TresSugar

Celine Dion Shook Me All Night Long

GiggleSugar — Fri, 15 Aug 2008 15:00:00 -0700

Celine Dion is so thoughtful. Here she is making such a ridiculous fool of herself that it saves all the comedians from even trying. Now that is graciousness! When I think of metal, or guitars, or even music, Celine Dion is not the first person to come to mind. And yet, she rules. I think it's the utter obliviousness. (But, my lord, that outfit is tragic.)

Rock 'N Roll On the Floor With Laughter

GiggleSugar — Tue, 26 Dec 2006 04:02:00 -0800

What possesses Celine Dion to do AC/DC covers? I mean, she's got a beautiful voice, but classic rock 'n roll is not her genre. As one commenter put it, "Ah, the mind-shattering HORROR!"

Come Story Telling with me!!! The Completed Story

DearSugar — Sun, 24 Jun 2007 11:41:40 -0700

I hope you all enjoyed this new feature as much as I did! Your wild imaginations made for a great story line! To read the completed tale you all helped create, read more

"You're late again, Amanda. I have had it....How do you expect to keep your job here if you can't even come to work on time? What's your excuse now?" My boss was so irritated I could see the steam billowing out of his ears.

"I forgot my cell phone at home and I'd only realized after I got on the train. I'm sorry," I replied, lying through my teeth. I'd slept in again. I couldn't help that all I won't say you don't but I'm honestly just tired of hearing non-stop excuses. Your tears will not sway me this time. I mean it, you're gone." Jake turned away as if to dismiss me, but I stayed there, shocked, glued to my seat. What was I going to do? I was left with no choice but to pack up my personal items from my cubicle and go to HR for my exit interview. As I began to do this, my coworker Jennifer stopped by to see how last night had went. I said "Forget about last night, I just got fired." She was as shocked as I was. Within 10 minutes the office was abuzz about my firing. Between the time I gathered my items and got to Human Resources, my mind was already racing. I didn't care about the gossip, and the interview was the last of my worries. Jake's going to tell my mother, oh God... not my mother.

They had been dating for almost a year, and now he found it easier than ever to chastise me as if I was his own child. He's wrong in that though; I'm not his daughter, and I'm not a child. Damn Jake. I completed my exit interview, got in my car and forgot about stupid Jake, when my cell rang. It was my mother. "Darling?" she asked, "Is that you?" as if anyone else would answer my cell phone. "In the flesh" I say, as I merge onto the freeway. "Sweetie. is everything alright? I'm hearing disturbing tales about your work ethic." Oh how to answer. Disturbing was a word I reserved for things like May September romance between my boss and my mother, having a half sibling 24 years younger than me and phone calls where the caller pretends to know nothing about the events they are about to inquire about. "Mom. I've decided to liquidate some of my assets" I wonder if she'll get the jest of this, understand that it means her gravy train is about to come to an end when my call waiting beeps. "Mom, I've got someone on the other line, I have to go, I'll talk to you later," I say quickly before she has time to respond and click over. It's Rita, my best friend and self-professed mystic.

"Hey Rita," I said, trying to keep the mental exhaustion out of my voice "Oh my Gawd! What's wrong I dreamt you were pregnant," Rita replies anxiously. I'm sure she hopes I am so her predictions can finally be validated.

"I just got fired and I'm hungover," I whined. "Come over, have some coffee and food and I'll read your cards." "Coffee yes, food no, cards puh-lease," I said as I made my way to Rita's house and thought to myself.. damn.. I wish I hooked up last night - at least my firing would've been worth it! Then I think "Did I hook up with someone?" Suddenly I was lost. I had just "accidentally" hung up on my mother and lost a job. Did I just have a one-night stand last night that I could remember? I was lost in thought and suddenly I slammed my brakes before I hit the car in front of me. I made it safe to Rita's house however.

I knocked on Rita's screen door and she answered it in her usual Bohemian attire wearing a flowing purple paisley dress that billowed around her in the breeze. "Oh, you poor thing!" she said, enveloping me in a warm, earth-mother hug and the smell of patchouli. "Just come in and relax, and tell me all about it."
I followed her into the living room, and as she went into the kitchen to get me a cup of coffee, I sank wearily down onto her sofa. Suddenly, as I settled in among the pile of hand-crocheted cushions on the sofa, an image popped into my head from the previous night Flashes: a curly haired stranger, being led into a red convertible, coffee, sex. Yes, I indeed did get laid last night, and apparently the guy ran out on me in the morning. I wasn't sure whether I should be glad I broke my dry spell, or whether I should feel guilty, or whether I should be mad some guy dashed on me before I woke up.

Rita walked into the room with my coffee and looked down at me serenely. "You shouldn't be mad he dashed, Amanda. You woke up at 11 AM. He had to leave for work at 9." Rita had read my mind. Well damn... was he at least cute??" I asked disappointed. "more importantly.. did I get off???" "I think it's time you started to think about your priorities dear friend," Rita said, "what are you going to do now that you've lost your job?" I sat there staring at the opposite wall. It had escaped my mind. The first thought that hit me was that I'll just end up running to my mother to get me a new job.

Rita had her arms crossed and looked down on me with a disapproving face. She shook her head. "Why don't you just pursue your dream job?" she asked. I looked at her. "Do you think I can just get up and be a fashion designer? That's not exactly an easy career to get into. Plus, it's not like I know anyone who can help me out, and that's basically the only way I can get a job with a resume like mine." I was exasperated. This day felt like it was spiraling out of control, and the incense was giving me a migraine. She smiled at me and said "well think about it honey but I have an appointment with the cookey landlord, apparently she thinks spirits are following her...ugh." We mutually hugged and I headed out.

As I walked downstairs and out the building I took a second to look at my surroundings. My cute little convertible parked in front of me, the trees blowing in the summer breeze, I looked down at my feet to be reminded that I did have great taste in my Jimmy Choos. What was I thinking? I haven't got it that bad! That job wasn't me in any way! With a new outlook on life, I hopped in my car, top down, music blaring and headed to JoAnne Crafts. I'd heard somewhere that they sold sewing materials there. I didn't even know how to use one, but I knew if I hadn't one, I would never get anything done.

The store was huge and I felt overwhelmed. I decided to ask an associate for assistance and I felt nervous for the first time in a long while. I stuttered "I'm...looking...for...ah...sewing...machine," I said, looking at the associate in the eyes. "Sure," he responded with a smile and lead me to the aisle. The whole time I was walking behind him I couldn't help but think how familiar he looked with his brown curly hair. He looked almost like the guy from last night, who happens to walk out on me this morning. "Was I that bad?" I thought to myself.
"Here they are ma'am," he said, pointing at the shelves filed with an array selection of sewing machines from $25.00 to $150.00. He started to walked away, when I stopped him and asked, "Excuse me.. but um.. I know this sounds shady.. but don't I know u?" He smiled, chuckled actually, "Nah. Unless you were at from Canada? Because I just moved here about three days ago..." Hmmm odd, I thought to myself, this guy looked way too familiar. "Oh really! So how do you like it here so far?" I asked shyly and curiously. "Oh you know, its alright if your into the whole "Hollywood scene," my buddies took me out to some clubs last night...it was the first real night I actually did something here. I think it was called Hyde? I guess its some celeb hot spot...I don’t know."

In my mind, my jaw dropped, my eyes fell to the floor, and I melted to the ground as I realized I was at Hyde last night and it was definitely the one night stand/leave in the morning without a goodbye guy. Completely embarrassed I shriveled up and began backing away like a dog with a tail between its legs. "Ohh Hyde really?" I quickly said as I picked up the machine and began grabbing my money as fast as I could How could he not remember me?????? I hope he doesn't tell his friend he saw me int he middle of the day.. OMG OMG OMG.. OK. Get yourself together.

As I rush out of the store, I bump into Jake, my good-for-nothing boss. "Amanda," he said with a confused look on his face. "Jake," I said surprisingly loud. Jake and I gave each other an weird look, almost like we were shocked to have seen each other in the same place. "Your mother wants to know..." "I have to get going Jake," I interrupted him. I was not in the mood to be lectured at. As I got inside my red Volvo, I looked at rear view mirror and saw Jake starring back at me. I quickly turned my eyes away, thinking if only I could get him back
for all this. Then I had an idea which would work. I grabbed my cell phone and called my cousin Denna. She owed me a favor and was up on everything through last night. As I drove, I explained to her what I needed.

She would get my mom out of the house and I would leave the pix of Jake and Alan in bed together on her pillow; a sort of good night kiss for my own mommy dearest. I pulled up next to the bushes across the street from their house. The shadow hid me, and as I saw my mother leave, I made my way across the street and went in through the kitchen door which was never locked. Then I placed the pic on her pillow and went back to me car to wait. For some reason I couldn't leave until she came back, until i knew it was over.

About an hour and a half later, I started to feel really guilty. I mean I despise Jake but I love my mother. How is making her miserable going to make Jake miserable? Maybe if we go for a nice mother/daughter dinner I can convince to help me with my aspirations in fashion. I ran upstairs to remove the photo from her pillow when I heard the front door open. I "Hello, who's home?" yelled a booming male voice I didn't recognize at all. "Uh, it's Amanda, Sidney's daughter," I stammered back. "Who are you?" I asked, as I turned around to walk downstairs to confront the unexpected visitor. As I rounded the turn I saw my favorite uncle standing there with two suitcases, arms open.

"I know who you are," my uncle laughed, and enveloped me in his big bear hug." I squealed, "Uncle Mike! What are you doing here??" "Didn't your mom tell you? I'm in town for a couple weeks, and I planned a nice celebratory dinner tonight. I can't tell you what we're celebrating until tonight though!"

I thought to myself, "So that's what Jake was trying to tell me outside the fabric store." How was I going to get out of this now? I couldn't exactly go to dinner tonight after outing my Mom's boyfriend. It's a good thing I came back in for the pic. My uncle looked at me and asked if I was okay. "Oh yeah, I'm fine" I said. "Your mother told me you've been struggling to find the right career." Wow my mom was actually nice enough not to say I was fired. "Yeah, I really want to get into fashion designing, but I have no idea where to start" I said. Uncle Mike said "Well, I'm sure you will figure it out soon enough. I need to get my things put away and ready for dinner. Do you know when your mother will be home?" "No, sorry, I haven't talked to her today".

***

As Uncle Mike took center stage, the room feel silent. "I have come here to tell you all something incredibly exciting. I won the lottery!!!!! Since you are the only family I have, I am here to deliver a little token of appreciation -- a million dollars for each of you. Amanda, use this wisely -- looks like your going to need this money more than all of us after your day!"

Come Story Telling with me!! The Completed Story

DearSugar — Sun, 20 May 2007 17:38:11 -0700

I hope you all enjoyed this new feature as much as I did! Your wild imaginations made for a great story line! To read the completed tale you all helped create, read more

You're never going to believe whom I ran into Saturday night!!!! I was about to meet the girls at the new hot spot everyone's been talking about, Magnolia, and found him standing at the front of the line as I bypassed all of the crowd. I hadn't seen him since last June, a few months before he fled California for the east coast, without so much as a good-bye. Seeing him there stopped me in my tracks. I had grown accustomed to thinking of this city as my own again. It was long past the days when I had looked for him on every street corner, in every doorway, in the reflections of the puddles. Having him gone was like a really deep breath, where you feel your whole body expand with the oxygen and you relax into the exhalation. Immediately, my mind started working... why was he back? Just as I was to go inside and pretend he wasn't actually there, I heard him say to his friend, "Dude! Pamela Anderson is SO hot! I recently met a girl who looks just like her - score!" It was my ex boyfriend. Of course I just had my hair and nails done and I was wearing my fab outfit that made me look 10 pounds lighter, so I looked smokin' hot! Had he met another girl? A Pamela Anderson lookalike? How could this be? How dare he come back here to my reclaimed city and spout off about meeting a new woman. So now what? Do I approach him and make small talk or do I ignore him completely and show him just how over him I really am? I make a split second decision to walk straight up to him and his friend. "You again?" I said, my voice dripping with sarcasm. They both turned around. I didn't know his friend, but I sure knew that mug anywhere. "Oh, my God..." he replied, shocked. "I knew I'd see you but I didn't know it would be so soon. You look really good..." "save your breath dear. I'm just stopping by to say hello and let you know that in about 20 minutes the whole crew will be here to celebrate my boyfriends birthday", I said as I glanced over to the group I was with. In reality, I was only hoping that my ex didn't notice that in fact I was the only one in the group without a man. Sticky situation, this, I thought. Typical for me to make up a pretend boyfriend, a birthday and a crew. Now what? Time for a telepathic moment! I tried to gain eye contact with Lucy, my best friend, and communicate: Help me out! After a few moments of sheer panic, Lucy finally got the message and made her way over to me with two champagne cocktails in hand. I was relieved that I didn't have to be in his presence completely sober. She handed me the drink and told me that the celebration was beginning. Now the only thing I needed to complete the lie was a man. A man who would be willing to, on the spot, pretend it was his birthday, and pretend he was with me for that matter. So I left Lucy to catch up with the ex and went off to find myself a unwitting suspect. I was so focused on my quest that I smacked right into the hottest guy I had ever seen - a dead ringer for Matt Damon in The Bourne Identity! "So sorry," I say quickly as we look into each other's eyes. Instant chemistry sparks and I know it's now or never. "So I need you to do me a favor, my *sshole ex boyfriend is back in town and thinks I have a new boyfriend and that today is his birthday. Can you play the part?" I bat my eyelashes flirtatously hoping that the Matt Damon look alike is up for anything. He replies, "Well of course, let me go ask my friend Ben to join us." So the Matt Damon clone takes my hand and pulls me closely to him tightly and says "My darling, you look wonderful tonight. Wait until i get you home and the real party begins..."

I look around and my ex-boyfriend is STEAMING since he was only 4 feet away! I was hearing JT's "My Love" in the background, and I was definitely seeing stars. First with the Matt look-alike, and now his equally hot friend who looked like Ben Affleck! With this sudden Matt-and-Ben manwich, I thought I was an extra in Good Will Hunting! His puppy-dog eyes darted over to the Matt clone, he said, "So what does this hot babe wish of us?" "She asked me to play her boyfriend for the night to make the ex jealous", he said jokingly, I was still slightly mortified that I asked so much of a complete stranger, but he seemed into the idea. "Oh, by the way, my name is Derek, and this is my buddy Ben." Colin cuts in and slyly says, "Now that we're all acquainted lets get the party started!" Derek then shyly reminded Ben that he didn't know my name, and I timidly replied, "Madison." Just as I was starting to feel super overwhelmed by the situation (and the thought of possibly ending up in one of these Matt/Ben look alike's bed later that night) Lucy shows up champy in hand. "Why, hello gentlemen," she says with her man-eater look in the face. I see her checking out both guys and wonder if it's too soon to bathroom break and claim which one we each shall make a move on. But before I can get a word in to Lucy, Ben says suddenly, "Hi Lucy!" and gives her a huge hug hello! It turns out that they are co-workers! Could the world get any smaller. Well, I guess we don't need to figure out who's boy is who's, unless Lucy is in to the whole office romance thing. Still, a conference is in order, I grab Lucy to head to the bathroom.

One our way, we run into my ex. He nonchalantly asks me more information about Matt. "Where is he from & what does he do?" I try to evade the question since I obviously know nothing about him and I pull on Lucy's arm to help me out but she isn't really paying attention to me because she's looking at all the other eye candy in the place. Lucy dishes on her conversation with the ex. Turns out he's back in town for a wedding, and the bachelor party is at Magnolia tonight. And to make matters worse, Lucy mentions that Ben told her earlier that week at work that he was going to be out on Saturday for a bachelor party. Could it be my new hot duo of saviors is actually with the same group that my ex is in? I guess the world can get smaller.

Lucy and I finally reach the lounge in the swanky bathroom, and I tell her to come clean. "What is going on!" I demand. "Oh relax!" she tells me, as she puckers, paints and pouts in the mirror. "Besides" she says with a raised eyebrow "when you see who else is here tonight this will all seem like a drop in the glass". Holy crap, I'm thinking, why didn't I just stay home tonight? She grabs my hand and leads me back out the door. "Wild women coming through" she announces. I consider my options=; there is a window near the sink I could climb through and go MIA for the night, but I did not get a pedi and mani just to let it go to waste in my pajamas...besides, if I went home I would end up eating a pint of Ben & Jerry's in my PJs and my hips def didn't need that, esp since they look oh so good in this little dress. I decided to suck it up and see what else could happen. I would say it couldn't get worse, but then it did. As we leave the bathroom, I am shocked to see Matt, Ben and my ex chatting!!! Every expletive runs through my mind. Lucy notices my deer in the headlight face and steers me towards the bar for more champagne and one of her famous pep talks. She says, "Okay, look. The worst that can happen is that your pal Matt tells your ex he isn't really your boyfriend. It would be embarrassing, yes, but seriously, do you think he is doing that?" I look over, and Matt and my ex seem to be in a serious conversation-there is no laughing, no pointing or staring. I catch Matt's eye and he winks at me, and I know then that I am safe--for now. I said "You are right! give me that red headed slut and lets start this party!" We take our shots, and walk toward the group. Maybe it's the drink, but suddenly I feel like this is "my night", and it shows. I make my way to the dance floor and immediately a hot guy joins me there and starts dancing with me. The music makes me feel free, the lights and the people are like a kaleidoscope; colorful, constantly moving, beautiful. I wonder why I had ever been worried about where the night might go. Then Matt saunters up, with that finely sculpted backside, and asks if he can cut in. Of course I say yes, and we start dancing, and not just with our bodies. I am feeling super sexy right now; the music is just right, our conversation is extremely flirty and fun, and I am saying just the right things to keep it light but sexy. Then he says to me "So, maybe we should rethink our relationship-" and for one horrifying moment I am thinking to myself I am going to be dumped by someone who isn't even my boyfriend and he continues, -"and make it official" as he says that I am momentarily breathless-and balance-less, and I step sideways at an angle that causes to me trip over my own feet and fall. I can feel my face turn a bright crimson, and thinking I just blew the whole thing-I mean who would want to be with me the rest of the night after that? I am the girl who fell. As I go to stand up, he bends over to help me, and we bump heads. At this point all I can do is laugh, and instead of wallowing in my embarrassment, I pull him down onto the floor with me and do something that is rarely in my repertoire- I kiss him, passionately. Then he looks at me and says...Are you OK? How much have you had to drink so far? Just as he says that everything starts to go silent. I feel lightheaded and then complete darkness.

I awake to the sound of beep...beep...beep. As I open my eyes, I find myself in the hospital. Lucy is sitting in a chair next to the hospital bed and I can tell she was crying. "Lucy, what happened? Why am I here?" "Sweetheart, I have something to tell you....Before you took that shot last night, do you remember you and I were talking by the bar? While our heads were turned, someone slipped GHB in your drink. You passed out cold and have been for 9 hours. Matt, your new friend was worried sick, but your ex, he split and the police are looking for to question him." I went to sit up, reeling from the news, but I had such a bad headache I immediately laid back down. "Are you kidding me? What, he was going to rape me or something?" Lucy looked down and slowly shook her head. When she looked back up I could see the fear in her eyes. "When he left the club in such a hurry, the police started to do a background investigation. The name you know him by, is an alias. He has 3 other identities, and with them 3 dead ex-girl friends. The police think he could be a serial murderer, much like a black widow, only he is doing the killing." I laid, in stunned silence as tears began to well in my eyes. I turned away, and when I did, I saw a vase of beautiful roses. I turned back to Lucy "Who are they from?" At that time, Matt walks into the room and says, "They are from me. I have something to tell you also."

If I thought I had heard it all, more was coming. I pushed the nurse button to get some pain medicine for my splitting headache, and Matt continued. "Our meeting was not just by chance. I was hired to come here and get involved with you. By that guy, your ex. I am an actor, you see, well, actually, I am an FBI agent, posing as an actor. I am going to be your personal body guard until we can hunt your ex down. Although I must admit, I don't think being with you 24/7 is going to feel much like a job! I must confess-this is going to be a little more complicated than I originally thought. Your ex has a knack for disappearing and staying underground until he feels it's safe to come up for air. It could be days, weeks, even years so the most important thing is to make sure that you are safe. Now, I need to ask you a few questions...When was the last time you saw each other? Talked to each other? Have you been in contact with him?" I close my eyes as things around me start to get fuzzy. I cant handle all these questions right now. It's too much. "Matt," I say, "that is your name right? Get the hell out of here. I don't believe a word of this crap. Lucy, pass me the phone, I am not talking to anyone until I speak to my parents and my lawyer. This all makes no sense whatsoever and I want everyone OUT OF HERE!" As Lucy slams the door, tears stream down my face. I cry myself to sleep and wake up to my mom stroking my hair away from my face. The sense of relief I feel from seeing my mom and dad sitting next to my hospital bed was absolutely indescribable and I instantly know everything is going to be OK.

Come Story Telling with me!!! The Completed Story

DearSugar — Sun, 16 Sep 2007 14:56:51 -0700

I hope you all enjoyed this new feature as much as I did! Your wild imaginations made for a great story line! To read the completed tale you all helped create, read more

"I am going to bring the salad so will you bring the dessert?" Do we really have to go to this thing? "Yes, we do," I replied. "And," I said pointedly, "we even have to pretend to enjoy ourselves." Mel sighed loudly on the other end of the line, paused, and then said, "Alright fine, I'll pick you up at 6." "Make it 5:30," I said firmly, knowing full well that my little sister Melanie was never, ever on time. Melanie looked at the wall, ignoring my every word, like usual. It was impossible to win any sort of argument with Mel, I thought to myself, as I studied her avoidance. Then I snapped out of my day dream as I realized that I could not see Mel's face since I was talking to her over the phone. I smiled because I knew exactly the look she would have on her face just from the tone of her voice.

"Fine, see you then." she said and I heard her hang up the phone. I sighed as I closed my cell phone. What was I going to do with that girl? Lately, she just hasn't been interested in the things that we have always done together. She doesn't enjoy shopping, she doesn't want to go to the dinner parties, and even working together isn't as fun as it used to be. The hardest part was that I couldn't figure out why. I mean, I know that she's been feeling really self-conscious about her body since her operation, but the doctors assured her that the scars would fully heal. Besides, I couldn't see why she wanted to have her nose shrunk. We both have the cutest button noses and she thought she looked like Toucan Sam. In the back of my mind I think she regrets the whole thing since changing her nose has made her look like a completely different person. She'd never admit to it out loud, though. I could almost swear that even the portrait of mom in my study had to take a second glance to be sure it was Melanie when she came over the other night.

Before the operation, I asked her why and her reply was, "I'm not happy with the way I look. I feel like when I enter a room, my nose is the first thing people see. I work in the fashion industry where EVERYONE is perfect and I want to feel confident."

I knew that a girl named Eva, Mel's frenemy from high school had just landed a job at the same magazine Mel worked for, and had been flirting up a storm with Mel's crush, a drop dead gorgeous Gabriel Aubry look-alike. This is it, I thought, really want my sister to be happy, and I'm not going to let this girl steal her man. Now all I needed was a plan to bring Mel and her crush together without Eva being able to interfere Well, that is for another time.

Right now I have to make a salad. It then occurred to me that I had no idea of what kind of salad to make. Salad nicoise? Potato salad? Caesar salad? Getting up and walking to the fridge, I looked inside of it and debated my choices.

I logged on to YumSugar to find a spectacular salad recipe to take to the dinner party our friends were throwing after but then decided, screw it. I'll order one up from the catering place a few blocks over and just pass it off as my own. Those upper crust socialites won't know the difference because they do the same thing. A knock on the back door jilted me from my food debate.

"Who is it?"
"It's John. I need a cup of sugar neighbor."

I knew full well what he meant by a "cup of sugar" Unfortunately, he meant a cup of sugar and that's it. I'd been lusting after John since he moved in last month, but he seemed more interested in Melanie. "So, how's your sister doing?" he said as I opened up the door. "She has a telephone, and a number; both work surprisingly well what with technology and all," I said. "Bad day or what Kim? Please, if it's hard to be neighborly, keep the cup of sugar and the comments," John said.
"No, no, I just, yes, bad day, long day. Whatever you want to call it," a little sigh escaping my mouth. "Please just take the sugar and accept my apology."

He took the sugar from me and as he started looking away I spoke without thinking as I always do, "What's the sugar for, SUGAR?". What was I thinking I just called a grown man SUGAR! I leaned againts the wall trying to recover, arms crossed. With that, John flashed his 1000-watt smile and took the cup.

"Thanks for the sugar, sugar" he laughed, walking out the door. I couldn’t help but smile; I abhor cutesy pet name but I’d be his sugar anytime. “SALAD, Kim” I reminded myself. I decided to call Café Dulce up the street.

“Yes, I’d like to order a fruit and walnut salad” I started, “ohh, and a dozen mini Lindsor Tortes” I continued. Mel might forget to bring dessert, but those trust fund babies weren’t going to be looking down their sculpted noses at the DeMaui sisters. Yikes, I’ll have to wean myself off the nose job humor, I thought, thinking of Mel. Just then the phone rang, I couldn’t believe it - it was John, he said, "thanks again for the sugar, but I'm gay so please stop hitting on me - it's pathetic." I was so shocked by the phone call that I simply said "Get over yourself" and dropped the receiver.

I was too busy to deal with such rudeness. I had just enough time to get to the store and back before 5:30 so I grabbed my car keys and headed out. On the way I ran into Mario. And I have to tell you that after that phone call, Mario was looking like the fresh drink of water that I needed. So I asked him if he might like to join me for dinner? What was I thinking dinner? After totally embarrassing myself with John, and here I am asking this tall drink of water to dinner. Oh my God please tell me I didn't just ask him! Please God, Please God! Mario had been a student in the ESL class I taught, and I had a crush on him that had been hard to hide. I'd seen him out for a walk several times since but chickened out and gone the other way before we got to speaking distance. And no wonder, I sounded like a total idiot; Mario quirked an eyebrow, and I could tell he was trying to hide a smile because his adorable dimple creased his cheek. "Bella Mia do you realize yourself? You are speaking strange things out aloud. I do not understand your drink of water. You are...it is....giornata stressante, no?" He shook his head. stressful day. That was putting it gently. "And your shoes --" he gestured. I looked down -- one sandal and one sneaker. Both left footed. Now I looked like a total idiot. "I just..." I broke off helplessly, flinging up my hands up in a gesture of humiliated resignation. I could feel a blush rise to my cheeks.

He caught one of my hands and stepped in close before I could pull away. "Yes, I would like dinner with you, anywhere, anytime." he murmured. "Tonight?" "Yes," I squeaked in spite of myself as his warm fingers traced my knuckles and trailed down to trace my fingertips. I could feel my pulse fluttering like a caught sparrow. If he did anything else I would melt right here on the sidewalk. How was I going to manage having dinner with him? Oh my god, I had invited him to my dinner party tonight. The one I was hosting for my ex-best friend and my ex-fiance.

My thoughts veered away from old memories, as I realized how close Mario was standing to me, his breath warm on my face. "Tonight, when?" he prompted gently. "6:00. My place and I'll drive you over." My mouth said, smiling, as my brain frantically screamed: zip your lips, girl, shut your mouth, call it off, call it off, get a rain check, you can't handle this tonight, you'll wreck any chances with him if you drag him into this, call it off, wow, he smells good and his hands are so warm....ohhhh....

"Not at your house, then?" he sounded faintly disappointed, then his dimple quirked again. "I will drive. It is a new Ferrari 612 Scaglietti - you will love it." He leaned in close, brushed a straying lock of hair off my face and kissed each cheek -- a European farewell. I could still feel the softness and warmth of his mouth long after he turned the corner and disappeared down Tobein avenue.

I floated home, despite the two left shoes, trying to figure out what to do next. What did I have that looked good that didn't ride up indecently in a Ferrari? How could I stand to be in the same room with ex-best-friend Beth or ex-fiance Sean again? Frack me, I had forgotten the salad, I realized as I changed for the tenth time. So long as I didn't put on two left shoes again, the rest would fix itself, I told myself determinedly, digging through my closet and changing again. I wasn't going to let anything screw up tonight with Mario. Especially given the circumstances of this dinner party I had to endure. I put on my sexiest red dress and did my makeup just right before finally deciding to delve into the salad once and for all. Finally my day is now over.

I had the salad, my outfit was way too sexy for Mario, and I knew I could face the rest. As I was thinking of changing the bed sheets for maybe a little surprise for Mario, I heard the door open and Mel say "hey Tracy, I'm here with the desert," I flung the duvet over my rumpled unmade bed, grabbed the salad out of the fridge, and checked my makeup one last time in the upstairs hall mirror. As hurried down the stairs to the front door entry, I heard a cacophony of noise -- car doors slamming, raised voices, running footsteps, and startled exclamations. I slipped on the steps and almost fell -- all the noise and chaos made the tiny foyer into Grand Central Station. I could see Mel holding the cake platter overhead with two hands, shrieking, trying to stay out of the way of a tangle of arguing men. I heard fragments of conversation "--only kissed her hello--" "--NOT gay!" "--stop fighting, my cake--" "--friend Eva was lying--" "--not GAY, I want her--" "--how they say hello in where I come from--" My neighbor John spurted free of the fracas and careened into me, grabbing my arm for balance the salad bowl spun out of my grasp. I fell with John still in his death grip and yelling in my ear

"--said I was gay to get you to leave me alone, you thick-skulled twit!" And we landed with in a heap, knocking into the crowd on the floor. A confetti of field greens and pear tomatoes rained down us. Wedged between John's shoulder and Mario's knee, I had a perfect view of Mel tilted against Gabe's chest (her crush!), the upraised cake wobbling precariously. I pinched my eyes shut, wincing. All I needed was Eva's frenemy Eva to show up to make this a total disaster. I felt salad dressing drip on my cheek and a tomato bounce into my cleavage.
Mario reached down and hauled me to my feet, and his laughing voice in my ear made me shiver. "Cara Mia, you invite disasters, my Armani is ruined, and yet I have I crave nothing but to taste your tomatoes."

Grooves To Make You Move

DearSugar — Thu, 10 Aug 2006 10:56:30 -0700

Dear Sugar
I know that I am supposed to get in at least 20-30 minutes of exercise (preferably cardio) at least three times a week. The problem is that I have a super busy schedule and by the time I actually get home from my long day of work and client meetings all I want to do is chill out and unwind. Can you give me any suggestions to get motivated? Lazy Mazie

To see DEARSUGAR's answer read more

Dear Lazy Mazie
Everyone is on a time crunch these days but you've got to get that heart rate up to have a healthy mind and body. Don't make me list the myriad of correlations between health benefits and physical fitness. You all know them and ignoring them any longer is putting you that much more at risk for illness and a shorter life.

I know that it's hard to get yourself going again just when you walk in the door from a long and weary day, but here's an idea ... Load up your ipod with songs that move you. Let the music do what's it's meant to do. When that one song that gets you going is blasting loudly, you aren't going to be able to fight the urge to dance (...I mean jog).

While on my trip out here to San Francisco visiting Sugar Publishing HQ, I asked Home Team Sugar what inspires them to shake it like a Polaroid picture. Here's the list:

1. Lose Control - Missy Elliott
2. Black Eyed Peas - Pump It
3. Beyonce - Crazy In Love
4. AC/DC - Shook Me All Night Long
5. Fall Out Boy - Dance, Dance
6. Paradise City - Guns N' Roses
7. LL Cool J - Mama Said Knock You Out
8. Ray Of Light - Madonna
9. Jennifer Lopez - Let's Get Loud
10. Shake It - Eminem

If this doesn't do it for you, you can always check out JennaV's August Workout Play List for more tunes.