TresSugar

Intimate Problem: Penile Fracture

DearSugar — Tue, 24 Feb 2009 07:30:00 -0800

There's a time and place for wild sex, but you don't want to become too energetic and risk giving your man a penile fracture. When I saw this happen on a recent episode of Grey's Anatomy, I thought they were joking. I mean, there's no bone in the penis, so how could it become fractured? This rare injury actually involves the cylinder in the penis known as the corpus cavernosum, the part that becomes engorged with blood when a man has an erection. When the lining of this cylinder ruptures, it's known as a penile fracture. It's apparently an extremely painful injury that may be accompanied by a popping sound, immediately followed by bruising and loss of erection. The urethra may also be damaged, and a guy may notice blood at the opening of his penis. This is not something that will remedy itself with ibuprofen and a bag of ice - immediate medical attention and surgery is necessary, and if the guy doesn't get help, he can suffer permanent damage to his business.

A penile fracture can happen during sex when the woman is on top, when the penis becomes overbent, or if too much pressure is applied. It can also happen in non-sexual situations - anytime a guy suffers trauma to his penis while having an erection, he's at risk for a penile fracture. Like I said, this is a pretty rare injury so I wouldn't worry too much about hurting your man, but it is something to keep in mind.

To see the Grey's Anatomy clip, read more.

Here's the clip from the episode "Stairway to Heaven."

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Is the Recession Ruining Your Sex Life?

DearSugar — Mon, 16 Feb 2009 09:00:00 -0800

We're all feeling the effects of the bad economy right now - having to cut back on vacations, expensive clothes, and dinners out - but some experts are saying that the recession is affecting people's love lives too. Couples are stressed about money so they're arguing more, going out less, and just not in the mood to have sex. Even though sex can take your mind off your problems, too much stress can be a major turnoff. According to a survey from the Daily Beast, 21 percent of people admitted to having less sex than usual. Some would call that a sexual recession, but what about you? Has the recent economic downtown put a damper on your sex life?

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What's Up With Sexsomnia?

DearSugar — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 15:00:00 -0800

I've heard of sleepwalking, but sleep sex? Now that's a new one! It's also referred to as sexomnia and it's classified as a sleep disorder. People that suffer from sexsomnia wake up in the morning and have absolutely no recollection of what happened while they snoozed.

At this time scientists aren't sure what causes sexsomnia, but they think it may have to do with genetics, certain medications, or stress. They do know that sexsomnia rages in severity: some victims just moan and grope while others engage in sexual activity with themselves or with the person in bed with them. Some become violent and dangerous, and may even sexually assault people against their will.

Sexsomnia is a rare disorder, but it's definitely real. It's a type of parasomnia - any behavior typically disrupts sleep. Some examples are talking, walking, eating, or driving in your sleep. Parasomnia is common in kids, but as low as three to six percent of adults continue the behavior. Since sexsomnia is chronic, treatment is essential. Medication, therapy, and lifestyle changes where stress and alcohol are avoided can help prevent episodes.

Pretty interesting, huh? Do you know anyone that's suffered from sexsomnia?

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Do Women Get "Blue Balls" Too?

DearSugar — Thu, 30 Oct 2008 09:00:00 -0700

A couple weeks ago I posted about whether blue balls were a real condition: When a guy becomes aroused, blood rushes to his nether regions and an erection is born. If he doesn't have an orgasm, many guys claim they're left with an unbearable feeling below the waist known as "blue balls."

So is there some equivalent condition for women? To find out read more.

Yes, women can experience the same thing. This feeling is both physically irritating and emotionally frustrating. It's a type of vasocongestion, which basically means swelling of tissues due to increased blood flow. For women, there's no specific term for this issue. I think it has to do with the fact that scientifically speaking, it's no big deal for a woman not to have an orgasm since the purpose of sex is to have babies. A female orgasm doesn't make that happen, but a guy's does, so that's why his orgasm may be considered more important. I also think that it's become socially acceptable for a guy to climax every time he has sex. Maybe men thought that if they came up with a name for this condition, we'd feel more obligated to "cure" the problem, but puleeze - women deserve to orgasm just as often as men!

The good news is that although it may be tough to fall asleep with your mind on sex, the physical aching quickly subsides as soon as the blood flow to the area decreases. With both men and women, you don't have to worry about this feeling causing any harm to your privates. If you're experiencing "blue balls," there's no reason why you can't just take matters into your own hands, if you know what I mean!

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Gonorrhea of the Throat?

DearSugar — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 12:00:00 -0700

I don't know how many women I've talked to that say they'll engage in oral sex with a guy no problem, but if they're going to have sex, they make him get tested first. Um, hello?! For all those ladies out there with that mindset, I have four words for you - Gonorrhea of the Throat. Remember that oral sex still allows secretions to be passed from one partner to another, and since some people with STIs such as gonorrhea don't show symptoms until the condition has progressed, they can unknowingly pass it on. Now can you see why I'm so pushy about advising that you and your partner get tested before any intimacy occurs?

I know gonorrhea of the throat sounds utterly painful, but symptoms only include a sore throat, and some people experience no symptoms at all, although people with this condition often have signs of regular gonorrhea as well. To diagnosis this STI, a doctor will take samples of secretions from the infected areas and luckily, all types of gonorrhea can be treated with a healthy dose of antibiotics.

Seriously ladies, if this doesn't make you request that a new partner get tested, I don't know what will. Any type of intimacy where you have the possibility of being exposed to another person's blood, semen, vaginal secretions, or breast milk should only occur if you know your partner is STI free.

Dear's Advice: If getting tested before oral sex isn't happening, you can still protect yourself by having the man wear a condom, or a woman place a dental dam over her lady business. I know that doesn't sound very sexy, but it's better than finding out you have gonorrhea of the throat!

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Sex Therapy: What to Expect

DearSugar — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 07:00:00 -0700

For whatever reason, your sex life isn't doing it for you. Maybe it started out amazing, but it's lost its pizazz. Maybe you're upset because you used to do it several times a day and now you're lucky to get to it once a month. Maybe you want to deepen your intimacy level, but you're not sure how. Whatever the reason, sex therapy can help.

If you've contemplated making an appointment, but are nervous about what may happen, here's a little bit of what you can expect.

When you and your partner begin to see a therapist, they'll probably want to see you for 50-60 minute sessions, once every week. This consistency will help to develop a closer relationship with your therapist.
The therapist wants to help you, but in order to do that she will have to ask you a lot of questions, many of which will be personal and/or embarrassing. Nonetheless, it's important that you and your partner are both open and honest so the therapist can get to know you and your situation.

What else can you expect? To find out read more.

The therapist should strive to offer a sensitive and safe environment for you to talk about your feelings and experiences. She should not push you to talk about issues you aren't ready or willing to discuss.
There may be homework involved. The therapist may make suggestions of things to try out with your partner, some of which may focus more on intimacy rather than intercourse or reaching orgasm. She'll probably ask you to discuss your feelings about what you experienced in the next session.
The sex therapist may serve as a sex educator, offering you info or materials to read so you can learn more about sexuality or sexual issues.
The therapist will also help you deal with other stresses in your life that may be contributing to your unsatisfying sex life.
If you are concerned about a physical problem that may be preventing you from sexual satisfaction, the therapist may recommend you see your doctor and get some tests or an examination.
The therapist wants to help you get more comfortable with talking about sex, so they'll do a lot of listening. They will also teach you ways to communicate your sexual feelings and needs to your partner.

If any of you have seen a sex therapist before, please share your experiences in the comment section below.

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10 Reasons Why Men Don't Want Sex: Part One

DearSugar — Wed, 09 Apr 2008 08:00:00 -0700

In the beginning of a new relationship, it's hard to keep your hands off each other. Sharing all that fiery passion is what makes it so exciting, but as you get to know each other and become more comfortable, the frequency of sex usually cools down, and sometimes, your sex life can hit a complete drought. So if your man is the one who's "not in the mood," here are the top five reasons why, according to WebMD:

Medications: If your man is taking prescriptions for depression or anxiety, they may be to blame for his nonexistent sex drive.
Lack of sleep: If your man hasn't gotten his fair share of zzz's, then sleep will be the only thing on his mind come bedtime.
Hormonal levels: Testosterone is what drives your man to want to get it on, so if he's lacking in that department, don't count on him wanting to tear your clothes off. Your man can easily figure out if this is the problem by seeing his doctor and getting his hormonal levels checked.

Want to see the other two reasons? Then read more.

Identity issues: Some men have a personal crisis and start to ask important questions like, "What am I doing with my life?" This can happen if they're unhappy with their job or have recently gotten laid off. They could also have issues with their identity if their strong beliefs are questioned or if a close friend or loved one passes away. These kind of issues will understandably put sex on the back burner.
Turn-off to aspects of the sex: If your man has a hard time pleasing you or you take a long time to orgasm, he may have confidence issues or feel like sex is too much work. If he doesn't find sex fulfilling, or if he's not turned on by his partner, instead of talking about it, he may think it's easier to just not have sex at all.

Pretty interesting huh! Stay tuned for Part Two, with five more reasons men don't want to have sex.

You Asked: He's Obsessed With Sex

DearSugar — Tue, 23 Sep 2008 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

My fiancé and I moved really fast in our relationship, which is great! Everything has worked out really well. The first few months that we dated we made out a lot, but we didn't have sex. We wanted to get to know one another without sex being involved. As passionate as we both felt about one another, we knew sex would not be an issue, which turned out to be true. But now he is obsessed with sex; he wants it all the time! And a lot of his pleasure is derived from me getting pleasure. That's fine, except sometimes I don't feel up to it.

I have discussed this with him, and he's told me that sex is a very important aspect of his life, but of course I didn't know just how important it was until after we moved in together. Obviously, I don't want him to totally stop initiating sex, but I can't do it every time he wants it and it makes him upset. Is his behavior normal? Am I just being unrealistic? What do I do now?

- All the Time Alicia

To see DearSugar's answer, read more.

Dear All the Time Alicia,

You yourself said that your relationship progressed very quickly, and one of the things we learn as a relationship grows is the level of each person's sexual needs and how they vary. Finding a balance that works for both people is an extremely important part of a long-term relationship and no easy task. To answer your first question: yes, I do think his behavior is normal. In fact, it's not uncommon for people to have strong and urgent desire for sex much of the time. With that said, it's also totally normal to have a lower sex drive; everyone's different. Now that you both know you have differing sexual needs, it's important to come up with a level of sexual frequency that works for both of you.

If you don't want to have sex or have him pleasure you every time he wants to, that's OK, and he needs to understand and respect that. Likewise you need to realize that if you've gone days without engaging in sexual activity, he may be more frustrated if you turn him down. Keep in mind that intercourse is not the only way to sexual satisfaction. There are other things you can do for each other and with each other that may be a comfortable compromise. If you can learn to communicate about this openly, it's far less likely to become an opportunity for resentment, so start sharing your feelings with him.

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Sunday Confessional: She Doesn't Want to Date a Virgin

TresSugar — Sun, 15 Nov 2009 08:00:00 -0800

This week's anonymous confession comes from the TrèsSugar Community group Confession Booth. This confessor finds herself worried about dating a vrigin. She explains:

"I am seeing an absolutely amazing guy. He's everything I've hoped for - honest, funny, charming, trustworthy, and insanely handsome. I feel like he's my reward for putting up with the worst examples of men this world has to offer. I feel so lucky and safe. I couldn't be happier! Oh wait . . . actually I could. There's one small issue that I'm afraid could be a huge issue for me. He's a virgin - and he plans to stay that way. I thought it wouldn't be an issue for me; it's nice to know a guy likes me for me and not just for sex! As we get closer I realize it will eventually be an issue for me. I like sex. Sex with someone I care about is awesome. I thought I could live without it, but now I'm not so sure. I feel like "such a dude," but I'm hesitating at the thought of continuing to see him. Am I a terrible person for needing sex in a relationship? Do I continue to date him and risk resenting him later? I don't know what to do or how to feel."

Do you think this is a big deal?

A Do or a Don't: Confiding in Others About Body Insecurities

DearSugar — Wed, 17 Sep 2008 15:00:00 -0700

A friend recently confided in me about some issues she’s dealing with regarding her weight - something she's apparently been trying to manage for years. I was totally surprised by her admission; of course she has her least favorite spot, but she always comes off incredibly secure with her body. When I asked why she had never opened up to me about it before, she said that she was too embarrassed.

And it’s true, anything related to our bodies - emotional issues, health concerns, and sex - can be very hard to talk about, but sometimes revealing such a personal matter can help you feel like you’re not alone. Do you agree? If you’re prone to body issues, does voicing them make you feel better? Worse? Or do you tend to just keep them all to yourself?

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