TresSugar

Hump Day: What to Do When He's Not Well Endowed

TresSugar — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 08:00:24 -0800

Welcome to Hump Day, TrèsSugar's sex advice column. If you have questions about sex, send them to TrèsSugar, and our friend Dr. Charlie Glickman from Good Vibrations will offer his sound advice!
Today's question:
What are some good techniques to use with a partner who has a relatively small penis?

To see Dr. Glickman's answer, read more.

There are a few different things you could try to make intercourse better. The first thing is to have lots of buildup for both of you. The more excited he is, the harder his erection will be. That can maximize the sensations for you since the vagina tends to be most sensitive near the opening. And the closer you are to orgasm before intercourse, the easier it might be to have an orgasm once he’s inside you.

Some positions may work better for you than others. If you try rear entry (aka doggie style) and arch your back, you’ll probably be able to get deeper penetration. Some women report that crossing their legs (after he’s inside) in this position makes things snugger, which creates more intense sensations for both people. If you prefer face to face contact, prop your hips up on a pillow or the amazing Wedge. Bending your legs so your knees are against your chest also maximizes penetration. Since both the vagina and the penis vary in dimensions, you’ll have to experiment a bit to find the ones that feel best to you. Sadie Allison’s book Ride’Em Cowgirl is full of useful tips and fun ideas.

If you’re having trouble getting enough stimulation for your pleasure, you can always make sure that you get your needs taken care of first or keep the fun going after his orgasm. There’s a commonly held belief that simultaneous orgasm is the ultimate sexual experience, and while it can be fun, if that ideal is getting in the way, then ditch it. If he gives you oral sex or uses his hands first and then you switch to intercourse (or vice versa), then you’re both getting pleasured and I think that’s a great thing.

Quite a few partners of men with smaller penises find that oral sex can be a lot easier. After all, if you have a sensitive gag reflex or a narrow jaw, a smaller penis can be much more fun to play with. I definitely encourage you to get creative when it comes to blow jobs. Check out this excellent DVD on oral sex. Similarly, a slender penis can make anal sex more pleasurable, too. While a lot of people aren’t into anal play, if you happen to be, you might find that it feels better when you’re with someone on the slimmer side of things. You can check out this DVD on anal play.

As you can see, there are lots of choices. You may need to talk with each other to figure out what will work best for the two of you. While you might have some worries about talking with your guy about his penis size, I can guarantee that he already knows about it. If you approach the conversation from a desire to make sure that you’re both having fun, it’ll go a lot better. And whatever you do, don’t make fun of him or shame him for his body. Lots of men are hyper-sensitive about penis size and that’s not going to be a constructive thing to do.

Lastly, for the record, most penises are about five-six inches (12.7-15.24 cm) long and about five inches (12.7 cm) around. Lots of people have distorted expectations about penis size, especially if they watch porn. But a lot of people in porn movies (both male and female) are short - it makes penises look larger, just as they used to make cowboy movie sets small to make the actors look bigger. That sort of forced perspective is a trick of the camera, and unfortunately, it can lead to unrealistic expectations.

I hope that helps. Have fun!

Berlusconi's Mistress Tells Us More Than We Need to Know

TresSugar — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 13:30:23 -0800

Italians really take their sex scandals to the next level. Today, Patrizia D'Addario, former call girl mistress to Italy's "I'm no saint" prime minister, adds a "lesbian dimension" to her tale of sex, power, and retaliation.

Patrizia has a book coming out and excerpts reveal that she has been the target of threats, robbery, and violence after going public about her affair with Silvio Berlusconi. But that's not stopping her. Describing a party held at Berlusconi's home, Patrizia shares the prime minister's preference for white silk pajamas and women who like other women. To see an excerpt, read more.

Patrizia writes:

"Other girls arrived, including a pair of lesbians, and a few other escorts. . . My first thought was that I'd found myself in a harem. He was on the couch and all of us, 20 girls in all, were at his disposition."

While the presence of lesbians probably seems relatively inconsequential, it might upset Italian citizens who were otherwise willing to dismiss heterosexual escapades. And as the Guardian reports, Berlusconi can say good-bye to a recent break from bad press: "The publication of D'Addario's book will divert public attention back to the affair after a period in which the focus had been on another sex scandal involving the former center-left governor of the region around Rome. Piero Marrazzo resigned after being filmed taking drugs and having sex with a transsexual." Mama mia.

Say What? Hero Sex Rocks

TresSugar — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 10:30:56 -0800

"The hero sex really helps a 20-year-old marriage."

- Captain Sully's wife Laurie explains how her husband also saved their sex life when he successfully landed his plane in the Hudson River earlier this year. File this under TMI?

Ask a Wife: How Do I Stop Being the Other Woman?

TresSugar — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 08:00:58 -0800

Conventional Wisdom is a different kind of advice column. Your questions will be answered by people from all walks of life rather than by advice experts. This week, a woman in a happy marriage tries to help out a woman stuck in an affair. If you have a question you'd like answered on Conventional Wisdom, you can submit it here.

Today's Question:

I am involved with a married man and I don't know how to stop. He's been married for a couple of years, and his wife often goes out of town. I feel like I'm in a relationship with him: he calls or texts before he goes to sleep, cooks me dinner when he can, and we talk about almost anything with each other. I don't expect him to leave his wife for me, and it doesn't seem like he's going to. He just says he wishes we would have met before he got married. I know deep down that this is so wrong, but I feel like I can't do anything about it. I feel too happy when I'm around him. Help!

Signed,
The Other Woman

To see the advice, read more.

Dear The Other Woman,

I have some bad news and some good news. First, the bad news: you are not happy. You are in a relationship that is damaging to both you and this man's wife. The only person remotely benefiting from the situation is this unfaithful person you are involved with.

Now the good news: real happiness does exist. You can find someone - who's not married - to talk, laugh, cry, and have sex with. And it will be so much better. But first you need to do some work on yourself. Look at your life and decide what type of person you want to be. Do you want the adjectives selfish, dishonest, and disrespectful to describe who you are? Or would you rather have the words loving, faithful, and complete describe your behavior and your relationship? Next you need to boost your confidence. Think about what has made you do something that is undoubtedly so hurtful to yourself and this other woman. Is it because you are afraid of being alone? Is it because you think this is the best thing you can get? If so, let me tell you that a little patience can go a long way. Focus on the things you really enjoy in life (do you like running? painting? traveling?), the things that make you excited, and you will only become more desirable.

The search for love is a hard and frustrating one, but you are just going down a dark and depressing path with nothing but hurt waiting at the end of it. End things with this unavailable man, figure out why you love yourself, and then you will find someone who loves you for all those qualities too.

Signed,
A Wife

Hump Day: Sex Makes Her Uncomfortable

TresSugar — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 07:30:23 -0800

Welcome to Hump Day, TrèsSugar's sex advice column. If you have questions about sex, send them to TrèsSugar, and our friend Dr. Charlie Glickman from Good Vibrations will offer his sound advice!

Today's Question:
I'm 24 and in my first relationship. I really like the guy, we've been going out for six months, but I get nervous whenever he slips his hand under my underwear. He gets the hint and stops. I don't mind him doing other things (we haven't slept together yet), but I wish I wasn't such a prude. I don't know what he expects and I worry that he will be grossed out, as I only shave/wax the bikini line but not the whole thing. What if he thinks it is ugly? I also don't know what I should expect; he knows I'm a virgin, but I don't know how to speak to him about why I get uncomfortable, and I don't know how to overcome it! I also have a few stretch marks and worry that he will be grossed out by them. Please help?

To read Dr. Glickman's response, read more.

Thank you for sharing this challenging situation. I know that it can be scary to talk about things like this, but these are all really common thoughts.

One of the things that can help when you’re on the edge of your comfort zone is to take it very slowly. It’ll probably help to tell your guy about your discomfort, even if you can’t tell him why it’s there. You could simply say "I have a lot of discomfort around sex." You also might want to do a little solo exploration. It takes the pressure off because there aren’t any partner expectations. Check out the wonderful book Becoming Orgasmic. If you’re looking for tips or ideas for techniques, Tickle Your Fancy is full of suggestions. Once you know a bit more about what you like or dislike, you and your boyfriend might be able to find something that you both like to do.

It’s worth mentioning that vulvas come in all different shapes. (The vulva is the external female anatomy. The vagina is the inside part.) There’s a long history of negative attitudes towards the vulva, but each one is unique and beautiful in its own way. A lot of women have the idea that there’s something wrong with their vulvas because they don’t look like what we see in porn or because they have hair, and I think that’s unfortunate. I strongly recommend getting to know your parts and Scarleteen has a great site about that. It’s geared towards teens, but there's lots of amazing info about sex, bodies, and pleasure.

Another option would be to explore some of these concerns with a therapist. When you have an itch on your back, you need someone else to scratch it. Therapists help us by reaching the spots we can’t reach on our own. Lastly, depending on where you are, you could join a body-image support group. While they tend not to focus on sexuality, they can be an incredibly helpful way to work through our concerns about our bodies and how we (or other people) feel about them.

Working through these challenges isn’t always easy, but it can be very rewarding. Whatever route you choose, I hope you find the pleasure and joy that you deserve.

US STD Rate Highest of Developed Countries - and Rising!

TresSugar — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 10:00:49 -0800

Let's talk about sex . . . or else! According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, reluctance to talk about sex is keeping STD infection rates on the rise in the US, especially among teens. After practically being eradicated, syphilis is resurgent, and chlamydia and gonorrhea are also at "unacceptably high levels." Thanks to our prudishness, the US has the highest rate of STDs of any developed country in the world.

It's no secret that abstinence-only sex education is popular in America. Thankfully, after confronting the fact that abstinence-only education does not effectively reduce STD infection rates, some school districts are moving to abstinence-plus education, which reasonably stresses the importance of using protection if a teen is sexually active.

Of course, parents can also do something to reduce STD risks by providing a little sex education at home. When I asked a while back, more than half of TrèsSugar readers said their parents avoided having an awkward conversation about contraception. Maybe these new statistics will remind parents that reducing health risks are worth a few uncomfortable minutes.

Stranger Than Fiction: To Catch a Husband

TresSugar — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 11:00:32 -0800

Sitting in her living room in South Wales, Cheryl Roberts entered a chat room posing as a 14-year-old girl. Why, you ask? After finding suspicious messages on her husband's computer, Cheryl wanted to catch him in the act of trying to seduce young schoolgirls. Unfortunately, she succeeded.

Cheryl's husband David had no idea that as he chatted away in his study, he was really talking to his wife in the living room. Using a webcam, David filmed himself performing "acts of indecency" on himself and he thought he was broadcasting the images to a 14-year-old girl, but it was really his wife. Upon seeing this horrifying display, Cheryl called the cops, who then found a bunch of child porn on his computer. No word if Chris Hansen made an appearance.

David went on to face legal repercussions, and I think it's needless to say that the couple is now divorced. This poor woman!

Victorian Sex Slang: Test Your Vocab

TresSugar — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 04:00:00 -0800

From high-neck shirts to floor-length skirts, Victorian fashion left much to the imagination. Neo-Puritanical ideals may have dominated polite society, but sex was by no means hard to find. You just needed to talk the talk!

Source: Flickr User Gabriela Camerotti

Take the quiz

Are You Loud in Bed?

TresSugar — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 09:00:00 -0800

Englishwoman Caroline Cartwright likes to be loud when she makes love - so loud that her "unnatural" screams that sounded like "murder" and which were heard by the neighborhood children and postman got her convicted for a statutory noise violation.

Cartwright tried to appeal the conviction on grounds that it violated her right to privacy, but a magistrate upheld the conviction. The court reasoned:

"It certainly was intrusive and constituted a statutory nuisance. It was clearly of a very disturbing nature and it was also compounded by the duration - this was not a one-off, it went on for hours at a time. It is further compounded by the frequency of the episode, virtually every night."

Well, now we know that Caroline was having hours-long sex almost every night. Not bad! While I'm sure none of you would get a noise violation for your sexual screams, do you consider yourself loud in bed?

Sex Toy or Roller Coaster? Part Two!

TresSugar — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 07:00:00 -0800

Sex can be a wild ride, and amusement park rides sure sound like sex toys. After making the first sex toy or roller coaster quiz, I had so many more ridiculous names to choose from that I figured I'd test your sex-toy savvy yet again. Do you feel the need for speed? See if you can tell the sex toys from the roller coasters.

Take the quiz