TresSugar

Spotting a Lie

DearSugar — Wed, 01 Oct 2008 10:00:00 -0700

For some people, lying is practically impossible, while for others, spouting a few untruths is almost too easy. But unless someone is a pathological liar, you'll probably see their deception spelled out in their body language and behavior. The October issue of Self has a few great pointers on how to recognize when you’re being totally duped. I've listed them here and added on my own suggestions too!

Emotions will appear on someone’s face. So watch their expression closely to see if it matches what they’re saying.
The eyes say more than you think. In fact if they seem motionless or neutral, it’s likely that the person isn’t truly behind what they’re saying.
A reaction that comes on strong and disappears just as fast is likely to be false. True emotions linger.
When you think someone is spinning lies, take note of their hand movement. If they're fibbing, you're likely to see a decrease in gestures.

To see my additions just read more.

For me, one of the greatest indicators that someone is lying is if they seem to be talking in circles. If you get the sensation that someone is tugging you around, they probably are.
Unless you’re terrible at picking up on vibes, it should be pretty easy to tell if a particular topic makes someone uncomfortable. This doesn’t mean they’re directly lying, but it could mean they’re omitting the truth, so beware.
I know I say it all the time, but I'm going to say it again: listen to your instincts! There’s a reason you feel like someone is lying, so don't just disregard that feeling in your gut.

So let me ask you: Have you ever caught someone in a lie?

Source

Sex Is Good For You!

DearSugar — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 16:00:00 -0700

George Michael said it best, "Sex is natural, sex is good, not everybody does it but everybody should" and now the March issue of Self is telling us why. Although we have sex for many reasons, mainly because it's pleasurable, getting between the sheets has its health benefits, too. If you need another excuse to get busy this weekend, click here to read more, and see all the good a little nooky can do.

According to the article, these 10 reasons to have sex will help make a better you!

Sex staves off the sniffles
Sex eases migraines
Sex reduces your endometriosis risk
Sex bolsters bladder control
Sex soothes stress
Sex is a sleep aid
Sex ups your self-esteem
Sex syncs your cycle
Sex tightens and tones
Sex helps you eat better

Dear's Advice: Always remember to practice safe sex.

Confidence Can Help Your Immune System

DearSugar — Tue, 22 Jul 2008 07:00:00 -0700

We all know that loving yourself is good for the soul, but according to a recent article in Glamour magazine, women who like their bodies regardless of their weight felt sick 30 percent less than women who wished they weighed less. Peter Muenning who conducted this study explains that "feeling bad about yourself activates stress centers in the brain that can actually lead to disease."

This finding makes complete and perfect sense to me, but have you noticed a correlation to your health and your self-confidence? If not, hopefully the desire to stay healthy will prevent so many of us from being overly critical and self-deprecating.

Source

Say What? Superstar Goalie Hope Solo Doesn't Like Pink

TresSugar — Fri, 04 Sep 2009 08:00:00 -0700

"They go and make this padded goal-keeper jersey and it's hot pink - it just looks girly, it looks juvenile, it doesn't look professional. And so I said, 'There's no way in hell I'm wearing this.'"

- Hope Solo, goalie for the St. Louis Athletica, quoted in The Atlantic magazine's September issue about her reaction to the uniforms Puma designed for the league's seven teams. Both beloved and reviled for her cocky ways, Solo, considered by some to be the best goalkeeper in the world, is getting endorsement deals from VitaminWater and Nike. The self-described "loudmouth goalkeeper" is shown here in Beijing after winning the Women's Football Gold Medal match between Brazil and the US in August. Many were not amused by her victory dance around the field wearing a fake gold medal dangling from her neck.

What's Prison Like? 8 Tips For White Collar Criminals

CitizenSugar — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 09:30:59 -0700

The New York Post reports Bernie Madoff's niece Shana, a compliance officer at his infamous firm, "signed a lot of documents" during her tenure. The possible convicté has been asking around the streets of Manhattan's downtown as to what, exactly, is prison like.

Good question! She's summoned Larry Levine, founder of Wall Street Prison Consultants and former inmate #587,1635, to take his fedtime 101 crash course for the one-time price of $999 (call now!). Learn more at his website that asks "Going from the exchange floor to the prison yard?" Maybe, Larry, it may be.

Since not every white collar criminal can afford (some aren't very good) top-notch services, I thought I'd round up the Internet's best tips on what to expect when you're serving time. Ready? You will be.

Order magazines subscriptions: There's no Internet in jail, if WikiHow can be believed. If you self-surrender, you'll have time to order them beforehand.
Go to the dentist! While dental care is offered in prison, you do not want it.
Lose the nostalgia: Focus on your prison life, not on the outside world. Get involved!
Talk the talk: Levine is the process of penning a prison-slang dictionary. He recommends Shana learn words like "kiester," a verb meaning "to smuggle something like cigarettes or batteries using your back end."

To see the rest, read more.

Get new glasses: The choice of frames are awful in prison.
Don't believe appearances: White-collar jail may not look like the stark barbwire colonies of high-security prisons, but the game is the same. Expect loss of privacy, cavity searches, standing in line outside for 90 or so minutes (weather not permitting), and food that makes your college cafeteria look like three Michelin stars.
Emotions: Don't express them! Guards and other inmates prey on emotions. If they know what angers you, they will manipulate you; if they know what makes you happy, they will take it away.
Get a good prison book! There are many out there; consider Chicken Soup For the Prisoner's Soul.

Source

Ask E. Jean: How Do I Explain My Extreme Shyness?

E Jean Carroll — Thu, 15 Jan 2009 10:00:20 -0800

Dear E. Jean,

Whenever I meet a girl I don't know, I suffer from truly spectacular social awkwardness. It's difficult for me to function at any level, including breathing. The result: I'm 40, and I've never had a girlfriend. Never even come close. I've gone out on three dates in my life, each one a disaster. It didn't help that I lived at home into my mid-30s - way too long, I now realize. I'm trying to change my life. I've moved out, bought a house, and have been working hard to overcome my shyness. I've begun having conversations with people I don’t know well. To my immense relief, I'm getting better with practice.

So the question is, now that I'm working up the courage to begin dating, how and when do I tell someone about my odd case history without throwing them for a loop or appearing to be way too peculiar and turning them off completely? Yes, I'm also worried that I'll make every other dating faux pas in the book, but one problem at a time. (Please, please, please no 40-year-old virgin jokes.) - Self-Conscious Enough as It Is

To read E. Jean's advice, read more.

Self, My Swordsman,

I beg your pardon. Did you say . . . three? Only three disasters, sir? Hell, there are hundreds of social catastrophes for you to enjoy. Get ready. Here are your five steps to victory:

Lay Plans: Go to your local church and sign an "abstinence pledge." Statistics show you will lose your virginity within seconds after leaving the building.
Know Your Weak Points: Don't date. It will kill your social life.
Vary Your Tactics: Instead, go to meetup.com. It's genius! Scroll through the dozens of inspiring, egg-heady, wild, world-bettering get-togethers in your area and choose a group that you like. (Yes, there are "virgins" meetups, not to mention the "Beltway Atheists." And if you don't join a group that is at least half women, I'm going to come to your town and hold a meetup called "Bang Jim.") Then all you have to do is show up. Shake hands. Share a beer. No pressure. Make friends of all ages and both sexes.
Wage the PR War: Your story: single guy, a bit shy, good job, owns his own home, no baggage.
Allow Yourself to Be Conquered. And when you get effed-up and shaky in the middle of a conversation-excellent! Most young ladies will walk over their own grandmothers to find a man who will listen to them. (Sun Tzu says the warrior who "gathers the highest intelligence" achieves the "greatest results.") So don’t worry. Wear something handsome, look her in the eye, ask a question, listen, throw out a compliment, ask another question, and in a few weeks you’ll be poking like blazes! Good luck!

To see more advice from E. Jean, visit Elle magazine and AskEJean.com.

Ask E. Jean For DearSugar: We've Both Gained the Newlywed 15 - Help!

E Jean Carroll — Thu, 08 Jan 2009 14:00:00 -0800

Dear E. Jean,

My husband and I have been married one year and we're very much in love. What's the problem? We're getting fat and we blame each other! Instead of the Freshman 15, we’ve each put on the Newlywed 15 in less than a year. We’ve tried dieting together, but we fall back into bad eating habits during times of stress or celebration. My husband is a fan of the low-carb diet; I don’t think a life without carbs is worth living. He likes lifting weights and running; I prefer yoga. It’s impossible!

But no matter what E. Jean, we’re too attractive to let ourselves go! I haven’t been feeling as confident as I used to, and this affects our marriage in more ways than one. When I feel badly about myself I can’t give my husband the attention he deserves. We should be feeling frisky and sexy, not flabby and irritable! Help! - Fat and Unhappy in Houston

To see E. Jean's answer read more.

E. Jean to Houston,

Darling, I’d like to see you and your husband try to keep the weight on after you have a whirl at this. (I’m a moron for not thinking of this years ago!)

Go to Flaab.com. Decide how much money it’s worth to each of you to get rid of the 15 pounds forever - $15? $50? $150? $500? (I know people who’ve spent $5,000 a year since the Reagan Administration trying to lose the same 20 pounds.) Decide the date by which you want to lose the weight. Then tell Auntie Eeee the name of your husband’s ex-girlfriend. Because Auntie Eeee is going to send her the money if you don’t lose the weight.

Yes, and to make doubly certain you don’t "fall back into bad eating habits," the note I’m sending to the ex-girlfriend (along with your money) will say you’re such a delightful dingbat that you want her - the ex-girlfriend - to take your husband out to dinner because you’re no longer feeling "frisky and sexy" and can’t lose 15 pounds. (By the way, the note I’d be sending to your ex-boyfriend because your husband can’t lose the pounds is even more entertaining.)

Of course, you’ll get the money back if you do lose the weight; not that you’ll be able to look at food again. And if there are no exes in the case, you can name a horrid ex-boss, a mean girl from high school, or a nasty political group like Kill the Whales.

So let’s do it. The $40 billion-a-year diet industry has wasted everyone’s bread long enough! You can help feed the world’s hungry by stipulating that the United Nations Food Programme receives a percentage of the money you put down. My friend, Kenneth Shaw, a brainiac economics guy out of Stanford, has made the site so simple (no pictures! no bilge!) it’s almost Google-esque.

And best of all? On Flaab.com, you can maintain your svelte self by stipulating that the cash will go to your husband’s ex (the guy who stole your promotion, a puppy mill, etc) if you gain a pound back. Enjoy!

To see more advice from E. Jean, visit Elle magazine and AskEJean.com.

Want to Be Fly on McCain Camp Wall? Pick up NYT Mag

LibertySugar — Sat, 25 Oct 2008 13:00:24 -0700

This weekend's NYT Magazine piece on the making and remaking of John McCain reads like a Greek tragedy. "John McCain’s biography has been the stuff of legend for nearly a decade," the lengthy piece points out. "And yet Schmidt and his fellow strategists have had difficulty explaining how America will be better off for electing (as opposed to simply admiring) a stubborn patriot." Throughout the magazine piece, a litany of narratives are identified.

The Heroic Fighters vs. the Quitters: Steve Schmidt, McCain's top adviser, encouraged McCain to denounce the Democrats for advocating a withdrawal of troops - a kind of surrender in the face of victory. Thus did Schmidt initiate the No Surrender Tour late in the summer of 2007.
Country-First Deal Maker vs. Nonpartisan Pretender: The campaign was in the throes of an identity crisis by June 24, when a number of senior strategists gathered at 9:30 a.m. in a conference room of McCain’s campaign headquarters in Arlington. As one participant said later, the meeting was convened “because we still couldn’t answer the question, ‘Why elect John McCain?'"
Leader vs. Celebrity: Eventually, it was Schmidt who blurted out the epiphany concerning Obama. “Face it, gentlemen,” he said. “He’s being treated like a celebrity.” The others grasped the concept - a celebrity like J-Lo! or Britney! - and exultation overtook the room.
Team of Mavericks vs. Old-Style Washington: Well before McCain made his selection, his chief strategist and his campaign manager both concluded that Sarah Palin would be the most dynamic pick.
John McCain vs. John McCain: The flipside to John McCain’s metanarrative of personal valor has always been palpable self-righteousness. In this campaign, his sense of integrity has been doubly offended.
The Fighter (Again) vs. the Tax-and-Spend Liberal: McCain was once again a warrior - only more upbeat, more respectful of his opponent, more empathetic to suffering Americans and far more disapproving of the president.

If McCain pulls this off, the author may have re-write the story. Check out the whole drama if you need some weekend reading!

Women in Saudi Arabia Turn to Oprah For Inspiration

LibertySugar — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 12:15:00 -0700

Oprah Winfrey acts a role model to those living much different lives than hers - the women of Saudi Arabia. The New York Times just wrote about Oprah's fans in the strict Islamic country, where her show plays with Arabic subtitles two times a day, five days a week. Content that violates Saudi law, like homosexuality, does get censored, but episodes about Arab-Western relations and the threat of Islamic terrorism make the air.

Saudi women crave Oprah's message that even if they face restricted or abusive situations, women can create lives of value. The message of change from within gives some energy and hope, making them feel self-empowered perhaps for the first time.

Saudi Arabia's largest women's magazine even devotes an entire page to Oprah. To see how the Saudi women explain the interest, read more.

One young woman told the New York Times that Oprah discusses taboo subjects, saying:

She talks about racism, for example. This is something that Saudis are very concerned about, because many of us feel that we’re judged for the way we veil or for our skin color. I have a friend whose driver touched her in an inappropriate way. She was very young at the time, but she felt very guilty about it - and Oprah helped her to speak about this abuse with her mother.

While it's less than ideal that some women must turn to a TV personality as their glimmer of hope, Oprah's success in penetrating this Middle Eastern society shows that the American message of self-improvement and human rights could be more powerful than weapons and armies.

Source

Ask E. Jean For DearSugar: Should I Have an Affair?

E Jean Carroll — Thu, 25 Sep 2008 10:00:00 -0700

Dear E. Jean,

I’m married to a man who works 14 hours a day. When he finally gets home he doesn’t talk to me, doesn’t ask how our 7-year-old son is, he only grunts, gets a bottle of water out of the fridge, sits down in front of his computer and does more work. He hasn’t thrown a baseball with our son once! When he’s home he’s either in front of his computer in his den or watching golf on TV. He’s so closed off and self-involved that when I suggest we actually play nine holes of golf together, he says his back hurts. He pays more attention to our Labrador than to me and his son.

We don’t eat dinner together (he usually eats with “important” clients), we don’t sleep together (he sleeps in the den), we haven’t gone to a movie or a restaurant in a year, and have not had sex in three years.

On the other hand, he’s a great provider and my life is rather pleasant. I have closets full of clothes, a new car, a personal trainer, and my son is going to the best country day school in the county. But my husband does not talk to me. Every day I try to be cheerful, upbeat, try to suggest fun “dates,” interest him in the neighborhood gossip, but nothing. I cook great meals, invite people over - he leaves our guests and goes and sits at his computer!

I knew my husband was a loner when I married him, I also knew our sex life was not the hottest thing going - but what do I do with no sex and no social life? Recently I met a very nice man at the dog groomer’s and we’ve been meeting for coffee. I love our deep conversation - I’m starting to feel human again! He makes me feel appreciated and like I have something to contribute to the world. I’m writing because a couple of days ago he kissed me and my world exploded. I’ve never wanted anything or anybody like I want this man. But I also don’t want to divorce my husband. What do I do? Nobody’s even listened to me in years, let alone kissed me! - Feeling Like New

To see E. Jean's answer read more

Feeling, My Poor Flamtag,

Nine out of 10 people on DearSugar will disagree with me, but here’s my advice: Have an affair. It will give joy to your life, pleasure to your body, and spirit to your mind. You must, of course, inform your husband first, by walking into his den, turning off his computer and saying: “Darling, I’ve noticed we’ve not slept together since 2005. I’d like a good boffing. Are you up for it?”

When he replies that his “back hurts,” or gibbers some other excuse, smile and say: “I’m sorry to hear that, sweetheart. I hope you feel better. But I can’t be expected to go the rest of my life without one of the greatest pleasures known to womankind.”

When he grunts and asks what that is, reply: “Well, darling, I’m going to put on my prettiest dress, run away to meet the handsomest man, and when I arrive, I’m going to grab him and suck . . . down every word that comes out of his mouth. I’m going to hold . . . a conversation. We’ll exchange ideas, learn more about the world, and perhaps even laugh. Afterwards, of course, I’ll probably hump the daylights out of him.” And with that, leave the room, call your friend, and make a date.

This is not a threat. This is your life. You must create it!

Many DearSugars will advise you to end your marriage and then have the affair - and, indeed, this is an excellent suggestion. You will get more money in a divorce if you stay inside your prison. But I’m going to pay you the compliment of actually believing you possess the mental strength and moral vigor to rebel against a conventional code, stay married, tell your husband you’re going to have an affair, and then make your own happiness by taking what you want. Because if you are not free to love whom you love - what is your worth as a human being?

To see more advice from E. Jean, visit Elle Magazine and AskEJean.com.