TresSugar

Group Therapy: How Can I Stop a Chatterbox?

Tue, 24 Feb 2009 04:00:00 -0800

My brother and his wife just moved to the town where the rest of our family lives. It’s great having them back for the most part, but his wife tends to talk nonstop, prattling on about herself and the most boring stories - usually ones we’ve heard a hundred times before like how she didn’t like broccoli before but now she does, how she loved making mud pies when she was little, how her cat acted when they moved, etc. It’s mindless and dreadfully boring.

When someone tries to add something or chime in or change the subject, she actually raises her voice and talks a little faster - it’s almost impossible to get a word in edgewise. She’s an intelligent person and capable of a much more balanced and interesting conversation, so how can we gently put a stop to this behavior?

[EDITOR'S NOTE: To read more GROUP THERAPY, click here or submit your own question here.]

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Do Tell: Why Ask, When You Already Know the Answer?

DearSugar — Fri, 03 Oct 2008 12:00:00 -0700

As someone who offers a lot of advice, I’m often asked questions in which it’s clear to me that the asker already knows the answer. In fact, they’re often first to point out that they know exactly what to do, but they’re just unable to do it. I had been thinking a lot about this and then it dawned on me; they’re probably just looking for permission to do the “wrong” thing.

I could be completely mistaken, so I want to know your opinion on this. Do you ever encounter this with your friends? Are you guilty of doing this yourself? Ladies, do tell, why ask when you already know the answer?

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A Do or a Don't: Going Into Detail

DearSugar — Tue, 23 Sep 2008 14:00:00 -0700

When I’m being told one of my friend’s dating escapades, I like all the details. Maybe I’m just nosy, but I'd want to make an informed opinion if I’m asked for it. Likewise, I’m apt to walk my friends step-by-step through a situation I've been through. That’s me - I’m all about the details. But not all my friends share my enthusiasm for sharing the specifics.

Recently when I asked a friend to tell me all the juicy details about her date, she reproached me and said, “I want to keep some things to myself.” Immediately, I apologized, because I knew exactly what she meant - butt out. Are there things you’d rather just gloss over when dishing to your friends? Or when it comes to reliving your personal drama, are you a detail-oriented woman like myself?

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The How-To Lounge: Saying What You Mean

DearSugar — Fri, 15 Aug 2008 14:00:00 -0700

Even though I’m constantly going on and on about the importance of communication, I’ll be the first to admit that communicating well is a very difficult thing to master - there’s a reason why we often refer to miscommunication. Sometimes it’s all too easy for lines to get crossed, and before you know it what you said was not at all what you meant. Since I’m sure this is a common problem, I’ve come up with a few tips so you can finally start saying what you mean. To see them just read more.

Think before you speak! It may be the most obvious suggestion I have, but I also think it’s the most often forgotten. Give yourself a three-second window to make sure you realize what you’re about to say.
It’s not just important that you’re aware of what you’re saying before you say it, it’s also critical to consider the way you say it. A single word can distort the meaning of your message, so be cautious.
The most direct route between two points is a straight line. In other words, take a straightforward approach and try to avoid talking in circles. Pick a point and make it.
As you speak to someone, don’t be afraid to stop and clarify the conversation every once and a while. It will help keep you both on the same page.
If you just can’t say it, try writing it out first. It will help you focus your thoughts, and in many cases, allow you to realize what you’re really trying to say.

Make sure to take your time. It's better to be slow and thoughtful now than end up kicking yourself later.

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The How-To Lounge: Avoiding the Phone Obsession

DearSugar — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 13:00:00 -0700

It wasn't all that long ago when people used to sit by the phone waiting for a call. But just because times have changed and we can now drag our phone around with us everywhere we go, it doesn't mean that we've stopped the obsessive when-will-they-call behavior. In fact, having access to our phones every minute of every day only makes us more likely to worry about when the darn thing will ring! To work on avoiding this obsessive phone behavior, just read more.

If you're the type who checks your phone incessantly only because you have it with you, I think it's time to start weaning yourself off the cell. Leave your phone at home when you're running errands or watching a movie, then work your way up to a full day off. It's hard at first, but once you get used to life without it, it can feel like a big relief.
If you really can't bear the idea of not having it (you know, in case of an actual emergency) try keeping it turned off during specific times of the day. You may be surprised how knowing your phone is off will quell your urge to know who might be contacting you.
Make a rule not to check your phone when you're with other people. Not only can it be rude, but avoiding doing so is a great excuse to disconnect for a while.
If you're waiting or hoping for a phone call from that special someone, things get more difficult. The waiting game is a hard one, and it almost always leads to obsessive checking for missed calls. Try giving yourself specific amounts of time between checks - I usually opt for every 45 minutes.
Stifle your anticipation by keeping your mind and your hands busy. Do something that requires both so you literally won't be physically able to pick up the phone.

OK, a mild cell phone addiction never killed anyone, but still, learning when to put your phone aside will give your speeding brain a rest for a while and take the wait out of the waiting game.

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Uptight Dog Is a Walking PSA

GiggleSugar — Sun, 18 May 2008 03:00:00 -0700

"Above the Influence" recently released an anti-drug ad featuring a talking dog and his pot smoking best friend, Aubrey. In the ad, the dog corners Aubrey in the kitchen to bark at her for her irresponsible drug use. Confrontational much? The situation only gets worse when our gal returns home from partying later that night - at four in the morning. That's when the dog cops a 'tude, gets crass and crude, and lets the unnecessary insults fly . . .

Talkaholic Goat Won't Shut Up

GiggleSugar — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 03:00:00 -0700

This goat could easily pass as my mother over the phone.

Dear Poll: Do You Tend to Over Talk?

DearSugar — Tue, 15 Apr 2008 16:00:00 -0700

Have you ever heard of the saying "talking something to death"? If you're the type that doesn't like to go to bed mad, I'm sure you know just what I'm talking about, but sometimes over talking can actually cause more harm than good. Often times fights that drag on end up becoming a whole different beast and the initial cause for arguing gets lost in the shuffle. Sometimes I think it's a female trait to want to over talk relationship issues, I've definitely fallen victim to this a few times, but what about you? What I want to know is, do you tend to over talk issues of the heart?

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Sh*t Happens

GiggleSugar — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 13:00:00 -0700

Someone is so excited about the rocket blasting across his television set, he just can't keep the fun to himself. So he's gonna gleefully reiterate - eight times - what everyone in the room can fully see for themselves. But he's got a slightly different way of stating the obvious . . .

Group Therapy: When Does a Guy Give Up?

Wed, 19 Mar 2008 14:00:00 -0700

I'm a really a shy person, and I've been made fun of a lot in the past, so I'm kinda paranoid when guys are nice to me. I always think it's a joke, and that they're out to make fun of me. I freeze around guys I like because I don't want to say anything stupid, so even if they're flirting I'm too scared to flirt back. I've tried to work on this by striking up random conversations, but that hasn't always worked - I must be giving off the wrong impressions. Recently I was complimented by a guy I like, but instead of responding I just didn't know what to say. Now I don't know how to approach him again. At what point will a guy give up on chasing a shy girl? How can I muster up more courage before he's moved on?

[EDITOR'S NOTE: To be involved in more GROUP THERAPY, click here]

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