"What do you think about abstinence-only pledges? A good guideline? Or unrealistic and only for the most religious?"

It's only as good as the parents expect it will be. If the parent expects their child to uphold to that pledge, then most will. If parents don't, the kids won't.

Abstinence pledges seem nice in theory, but in reality, the kids who take them still have sex — along with higher rates of disease. If some families want to work on abstinence with their kids, that's fine — I just think that on a public health level, it isn't the best policy.

One in three American girls are pregnant before they are 20.
Mathematically I think that makes the pledges a bit meaningless.

Good theory but we forget how fickle a teenage mind can be. Teaching them how to protect themselves and abotu safe sex is better. I was horrified that fourth year universoty student had never heard about gonorrhea.

Didn't they find in a study that children who took purity pledges had just as high an std rate as those who didn't?

And that some of those sweet purity pledge girls were actually more likely to engage in anal sex and oral sex while still considering their virginity intact? Was that like two years ago? Am I remembering this right?

I was raised in a strict Christian elementary and jr high school where holding hands was grounds for suspension..yet released into a public high school I dated the first boy I kissed for 10 years and had sex with him by 15 years old.

With our kids it should be a combination of the importance of abstinence and the message that if you are going to have sex please talk to me first and lets talk about responsibility and protection. Open conversations between parents and children I think are more successful then scare tactics or purity ceremonies or rings alone.IMO

Religion. Makes the world a worse place.

Wow.

"Religion. Makes the world a worse place."

Are you being being sacarstic?

On the pledges, I agree with iamabeliever!
Some little ring and a pledge to mom and dad is not going to stop kids nowadays! I believe in talking to my child openly even if it means understanding that they are having sex and need to be protected! I would much rather that then them tell me "no i havent" when they are AND unprotected!

Im going by my SIL's way of doing it and thats buying one of those mediacal books on STD'S and having story time with my teenager! Her daughter is terrified!!!

hope time goes by really really slow so I dont have to deal with this soon!!!

No one interviewed Catholic teens? Psh, my Catholic boyfriend and I would have ruined the curve! Purity pledges are OK, in theory.... And I can understand and respect if a parent wants to teach it to their child, but it shouldn't be taught in schools, for Pete's sake.

Call me crazy, but I am totally missing the election threads. I'd much rather deal with posts about Socialist Obama and Batsh!t Insane Palin than religion and sex. Who knew.

It's gonna be hard for me to get any work done today.

Apparently evangelicals are still trying to work out the kinks.

I miss it too EM

but this is our reality...

I feel like there should be a little guy in the corner playing the violin!

I would think that teenage girls really decide to abstain because they have a strong family, know themselves, and most important have high self esteem and self worth with or without religion. If being evangelical is 'cool' in their town, and making a purity pledge is 'cool', then I'm not surprised they aren't working. I decided to wait a lot longer than most not because I'm religious (I'm not) but because I wanted to wait to be with someone that was special enough to give this gift too.

I think its the job of parents to inform their children of safe sex regardless of a purity pledge or not.

I really do not support abstinence only at all. Proper education must include everything- because the facts are that teenagers are likely to have premarital sex despite their conservative upbringing. And while parents will have a major influence, friends and significant others will be even more influential. You have to teach them the consequences of sex and what to do to be safe -while teaching them the emotional consequences of sex as well. I think that is the better way to tackle teenagers having sex.

I promised God at 13 not to have sex before marriage, and I haven't.
Not gonna lie- about 50% of the time I regret this promise.
First- I don't really have any desire to get married any time soon. I like dating. I want to chase my career path. I want to adopt a bunch of kids as soon as I can comfortable afford them. With or without a hubby.
But man I want sex. And the only way I get to have it is to do the whole 'til death thing.

Aw. At least they're shooting for 'doing the right thing' or whatever. Aim for the moon and land among stars!

I know I never planned on having as many partners as I've had in my life. I totally thought I'd "save myself for marriage" LOL! And I honestly believed that.

I think its cute/sweet that little youngies are all idealistic and hopeful. Its like the little kid that always wants to be the president when he grows up. Or they all want to be professional football players. So cute

I respect and admire people who do take a pledge to remain abstinent, but that is their choice and isn't the best thing to teach on a national level.

...and I like that idea momma

It scares me that people are thinking about sex policy for teenagers on a national level.

Good for you Brindey! You have really REALLY strong will!

I never thought about sex at such a young age.

I lost it at 15 and I started learning about it at about 14! So I didnt get much time in between that to really learn everything I needed to know!

Its really important!

I think purity pledges and purity balls and even abstinence classes all have a weird emphasis - focusing on sex and what not to do, which makes it all the more tantalizing.

Why not focus from early teens in helping kids start figuring out who they are and what they think they want out of life? It seems to me that kids who are confident and have a sense that they have an important role to play in this world are less likely to be distracted by passing fancies and more likely to handle the occasional mistake effectively.

"But man I want sex."

Haha..that cracked me up.

Purity pledges are a load of bull. If you make one and follow through with it, more power to you...I completely respect that. I say if you're making this pledge, keep it to yourself...don't make a spectacle of it.

Why in 2008 is sex considered such a bad thing?
Surely if we take away all of this mystique kids won't be gagging for it so much.
Make it much more mundane and they'll think twice about when and with whom they do it with.

Are you asking about why is sex among teenagers considered a bad thing?

No one should lose their virginity(or have sex in general for that matter) unless they understand the consequences that may or may not follow their actions. Parents should teach their children that sex should not be taken lightly and they should abstain until they believe that the choice they are making is right for them, at the right time. What's worse than regret losing your virginity? You can't put someone on lockdown though so they won't have sex. Just inform them about teenage pregnancies and/or unwanted pregnancies, STDs and that they shouldn't think that they are invincible and that it couldn't ever happen to them. It can and if you don't take precautionary steps, it will.

Well, having grown up in an evangelical Christian household and having gone to both pentecostal and southern baptist churches and a private Christian elementary/jr. high I have heard a lot of different voices on sex education. The consensus seemed to be: Sex is bad. Except for my mom-- she taught my Sunday school class and told us that sex is a beautiful and wonderful thing in a marriage-- let me tell you I was embarrassed!
I first made an abstinence chastity pledge years before the youth group True Love Waits program. I made the pledge and signed the card then because it was my choice. I have kept the pledge because I see that it is best. If I am blessed enough to get married one day I will gladly enjoy a sexual relationship with my husband. But for now and if I don't get married that will be a part of my life that will stay off-limits. That part of my life along with all others I have committed to God and I believe that His plan is best.

Of course not everyone will keep the pledge. I don't think scaring kids out of having sex will work. Or making it into something that seems evil or dirty or frightening. I think an open an honest conversation with your children starting at a young age building understanding as is developmentally appropriate is the way to go. Keeping in mind that parenting is a relationship, not a set of rules to be enforced.

I realize that I am in the minority- a 27-year-old virgin! Ahh! But it's not a badge of honor or shame that I wear because I know that I have been protected from a lot of bad choices in this area and I consider it a blessing.

At my school in 2001 we had an evangelical church group from America come to us with the true love waits thing(my school let anyone come talk to us students lol). Now bear in mind this in an all girl school of 1000 in zimbabwe. They did the guilt thing, the secondary virginity thing and then asked people to come up and pledge, so most students did, myself included cos we didn't want to be the only ones sitting. I wasn't keeping myself for marriage and less than a week later I lost the little card but remained a virgin for another 7 years only because of the talks about sex I had with my mom and at my school about sex and HIV and STDs and pregnancy and not wanting any of that. Most of the girls who signed up weren't virgins and carried right on doing their thing or lost it by the time they finished highschool so it was just a farce. This is why i don't believe in purity pledges or any such rubbish.

"Make it much more mundane and they'll think twice about when and with whom they do it with."

I agree.

Yay for you Saucy!
I totally support sex-ed. As in Wear a Condom! sex ed. It is reckless not to teach kids you know might have sex about safety precautions.
That doesn't mean I don't support promise rings and all that for kids who have thought it through and want to make a commitment.

"What do you think about abstinence-only pledges? A good guideline? Or unrealistic and only for the most religious?"

They're a personal choice and should be respected as such. But like a lot of other things teenagers "commit" to, many pledges will naturally end up being broken. Safe sex education is still vital.

Safe sex education!

Schools should absolutely teach the basic, scientific and psychological facts about sex. Not in a biased way but a way that might give kids the answers that they tend to learn by...braille? (you know, the "hands on" method). Except for answering the question of how it feels that would take a lot of the mystique out.I have had enough conversations with my married girlfriends to know that it ain't all sunshine and orgasms.

"I have had enough conversations with my married girlfriends to know that it ain't all sunshine and orgasms."

Yeah, you can blame television(porn included) for that one.

No, I'm being serious. It has brought more harm than good.

Abstinence-only pledges will be as meaningful as the person that takes them makes them to be. If you take it seriously, then it will probably work better for you than if you don't. I don't think it's just for the religious, either. Anybody can make a pledge like that, you don't have to believe in a higher power to do so.

Abstinence-only things in general seem silly to me, because it's simply NOT real life. People will choose to have sex whenever, and it's not worth risking all these people exposure to HIV/AIDS, herpes, hepatitis, cervical cancer, and whatever else is out there just because "they shouldn't have been doing it!" That doesn't help. In middle and high school, our sex ed consisted of watching "The Miracle of Life" a billion times and studying the biological processes in it...after THAT movie I don't think *anybody* wants to have sex [at least not right away] @_@

Personally, I took a pledge in high school - on Valentine's Day, they had a True Love Waits table and you sign those purity pledge cards or whatever. I went to a Catholic university, so yeah, sex was STRONGLY discouraged unless you were married.

I mean, I consider myself fairly religious [it's funny they didn't interview Catholic teens]...I haven't reneged on the pledge b/c there's been no opportunity, *but* I'm a bit more open about sex and sexuality than i was back then, so if I don't do it until I get married - so be it. If a proper opportunity comes along, then I might. Eh.

I don't like to hear that abstinence is unrealistic and this is why because when you say that to a youth you simply make it that much more difficult for them to do it. That statement only serves to close the door on what is quite possible. I think the motivation for the statement is those who would choose abstinence looking down on those who indulge in casual sex and those who indulge in casual sex looking at them as though they think their better. They're just two separate personal choices and one is not better than the other. Do what is right for you and there is simply no need to criticize the other.

I am 23 and have practiced abstinence while being in a long term relationship (almost 4 years) with my boyfriend who feels as strongly about it as I do. The decision was based both on values stemming from my faith and how much I value a loving relationship. I never took an official 'pledge' but I do not see the harm in doing so. If a young person sees solidarity in a group to stay true to their choice, I think it may empower them. Unfortunately, I think the majority of the youth making that pledge may not take the meaning seriously at all, and that devalues the whole meaning of it.

This does not mean I do not support sex education, or that I think sex is wrong. However, when the young people hear an overwhelming voice that the whole idea is unrealistic, I don't think we're giving them enough credit to make the decision for themselves. I think young people need to hear more from those who practice what they preach and firmly believe that it is possible to stick to these values. But, it also doesn't mean anyone should be condemned for changing their mind or not agreeing. I, personally, would only encourage others in my age bracket (or younger) to consider the choice for the reasons I do.

They're ludicrous. ignorance seldomly ever stops someone from doing what they want.

"I don't like to hear that abstinence is unrealistic and this is why because when you say that to a youth you simply make it that much more difficult for them to do it. That statement only serves to close the door on what is quite possible. I think the motivation for the statement is those who would choose abstinence looking down on those who indulge in casual sex and those who indulge in casual sex looking at them as though they think their better. They're just two separate personal choices and one is not better than the other. Do what is right for you and there is simply no need to criticize the other."

Hypno - Very well said.

Yes, they are unrealistic. In my hometown they were very popular and most kids just secretly had sex without using contraception because it was so hard to get. Needless to say lots of them had very bad sexual hangups and/ or pregnancies. Statistics on abstinence education nationwide have bolstered my experience. In fact, I know several very Christian girls in high school and college relationships who begrudgingly had lots of anal sex with their boyfriends in order to preserve "actual sex" for marriage and uphold their pledge.

If you teach abstinence, teach it such that you say, wait till marriage... but if you don't you need to be safe, use condoms- all that jazz. Just saying DON'T to a teenager is more effective than saying DO.

And by the way, I myself was perfectly happy to exercise my right to hold off on sex until I was 22 - without a pledge and without hangups.

Truth be told it is very unrealsitic to think that in a world saturated by images of sex and the notion that all you have to do is go naked or make a sex tape and you'll be an instant star most teens will abstain. Sex is everywhere you turn and in the world of teens peer pressure is as real and as bad as it gets. It pays to know what options you have should you change your mind and what to do to keep you out of harm's way.

Exactly nya. To be informed is to be empowered. To makes things taboo gives them power.

exactly Nya!

The science of sex should be taught in school. The morality of sex should be taught at home. I had comprehensive sex education when I was 11. The course introduced safe sex, and the physical and emotional consequences of sex. At home, my parents said, "No sex until marriage" but did not talk openly at all about sex with me. Learning about STDs and possible pregnancies in school reinforced their belief and my decision to wait until I was 25 years old to share the experience with my husband who likewise has only been with me due to the same educational up-bringing. A lot of people wait longer to have sex due to their knowledge of the negative consequences.

I think that the best approach to any thing is to have as much information you can about it. ______ only education of any type is not good. These kids need to be informed, many preganancies and sexually transmitted diseases could be avoided.

All I know is that if every teen had to sit through the speech and slide show that my school did, they'd think twice about being unsafe or promiscuous. First, the doctor who taught it had seven kids. He would tell just a bit about his day to day schedule and how hectic his life was. Then, and this is the clincher for most, the slide show. And it seemed everything was, in a male it causes painful urination, in a female is causes sores, pustules, warts, sterilization, lumpy back syndrome, retroactive birth defects, and halitosis.