TresSugar

Dear Poll: Has a Rebound Relationship Ever Worked Out For You?

DearSugar — Wed, 04 Mar 2009 10:00:00 -0800

There seems to be an unspoken rule that rebound relationships end in heartbreak, but I happen to think they're just more of a gamble than an absolute disaster waiting to happen. Yes, going through the motions with someone when your/his heart is clearly somewhere else isn't fair to either party, but love has no boundaries, so who says it can't work out? I may just be a sucker for love so tell me, in your dating experience, has a rebound relationship ever become something more?

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A Do or a Don't: Rebound Dating

DearSugar — Wed, 15 Oct 2008 17:00:00 -0700

I’ve often heard it said that the best way to get over someone is to start dating someone new. And while I’m certainly not against that notion, I do believe that some real alone time for reflection and recuperation can be a lot better than a rebound guy. Even if it’s no big deal to you, often the person you’re rebounding with can end up feeling hurt when you’ve fully bounced back and are ready for other things (or people). So have you ever rebounded? If so, is this how you get over your breakups?

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You Asked: How Can I Get Past His Cheating?

DearSugar — Thu, 28 Aug 2008 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

My husband and I have been married for six years and have been together for 10. About three months ago I found out that he had an affair about two years ago. I forgave him, and we have been working together to move past it. Lately some friends of his friends that know the other woman have been coming over to our house to spend time with my husband. Whenever they mention her name in passing, my blood boils. I have been thinking about it a lot lately and I can't seem to get the affair out of my mind. I don't know what to do. We are completely open and honest with each other, but my thoughts are consumed with him cheating on me. Do you have any advice? - Consumed Cassie

To see DearSugar's answer, read more.

Dear Consumed Cassie,

I commend you for forgiving your husband for his infidelity, and I say that because it takes an incredibly strong woman to do what you're doing. It doesn't surprise me that your thoughts are consumed by this, but know that forgiveness won't happen overnight. Building the trust back takes a lot of hard work from both people in the relationship, so while you're doing your part to move forward, he needs to do his part too.

The first suggestion I can make is to stop having these guys over that talk about this woman. Your house should be a safe, sacred place, so if your husband's friends are the cause of your angst, simple tell him they are no longer welcome. Although you're working on this together, I also recommend you see a therapist on your own. Being cheated on comes with a plethora of emotions and obsession can be one of them. If you're replaying them together over and over in your head, it's pretty clear that you're still holding onto some issues that you need to let go of in order to fully move past his infidelity. I'm glad to hear that you're keeping the lines of communication open at home, so keep it up and hopefully, with time, this rough patch will be a faint memory. Good luck.

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Handle This: Your Best Friend Flirts With Your Crush

DearSugar — Fri, 02 May 2008 12:00:00 -0700

Your friend has always been a little wild, but after a recent breakup with her long-term boyfriend, she’s gone totally boy crazy. Every time you go anywhere together, she finds the nearest guy and immediately starts to flirt with him in the most over-the-top way possible.

This alone is annoying enough, but you're disgusted when one night, while you're out with co-workers, she proceeds to lay the flirt on thick with the guy she knows you have feelings for. You understand that she’s just acting out some of her insecurities, but she’s breaking the friend code so how would you handle this?

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You Asked: Should I Wait for Him?

DearSugar — Mon, 19 Mar 2007 17:10:00 -0700

DearSugar --

The man that I have been in love with for several years is finally divorced. He called at first and I just didn't give him the green light because I felt that he needed some time alone, or playing the field before starting up a relationship. When I did not jump in, I think he felt a bit rejected and he hasn't called in a couple of months. I know that from the start we have had a very deep connection. Will he get past his getting over and moving on, and then come back to me? Or will he find someone else? ~ Patient Pamela

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Dear Patient Pamela --

It seems there's something missing in your note, and I can't quite put my finger on it. I presume you and this fellow did not have an affair while he was married, and yet you knew him well enough to form a deep connection and to fall in love. Were you friends? If so, it might be wise to have a conversation with him about your needs and your fears, and decide together how to navigate this post-divorce period.

I think you're wise to move slowly and deliberately during this time. Coping with the upheaval, grief, anger and disorientation after a divorce makes it difficult to cleanly negotiate new relationships. Mourning shouldn't be skipped, nor should a period of reflection and self-examination. A very high percentage of second marriages fail, and I suspect it's due, in part, to a reluctance to see one's pain through to its conclusion. However, the fact that you're anxious and riddled with questions suggests to me that you haven't asserted yourself or your needs in this relationship.

He might be feeling rejected, or he might be taking some time for himself: there's no way to know. Either way, if your connection will weather this time, you must have an honest conversation and set some reasonable expectations. Perhaps you begin meeting for coffee every other week? Maybe you have dinner once a month? Or you take a walk together every now and again on Sundays?

I don't know if this is something worth taking a look at or not, Pamela, but I like this list and website, and I think it has a lot to offer, especially if we're confused about the emotional availability of a man. It couldn't hurt to spend a few minutes reading the posts. Please take care of yourself, and I wish you luck.

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Group Therapy: Is This a Rebound Relationship?

Tue, 17 Mar 2009 04:00:00 -0700

I recently started seeing a great guy. We've been on a couple of dates and things have been progressing really nicely. He always calls or texts after we see each other to tell me what a great time he had and to ask me out again. Recently, however, I found out that he ended a relationship with his former girlfriend of three years just a couple of months ago, which leaves me fearful that I'm being used as a rebound girl. In my last long-term relationship, it was months before I was ready to meet new people. Also, I should probably mention that we met online - he put himself on an online dating site just weeks after ending it with his last girlfriend! I haven't asked him about her at all because I don't want to pry - we've only seen each other a few times and I don't think it's my place to ask, but is two months really enough time to get over someone and move on with someone new?

[EDITOR'S NOTE: To read more GROUP THERAPY, click here or submit your own question here.]

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You Asked: How Can I Avoid Being the Rebound Girl?

DearSugar — Fri, 28 Dec 2007 05:03:45 -0800

Dear Sugar,

I've recently been seeing a guy that I've known for a long time. However, he recently (a few months ago) got out of a long-term relationship that lasted about two years. Their relationship ended because his girlfriend was cheating on him and he was devastated. I think he's great, we have a lot in common, and we're taking it slow so far. But I'd like to know how to avoid being the rebound girl. - Taking It Slow Tara

To see DearSugar's answer read more.

Dear Taking It Slow Tara -

You're very smart to be aware of the fact that you could be the rebound girl, but if you're both having fun and enjoying each other's company, I wouldn't sweat it too much. We all have past relationships in the back of our minds, but that isn't to say that we can't find new love sooner rather than later. Everyone heals and moves on at different paces, so I advise you to just go with the flow and take a chance with him.

Taking it slow is definitely the right move here, but if you're going into this relationship with the attitude that you're his rebound, he's going to sense it. Keep the lines of communication open and if you feel him pulling away, give him a little more breathing room until he feels more comfortable being back in a relationship again. Think positively and have fun. Good luck to you!

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Group Therapy: He's Married But . . .

Thu, 12 Mar 2009 04:00:00 -0700

For the past two years, I've worked with a guy that I've been attracted to, but who is married. I never acted on my crush because of his relationship status, and he never tried anything with me because he's always been faithful and loyal to his wife, but I just found out that his wife left him a few weeks ago. Obviously it's too soon to pursue anything, but how long should I wait until I tell him I'm interested? We only work together once a week at a part-time job that I don't really need. I don't want to be the rebound girl, but at the same time, I don't want to miss out on an opportunity to be with someone I never thought would be available. I'm actually in shock that someone could leave him - that's how highly I think of him. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: To read more GROUP THERAPY, click here or submit your own question here.]

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Group Therapy: How Do I Tell the New Guy That I'm Fresh Out of a Relationship?

Fri, 20 Feb 2009 04:00:00 -0800

I am newly single after dating someone for two years. He broke up with me two months ago, and while I'm sad about it, I know it was for the best. I recently met a guy who seems really nice and we have a date scheduled for next week.

I did not intend on meeting someone else this soon or jumping back into the dating scene just yet, but this guy seems great and I'm actually looking forward to going out with him. If the first date goes well, I would be open to dating him, but I would want to take it slow because I don't want to have him be my rebound. I feel compelled to tell him that I just ended a relationship (normally I don't believe in discussing past relationships so early on, but I feel that this is a different case since it is so recent) but how should I go about it? Or should I even say anything at all?

[EDITOR'S NOTE: To read more GROUP THERAPY, click here or submit your own question here.]

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This Week With DearSugar

DearSugar — Sat, 07 Mar 2009 04:00:00 -0800

In case you missed it, make sure to check out my exclusive two-part interview with Dr. Drew, and hear what he has to say about love, sex, and addiction.
Don't miss my March must haves!
What was your first bra experience like?
Before you turn the clocks this weekend, make sure you check out my five ideas on how you can take advantage of the extra hour of light!
How did your parents meet?
Are you more attracted to a guy with a slender build or an athletic build?
Has a rebound relationship ever worked out for you?
If your guy won't wear a condom, here's a great comeback!
What do you think: Is keeping Plan B in your medicine cabinet a do or a don't?
Tell me ladies, what's your favorite look on a man?

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