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Steven Seagal
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Steven Seagal Runs Funny
The dude I love to hate, Steve Seagal, acts like a big tough guy. His running style, though? Looks like he's about to leap into Mikhail Baryshnikov's arms.Flashback: Steven Seagal in "The Celebrity's Guide to Fine Wine"
Steven Seagal and Kelly LeBrock, the pillow-lipped model-turned-actress of Weird Science fame, filmed some really weird shorts produced by Paramount for some now-defunct show called The One Hour Presentation. Here, Steven and Kelly (while they were still married) provide a cheese-tastic instructional video on how to open a bottle of wine properly. Apparently, it involves treating it like a phallic object and pretending that you're both in a porno.
The Infinite Wisdom of Steven Seagal
Let's start our weekend off right with some Zen wisdom from the sage-like Steven Seagal, shall we? I would make a joke about how he appears to burp midwisdom, but I'm afraid he might pick me up and throw me in the water. (Thanks, Stupid Videos!)If You Had To...
These two fancy themselves as tough guys with some affinity to the mystical East. Chuck Norris has been kickin' it kung fu style since back in the day, and Steven Seagal, when he's not starring in clunkers like Under Siege, participates in the creation of dubious energy drinks. With whom would you have tantric sex involving lots of heavy breathing, hand holding, and staring into one another's beady eyes if you had to...
The Onion Movie?
As with all things The Onion, I had to make sure this was for real. IMDB says it's in production, but I wouldn't be surprised if the joke doesn't turn out to be on me. Having said that, how awesome would Steven Seagal in Cockpuncher be?!
Mad TV Takes on Steven Seagal
It's been a while since we've featured the insufferable Steven Seagal. This Mad TV clip mocks Seagal's pretentions of being all down with spirituality, and I felt it my moral duty to share it and keep the flame alive. (Pssst!
Steven Seagal: Most Expressive Actor Ever?
Next to David Hasselhoff, there's no male actor more fun to make fun of than Steven Seagal. At least The Hoff's kinda in on the joke. Steven, well...just look at him.
Product of the Day: Steven Seagal Lightning Bolt Energy Drink
Containing Tibetan goji berries and some other Asian ingredient to make it all "exotic," Steven Seagal's Lightning Bolt Energy Drink is sure to give you a receding hairline you pull back tightly samurai style, the most smug attitude ever, and the desire to make clunkers like Under Siege. Drink up, peeps, you know you want to! (And what exactly is an "Asian Experience"?!)
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Energy Drinks: Real or Fake? Take Two!
Ah, energy drinks. They quench your thirst, they wake you up, and — in the case of Steven Seagal's energy drink — they may even offer an "Asian experience." Since my last Energy Drinks: Real or Fake?
Energy Drinks: Real or Fake?
Though I've been known to knock back a couple cans of Tab Energy drink, I'm still astounded by the variety of highly caffeinated beverages in stores nowadays. From Nelly's Pimp Juice to Steven Seagal's Lightning Bolt Energy Drink, there truly is something for everyone. But can you tell the totally unbelievable real names from the fake energy drinks?
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