing.

    Although, there are a few people here who were able to explain it in a tasteful way. (Pistil is one who jumped out.)

    On the other hand, there are also a few people here for whom the exact opposite is true. It sounds like some of you had friendships destroyed by your arrogance, not by your friends' jealousy.

    25
    Tue, 05/26/2009 - 9:42am Report Comment
    redchick152's picture
     
    redchick152 [+]

    i've had the same 2 best friends since grade school (we are now 24). the last year of high school and maybe 2 years into college, i got really jealous of how close the 2 of them became and i started to alienate myself from them both and made myself believe they were leaving me out on purpose. it was AWFUL. but we've (or i've) worked thru all that crap and realized that its ok to have different relationships with them. we don't have to be inseparable all the time. but i know that if i need either of them all i have to do is pick up the phone and vice versa.

    26
    Tue, 05/26/2009 - 1:45pm Report Comment
    dikke kus's picture
     
    dikke kus [+]

    Not any more because I'm older now, but it happened to me many times in life. It involved other artists who competed for ideas and better grades in college. Everyone would hide rather than share their coveted ideas and projects until the end, jealous of us who got the better grades. Jealous of me because I weighed 110 lbs with long blond hair, and my rich boyfriend at the time. I steered clear of it as much as possible. Then later on life. Men chasing me in front of others. I was condemned and accused of nothing. I lost a couple friendships. The the worst was an experience at work ten years ago. Another designer imitating my clothes, my hair, joining my gym. Asking where I shopped. Then chasing my boyfriend. It was like that movie Single White Female. I'm surprised she didn't try to kill him with her high heel.

    27
    Tue, 08/18/2009 - 9:15pm Report Comment

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