TresSugar

The How-To Lounge: Testing Your Man For Testicular Cancer

DearSugar — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 09:00:00 -0800

Just as guys help their girlfriends and wives check for breast cancer, you can help your man check for testicular cancer. You might not know this, but it's the most common cancer in American males between the ages of 15 and 40; a pretty scary stat! If it's found early though, it's highly treatable, so it's important to encourage your man to check for lumps or changes in his testicles, and you can help too. Here's how:

Find a time when your man isn't wearing underwear, but not before or after sex for two reasons: One, it's a total mood killer to think about cancer when you're trying to be intimate, and two, if your man is aroused, his testicles will be too swollen and sensitive to get a good feel.

First do a visual check. Usually one testicle hangs a little lower, which is totally normal. What you're looking for is any swelling in the skin.
Then take both hands and gently cup his testicles - check both carefully. Keep in mind that testicles are usually smooth, oval-shaped, somewhat firm, and one testicle may be be larger than the other. As you gently roll his business between your thumb and forefingers, feel for lumps, swelling, or hardness. You may feel a cord leading from the top of each testicle, but that's normal too. When you do this check-up once a month, be on the lookout for any changes.
If you think you've found something, or your man has noticed pain or aching in his groin area, he should get in to see his doctor ASAP.

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The How-To Lounge: Calling in Sick, When You're Not

DearSugar — Mon, 03 Nov 2008 07:30:00 -0800

We’re all human, which means there are mornings when we wake up wanting to skirt our responsibilities for the day. I don’t recommend playing hooky on a weekly or even monthly basis, but there’s nothing wrong with enjoying a mental health day now and then. There are responsible ways to get out of work for 24 hours and then there are completely silly ones. See my tips for the former when you read more.

As I said before, skipping out on work should be the exception not the rule, so make it count! Pick a day that you can actually enjoy off. The day before a huge project is due probably wouldn’t be the best choice.
Before you make the call, come up with your excuse. Keep in mind that faking a terrible cold isn’t going to work when you come into work the next day looking perfectly fine. The same goes for injured limbs! For more reasonable excuses, consider minor things like dental work.
When you finally make the call, avoid over-doing it with excuses or antics, like sniffling, fake coughing, etc.
Keep your explanation simple; don’t be afraid to just say you’re not feeling well and leave it at that.
Don’t post pictures of yourself out partying on the Internet. Some employers actually do check up on that. On the same note, don’t come into the office the next day sporting a new tan or acting like you just had the day off.

Understandably, many people feel guilty calling in sick when they’re not, but if you need a day off, you need a day off. Just make sure you don’t put your job at risk!

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The How-To Lounge: A Great Morning

DearSugar — Wed, 22 Oct 2008 17:00:00 -0700

A good morning really does pave the way for an even better day, but somewhere between the sound of the alarm clock blaring and arriving at your daily destination, more than a few things can go wrong. Before you know it you’re lying in bed again, dreading the next day! So to avoid this cycle, I have some pointers for how to set yourself up for a great morning. To see them just read more.

Most of us naturally establish a morning routine out of necessity, but streamlining that routine can go a long way in creating a more efficient and ultimately, more successful morning. If you pack a lunch for work, save time by doing it the night before. Or pick out your outfit the night before. A few small changes can make a big difference in turning a typically hectic morning into an easy one.
Much of the franticness of a stressful morning comes from not having enough time. While planning ahead helps, so does giving yourself 10 extra minutes. Set your alarm clock early for one week, and see if you don’t find yourself significantly more relaxed. Plus, 10 minutes less sleep really is doable.
For many people, exhaustion plays a detrimental role in a morning routine. When you’re sleepy, everything just seems more difficult. If you find yourself struggling to get up everyday, it may be time to start going to bed earlier. If you struggle falling asleep, try increasing your daily exercise routine.
Though caffeine can be helpful when you’re in desperate need of a quick boost, you’ll get far more energy out of a meal. Even if it’s as small as a slice of toast with peanut butter, it’ll go a long way in getting your mind ready for the day.
It’s true that there are only so many things we have control over in creating a positive morning. We can’t fix a terrible commute and there’s not much you can do about the work that lies ahead of you. But setting aside a few minutes just before bed to organize yourself and clear your head can make a huge difference.

Nothing ruins the potential for a good day like a rough morning. Taking the time to create a successful morning will go a long way in establishing a happy and productive work week.

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The How-To Lounge: Asking For Help

DearSugar — Tue, 21 Oct 2008 10:00:00 -0700

Although being independent is great, if you happen to have a stubborn streak, your determination may hinder you from reaching out for help when you need it. For whatever reason, asking for help has become synonymous with not being tough enough, but I’ll be the first to say, that’s just not true. So if you’re one of those girls who has to do everything herself, read my tips for how to reach out for help when you really do need it when you read more.

Recognize that there’s nothing wrong with needing help. In fact, being able to acknowledge that you don’t know how to do something shows good judgment.
Try by yourself first, but know when to admit defeat. When you’re wasting time trying to do something that another person could have helped you accomplish already, then it’s time to reach out. You don’t want to wait until it’s too late.
Go out of your way to ask someone whom you feel comfortable with. Knowing that you won’t be judged for your question and that they won’t lead you astray can make all the difference in the world.
Make sure you know what you’re asking for. Most people are better at helping when they can advise on a specific problem.
And finally, once you make your big break and ask, don’t forget to say thank you.

Are you comfortable with asking for help?

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The How-To Lounge: Making the Best of Things

DearSugar — Thu, 16 Oct 2008 08:00:00 -0700

Financially, things are rough right now, and even if you’re not personally affected, it’s impossible to miss the changes happening everywhere as people lose their homes and their jobs. In such a time of uncertainty, it’s easy to let worries overtake you. But as they say about life giving you lemons, maybe it's time to make lemonade. To see my ideas for doing just that, read more.

First of all, do what it takes to get your finances in order. Organizing your money will allow you to feel more comfortable and alleviate many worries. You couldn’t possibly have a better excuse to now. If you don't know where to start, I'm sure Savvy has plenty of tips for you.
It’s too expensive to go out, so stay in. Offer to have people over for a cheap wine party or a pot luck dinner.
The same goes for family. It’s expensive to meet at a restaurant or take an outing to the movies. It costs a fraction of that to whip up some chili and pull out the Monopoly board. And you know what? These are the family memories that last longest.
In need of extra cash? Try cleaning your house. The junk that’s been clogging your counters and cabinets this year could bring in some money. Not to mention that your house will actually be clutter-free, too.
Give volunteering a shot. You may be surprised how working with an organization you care about will start to make you feel hopeful. It’s easy to sit at home depressed, but you’ll feel much better taking action.

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The How-To Lounge: Picking Yourself Up From Rock Bottom

DearSugar — Tue, 14 Oct 2008 10:00:00 -0700

This past weekend I asked you all to share a moment in your life when you felt as if you'd hit rock bottom. There were some amazing stories, and it was so inspiring to hear how some of you had made it through all the stronger. But I also feel for those of you in the midst of a low point right now, so I want to take this opportunity to share some of my advice for how to cope with such a difficult time. If this is something you're struggling with right now, check out my tips when you read more.

Perhaps the most difficult part about hitting rock bottom is admitting it. For many people, acknowledging this low point is basically the same as saying they've let their life spin out of control, which can feel very dispiriting. But if you don't admit it, you'll never be able to fight through it.
It's OK to be scared. Once you realize you need to put your life back together, the climb to the top can seem terrifying. Learning to keep trying even when you're scared is half the battle.
Fear can be very defeating, but don't give up. Change doesn't happen overnight, but if you stick with it, eventually you'll get the results you long for.
They call it rock bottom because you can only go up from there, so start with baby steps. Create small goals for yourself and as you succeed, make them larger. And of course, whenever you achieve a goal, no matter how small it may seem, take a moment to pat yourself on the back.
Finally, reach out for support from others. Obviously friends and family are a great resource, but if you can't go to them, consider a therapy group or even an online forum. Sometimes just knowing that others understand you makes all the difference in the world.

As impossible as it seems right now, you will make it past this rough patch! For those of you who have, please feel free to provide your best advice in the comments below.

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The How-To Lounge: Deciphering an Abusive Relationship

DearSugar — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 09:00:00 -0700

Throughout October, I will be bringing you very important information about domestic violence and how you can protect yourself and the people around you. As we all know, abuse does not belong in any relationship so if your friend or someone you know is in an unhealthy situation, or if you're noticing a change in a friend's behavior - she's feeling ashamed, hopeless, or frightened - be sure to check out my tips on how to help.

Click here to read more

If you think, but aren't sure that your friend is in an abusive relationship, start off by asking her these tough questions: Are you ever afraid of your partner? Has he ever threatened to harm you? Has he ever hit you? Forced you to have sex with him? Does he control you or purposely put you down? If she answers yes to any of these, her well-bring could be in danger.
If you are worried about her safety, do not hesitate to call the police.
To avoid a dangerous situation, advise your friend to seek a trusted confidant or spiritual advisor for advice. The National Domestic Violence Hotline is also a great recourse for general information and guidance, and they can help find a shelter in her area if she needs a safe place to stay. They are available to help 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.
If your friend has to flee from an abusive relationship, make sure she has an emergency plan - a place to go, an escape route, and someone she can call.
She should also keep an emergency kit packed and easily accessible with the necessities: an ID, money, social security card, passport, an extra set of keys and any prescription medication.
If your friend's abuser does not live with her, she should immediately change her locks, install a security system and obtain a restraining order. If she has children, she needs to alert her kids' school and their friends' parents so they can be protected and kept out of harm's way.

Domestic abuse happens in every culture, affects every race and every religion, and it may be happening to someone you love as we speak. Be sure to educate yourself so you can not only be there for a friend in need, but know what to look for in your own relationships.

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The How-To Lounge: New Avenues to Meet People

DearSugar — Tue, 07 Oct 2008 10:00:00 -0700

Meeting new guys is not all that hard - just head out to your local pub for a drink and smile a lot! But meeting quality people who you’d actually want to interact with sober and introduce to your friends is another matter entirely. And while throwing out suggestions like going to a bar or starting up conversations at your gym can be helpful for some, most of us have been there and done that. In an attempt to broaden our horizons, I’ve tried to think outside the dating box. To see my new ideas, just read more.

Get the word out there. Email your friends and ask your mom to talk to her friends. It may sound desperate, but try to think of it as practical. At least you know they’ll all be looking out for your well-being.
Do the online dating thing. I know for some the idea of meeting someone online seems weird or even embarrassing, but the days of online dating as taboo are over! Embrace the tools you have at your disposal, because you won't know until you try!
Try a dating event like a singles' night or a speed dating dinner. They may not have the highest success rates, but you’ll know everyone there is looking for a relationship, and that, my friends, is potential.
Take a class. School is one of the best places to meet new people. You’re forced to interact on a weekly basis without the stresses and pressures of work. Plus, you might actually learn something!
And finally, say yes to the strange requests from your friends and family. Like when your mom asks you to go to her best friend’s sister’s son’s birthday, do it. Or when your friend wants to go to a themed party, go for it. These are the random occasions that make up the stories that start with “It was totally unexpected . . .”

Yes, it’s all about taking chances, but why not? We’re not talking brain surgery here!

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The How-To Lounge: The Art of Seduction

DearSugar — Mon, 06 Oct 2008 09:00:00 -0700

Most men I know would be more than happy to have a woman pursue them, but even still, the idea of making the moves on a guy can be extremely intimidating. What if you look stupid? What if he’s not interested? But once you master the art of seduction, those kind of worries will be the last thing on your mind. So whether you’re in a relationship and ready to do some initiating or you’re a single lady ready to take matters into your own hands, check out my seduction tips when you read more.

Unless you’re already a pro, seduction requires venturing outside of your comfort zone, so at the very least, you have to be willing to take a chance.
It's natural to get caught up in the fear of a potential rejection, but don’t let that fear stop you. Instead, just fake that confidence! He won't know and as he responds positively to your confidence, you’ll find your fears completely dissipating.
Often the more time we have to worry about something - in this case being rejected - the more likely we are to avoid it. So don’t think about it too much! Make your move before you have a chance to stop yourself.
When you’re coming on to someone it’s important to read his cues. If he seems completely uninterested then that just might be the case, so back off. Likewise, don’t come on too strong if he does seem into you. Once you have him hooked, you shouldn’t have to work for it.
Don’t forget how important eye contact and touch are when initiating any kind of interaction with someone. In fact, the right coy expression can elevate a conversation to something more.

Seduction is all about working what you have, so show him what you've got!

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The How-To Lounge: Giving a Relationship Another Try

DearSugar — Thu, 02 Oct 2008 13:00:00 -0700

Just because a relationship ends, doesn’t mean that your feelings suddenly come to a screeching halt too. In fact, sometimes without that person in your life, your feelings can grow, and you can be left with the longing to try things over again. Certainly I’ve seen many couples try to give their relationship another go, but not all are successful. So I’ve come up with some things to consider when giving a past relationship another shot. To see them read more.

Some may disagree with me, but I don’t think it’s actually possible to start fresh. The mistakes you made before will always be with you into the future, so there’s no point in pretending that they don’t exist. Instead, embrace them and learn from them. What did they teach you about yourself and each other as a couple?
Although it’s possible for people to change, truth be told, unless it’s been a very long time apart or one of you has gone through some serious life-altering events, it’s unlikely that either of you has drastically changed. But that’s OK; it doesn’t mean that it can’t work out. But don’t rely on the “change” you’ve both experienced to fix things. This is going to take real work.
You need to be clear about what your needs are, both in the short-term and the long-term. Don’t delude yourself into thinking that you’ll just make it work because you now realize how much you love each other. That’s not reality, and just like at the beginning of a totally new relationship those feelings fade with time.
Finally, figure out exactly what you want for yourself out of this. Are you willing to do whatever it takes? How long are you willing to put aside to see if it’s working again? These are important questions to keep in mind as you go through this process. They’ll keep you clear-thinking and grounded.

Healing a wounded relationship is a hard road so be ready for the challenges along the way.

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