TresSugar

Colbert's Solution For the "Pre-existing Condition" Conundrum

TresSugar — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 10:30:00 -0700

Forget going to your reps on Capitol Hill to remind them that a woman is not a preexisting condition. So what if a toddler who barely has preexistence is denied health insurance because, at a healthy weight of 22 pounds, she's deemed too skinny? Leave the poor health insurance companies aloooone! They just want a return on their investment, after all. As Stephen Colbert says, you wouldn't buy a banana with spots on it, would you? And anyway, he has a solution. Just breed the insurable with the insurable! That way, ~~everyone~~ healthcare providers win!

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Police View 40,000 Dumb Party Photos to Guess Cause of Fire

TresSugar — Thu, 21 May 2009 15:00:00 -0700

Sometimes cell phone cameras and portable digital video cameras can turn innocent bystanders into a police investigator's best friend. But in the case of a dorm room fire at a party at NYU, the partygoers' documentation helped as much as it hindered the investigation. After sifting through 40,000 images and videos of young women making out, posing with goofy sexy faces, and people drawing penis pictures on a passed out student's face, police finally determined that the fire was caused by a dropped, lit cigarette. (Seriously, enough with the goofy sexy faces!)

Disney Unveils Its New Genetically Engineered Child Stars!

GiggleSugar — Tue, 16 Sep 2008 11:20:00 -0700

Miley Cyrus, Zac Efron, Hilary Duff. That's how you know them, but to the scientists at Disney's Genetic Engineering Lab where child stars are produced, they're referred to as 6831-A, B, and C. You see, at the Disney lab, their brains were engineered for dancing and singing and their looks tweaked from the same genetic structure. Let's check in with the Onion News Network and their report on Disney's new batch of stars, including Haley, a half-Japanese, half-Indian girl who sings, dances, and snowboards . . .

Flashback: Ben Stiller as Bono in a Cereal Commercial

GiggleSugar — Tue, 19 Aug 2008 09:00:00 -0700

Oh, man. This is vintage Ben Stiller again from his '90s show. Here he is mocking U2 (but mostly Bono) in their Achtung, Baby and Zooropa era. Ben is imitating Bono in his "everything I sing is important and freighted with angst" phase, demonstrating that he can deliver this even for a Lucky Clover commercial. And he's totally right! Amazing.

Flashback: Ben Stiller as Motivational Speaker Tony Robbins

GiggleSugar — Wed, 13 Aug 2008 08:00:00 -0700

Before Ben Stiller made it big-time and developed that sheen of smugness that's on so many successful funny men in Hollywood (you know who you are!), he was being hilarious on The Ben Stiller Show. I am so glad I found this gem, because it makes fun of a dude I am perversely fascinated with: motivational speaker Tony Robbins. I used to love coming home from a night of drinking, stuffing my face with junk food, only to find that the only thing on television was this Sasquatch of a man with blinding white teeth and a disturbingly deep baritone telling me how to be successful and unleash the winner within. Ha! (Bonus: David Cassidy of The Partridge Family introduces "Tony Bobbins.")

Google Maps Is Getting Creeeepy!

GiggleSugar — Tue, 12 Aug 2008 09:00:00 -0700

The Google Maps Street View feature isn't just looking into your windows and spying on your cats. It's looking into the future and spying on your soul! Bwahahahahaha!

Cosmopolitan Magazine's Institute on How to Please Your Man Is Dunzo

GiggleSugar — Thu, 07 Aug 2008 11:00:00 -0700

In addition to teaching women the crucial skill of "shitting themselves thin," Cosmopolitan magazine has been there for women for by teaching them how to please men in every way, shape, form, and permutation you can imagine. (Cuz, like, that's our duty in life, got it?) Well, you can't say trashy-ass Cosmo hasn't been consistent. It was, after all, "founded to make sure men get all the pleasure they can that is humanly possible." Who cares about women's pleasure!

R.I.P. Bennigan's

GiggleSugar — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 15:00:00 -0700

It's a sad week, people. Bennigan's has filed for bankruptcy. Where, oh, where am I going to get my deep-fried cheese sticks, chicken strips (aka "Chicken Fingers"), and well, fried whatever with a blue cheese dipping sauce in a friendly, corporate, nondescript atmosphere? (Oh yeah, pretty much anywhere!)

Thanks for the hilarious video, AdFreak!

Facebook in Reality

GiggleSugar — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 14:00:00 -0700

Say what you will about social networking on sites like Facebook - that it brings people together, reinvigorates writing as a form of communication, yaddah yaddah. This video shows why virtual poking and wall writing is superior to poking and wall writing in real life.

It's terrifying.

Domino's Scientists Test Limits of What Humans Will Eat

GiggleSugar — Tue, 22 Jul 2008 12:00:00 -0700

This satirical news story is probably closer to the truth than we'd like to think. Turns out that Domino's Pizza is really just one grand experiment to test the limits of what humans will eat. The findings? Short of garbage on a cardboard crust (and probably that, too!) - anything. They'll eat just anything. I must admit it. I, too, am a "cheese and sauce consuming beast." (Hangs head in shame.)