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Sunday Confessional: I'm Married and Have Been Dreaming About My Ex Lately

Tres Community — Sun, 26 Jun 2011 03:05:49 PDT

This week's confession comes from our anonymous Confession Booth group in the TrèsSugar Community. Weigh in with your advice below.

I've been having frequent dreams lately about my ex, with whom I have a child. Can anyone tell me why that is or what it means? We were so young, of course. But it's been so, so many years since we broke up. I'm wondering if it's because we parted ways and just left with so many things unsaid.

There's lots of cool stuff going on in our community - join it, check it out, share your posts or advice in the great groups, and maybe we'll feature it here on TrèsSugar!

Group Therapy: Is Having Sex With an Ex OK?

Tres Community — Sat, 18 Jun 2011 03:05:20 PDT

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

My ex-boyfriend and I recently broke up, but he still wants me in his life and he keeps telling me that he won't leave me. The reason that we broke up wasn't necessarily about the relationship, but it was him because he's been having some problems with his penis and he feels like he needs to bask in his despair by himself.

I do not know whether or not the reason for the breakup was actually because of this reason or not, but it doesn't bother me because we were only in a relationship for four months and he’s still in my life. You see, last night I suggested to my ex that we should still have casual sex and he was in to it.

This doesn’t make sense to me, since he broke up with me because his penis couldn’t stay up. Anyways, my friends believe that I'm using him and playing with his emotions because I'm sending him dirty texts, telling him that I miss him, and I’ve been known to be a siren at times. I guess my friends are afraid that I’ll hurt him because he’s still willing to stay in my life and he still has some emotions towards me. I suppose I am using him, but I have already made my intentions clear. I do care about him, but I want to have fun and it's so much easier to have sex with an ex when my life is so busy. And I do realize that the casual sex could potentially ruin our friendship, but it's only until he either feels comfortable enough to resume the relationship or I find someone better.

So, do you think that having sex with an ex is a good idea?

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

Group Therapy: My Boyfriend's Ex Issues

Tres Community — Mon, 02 May 2011 03:05:17 PDT

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

I have been seeing an incredible new guy for several months now. He's 10 years older than me - mature and sophisticated beyond any previous guy I've dated. I really like him, he already tells me that he loves me. He has been married but has been divorced for many years - he's friends with his ex-wife for the sake of their two daughters.

He dated his most recent ex-girlfriend for nearly four years before they broke up last summer. They were engaged at one point, but called it off. His ex-girlfriend did not like children and stayed away from his. The relationship was on and off for the last year they were together. It truly didn't sound like a happy situation (of course, I know I've only heard one side).

So why is he still having ex issues? He recently saw a picture of her on Facebook with her new boyfriend and it sent him into a mini-depression for a couple days. He still occasionally gets mopey about not being able to be friends with their mutual friends anymore. I get the fact that it's hard to get over a long-term relationship. My most recent ex and I dated for nearly seven years. It took years to get over him! I get it! I want to be supportive and caring, but it's hard when I know nine times out of 10 - if he's sad - it's because of her. What should I do?

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

Group Therapy: When Is It OK to Contact My Ex to Apologize?

Tres Community — Fri, 25 Mar 2011 03:05:59 PDT

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

Hey!

Well I broke up with my boyfriend of two years on Saturday. This isn't exactly the first time I've broken up with him; I tend to do it a lot out of anger, but it's always temporary and everything turns out fine afterward. If it helps you to understand me, I'm a pisces so I tend to get over emotional. The reason that I broke up with him was because I felt like he wasn't putting in much of an effort for our relationship. Neither one of us works because we are full-time students, so there is plenty of time for us to see each other. I get a little pissed when I hear that he makes plans to hang out with his friends, but doesn't make the effort to spend quality time with me.

On Saturday we had a date planned. We hadn't seen each other since Tuesday, and I missed him. That night about 30 minutes before he was supposed to pick me up, he called me to say that he went to visit his mom and she opened up to him about her distant relationship with his stepfather. During their conversation she got a bit teary eyed, so my boyfriend made the decision to cancel our date to stay with her for support. I admit that I acted selfishly and I should have been more understanding. I realize that now. I never meant to make it seem like I wanted to to be a bigger priority then his mother. That was not in any way my intention.

Since I've acted out of anger before, I know I've pushed him to the edge. I want to apologize for my harsh words and selfish act. I don't expect him to take me back, but I still feel that I need to get this off of my chest. I do still want to be with him, but of course, like many couples, we have our share of problems. How much time should I allow to pass before I make an attempt to see him? And under what method should I speak with him? I want to do this face to face, but knowing how he is when he is pissed, he probably wouldn't pick up a call from me to plan a meeting. I know his class schedule, so should I casually bump into him on campus and request a private word?

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

Group Therapy: Can I Win Him Back?

Tres Community — Wed, 09 Feb 2011 03:05:00 PST

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

After nearly a year of dating, I broke up with my adoring boyfriend because I was experiencing some conflicted emotions and was scared of further commitment. This whole situation made me realize just how much I really loved him and realizing my mistake, I attempted to reconcile. I realized this would take a lot of of work and time, but I was willing to do what it took to try to correct things.

However, one of my friends started telling him she oversaw a conversation between me and my other ex and that I had physically and emotionally cheated. None of this was true. I even told him I didn't, but he still claims I didn't "flat out deny it" . . . Now he's convinced I cheated on him no matter what I say, and I'm at a loss as to what to do. He completely believes what my former friend has to say and only trusts her out of all my friends.

Help?

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

Link Time - Don't Fall Into the Ex Trap

TresSugar — Fri, 10 Dec 2010 13:30:07 PST

How not to hook up with your ex - Glamour
A guide to orgasm etiquette - Em & Lo
Eight guys you should avoid because of their jobs - The Frisky
Why men stay out of the kitchen during holidays - Lemondrop
Read this before you snoop! - YourTango
Fighting? What to do when words fail - Huffington Post
What really turns men on? - GuySpeak

Group Therapy: Hearing Your Ex Never Liked You

Tres Community — Tue, 30 Nov 2010 06:00:35 PST

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

I broke up with my ex about three months ago. The breakup itself is inconsequential: we were together for about 18 months, and we were happy together for most of that time. But we also knew it wouldn’t be a long-term relationship leading to marriage for many reasons that were discussed waaaay too early on in the relationship (i.e. religion/family differences, I wanted kids and he didn't, etc.).

We decided to stay together regardless of those reasons as long as we were making each other happy. We were very happy and very good for and to each other, but we weren’t "in love." Neither of us ever said it, and neither of us ever felt it. We cared about each other, but love was kept out of the equation. I know this will seem odd to most people, but with our past relationship experiences, it made sense.

When we broke up, we had one of those big, long, crying talks that made me think we would always be in each others' lives as friends. We were each other's best friend for nearly two years, so neither of us felt it would be impossible to remain friends. Stupid, of course, since it always is impossible, at least in the beginning.

Here’s where things change. While we were dating, I knew the password to his email. Because I had been cheated on in the past multiple times by another ex, I had a habit of checking in on him every once in a while. I didn’t find anything noteworthy until a month after we broke up (and at the point, we were still talking and still friends).

He has started dating one of his old co-workers - a girl I knew he had a crush on while we were together, and I’d teased him about it, while he reassured me otherwise. This isn’t important. What’s important is what he said to her about me in an email.

Find out in Group Therapy.

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it, anonymously, to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

Group Therapy: What to Do About His Crazy Ex

Tres Community — Mon, 29 Nov 2010 06:00:37 PST

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

I've been dating my boyfriend about a month, and before me he dated this other girl for about a year and a half, and she broke up with him around three months before I started dating him. In no way was I the reason for their breakup; I didn't even know him then. But his ex continuously tries to sabotage our relationship.

She sends me messages saying he has hooked up with other girls (which I know are complete lies and she is just crazy) and I deleted her as a friend on Facebook when this first started happening but still she messages me and tries to add me as a friend again. Not to mention the fact that she calls my boyfriend at least 3 times a day.

He never answers because he is done with her but she still wants him back. He always shows me the texts she sends him, which are like six pages long, just saying that they belong together and she loves him and please won't he take her back. Sometimes he responds saying no he is done, but sometimes he just ignores her.

A few times she has even shown up at our school on a "college visit" which is beyond creepy. I would have no problem with him keeping in contact with her if it was purely just friendly (instead of her constantly trying to convince him to leave me), but it seems unlikely that she will be happy with just being friends with him.

What to do? Read the rest in Group Therapy.

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it, anonymously, to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

Diary of an Online Dater: Signing Out

TresSugar — Mon, 18 Oct 2010 10:00:14 PDT

Editor's note: Welcome to our weekly guest series Diary of an Online Dater, written by anonymous 20-something blogger matchgirl. In her final week she shares the lessons she's learned through this series . . .

This series has been so much fun to write, and thank you for your support and sweet comments! However, I've decided with all I've been juggling offline in my life, online dating is going to have to sit on the back burner for a while, so this is my final entry. Even though I was only a Match.com member for a month, I learned some lessons about online dating (and maybe even myself) that I'd like to share with you.

Diary of an Online Dater: Too Many Balls in the Air

TresSugar — Mon, 11 Oct 2010 08:00:33 PDT

Editor's note: Welcome to our weekly guest series Diary of an Online Dater, written by anonymous 20-something blogger matchgirl. This week things got complicated . . .

Week 4: Seriously, when it rains, it pours. I couldn't make up the events of the last week if I tried.

Things started out normal enough: I had a second date planned with the Intellectual, and I had begun emailing with a new Match guy, the Euro-dresser (e.g. lots of scarves). Offline, I had also met someone who was distracting me from my Internet interests - the Enigma - an intriguing fella with the uncanny (and irresistible) ability to cause spontaneous smiling. And in the midst of this I get an unexpected call.