TresSugar

Sunday Confessional - I'm Thinking About Having an Abortion

DearSugar — Sun, 12 Apr 2009 09:00:00 -0700

I'm engaged to be married to a wonderful man who I love dearly. He's currently in medical school and we are spending every last bit of our savings to have the wedding of our dreams. We talk openly about our future, especially when it comes to starting a family of our own, and we decided that we'd wait until he's done with school and his residency, and once we've saved a significant chunk of money. Our wedding is just two months away and I thought my period was late due to the wedding stress, but I was wrong - I'm pregnant.

Having a baby is not something I'm ready for, and it's definitely not the right time for my fiance either, so I'm seriously contemplating having an abortion. I don't know how he's going to react to this news, which is why part of me wants to not even tell him at all. I know that starting our marriage off with a lie is wrong, but could I be forgiven for terminating this pregnancy without telling him? If he doesn't know, will it not hurt him?

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You Asked: My Husband Has Gotten Fat!

DearSugar — Fri, 10 Apr 2009 12:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I love my husband. He is everything I ever wanted in a man and more - about 25 pounds more. When we first met, he was very fit and athletic, but over time he's really put on the chunk. I find it very unattractive and I am much less interested in sex now, and it's starting to cause problems in our relationship because he feels rejected. I've never outright told him to lose weight, but I'm starting to think I should.

I'm fit and healthy (I'm training for my second marathon) so I'm constantly exercising and eating right. I always prepare healthy meals and have plenty of healthy snacks in the house, but he continuously goes to the grocery store to buy junk food, he goes out to lunch at work, or he eats obscenely unhealthy portions of what would otherwise be a healthy meal. When I invite him for a run or to walk the dog, he's not interested. What do I do? - Turned Off Olivia

To see DearSugar's answer, read more.

Dear Turned Off Olivia,

So this doesn't cause any more strain on your relationship than it already has, you've got to speak up and tell him what's on your mind ASAP. Not only is it important so you can salvage your relationship, but his unhealthy eating habits are most definitely wreaking havoc on his mind, body, and spirit.

Talk to him in a very nonthreatening tone so he won't get defensive, and instead of turning it into a "you need to lose weight" conversation, approach the topic as a life change you'd like to see him make. It sounds like your husband has simply slipped into an unhealthy rut, so work together to break this new cycle. Turn the nightly dog walks into time spent together, and if he needs those occasional breaks from the diet food, indulge in a pizza night together or treat yourselves to an ice cream cone every once in a while. As we all know, depriving ourselves of the things we love could throw off our weight loss plan all together so start with baby steps.

At the end of the day, your husband is still the same guy he was before he put on the chunk, so speak up, be honest with him, and hopefully he'll make getting back into shape a priority for him and you. Good luck!

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True Confessional - I Lied to My Boyfriend

DearSugar — Fri, 10 Apr 2009 07:30:00 -0700

Weigh in and tell us if you forgive or not forgive this True Confession.

"When my boyfriend asked me how many people I've slept with, I lied. The number I gave him actually needs to be multiplied by four. I know he'll never find out, but I feel guilty for lying. Can I be forgiven?"

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Sunday Confessional - I Slept With Someone Else

DearSugar — Sun, 29 Mar 2009 09:00:00 -0700

Last November I started dating this guy who I really liked. We saw each other for about a month, but then he got laid off from his job and left early to head home for the holidays. We never had a talk about our relationship status so I just assumed we would pick up where we left off when he returned the first week in January - but he didn't come back, he decided to travel instead. Although he texted me regularly, he never told me when he would be back.

After two months had passed, I went out with some girlfriends, had a little too much to drink, and had a one night stand with a guy I met in a bar. While it was fun at the time, I was not proud of my crazy behavior the next morning.

Then two weeks ago, out of the blue, I got a call from my old flame - he was back. He took me out to dinner and asked me if I had been with anyone while he was gone, and since I can't lie to people I care about, I told him the truth. He flipped out and said that if I really wanted to be with him, I would have waited. Did I really do something wrong? He never told me when he was coming back or if we even had something! Was I supposed to wait for him forever? He's completely pulled away from me, but shouldn't he be able to forgive me?

Submit your own Sunday Confessionals here and see if you are forgiven!

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Handle This: You Caught Him Reading Your Journal

DearSugar — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 10:30:00 -0700

If you were put in a situation like this, how would you handle it?

You recently lost your job and as a result, you've been pretty down and out. Thankfully you have a very supportive and loving live-in boyfriend, but truth be told, you've been craving your alone time. You have found solace in your journal, something you never had time for before, and it's really helping you sort through your feelings. Your boyfriend has noticed that you've been pulling back a little and has responded by being extra clingy, which in turn only irritates you.

The other night, while having dinner at home, your boyfriend made a strange comment - it sounded like he was privy to your personal thoughts only written in your journal. When you asked him point blank if he had read it, he nodded and quietly said yes. As you stormed out of the kitchen, he said that he was left with no other choice since you hadn't been willing to open up to him. You understand that he was just trying to help you during this rough patch, but you're furious - he betrayed your trust and went behind your back. You're going through enough as it is, so how would you handle it?

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You Asked: Did My Boyfriend Cheat?

DearSugar — Tue, 10 Mar 2009 13:17:05 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I went to the doctor today to find out why I was experiencing a painful breakout on my nether regions, and it turns out I have herpes. I have been with only one man for the last two years, and he is the only man I have ever had intercourse with.

I had a serious talk with him today, and he told me that before we started dating, he got tested for every STI, and they all came back negative. I'm so confused because from what I have read online, the initial outbreak usually happens within two to four weeks of contraction, but we have been together for more than two years! Did he cheat? Has this infection laid dormant in him for years? I am scared and confused. Any advice would be a great comfort to me right now. - Taken Aback Abbie

To see DearSugar's answer, read more.

Dear Taken Aback Abbie,

You are right, the first outbreak of genital herpes usually happens within two weeks after it's contracted, so I'm a little wary of your boyfriend's honesty. It is possible for someone not to know he has the infection - sores can often be present in places where they can't easily be seen - but if he was tested two years ago and got a negative result, it's pretty obvious that he's contracted this STI since then; in other words, he most likely did cheat on you.

Unfortunately, what's done is done, and I'm terribly sorry that you've been put in this situation, but now you have to decide how to proceed. Obviously you need to have another serious talk with your boyfriend, but I also suggest you get tested for other STIs and talk to you doctor about medication and treatment options for the herpes you do have.

I know that you're scared right now, and I wouldn't be surprised if you start to experience feelings of betrayal and sadness too, so turn to your loved ones for support. Good luck to you.

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You Asked: Can I Trust That He's Changed?

DearSugar — Wed, 04 Mar 2009 12:30:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

I was with my boyfriend for eight years; we were engaged and owned a house together. Things changed over the years, and he became a very negative and controlling boyfriend - we fought all the time. To make a long story short, I broke off the engagement and moved out. We sold the house and went our separate ways.

This past Summer, after being apart for nearly two years, we reconnected. He promised me that he has changed and that his love for me never went away. After spending some time with him, I can tell that he is in fact a changed man, and I'm really happy to be back in his life. He recently asked me to move back in with him, and after much thought, I agreed.

While I'm excited to be back together, I fear that the controlling and manipulative side of him will come out again. I love him with all my heart, but I just don't want to go through what I did before. I know I need to let go of the past and think positively toward a great future together, but I can't help it! Can a person really stay changed for the better? - Skeptical Sally

To see DearSugar's answer, read more.

Dear Skeptical Sally,

It sounds like you two really love and care for each other, and if you think he's a changed man, you really have no other option but to trust his word. Being afraid of history repeating itself is a perfectly normal fear, but if you don't take a chance, you'll never know if he did in fact change his ways for the better.

To ease your anxiety, open the lines of communication, talk about your concerns, and get the answers you need to feel secure in this relationship. If you're not ready to live together just yet, see how getting back together works out first and readdress your living situation later on. Trust your instincts on this one, but if his manipulative side does in fact come out again, at least you'll know that you tried. Good luck.

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Relationship Protocol: How Do You Feel About Your Man Staying Out Late?

DearSugar — Wed, 04 Mar 2009 09:00:00 -0800

I caught up on Monday night's episode of The City last night, and I have to say, Jay's late-night antics really made me doubt his trustworthiness. He's currently living with his girlfriend, Whitney, while he looks for a new apartment, and while she's home cozy in bed, he's out being the rock star that he is until the wee hours of the morning, doing who knows what!

I happen to agree with the saying "nothing good happens after midnight" - well, maybe 2 a.m.! - but how would you feel if your significant other was out on the town until, two, three, or four in the morning? Would it be a red flag that he was up to no good, or does the time he comes home have no relevance to you whatsoever?

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Dear Poll: Do You Share Your Secrets?

DearSugar — Tue, 24 Feb 2009 15:00:00 -0800

I consider myself a great secret keeper when it comes to other peoples' classified information, but when it comes to my own secrets, I usually have to tell someone! While I definitely use my discretion, being able to talk about whatever is on my mind really helps me get the clarity I need. Are you the same way? Do you usually have to tell at least one person your secrets?

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Sunday Confessional - I Stole From My Grandfather

DearSugar — Sun, 22 Feb 2009 09:00:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,
I did something horrible and I feel terrible about it.

My grandfather recently asked me to get him some cash from the ATM by his house. He gave me his pin number and instead of getting the $100 he asked for, I took out another $400 for myself without his permission. I lost my job a few weeks ago so money is tight, but I know that is no excuse to steal from my own grandfather, who, mind you, has always been extremely generous to me.

I haven't told anyone about this but I'm petrified that he will find out. I love my grandfather; he is the nicest, most kind man I've ever known and I don't know why I ever took advantage of him like I did. Can I be forgiven for making a mistake I'm truly sorry for?

Submit your own Sunday Confessionals here and see if you are forgiven!

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