TresSugar

Show Your Mother Some Respect

TresSugar — Sun, 10 May 2009 01:00:00 -0700

Moms can be such pushovers. Sometimes all it takes are a few well-chosen words, like "I respect you," to make her day. So if you forgot to send a Mother's Day gift, don't despair: there's still time to send an ecard! Better yet, send one for a good cause.

The Respect Campaign, devoted to the prevention of family violence, has an easy-to-send ecard that gives you plenty of space to tell your mom - or anyone, for that matter - why you look up to her. So throw together a few elegant lines about what she taught you about respecting yourself and make your mom's day.

Do Tell: What Did Your Mother Teach You About Respect?

TresSugar — Thu, 07 May 2009 07:00:00 -0700

"Respect" isn't just an awesome song by Aretha Franklin. It's a seemingly simple word loaded with meaning, from showing respect for our elders to seeking respect at work to demanding respect in relationships. In the Respect Campaign of the Family Violence Prevention Fund, it means respecting yourself and your loved ones in order to avoid resorting to violence or emotional abuse.

So in honor of Mother's Day and the Respect mission, tell me: what lessons did you learn from your mother about respecting yourself and others?

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Dear Poll: Have You, or Anyone You Know, Ever Been in an Abusive Relationship?

DearSugar — Thu, 30 Oct 2008 07:00:00 -0700

To wrap up our coverage of National Domestic Violence Awareness Month, I wanted to take things to a personal level. I've given you all sorts of helpful information and advice to use if you or anyone you know has ever been in an abusive relationship, but seeing just how many of you actually have would be very powerful to see. Blanket statistics are just numbers, but seeing how women in your own community have been affected is sure to resonate more profoundly.

So since this poll is completely anonymous, please share a little bit about yourselves and tell us, have you or anyone you know ever been in an abusive relationship?

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You Asked: Should I Leave My Boyfriend?

DearSugar — Wed, 15 Oct 2008 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

At what point do I end a relationship with someone I truly love who has a temper, who treats me badly, but always say he's going to change? And how do I end this relationship when I am always wanting and willing to accept his apologies and take him back? He is my everything and I don't know what to do. Please help! - Reliant Rachel

To see DearSugar's answer, read more.

Dear Reliant Rachel,

While I hear you when you say you love your boyfriend, I can not reiterate enough that being with someone who has a bad temper and treats you poorly is a disaster waiting to happen - if not a current disaster.

Feeling like your boyfriend is your everything definitely adds an element of difficulty to this process, but Rachel, if all he's offering you are false promises, it's time to end this relationship. The only way he will change is if he's willing to, and it's pretty clear by the desperation in your tone that he's not. Abuse of any kind does not belong in a relationship, so get out before it's too late. You haven't given me much information here, but if you are in immediate peril, you must leave him right away, and if you've been physically hurt in any way, call 911 ASAP.

If you don't live together, this breakup will be much easier. You should immediately change your locks, install a security system, and tell your friends and family that you've decided to leave him so they are aware of the situation. However if you do live together, you must leave the house ASAP, but be sure you have an emergency plan in place first - somewhere to go, an escape route, and someone you can call for support. You should also have an emergency kit packed and easily accessible with the necessities: an ID, money, social security card, passport, an extra set of keys, and any prescription medication. (This is a good idea to have even if you don't live together as you never know when you might need it.)

The The National Domestic Violence Hotline is available 24 hours a day, 365 days a year if you need help finding a safe place to stay or an anonymous listening ear. I don't need to tell you that domestic abuse is a very serious matter, and although you have faith that your boyfriend will change, chances are you're just wishfully thinking. Love yourself more than him, Rachel, and take all the necessary steps to make sure you're safe and out of harm's way. Turn to your friends and family for emotional support, remember that you are not alone, and consider talking with a therapist who is trained in domestic abuse. After the dust settles, hopefully you'll be able to see that being with someone that doesn't treat you well is no relationship to be in. You deserve to be happy, to be respected, and most of all to be loved. Be safe and good luck to you.

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The How-To Lounge: Deciphering an Abusive Relationship

DearSugar — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 09:00:00 -0700

Throughout October, I will be bringing you very important information about domestic violence and how you can protect yourself and the people around you. As we all know, abuse does not belong in any relationship so if your friend or someone you know is in an unhealthy situation, or if you're noticing a change in a friend's behavior - she's feeling ashamed, hopeless, or frightened - be sure to check out my tips on how to help.

Click here to read more

If you think, but aren't sure that your friend is in an abusive relationship, start off by asking her these tough questions: Are you ever afraid of your partner? Has he ever threatened to harm you? Has he ever hit you? Forced you to have sex with him? Does he control you or purposely put you down? If she answers yes to any of these, her well-bring could be in danger.
If you are worried about her safety, do not hesitate to call the police.
To avoid a dangerous situation, advise your friend to seek a trusted confidant or spiritual advisor for advice. The National Domestic Violence Hotline is also a great recourse for general information and guidance, and they can help find a shelter in her area if she needs a safe place to stay. They are available to help 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.
If your friend has to flee from an abusive relationship, make sure she has an emergency plan - a place to go, an escape route, and someone she can call.
She should also keep an emergency kit packed and easily accessible with the necessities: an ID, money, social security card, passport, an extra set of keys and any prescription medication.
If your friend's abuser does not live with her, she should immediately change her locks, install a security system and obtain a restraining order. If she has children, she needs to alert her kids' school and their friends' parents so they can be protected and kept out of harm's way.

Domestic abuse happens in every culture, affects every race and every religion, and it may be happening to someone you love as we speak. Be sure to educate yourself so you can not only be there for a friend in need, but know what to look for in your own relationships.

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You Can Fight for the International Violence Against Women Act!

CitizenSugar — Wed, 01 Oct 2008 05:45:30 -0700

At least one out of every three women globally will be beaten, coerced into sex, or otherwise abused in her lifetime, according to estimates from the United Nations Development Fund for Women.

October is Domestic Violence Prevention Month, and we are proud to be partnering with the Family Violence Prevention Fund to raise awareness about sexual assault and take a stand against child abuse.

The Family Violence Prevention Fund helped create a campaign for the International Violence Against Women Act, which would authorize $200 million annually in foreign assistance for international programs that prevent violence, support health programs and survivor services. The act encourages legal accountability, a change in public attitudes, the promotion of access to economic opportunity projects and education, and addresses violence against women in humanitarian situations.

You can get involved by researching the effort and, assuming you agree with it, urging your member of Congress to co-sponsor it.

You can also take the part in the RESPECT! campaign by sending your respect in a text or support the cause by buying the RESPECT! bracelet.

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The RESPECT! Campaign and Domestic Violence Awareness Month

DearSugar — Wed, 01 Oct 2008 05:45:00 -0700

The following information about female abuse might shock you. In fact, I hope it does so that you'll join the fight to prevent domestic abuse: The United Nations Development Fund for Women estimates that at least one out of every three women globally will be beaten, coerced into sex, or otherwise abused in her lifetime, with rates reaching 70 percent in some countries. Additionally, a World Health Organization report found that in women ages 15-44 years, violence accounts for more death and disability than cancer, malaria, traffic injuries and war put together.

Oct. 1 kicks off Domestic Violence Prevention Month and Sugar Inc. is joining forces with the Family Violence Prevention Fund to help educate you and raise awareness about domestic abuse, sexual assault, and child abuse here at home as well as internationally.

To learn more about the International Violence Prevention Act, the centerpiece of this campaign, be sure to check in with my friends over at CitizenSugar. I'll also be bringing you information throughout the month of October on this ever important campaign, but in the meantime, take action yourself by making sure your member of Congress has already signed on to co-sponsor the International Violence Against Women Act (I-VAWA). You can also participate in the RESPECT! Campaign by purchasing and wearing RESPECT! on your wrist (half the proceeds benefit the RESPECT! Campaign) or by sending your support via text.

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All We're Asking Is For a Little Respect

DearSugar — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 05:45:00 -0700

We talk a lot about respect on DearSugar, so today's National Respect Day caught my eye. The RESPECT! Campaign is adding more meaning to this important word by educating people about domestic violence. So I'm excited to announce that the Sugar Network is partnering with the Family Violence Prevention Fund to raise awareness about sexual assault and take a stand against child abuse.

Do you know that one in three women will experience some form of abuse in her lifetime? It's a pretty scary statistic, and the RESPECT! Campaign wants to be part of the solution. The multiyear campaign kicks off today, Sept. 19 - the first-annual National Respect Day - and since DearSugar is an official partner, I'll be bringing you all sorts of educational posts throughout the month of October, with statistics on family violence and how you can help prevent it.

Prominent men like Tyson Beckford are lending their voices to the effort, and anyone can get involved by purchasing the official RESPECT! bracelet or making a donation by texting the word "RESPECT" from your cell phone. Meanwhile, you can join the RESPECT! group on TeamSugar, and be sure to add GiveRespect as a friend.

John McCain Calls For a Return to Respect in the Campaign

CitizenSugar — Sat, 11 Oct 2008 09:30:29 -0700

After a solid couple of weeks of increasingly fervent campaign rallies, ever more scathing ads, and time spent in what some are calling the "dark side" of campaigning, it seemed like the campaign had nowhere to go but from tough to brutal. That may have changed yesterday.

At a rally in Minnesota yesterday, McCain acknowledged the "enthusastic" turn the rallies had taken, but firmly and often called for a return to respect. Cue: choir of angels. In the clip above, he said:

I want everyone to be respectful, and lets make sure we are. Because that’s the way politics should be conducted in America.

When one supporter said she wanted McCain to tell the truth about Obama, seeming to be angling for actually something quite different, McCain said there's a, "difference between record and rhetoric, and I plan to talk about his record, respectfully . . .I don't mean that has to reduce your ferocity, I just mean it has to be respectful." To see the strongest line of the event, read more.

The kicker of the event was when one questioner began her question, "I'm scared of Barack Obama . . . he's an Arab terrorist . . . " McCain swiftly interrupted, "No, no ma'am. He's a decent family man with whom I happen to have some disagreements." Obama has thanked McCain for his stand against the hostility.

Where has the hostility McCain doused come from? Has it been bred by the ferocity of the campaign or fostered among supporters - is it even all that bad? With three weeks and a scootch until we vote, is it possible or even prudent to see ugliness leave and respect reign?

How Republican Meg Whitman Plans on Winning Women's Vote

TresSugar — Mon, 27 Apr 2009 07:00:00 -0700

Last week San Francisco mayor Gavin Newsom announced his candidacy for CA governor with a tweet heard round the state. But he's not the only candidate with technological savvy. Meg Whitman, the former CEO of Internet giant eBay, announced her bid back in February. Whitman, a Republican, wants to become the first woman to run the golden state. She was a national co-chair of John McCain's campaign, but her work experience lies in the private sector.

I chatted with the chair of Meg's Women's Coalition, Jillian Manis, to find out how Meg plans to appeal to women for votes. From our conversation, I got the sense that Meg sees herself as a different breed of Republican than, say, a certain female governor from Alaska.

While she's fiscally conservative, Meg is pro-choice and has a bit of a tangled stance on gay marriage - she voted for Prop. 8 because she personally feels marriage should be between a man and a woman, but she claims to respect everyone's position. In other words, she doesn't want to make opposition to same-sex marriage a crucial plank in her platform. Here's a recap of my conversation with Jillian.

Why will Meg appeal to women?
First of all, I don't think women vote for a gender. I really don't think they vote for a party for the most part, either. I think they vote for the person. And I think that Meg is a person that represents a leadership perspective that is both domestic and global, which will be extremely helpful right now as this world is flat and we do need to create relationships with other states and countries to move our state forward. (By working at eBay) she understands what interdependence is, what community building is.
Positions on female reproductive rights, especially abortion, typically separate the two parties. How does Meg explain her pro-choice position, since it's unlikely for a Republican candidate?
I think Meg has always preached inclusion. I think she very much respects people's choices. . . She's not going to force her own personal choices on others. That's not about working together that's about driving each other apart. I would say I'm socially moderate and fiscally conservative, but that has been redefined here in California and definitely in the Republican party. We are definitely more progressive and more inclusive than the rest of the country vis-a-vis our party. I know Sarah Palin doesn't represent me.
So Meg is pro-choice because she doesn't want to force her own choices on others. How was her Pro Proposition 8 stance consistence with her stance on abortion?

To see Jillian's response to this question, and for more on Meg's thoughts on gay marriage, read more.

Meg never gave money to Prop 8. She never made a public stand on Prop 8. It basically came down to when she went into the voting booth she voted for her personal choice. And that is something we have to respect. It doesn't mean she's going to change the laws. I am personally pro-life, but I am publicly pro-choice. I would never force my choice, nor would she, on somebody else.
Miss California came out against gay marriage personally, which she says cost her the crown. Obviously Miss USA and governor are different, but do you think that Meg's personal support of a constitutional amendment that ended gay marriage could derail her chance to be governor?
Well, I would hope not because we have too many big problems on our plate here in California and everything that Meg Whitman represents should be weighed equally. . . Her ability to stimulate this economy, to give people jobs, to re-energize, to apply technology to make government more efficient, to look at clean tech solutions for our environment, these are things that we should look at. . . So to make gay marriage the center piece of this election than shame us! And by the way we need to respect her as she's respecting us. And she does respect a women's right to choice and she does respect every body's choice.

From what you've read, do you think Meg sounds like a different kind of Republican candidate, or do you find her stances predictable?

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