TresSugar

Tech Dating 101: Using Your Phone While on a Date

DearSugar — Mon, 13 Apr 2009 11:42:02 -0700

Sometimes we all need a little help navigating the choppy waters of dating when tech gets tossed into the mix, which is why geeksugar and I have teamed up for another installment of Tech Dating 101. Last week, we talked about canceling a date via text, and this week we're discussing whether or not texting and making calls during your date is acceptable dinner etiquette.

Can I text and make phone calls during a date without being rude?

To see DearSugar's answer, read more.

I'll make this one simple. Using your phone while you're on a date is rude - period. A date should be about you and the person you're with, trying to get to know one another, enjoying your time together, and most importantly, not worrying about what your friends are doing or who is trying to get in touch with you.

If you're on a date with your long-term boyfriend or your husband, my opinion is a little different, especially if you have kids. While I think having chats at the dinner table is still impolite, I do think checking to see who is calling or reading a text is acceptable if you're trying to make plans with other couples or if you're calling to check in with the babysitter, but taking it any further is still a no-no in my book.

However, if you're on a blind date and you think there's a chance you'll need to make a quick escape, by all means keep that phone on the table for your "emergency call" from your best friend!

To see what my girl geek has to say, be sure to click here!

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Etiquette Past vs. Present: Cussing in Public

DearSugar — Mon, 12 Jan 2009 15:00:00 -0800

Emily Post pretty much set the bar for manners, and last week when I quoted one of her echoes of traditional etiquette, most of you agreed with her and like it when a man walks on the curbside.

Below is one example of what Emily calls "Today's Rudest Behaviors" in her book Etiquette. Now I must admit to being guilty of this from time to time, but I agree with Emily, it's not the most charming way to behave in public.

"Using four-letter words and other obscenities in public without any reservations - especially in the presence of children."

Do you watch your mouth amongst strangers or do you have a potty mouth like me?

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Handle This: Your Friend Is Rude to the Sales Associate

DearSugar — Mon, 12 Jan 2009 07:30:00 -0800

If you were put in a situation like this, how would you handle it?

You've recently become friendly with a co-worker at your new law firm. She's been incredibly welcoming and you're sure that she'll soon be a friend outside of work, too. Over the weekend, you bump into each other while perusing your neighborhood shops. You're both headed the same direction so you decide to hit the next boutique together. While flipping through the racks, you hear your co-worker ask the sales associate for help, and to your disbelief, she's treating her like a second-class citizen! She proceeds to boss her around, demanding she pull clothes for her to try on, only to leave them in a heap on the dressing room floor.

When you walked out of the store - empty handed - she acted like nothing had happened, but you are horrified by her behavior. She asks you to continue shopping with her but you just can't bear to witness her rude and disrespectful behavior again. You don't want this to affect your relationship in the office, so how would you handle it?

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5 Tips For Being on Time

DearSugar — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 11:00:00 -0800

Being late happens from time to time, but if it's your norm, it can make other people feel that their time isn't respected or valued. Since perpetual lateness can be irritating for those waiting for you, I've come up with five tips on how to be more punctual.

To check them out, read more.

Set your clocks and watch 10 to 15 minutes ahead, but don't rely on those extra minutes; that defeats the purpose!
Ask your friends and family to fib when telling you what time to be somewhere.
Start your day a little earlier so you can get everything accomplished and feel less rushed.
Be organized. If you typically waste time looking for your keys and your cell phone, designate a place for them every time you walk into your house.
Don't multitask while trying to get somewhere - being distracted is sure to make you drag your feet.

For all of you on-timers, how do you make sure you're prompt?

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Handle This: She's Getting It on in Front of You

DearSugar — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 13:00:00 -0700

You and a close friend have made a trip back to your college town to visit a mutual friend for the weekend. Since the friend you're visiting is married with kids, you both opted to stay in a hotel instead of at her house, figuring if you shared a room, it wouldn’t be too expensive.

One night you all head out for drinks and end up running into an old male friend who used to go to college with all of you. You decide to call it a night on the early side, but your other friend is ready to party. You part ways with her, and she says she’ll see you in a few hours. Back at the hotel you fall asleep, only to wake up to some strange noises coming from your friend’s bed. It takes you a moment, but it suddenly clicks that she’s in the middle of having sex two feet away from you! How would you handle this?

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Sunday Confessional: I Got Too Comfortable With My Boyfriend's Dad

DearSugar — Sun, 26 Oct 2008 09:00:00 -0700

My boyfriend and I have been living together the past two years. Recently his parents visited from out of town to see my boyfriend and his two sisters. They were here for a few weeks, so the siblings decided to take turns hosting and showing them around. Since I've known them for some time now, we've grown quite close and I was looking forward to our time together. As it turned out, we hosted them at our house for the final leg of the trip, and even though we'd had a great time so far, I was stressed out and exhausted.

One night, when trying to get dinner on the table for the entire group, my boyfriend's father came in to help me. The gesture was nice, but I just wanted to have the kitchen to myself. He wouldn't take no for an answer so I put him in charge of the salad. When I handed him the cucumber, he said he was sure my boyfriend was allergic to it. I assured him he wasn't and instead of believing me, he went in the other room and asked him. When he came back he said, "You're right. He's not allergic", I completely snapped, and replied, "I know. I already told you that, remember?!" My tone was very harsh, and I immediately felt terrible.

I apologized, and he was gracious, but afterward, things were strained. Obviously I showed him a side he hadn't seen before - one I usually only have when dealing with my own parents. They're back home now, but I still feel awful, and I can't stop beating myself up for being so rude to my potential father-in-law. Can I be forgiven for my snippy comment?

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Four Steps For Handling Hurtful Comments

DearSugar — Thu, 23 Oct 2008 15:00:00 -0700

There's nothing as rude and hurtful as a critical comment dressed as praise or a joke. The truth is no matter how they're brushed off, you know when someone's said something to intentionally put you down. Anger and embarrassment are natural reactions, but an article from November's O magazine offers some more productive ways of countering rude comments. I've summed up the four principles it mentions, so to see them just read more.

Find your emotional balance. In order for a verbal attack to be effective, the person being insulted has to be vulnerable. If you feel good about yourself, you'll recognize the attack as a character flaw in the person throwing it and not yourself.
Do what you can to get mean people out of your life. People who intentionally say something hurtful are not nice and by being around those people you're only opening yourself up to their cruel behavior.
If there's no way to get away from someone like this, then you have to learn how to properly defend yourself. The article offers three techniques as follows:
- Give a direct response to acknowledge that a comment is rude and to stop it in its tracks. For instance, "That was mean. Please stop."
- Don't get defensive - concede the truth in their words, but ignore their negative behavior completely. For example, if someone says something about how awful you look, you might respond with, "I'm tired today. How have you been?"
- Rudeness seeks to make others feel child-like and weak, so counter a biting statement with the tone of a reprimanding parent, like "If you have nothing nice to say, please don't say anything at all."
Changing your reaction to backhanded compliments and rude observations takes time, but the more you practice the more natural it will feel.

I found these strategies helpful, but I know everyone has their own ways of dealing with these situations. How do you react when someone makes a comment you know is meant to be to be critical and put you down?

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Handle This: A Rude Encounter

DearSugar — Tue, 14 Oct 2008 13:00:00 -0700

On a night out with a girlfriend, you head to the local bar. When you get there, you make your way to an empty table to settle down and order some drinks. Not two minutes go by before a couple of girls come over and demand that you move because they were there first.

When you tell them that you didn’t see any glasses on the table or jackets hanging on the chairs, they get more heated. They're obviously drunk and now they’re getting up in your faces, which is making being the bigger person all the more difficult. So how would you handle this?

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Handle This: Your Ex's New Girlfriend Wants Information

DearSugar — Mon, 29 Sep 2008 12:00:00 -0700

After you broke up with your boyfriend you both kept in touch, and though you’re not close anymore, you’re still friendly. He recently started exclusively dating someone new who you actually know through a friend of a friend.

She’s a nice girl, and you have no hard feelings towards her, but you’re caught off-guard when you run into her and she immediately starts inquiring about your ex. She wants to know all sorts of personal details about his past including specifics about your relationship with him. You're speechless but that doesn't stop her from asking you to coffee so you can chat. It's an awkward situation to say the least so how do you handle this?

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Handle This: Your Ex Refuses to Acknowledge You

DearSugar — Mon, 22 Sep 2008 16:00:00 -0700

At a mutual friend’s going-away party, you encounter your ex and his new girlfriend, much to your surprise. Although you know the situation is invariably awkward, you decide to go out of your way to be friendly.

When standing with a group of friends, your ex comes up to introduce his girlfriend but conveniently skips over you - you can’t help but be offended. His refusal to acknowledge you has only served to make things more uncomfortable so how do you handle this?

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