TresSugar

Do You Have a Lot in Common With Your Siblings?

TresSugar — Mon, 10 Aug 2009 13:00:07 -0700

The Knowles sisters both looked fierce today in Japan, where they are promoting handbags for Disney. Beyonce and her younger sister Solange both like to sing, but they seem to rock different personal styles and public personas. For example, when Solange shaved her head last month, the Twitter-happy sister explained to her tweeps: "i. just. wanted. to. be. free. from. the. bondage. that. black. women sometimes. put. on. themselves. with. hair." (Punctuation hers.) And Beyonce says that she turns to her sister, who happens to be a mother, for lessons on life: "She gives me a lot of advice because she's had some life experiences that I've never had." When it comes to you and your siblings, are you mirror images of each other or more like exact opposites?

Sunday Confessional: I Lost My Sister's Favorite Jacket

DearSugar — Sun, 14 Dec 2008 09:00:00 -0800

I'm a forgetful person by nature and my older sister takes every opportunity possible to call me irresponsible.

Friday night her boyfriend surprised her and took her away for the night to celebrate their anniversary. She asked me to feed her cat while she was gone since I have a set of her keys, so while at her place, I browsed through her closet. I decided to borrow her leather jacket that I've always loved to wear out that night - I figured she'd never realize it was gone!

Later that evening, I went out with my friends, admittedly drank too much and went home with a guy I had been flirting with all night. In the morning, I rushed out of his place in order to get back to my sister's to feed her cat. As soon as I got out of the cab, I realized I had left her jacket in the backseat! My heart sank; it's her favorite article of clothing and she didn't even give me permission to borrow it! I've been guilt-ridden for the past two days and have no idea what to do. My sister is going to be furious with me and I just can't face her disappointment, even though I know I deserve it. I haven't mentioned it to her and I'm contemplating not saying anything at all. Can I be forgiven if I let her think someone else took it or that she herself lost it?

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Women's Colleges Try to Sell Liberal Arts in Middle East

LibertySugar — Wed, 04 Jun 2008 00:00:55 -0700

Five American women's colleges are taking their admissions presentations overseas - to the Middle East. School officials have been speaking with young women in Bahrain, Jordan, Kuwait, Oman, and the United Arab Emirates.

The appeal to Middle Eastern women is paradoxically natural and awkward. Single-sex education is the norm in the Middle East; however, liberal ideas espoused on traditionally free-thinking American female institutions do not find a home in the conservative region.

Middle Eastern women attending a "Sister" say they enjoy the invigorating political climate on campus. But, one thing did shock many at first - open displays of homosexual affection. One student said:

At the beginning, there were times when I’d have to close my eyes and say, "O.K., I’m at Mount Holyoke, and it’s different." But that lasted only a week or so, and now I have so many friends who are openly gay, and it makes no difference.

Ironically, the biggest challenge for the admissions officers isn't appeasing fears that the schools will be too wild, nor the opposite - convincing them that they are not nunneries. Instead, the schools must sell the value of a liberal arts education, as opposed to a professional degree. Do you think they can pull that off in the Middle East?

You Asked: Why Is He Always Here?

DearSugar — Fri, 28 Mar 2008 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I live with my sister. She has a boyfriend, and they've been together for almost a year. At first, she would go stay at his house and he would come stay at ours on limited occasions, but now he comes over almost daily. Instead of leaving in the morning like he used to, he's been hanging around until mid-afternoon. When we first moved in together, I had no idea that I'd have two roommates, and truth be told, I'm sick of it! He eats our food, uses our bathroom, and they are always all over each other and he just takes up way too much space. Do you have any suggestions to help me deal with this situation? - Needing Space Stacia

To see DearSugar's answer read more

Dear Needing Space Stacia,

Since I live alone, I can only imagine how frustrating it must be to have an unwelcome third party always in your personal space. Have you talked to your sister about your annoyance? Even though your roommate is your sister, she still needs to respect your needs.

Try sitting her down to set up some apartment ground rules. Let her know that this is your home too and that it isn't fair to you to have someone constantly around when you don't necessarily want him there. Since her boyfriend has a place of his own, suggest they stay at his house a few nights a week. Also, if he's taking up bathroom time in the mornings, ask her to have him get ready for his day at his own home so you don't have to be put out. I advise you not to come off angry or bitter, as that will only create drama in the house. Approach the situation with diplomacy and she'll be more willing to accommodate you. Good luck!

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Group Therapy: How To Deal With Cancer?

Thu, 30 Aug 2007 14:00:00 -0700

DearSugar,

I am really close to my little sister, we are like best friends. She just graduated from college and is having a hard time. She started her first job but has a boss from hell and makes hardly any money. All of her friends are traveling or live near me and she has told me she is feeling depressed. To make matters worse she just found out last night that her ex-boyfriend/high school sweetheart has thyroid cancer. They are both only 22 and it is a SHOCK to everyone. She still sees him because they ended on good terms and have the same group of friends. Even I am feeling a bit shaken by this, I've known him since he was in 8th grade. I want to support her and be a good sister/friend but I don't really know what to say or do. Do you have some kind words of encouragement? Anything is appreciated.
Thanks,
Must Stay Strong Sister Sally

[EDITOR'S NOTE: To be involved in more GROUP THERAPY, click here]

Dear Poll: Do you Live in the Shadow of your Sibling?

DearSugar — Mon, 04 Jun 2007 10:30:00 -0700

Ashlee Simpson, Haylie Duff and Nicky Hilton are just some celebrities that are constantly living under the shadow of their more famous sisters. Sometimes it is nice to have the support of an older or younger brother or sister who has been there, done that, but it can also be somewhat disconcerting to always be compared and criticized next to your sibling.

So what I want to know is, do you ever feel the effects of sibling rivalry?

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Funny or Scary? Sibling Screaming Match

GiggleSugar — Mon, 29 Jan 2007 04:00:00 -0800

An old saying goes: "Our roots say we're sisters, our hearts say we're friends." Let's see what the videotape says about The Case of the Missing Dumplings and Sauce. When your ears recover, tell us what you think. Is this sibling rivalry...

You Asked: My Sister-in-Law Is Competitive With Me

DearSugar — Fri, 12 Sep 2008 16:40:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I have a sister-in-law who I've been having a hard time dealing with lately. We used to be a lot closer, but over the past two years we have grown apart. My husband's family decided to buy two hair salons, one of which my sister-in-law was employed at. And it just so happens that I'm in the business as well, so we've been working together, too. Ever since then she has tried to compete with me. We are both managers and though we do have some differing views on managing the salons, our priorities for the most part are the same.

Recently I left a note for one of the employees to make sure she properly handled her clean-up and I got a nasty response back. Instead of defending me or helping me deal with it, my sister-in-law just laughed about it. It's obvious she doesn't value me as her partner, and I don't know how to deal with it. What can I do to make this situation better?

- Sister-in-Law Stress Sadie

To see DearSugar's answer, read more.

Dear Sister-in-Law Stress Sadie,

Dealing with competition in the workplace is very common, and accompanied by the fact that you're working with your sister-in-law in a family business, it's not too surprising that you've encountered some issues. Like any sort of conflict, if you don't deal with it, it'll only get worse. It's clear that you need to talk to you sister-in-law about the situation. Try to keep it moderately professional; however, I do think it's OK to bring up that fact that you're sad you've grown apart.

As with any conversation, avoid attacking her and instead, describe how you're feeling. Ask for her opinion as well; I wouldn't be surprised if she has an entirely different point of view. If you can't work through your personal issues, then you both need to come up with a solution to make your professional environment more manageable. If your attempt at a resolution falls flat and things only get worse, you may want to look into other managerial jobs, outside of the family, since I would guess that she's not going anywhere.

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DearSugar Needs Your Help: My Sisters Are Unsupportive

DearSugar — Sat, 13 Sep 2008 09:00:00 -0700

DearSugar and Feeling Alone Faith need your help. She's planning her dream wedding, and her sisters are too jealous to support her. She's feeling terribly alone during this happy time in her life and doesn't know how to make things better. Do you have any tips for her?
Dear Sugar,

I'm having a destination wedding soon, and while I'm extremely excited, I'm also upset and let down. To make a long story short, I have two very jealous, very self-centered sisters. My one sister thinks that the sun rises and falls with her, and she is a self-proclaimed "princess." My other sister is jealous too and I've never trusted her.

I helped both of my sisters immensely during their wedding planning, but now that it's my turn, they can't be bothered. They've even decided not to come. Instead of supporting me, all they do is sit around and talk badly about me. Sometimes my mother calls and tells me the hurtful things they are saying and it breaks my heart. For the first time in my life I'm in a good relationship and am incredibly happy, but they are too begrudging to be a part of it. I am a single mom who has struggled my entire life up until meeting my fiance, and it seems like the better I do personally, the less family support I have.

I don't want their behavior to overshadow my special day, so how do I deal with my sisters who feel too threatened to come to my wedding? And, what type of relationship should I expect to have with them after the wedding? My friends say I should be happy they are not coming, but they are my family and I'm incredibly hurt. - Feeling Alone Faith

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Sunday Confessional: I've Been a Selfish Sister

DearSugar — Sun, 12 Oct 2008 09:00:00 -0700

I'm 28 and the youngest of three children. My siblings and I had a challenging childhood; our dad disappeared from our lives when we were little, and our mother suffered from severe depression. My sister, the eldest, took on the responsibilities of taking care of my brother and me, even though she was only a few years older than us. As early as middle school I started to rebel, and I ended up getting into drugs and a series of abusive relationships later on.

In the process I also managed to completely alienate my sister. She was always there to help me, and I was always pushing her away. Some years ago, I did the unthinkable and hooked up with her boyfriend at the time - a man she was very in love with. She was destroyed, but she said that she knew it wasn't me. She told me she'd let it go if I checked into rehab, which she offered to pay for. After much begging, I agreed to go. But within a few weeks I left, and ended up costing my sister thousands of dollars. By that point she'd finally hit her limit, and told me she wanted me out of her life.

It's been five years and we haven't spoken, though I'm still in touch with my brother. I've cleaned up my life significantly, and I have a stable job for the first time in my life. My sister recently had her first baby, and I'm desperate to see them. But when I told my brother I was going to reach out to her, he told me not to because he doesn't think she'll be willing to see me. I know I've done some bad things, and I know I'm still imperfect, but don't you think my own sister should be able to forgive me?

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