TresSugar

Guess Who Said It?

DearSugar — Tue, 16 Sep 2008 14:00:00 -0700

Guess which star of The Women said this:

"When you call us a bitch, we take it to mean strong, opinionated, and sassy. When you call us the c word, you better cross the street."

Whose Betrayal Is Worse?

DearSugar — Mon, 15 Sep 2008 11:00:00 -0700

Like many of you, I saw The Women this weekend. While I was pretty disappointed with the movie overall, the film did bring up some interesting topics. Without giving too much away, all the characters come together to support Mary, played by Meg Ryan, whose high profile husband of 13 years cheats on her. Though they are all on her side, Mary's best friend Sylvie ends up selling her story to the press in order to save her job. When the source of the story is revealed, already broken Mary tells Sylvie that her betrayal was far worse than that of her cheating husband's. The deception from both is no doubt heart-breaking, but the notion of a best friend's bad faith stinging more than that of a significant other's really got me thinking. As someone that values friendship like family, I can completely sympathize with Mary's pain but ladies, tell me, do you think the betrayal of a friend hurts more than the betrayal of a lover?

Source

10 Women We're Thankful For

TresSugar — Thu, 26 Nov 2009 04:00:25 -0800

While you're giving thanks today, take a moment to be thankful for these 10 women who are changing their - and our - worlds in big and small ways.

View Slideshow ›

Women Worry That Obama Is Throwing Them Under the Bus

TresSugar — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 14:42:32 -0800

Back in January, feminist magazine Ms. hailed Barack Obama as a super feminist. But the president's recent tepid response to protecting abortion rights might mean that the love affair with Obama is about to end for many women. Over at the Daily Beast, women's rights activist Amy Siskind argues that the Stupak amendment, which treats women's rights as a political bargaining chip that can be traded for healthcare reform, is just one more example of how Obama couldn't care less about women . . . except when he's trying to win their votes of course. She writes:

He appointed fewer women into his cabinet than President Bill Clinton. He surrounded himself with czars, more than 90 percent of whom are male. He appointed Larry Summers, of "girls are inferior in math and science" fame, to a key economic post. He played basketball, golfed and fished with men and men only. He had beers with Skip Gates, but ignored it when Rihanna was almost strangled to death. And so on.

Of course it's not all bad. Ms. released a report chronicling the giant strides Obama made for women during his first 100 days in office. These actions included: signing the Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act, instituting a new ambassador-at-large for global women's issues, establishing the White House Council on Women and Girls, and overturning the "global gag rule" in order to re-fund global family planning organizations.

Has the Obama administration let you down when it comes to women's rights?

Can Women Have It All?

TresSugar — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 07:30:17 -0800

A successful career. A loving marriage. Well-loved and well-behaved children. The promise of women's liberation holds that women can have all of this if that's what they want. But one teacher wrote in the Daily Mail yesterday that telling a young girl that she can reach the top of the career ladder and raise a family is passing on nothing more than a fairy tale. This not-so-modern woman thinks:

"The young women we are sending out into the world believe they can have it all - and, if they don't, they will have failed. And what a tragedy that is, because the truth is that modern women can't have it all. They may succeed in their careers and they may succeed as mothers, but to do both at the same time? No, that is not possible without making huge sacrifices which many will find simply too much."

Obviously life is full of compromises and trade-offs, but I don't think that means women have to choose between success outside the home and success inside the home. With a little balance, I think women, just like men, can manage both. What do you think?
Photos courtesy of AMC

Birth Control Rises Among Muslim Women, Don't Tell the Men

TresSugar — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 13:00:10 -0800

Nothing in Islam forbids birth control, but like Christianity the religion does extol procreation. So as the pill becomes more accessible in Afghanistan - a country with a fertility rate of six children per woman - it's no surprise it's controversial. Now that many women have access to it, they are forced to take it behind their husbands' backs.

Afghanistan is not the only third-world country (or any-world country, really) where women hide birth control. The trend became apparent when a Double X writer traveled through Kenya this Summer and interviewed more than 100 women and 25 medical professionals about contraception use and women's health. One doctor said the number of women asking about contraception, without their husband’s knowledge, has increased from around 100 per year to 100 per month in just a year. Yet, there are still doctors who refuse to prescribe the pill (that happens in the US!), nurses who report its use to husbands, and conspiracy theorists who believe those promoting it are on the "Americans' payroll."

Consider the ramifications of a woman lying to her husband in a Muslim country, and this all sounds like a bittersweet victory. Yet it's not all that different from how the US spent the better part of the 20th century, when, even after the pill became legal in 1960, doctors refused to prescribe it, black nationalists believed it would lead to race suicide, and the women who did take it often did so in secrecy, behind their husbands' backs.

Berlusconi Insults Women Again - And They're Fighting Back

TresSugar — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 06:00:00 -0700

Feminism is back in vogue in Italy. Some say it lay dormant in spite of a vibrant '70s feminist movement, but thanks to raging misogynist Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi, largely silent Italian women have had enough and are speaking up.

"[T]he scandals surrounding the prime minister have been like a violent slap in the face for millions of women who are just now waking up from a state of passivity," said political scientist Francesca Izzo.

A favorite tactic of the 73-year-old Berlusconi is to disparage the looks of his female political opponents. In a heated debate with 58-year-old opposition party member Rosy Bindi, he said, "You're more beautiful than you are intelligent," to which the annoyed politician shot back, "I am not a woman at your disposal." (Perhaps she was referring to his multiple girlfriends, which finally led his wife to file for a divorce.)

Many American women claim they aren't feminists, but I wonder if they'd change their tune if the president were speaking this way every day! To find out how Italian women are fighting back and to see a clip of a documentary about how women are represented on Italian television, read more

After Berlusconi's nasty comment to Rosy Bindi, pissed off women drafted a petition saying that his sexism was an insult both to women and to democracy. 11 days later, more than 100,000 women had signed it, claiming that Berlusconi participated in the "cretinization of women."

It took long enough for more women to speak up, but it's great they finally did it. Alas, Italian feminists have more than Berlusconi and his rhetoric to fight. In the following clip from filmmaker Lorella Zanardo's documentary Women's Bodies, you'll see that almost all the representations of women on Italian television depict them as sex objects.

According to NGOs, 90 Percent of Afghan Women Are Abused

TresSugar — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 07:00:00 -0700

This sobering CNN video takes us into one of only a dozen women's shelters in Kabul, Afghanistan. According to nongovernmental agencies, 90 percent of Afghan women are victims of domestic abuse.

One woman is at the shelter trying to escape 15 years of abuse from her husband for not being able to conceive a child. As she speaks, a slash on her throat is visible and highlighted by stitches. She would like to see her family again, but she fears she will be killed if she goes home. Another woman has tried to kill herself three times to escape the abuse of a man who often chained her to a wall, setting her free only when it was time for her to cook. In a country where women are viewed as property, even children aren't spared. A 9-year-old tells her story of being raped at age five.

Manizha Naderi, the director for Women for Afghan Women, risks her life to take them in. Listen to her explain the way that the expectation for how women are treated is handed down from generation to generation. By providing a safe space, Naderi lets them know they have an option.

Hump Day: What to Do When He's Not Well Endowed

TresSugar — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 08:00:24 -0800

Welcome to Hump Day, TrèsSugar's sex advice column. If you have questions about sex, send them to TrèsSugar, and our friend Dr. Charlie Glickman from Good Vibrations will offer his sound advice!
Today's question:
What are some good techniques to use with a partner who has a relatively small penis?

To see Dr. Glickman's answer, read more.

There are a few different things you could try to make intercourse better. The first thing is to have lots of buildup for both of you. The more excited he is, the harder his erection will be. That can maximize the sensations for you since the vagina tends to be most sensitive near the opening. And the closer you are to orgasm before intercourse, the easier it might be to have an orgasm once he’s inside you.

Some positions may work better for you than others. If you try rear entry (aka doggie style) and arch your back, you’ll probably be able to get deeper penetration. Some women report that crossing their legs (after he’s inside) in this position makes things snugger, which creates more intense sensations for both people. If you prefer face to face contact, prop your hips up on a pillow or the amazing Wedge. Bending your legs so your knees are against your chest also maximizes penetration. Since both the vagina and the penis vary in dimensions, you’ll have to experiment a bit to find the ones that feel best to you. Sadie Allison’s book Ride’Em Cowgirl is full of useful tips and fun ideas.

If you’re having trouble getting enough stimulation for your pleasure, you can always make sure that you get your needs taken care of first or keep the fun going after his orgasm. There’s a commonly held belief that simultaneous orgasm is the ultimate sexual experience, and while it can be fun, if that ideal is getting in the way, then ditch it. If he gives you oral sex or uses his hands first and then you switch to intercourse (or vice versa), then you’re both getting pleasured and I think that’s a great thing.

Quite a few partners of men with smaller penises find that oral sex can be a lot easier. After all, if you have a sensitive gag reflex or a narrow jaw, a smaller penis can be much more fun to play with. I definitely encourage you to get creative when it comes to blow jobs. Check out this excellent DVD on oral sex. Similarly, a slender penis can make anal sex more pleasurable, too. While a lot of people aren’t into anal play, if you happen to be, you might find that it feels better when you’re with someone on the slimmer side of things. You can check out this DVD on anal play.

As you can see, there are lots of choices. You may need to talk with each other to figure out what will work best for the two of you. While you might have some worries about talking with your guy about his penis size, I can guarantee that he already knows about it. If you approach the conversation from a desire to make sure that you’re both having fun, it’ll go a lot better. And whatever you do, don’t make fun of him or shame him for his body. Lots of men are hyper-sensitive about penis size and that’s not going to be a constructive thing to do.

Lastly, for the record, most penises are about five-six inches (12.7-15.24 cm) long and about five inches (12.7 cm) around. Lots of people have distorted expectations about penis size, especially if they watch porn. But a lot of people in porn movies (both male and female) are short - it makes penises look larger, just as they used to make cowboy movie sets small to make the actors look bigger. That sort of forced perspective is a trick of the camera, and unfortunately, it can lead to unrealistic expectations.

I hope that helps. Have fun!

Doctors Tell Women to Ditch Annual Pap Test

TresSugar — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 11:00:42 -0800

There may be no need to feel guilty about putting off your annual trip to the gynecologist anymore! New guidelines from the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists assert that healthy women should not get cervical cancer screening pap tests every year. Instead they encourage women to get the screening every two to three years. The medical group also recommends against getting a pap test until after the age of 21, even if an adolescent is sexually active.

The new recommendations against annual cervical cancer screenings are not intended to save you embarrassment or discomfort - they're meant to prevent unnecessary and possibly harmful treatments. For example, treatment of precancerous HPV symptoms that would otherwise go away on their own puts women at a higher risk of giving birth to a premature or underweight baby. Still, cervical cancer rates have dropped 50 percent since the 1970s mostly thanks to the pap test, so I hope the doctors aren't trying to fix something that isn't broken. But the authors of the guidelines explain that the same results can be accomplished with less-regular screenings.

I'll admit the idea that less screening can be better for your sexual health seems counterintuitive. Will you stick to your annual pap test or do you welcome a chance to get one less frequently?