TresSugar

Flashback: The Love Rug

GiggleSugar — Thu, 28 Aug 2008 12:00:00 -0700

Every era has its favorite place for "making love." (Does anyone even say that anymore?) In the '60s, it was anywhere, but preferably in nature. In the '80s, in a boardroom on a conference table after everyone else had left the building. (I'm just making this up, I'll have you know.) In the '70s? For some reason, folks loved doin' the nasty on rugs, in front of fireplaces, while mood lighting and music enhanced the scene. I guess for couples who wanted to swing but were afraid to, the Love Rug gently inducted them into three-ways: "As you stroke, it strokes. The incredibly soft, furlike fibers caress your bodies from head to toe. It's almost like having another lover there with the two of you." A furry rug lover. Sounds sexay to me!

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GiggleSugar Best of the Week

GiggleSugar — Sat, 30 Aug 2008 04:00:00 -0700

The Love Rug: think of it as a furry lover.
Look y'all! It's Planet of the Cats.
The brains behind Snapple cap facts.
Intervention: The musical.
Cranky kid has something against porn addicts.
Paul Anka goes grunge and sings: Smells Like Teen Spirit
Epic battle for coveted living room chair.
The Golden Girls shop for condoms.

You Asked: How Can I Get Over My Adolecent Bullying?

DearSugar — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I was severely bullied for my last four years of elementary school. Ever since then, I've suffered from low self-esteem, loneliness, and unhappiness. I feel like an outsider, even today. I've made friends, but never any solid, long-lasting friendships. For a long time I pretended like it never happened and as a result, I started to binge drink and I let men take advantage of me. I think I loved the attention guys gave me. I've since stopped that self-destructive behavior, but I still can't seem to move on and get my life started. All I want is to put the past behind me but how can I do that?
- Stuck in the Past Patty

To see Dear Sugar' answer read more.

Dear Stuck in the Past Patty,

I'm sorry to hear that you're still feeling the residual effects of your childhood bullying, that can't be light baggage to carry through adulthood. Your childhood is the most vulnerable time of your life so have you ever spoken to a therapist, or confided in a family member or close friend about how your past is still affecting you? Pretending like it never happened won't make it go away, so I highly advise you to face your past head on. Are you by chance still in contact with any of these bullies? If not, would you feel comfortable contacting them and telling them how their actions affected you? It could be a great way to gain the closure you so clearly need.

We all know that making new friends is hard, but think about how many people are trying to do exactly the same thing. Put yourself out there, volunteer at your local community center, join a gym or a book club, or hang out at a local coffee shop. If you make yourself approachable, it's just a matter of time before you meet nice and welcoming new people to befriend. I'm glad to hear you've put an end to your destructive behavior, it means that you are making progress. In due time and with a lot of work, you'll be able to put your past behind you and move on with your life but remember, pushing your feelings under the rug won't make them go away so lean on those that love and care about you for support during this difficult time. Good luck.

Source

Marrige Meltdown - How Can I Stop The Fighting?

DearSugar — Wed, 01 Nov 2006 11:02:33 -0800

Dear Sugar
My husband and I have been married for four years and I am noticing a gradual change in our relationship. I feel like he is taking less and less interest in me and our marriage. We have been fighting more and I am always the one to step up to the plate and smooth things over. I am the kind of person who can't go to bed angry, where as my husband can hold a grudge just to prove a point.

I am newly pregnant and I am really scared. I am honestly beginning to feel a little bit trapped in my relationship. I want to be in a happy marriage again but I'm at a loss on how to improve our relationship. I want my baby to be brought up in a loving and happy home. Do you have any suggestions for me? Saddened Samantha

To see DEARSUGAR's answer read more

Dear Saddened Samantha
It sounds like you and your husband are having trouble communicating with each other. Is he aware that you are feeling his distance? After you smooth things over, are you still feeling angry inside? Maybe you don't realize it, but could you be holding a grudge as well? Getting through the tough times requires both partners in the relationship to be dedicated to making it work.

Having open lines of communication with your partner is key to making your relationship work. When you fight with your husband, try talking it out before dismissing it and sweeping it under the rug. This way your feelings don't snowball and then lead you to explode or feel trapped. Getting your feelings out should make you both feel better. Tell your husband you love him and you are willing to do anything to have your happy marriage back.

If communicating on your own isn't helping, marriage counseling is always an option. Having an outside mediator sometimes helps to identify where your communication glitches are. Since you are newly pregnant, your problems probably seem magnified. You must try your best to work on them now so that you are a team again when the baby arrives. More than ever your home needs to be a loving, caring, and safe environment.

I hope you and your husband can work out your differences. If not, remember, you are never trapped in an unhappy marriage; there are always options and people you can talk to if you want to get out. Congratulations on your pregnancy.

DEARSUGAR NEEDS YOUR HELP: Too Good To Be True

DearSugar — Tue, 10 Oct 2006 15:15:25 -0700

DEARSUGAR and Disappointed Dara need your help. She's found herself enjoying the lavish gifts from a wealthy young man, however she is married. Doesn't she understand that nothing ever comes for free? I've always said that if it's too good to be true, it probably is. How is she supposed to handle this situation moving forward?

Dear Sugar
My husband and I are friends with a very wealthy man. He just broke off his engagement and took us, another couple and some (handsome male friends) on a trip of a lifetime. We spent ten days in his five room suite in a fancy hotel in the Costa del Sol in Spain with every whim of ours being attended to. This was originally the vacation that he had planned for his honeymoon.

While on the trip, he proceeded to buy the two of us women (we’re both married) luxurious gifts. He’s such a generous man who is extremely kind hearted. Since he’s not particularly good looking and extremely effeminate it’s difficult for him to meet women. I know what you are thinking-sweet rich guy can’t get a girl, but it’s true. He just can’t seem to find someone genuine. We really connected and since the trip, we’ve met for lunch and a few shopping dates.

My husband isn’t threatened by him because he knows that I am not attracted to him, however, he has expressed that he thinks it’s strange how a man is constantly showering another man’s wife with gifts. My husband actually thinks that he might be gay and can't understand why he'd like to shop so much. I guess that I’ve just turned my cheek to the strangeness of it all because I am really enjoying getting spoiled. Just last week he bought me a gorgeous oriental silk rug for $25,000. I know that he’s got plenty of money to spare and these sprees of ours are as fun for me as they are for him.

Also, I am an art dealer with a specialty in oriental art. During our last lunch out, he handed me a job offer letter. He's currently building a 45 million dollar hotel in Paris and has asked me to supply it with all of the art. I was elated. This is my dream project and I couldn’t wait to begin. I have been working on his hotel remotely for just about two weeks now and the plans are going marvelously. This is the one job that could really propel my career.

Unfortunately, last night I got a call from a girlfriend of mine that has left me feeling upset and unnerved all day. She and her husband were having dinner with him last night at his home. I guess the wine was flowing pretty heavily and when her husband got up to use the restroom, he confessed his undying love for me and how he couldn't wait to finally get me to Paris alone.

What should I do about continuing to have him in my life now? Can he and I still be friends? Can I continue to work on his hotel? Do I need to give back all of my gifts? And lastly, do I need tell my husband? Disappointed Dara

IS IT MY DAME OR THE DISTANCE THAT’S GIVING ME DOUBT?

DearSugar — Thu, 17 Aug 2006 14:07:31 -0700

Dear Sugar
I am in a long distance relationship. We are engaged and have been dating for seven months. I love her, but there are a few things about her that make me angry. She constantly talks about her ex-boyfriends and she's still very friendly with two of them. They even have a special ring tone on her phone. I’ve asked her to stop talking about these dudes but she doesn’t listen.

Something else that really bothers me is that she tells me when guys hit on her - it comes up everyday. If it’s so often, isn’t she used to guys hitting on her? Women hit on me too, but I don’t feel the need to tell her about it. I feel like she’s just bragging.

Also, she just got a new job and now she talks about the guys there. One day I was with her and some guy called her phone. She answered and this is what I heard from her.

" Who is this? Trace, the dark haired dude? Where are you? Oh cool, I totally dig that. Where do I live? I live in Houston. How old are you? I am 19 - I dig that too. Well you can call me later, ok – bye.”

She did this right in front of me. When I asked her who that was, she told me that it was the guy from her car dealership telling her a way that she could get money off on her car.

He called again the next night at 9:00pm as well. I started to ask questions and she didn’t answer. I was getting angry and she could see it in my face, but all she wanted to do was hook up. I let it go, even though I was upset and a few days later I decided to confront her.

I told her how I had heard most of her conversation and asked her why she lied to me. She became angry and threw a fit. She cried and said I should trust her by now. I went to see her and we made up. But right after we made up her phone rang and it was the same dude. I just let it go because I didn’t want to argue anymore, but I am mad. Again it was 9:00pm.

Last night she called to tell me about the guys at work. She thinks they are super cool and even mentioned a guy named Trace. So that’s really not what I wanted to hear because now I know the whole car dealership story was bogus. Unfortunately, there are a couple of stories like this, but I always let it go.

Dear, what if I am wrong and she’s not lying to me. I am so upset and confused…I don’t know what to do. Hurt Henri

To see DEARSUGAR’s answer read more

Dear Hurt Henry,
You know what to do, you are just afraid to do it. Henry, call off the engagement. Not only is your girl not the marrying kind, but she sounds like the most immature 19 year old on the planet. I know that seven months may seem like a long time, but clearly, you don’t know her well enough to be committing the rest of your life to her.

Don’t settle for anything but the best - and she sounds like she’s about the WORST! She talks about other guys non-stop just to make you jealous you know. What’s the point of that? Does she want to see you blow up and go crazy or something?

Also, taking those kinds of calls in front of you is about the most disrespectful thing I’ve ever heard of. The problem is that you take it. You’ll go for the booty when she turns it on and you sweep the anger and the problems you guys are having under the rug. Be a man and take a stand. It’s time to feed your fiancée back into the lion’s den …that’s where she seems to want to play anyway.