TresSugar

Words of Advice For Our Teenage Selves

Tara Sharp — Thu, 30 Jun 2011 11:16:00 PDT

In our interview with author Allison Winn Scotch, she said she'd tell her 17-year-old self "that it's all going to work out even if it seems like it's not." I have to agree that most teenagers need that reassurance. We all remember when something like our crush not inviting us to prom was the END OF THE WORLD, but looking back, it really wasn't a big deal in the grand scheme of things. Annie says she'd tell her high school self "don't try to grow up so fast" because she wishes she would have let herself be a kid. I'd probably tell myself back then just to relax and don't constantly be worried about what other people are thinking of you, because they probably were too concerned with themselves to notice if you had a bad hair day. Here's what our Facebook fans would tell their 17-year-old selves.

"Just because a haircut looked cute on Michelle Williams from Dawson's Creek circa '97 doesn't mean it will look cute on you." - Lisa
"To believe in myself & watch my credit closer and that I'm smarter & stronger than people gave me credit for." - Penny
"You're going to be fine, despite some obstacles and setbacks." - Lucy
"Run away from that boy!" - Alecia
"You are beautiful. Enjoy it now, because it's as good as it's going to get!" - Katy
"Naturally, in addition to all of the philosophical stuff, I should have also added in the interview: tweeze your eyebrows." - Allison
"Yep, that hotel party in Alpena . . . probably should just stay home! Listen to your grandma, she's smarter than you think! Get rid of the friends that bring you down and most of all, pick your college career BEFORE you go to college instead of changing your major 300,000 times." - Kristina
"Sure you may feel a really strong connection with that guy and, by all means do what you can and see where the chips fall by the time you graduate college but do not, DO NOT, become obsessive and impatient because if you do you have absolutely no chance of success. Also, if it doesn't work out by the time you graduate college move on no matter how hard it is because he is too messed up to work if 4 years isn't enough." - Kimberly
"That I wasn't fat, lol!" - Bridgett
"Make all of your big mistakes NOW when you get older its much harder to bounce back from them!!" - Jessica
"Relax. & try as much (positive) stuff as possible." - Natalie
"Stay with your current boyfriend FOREVER - he'll make a wonderful husband & father.." - Fettina
"I would smile at her and say nothing . . . mistakes and all . . . I wouldn't change a thing." - Amy

Did Weight Affect Your "Risky" Teen Behavior?

Tara Sharp — Mon, 25 Apr 2011 15:40:57 PDT

A study that looked at obese vs. normal-weight teens and their "high-risk" behavior (i.e. drinking, sex, smoking, drugs, and suicide tendencies) found weight didn't drastically affect the likelihood teens took part in these activities. The researchers were surprised with these results because they thought obese teens would take fewer risks than their peers due to being stigmatized and isolated, which I'm guessing they equated to less partying.

I also wonder if the researchers were expecting obese teens, especially girls, to feel too self-conscious to engage in sexual activity, which wasn't really the case since the numbers were pretty similar - 32 percent of obese girls have had sex compared to 46 percent of normal-weight girls. What I find most disturbing from this research is that obese girls are riskier with their sexual encounters, having sex before age 13 (seven percent compared to three percent), drinking alcohol or using drugs before sex (42 compared to 17), and not using condoms (54 compared to 42).

When you were a teenager, did your weight affect the choices you made in these areas? Share your stories in the comments.

Prom Through the Decades

Tara Sharp — Tue, 19 Apr 2011 02:00:20 PDT

The American prom has come a long way since its inception in the late 1890s. Prom, short for promenade, was first used to describe a simple college ball before gaining momentum and popularity as a high school dance. By the 1950s it had become more of the elaborate event it is today, with its prom courts, fancy cars, and expensive dresses - the glorified pinnacle of adolescence. I love looking at prom pics in old high school yearbooks, which range from awkward to awww. So take a look back with me at proms through the decades, and add your favorite prom pic to our Prom Night community group!

A Prom to Regret

Tara Sharp — Wed, 13 Apr 2011 02:00:06 PDT

I asked what your biggest prom regrets are here and on Facebook, and I saw some recurring themes in your responses. Most of you either regretted going or not going, fashion faux pas, and lame dates. So for future generations of prom-goers, I'd say go with a guy friend or group of friends, wear something timeless not trendy, and bring a pair of flats in your purse for dancing! Here is a sampling of the things you'd do differently if were you able to go back to your good ol' high school days:

"My regret is the shoes I wore. I rarely wore heels and I decided to wear 4 inch heels to prom. My feet were killing me before the prom even started!" - Gdeeaz
"Junior prom regrets . . . my hair was boy short and yet I still paid $60 for an 'updo' that consisted of one big 'bang curl' and a fake diamond bobby pin. Letting a makeup kiosk at the mall do my makeup for the evening: orange face/white neck . . . pretty!! Being too nervous around my date to actually have fun and not be completely awkward. I made up for those the next year at my senior prom and had a great time. Live and learn, right?!" - Anonymous
"Waaay boring date, and not even a kiss goodnight. Lame." - Elizabeth
"I regret that I let not having a date keep me from going. I easily could have found a group of girls to go with." - roseate

Read the rest below.

What Is Your Biggest Prom Regret?

Tara Sharp — Mon, 11 Apr 2011 15:15:19 PDT

From extravagant proposals to $1,400 dresses, are proms the new weddings? Reading the New York Post piece on pricey proms, I'm baffled that girls are not just getting $1,000-plus prom dresses, they are buying wedding-esque white, celebrity-inspired dresses and renting $9,000-a-night double-decker Hummers. I remember prom being important and fun, but "splurging" on a dress back then was closer to $300, and I'm glad I held on to my savings for college instead of wasting it on one high school night. My prom night was a blast and super tame (no crazy lost virginity stories), ending with a group of us staying up all night before going to my best friend's date's swim meet at the crack of dawn.

Whether you got a little too crazy or not crazy enough, your date was a disaster, or you spent your college fund on a hideous dress, what is your biggest prom regret? Or do you not regret anything?

Source: Flickr User gregor_y

How Were You Asked to Prom?

Colleen Barrett — Wed, 30 Mar 2011 04:00:30 PDT

What is going on in high school these days? Specifically, this high school where a guy wrote a song, got his friends to be back-up clappers, and popped the prom question in front of third period with next to no embarrassment.

The video even circles the classroom, showing clapping kids who are totally supportive of this public display of vulnerability. High schoolers aren't supposed to act like this! But since this video went over so well, expect other lyrical boys to follow. Meanwhile, I fully expect this crooner to grow up and publicly propose marriage via a full-scale Broadway production.

For now, I want to know how you were asked (or did the asking). Did a friend act as a broker, either procuring the date or ensuring both parties would say yes to minimize risk? Was it on a note or by email, IM, or text? My date whispered the question in the school library, and I felt pressured to say yes by the publicness. In hindsight, it was everything it's supposed to be - passive and awkward. What about you?

Shakespeare Is the Real Father of Adolescence

Colleen Barrett — Fri, 25 Mar 2011 12:00:03 PDT

With tweens and extended adolescence now a part of our vocabulary, it's easy to forget that adolescence didn't always exist. It's only been acknowledged in Western culture for the last 50 or so years. You were a child until you weren't. One defining birthday -13, 16, or 18 - changed everything from clothes to the quotidian details of daily life. It wasn't until the '50s and '60s that youth culture became a beat too loud to ignore, and adolescence finally gained acceptance outside psychology.

American psychologist Stanley Hall is credited with defining adolescence in 1904, but it was popularized by psychologist Erik Erickson's stages of psychosocial development in the mid-20th century. Erickson pinpointed the stage's crisis, calling identity vs. role confusion, and argued why it should be seen as a unique period in life. "It is human to have a long childhood; it is civilized to have an even longer childhood," he famously wrote. "Long childhood makes a technical and mental virtuoso out of man, but it also leaves a life-long residue of emotional immaturity in him."

But this week's New York Times Magazine posits a new theory: Shakespeare was the first person to characterize adolescent absurdity, particularly in Romeo and Juliet. Whether anyone acknowledged it our not, Shakespeare created a whole new category of life out of the star-crossed lovers, filled with wonder, exaggeration, and despair - great melodrama.

He captured the tension Erickson would later categorize by illuminating the choice every human has between childhood and adulthood. Go down senselessly but in a tragic blaze of glory like Romeo and Juliet, or grow up and develop a sense of humor, much like Shakespeare did.

Girls Will Be Boys: Why Girl Fights Are on the Rise

Colleen Barrett — Mon, 29 Nov 2010 10:40:23 PST

Teenage girls are getting angrier, and they're expressing their emotions with more punches, slaps, and kicks than ever before. Fingers have pointed to binge drinking as liquor numbs feelings, making girls less adept at coping with emotions. But girls have been binge drinking for decades, so I don't entirely buy that Students Against Drunk Driving warning. What does intrigue me is the sociological explanation: girls are tired of being the passive sex and are emulating male behavior.

Mike Fisher, an anger management psychotherapist, says it's becoming increasingly socially acceptable for girls to fight, especially in inner-city schools where they feel the need to stand up for themselves physically. It's reached the point where brawling girls now have their own, very boyish name - ladettes - at least according to the British press.

So now the question is how will these girls grow up? Considering the number of women found guilty of murder, assault, and other attacks has risen by 81 percent in the UK since 1998, chances aren't looking so good.

Group Therapy: I Don't Want to Be Friends With Her

Tres Community — Fri, 18 Jun 2010 12:00:16 PDT

This question comes from Group Therapy in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

I'm a 30-year-old married woman who works full time. Five years ago I got a job in a small office. I had a great relationship with my boss and his family. One of his preteen daughters, I'll call her "Sarah," took a liking to me and wanted to hang out with me outside of work, which I did several times - at her house, trips to the mall, etc.

My boss got promoted to another part of the organization, but his daughter wanted to keep in touch with me, which she did mostly by email. When she got her own cell phone she started calling and texting me and she requested to be my friend on Facebook.

I had been single, but I got married after a year of working there, and after another year and a half, my husband and I moved far away and I quit the job. Sarah was upset that I was leaving and wanted to stay in contact with me when I left, but by then the relationship had already become very one-sided. She would call me, email me, etc. I confess I never did enjoy hanging out with her, but because her dad was my boss, and he was so nice, I did it anyway. She was A. pretty self centered and B. if she did show interest in my life, it was to ask things about my private life, which I didn't want to share (especially since her dad was my boss). Typical of teenage girls, I know, but I had no desire to continue any relationship with her.

Read the rest here.

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it, anonymously, to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

Prom Dates From OMG to Awww

TresSugar — Wed, 16 Jun 2010 06:00:42 PDT

Ah, the prom. Such a cultural institution. Such a rite of passage. And often a major disappointment.

After seeing this outrageous ad for Orbit gum featuring every father's worst prom-date nightmare, I wondered if you had any nightmarish or dreamy prom date stories of your own. Not surprisingly, TrèsSugar readers did not disappoint. Read on for some of the most shocking tales and some pretty sweet ones too.

"Senior year the guy was awful - we had been dating but broke up (amicably) a few weeks before prom, so the atmosphere was a little tense. Then he tripped and fell running hurdles just a few days before prom and had a giant scab all the way up one side of his face - obviously ideal for those memorable prom photos. Worse, he decided to "pre-game" the night of prom without me. He came to get me very, very drunk while I was 100 percent sober. it was not exactly the most romantic evening ever." - Cotedazur
"So my friend Judez finally found me a single dude in her Hebrew class. He was hot, but he was also two years younger than me and was really into anime. It was a really awkward night. Looking back, I wish I had just taken one of my girlfriends. Sure, everyone would think I was gay, but ya know what, probably would have helped with the popularity thing." - imLissy

For three more prom stories,