http://www.tressugar.com Smart. Sexy. Fun. en http://www.tressugar.com/1055793 <a href="http://www.tressugar.com/1055793"><img src='http://media.onsugar.com/files/upl1/0/3362/21_2008/control.large.jpg'></div></a><p><span class="inline left"></span>For me, the feeling of being out of control is one of the worst feelings in the world. I wouldn't call myself a control freak per se; I just don't like surprises! Unfortunately, some people view control freaks in a negative light- calling them power trippers and know-it-alls - but I don't consider it a personality flaw in the slightest. Control freaks get the job done, and they are perfectionists who always have their Ts crossed and their Is dotted - what's so bad about that? So ladies, where do you fall in the control department? Would you consider yourself a control freak? </p> <p><a href="http://www.gettyimages.com" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Source</a></p> <!-- no strip poll --><form action="/1055793" method="post" id="epoll_view_voting"> <div><div class="poll"> <div class="vote-form"> <div class="choices"><div class="form-item"> <label>Dear Poll: Are You a Control Freak?</label> <div class="form-item"> <label for="id-0-1055793" class="option"><input type="radio" id="id-0-1055793" name="edit[choice]" value="0-1055793" class="form-radio" /> Yes, I'm a total control freak; I can't help it!</label> </div> <div class="form-item"> <label for="id-1-1055793" class="option"><input type="radio" id="id-1-1055793" name="edit[choice]" value="1-1055793" class="form-radio" /> No, I'm way too laid back to be a control freak.</label> </div> <div class="form-item"> <label for="id-2-1055793" class="option"><input type="radio" id="id-2-1055793" name="edit[choice]" value="2-1055793" class="form-radio" /> Other - Please explain in the comments below.</label> </div> </div> </div><input type="hidden" name="edit[nid]" id="edit-nid" value="1055793" /> <span class='button'><span><input class='fancybutton' type='submit' name="op" value="Vote" class="form-submit" /></span></span> </div><input type="hidden" name="edit[form_id]" id="edit-form_id" value="epoll_view_voting" /> </div> </div></form> <!-- no strip poll --> http://www.tressugar.com/1055793#comment Love and Sex Dear Poll personality traits Control Power Wed, 21 May 2008 16:00:00 -0700 DearSugar http://www.tressugar.com/1055793 http://www.tressugar.com/1076638 <a href="http://www.tressugar.com/1076638"><img src='http://media.onsugar.com/files/upl0/0/3362/09_2008/200489649-001.large.jpg'></div></a><p>I'd like to think that all relationships are created equal, that each person has equal power, but let's be honest, that's just not realistic. Sure, the power can change from day to day or month to month, but someone seems to always have the upper hand. So where do you fall? Who wears the pants in your relationship? Take this quiz and find out.</p> <p><span class="inline left"></span></p> <p><a href="http://legacycreative.gettyimages.com/source/home/home.aspx" target="_blank">Source</a></p> <form action="/tag/Power/rss" method="post" id="spi_quiz_view"> <div><div class="form-item"> <label>Who decides what you eat for dinner?</label> <div class="form-item"> <label for="id-19330" class="option"><input type="radio" id="id-19330" name="edit[answers][0]" value="19330" class="form-radio" /> Since I do the grocery shopping, I decide what's for dinner.</label> </div> <div class="form-item"> <label for="id-19331" class="option"><input type="radio" id="id-19331" name="edit[answers][0]" value="19331" class="form-radio" /> We usually just talk about what sounds good and we make the decision together. </label> </div> <div class="form-item"> <label for="id-19332" class="option"><input type="radio" id="id-19332" name="edit[answers][0]" value="19332" class="form-radio" /> I always ask him what he feels like and go from there.</label> </div> </div> <div class="form-item"> <label>Who's in charge of household responsibilities?</label> <div class="form-item"> <label for="id-19333" class="option"><input type="radio" id="id-19333" name="edit[answers][1]" value="19333" class="form-radio" /> I'm in charge of all household bills and all the important mail is addressed to me.</label> </div> <div class="form-item"> <label for="id-19334" class="option"><input type="radio" id="id-19334" name="edit[answers][1]" value="19334" class="form-radio" /> Our household chores are pretty evenly distributed.</label> </div> <div class="form-item"> <label for="id-19335" class="option"><input type="radio" id="id-19335" name="edit[answers][1]" value="19335" class="form-radio" /> He is in charge of almost everything and I like it like that.</label> </div> </div> <div class="form-item"> <label>Who makes plans for you as a couple?</label> <div class="form-item"> <label for="id-19336" class="option"><input type="radio" id="id-19336" name="edit[answers][2]" value="19336" class="form-radio" /> We always check with each other before committing to anything.</label> </div> <div class="form-item"> <label for="id-19337" class="option"><input type="radio" id="id-19337" name="edit[answers][2]" value="19337" class="form-radio" /> I'm in charge of our social calendar. He's clueless without me.</label> </div> <div class="form-item"> <label for="id-19338" class="option"><input type="radio" id="id-19338" name="edit[answers][2]" value="19338" class="form-radio" /> He tends to make our social plans.</label> </div> </div> <div class="form-item"> <label>Who initiates sex?</label> <div class="form-item"> <label for="id-19339" class="option"><input type="radio" id="id-19339" name="edit[answers][3]" value="19339" class="form-radio" /> I'd say it's pretty balanced.</label> </div> <div class="form-item"> <label for="id-19340" class="option"><input type="radio" id="id-19340" name="edit[answers][3]" value="19340" class="form-radio" /> He always initiates sex.</label> </div> <div class="form-item"> <label for="id-19341" class="option"><input type="radio" id="id-19341" name="edit[answers][3]" value="19341" class="form-radio" /> I tend to initiate sex more than he does.</label> </div> </div> <div class="form-item"> <label>What TV shows do you watch together? </label> <div class="form-item"> <label for="id-19342" class="option"><input type="radio" id="id-19342" name="edit[answers][4]" value="19342" class="form-radio" /> Project Runway</label> </div> <div class="form-item"> <label for="id-19343" class="option"><input type="radio" id="id-19343" name="edit[answers][4]" value="19343" class="form-radio" /> Celebrity Apprentice</label> </div> <div class="form-item"> <label for="id-19344" class="option"><input type="radio" id="id-19344" name="edit[answers][4]" value="19344" class="form-radio" /> The Wire</label> </div> </div> <input type="hidden" name="edit[nid]" id="edit-nid" value="1076638" /> <span class='button'><span><input class='fancybutton' type='submit' name="op" value="submit" class="form-submit" /></span></span> <input type="hidden" name="edit[form_id]" id="edit-form_id" value="spi_quiz_view" /> </div></form> http://www.tressugar.com/1076638#comment Love and Sex Relationships Dear Quiz Power who wears the wants Thu, 28 Feb 2008 13:00:00 -0800 DearSugar http://www.tressugar.com/1076638 http://www.tressugar.com/506693 <a href="http://www.tressugar.com/506693"><img width=106 height=160 src='http://media.onsugar.com/files/users/1/12981/32_2007/sad.large.jpg'></div></a><p>Let me say this out loud - <b>Mental Abuse is STILL Abuse</b>. A person does not have to hit you or hurt you physically in order for it to constitute as abuse. </p> <p><span class="inline left"></span>Someone who is emotionally abusive often feels worthless themselves, and uses their relationships to create a feeling of personal power and control over someone else. </p> <p>Relationships should be about respect, and if you are being mistreated emotionally, it is wrong, and the relationship needs to end ASAP. Emotional abuse can take on many shapes and you may be in an <a href="http://www.ndvh.org/educate/what_is_dv.html" target="_blank">emotionally abusive relationship</a> if your partner:</p> <ul> <li>Calls you names, insults you, or constantly criticizes you</li> <li>Doesn't trust you, or acts jealous or possessive</li> <li>Tries to isolate you from your family or friends</li> <li<Monitors where you go, who you call, and who you spend your time with</li> <li>Doesn't want you to work, get an education, or do the things that you love</li> </ul> <p>Want to see the rest? Then read more</p> <p>An emotionally abusive partner may also:</p> <ul> <li>Control finances, or refuse to share money</li> <li>Make all the decisions</li> <li>Punish you by withdrawing love or affection</li> <li>Expect you to ask permission</li> <li>Threaten to hurt you, your children, your family, your friends, or your pets</li> <li>Humiliate or embarrass you in any way</li> </ul> <p><b>Dear's Advice:</b> If even one of these sounds familiar to you or to someone you know, you can get more information or support by calling the <a href="/410420" >National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or TTY 1-800-787-3224.</a></p> <p><a href="http://creative.gettyimages.com" target="_blank">Source</a></p> http://www.tressugar.com/506693#comment Love and Sex Insult National Domestic Violence Hotline Emotional abuse Control Power humiliate Thu, 09 Aug 2007 15:00:00 -0700 DearSugar http://www.tressugar.com/506693 http://www.tressugar.com/382004 <a href="http://www.tressugar.com/382004"><img src='http://media.onsugar.com/files/users/0/3362/28_2007/dv071023b.large.jpg'></div></a><p><span class="inline left"></span><a>A recent study</a> in Iowa examined the dynamic of 72 married couples whose average age was about 33 and average length of marriage was seven years. After observing how the men and women interacted, women appeared to have more power, more domineering and dominant behaviors than their husbands, regardless of who brought up the topic of conversation. </p> <p>These results were not all that shocking to me, especially since I know so many strong willed women. So while it was clear in this study that women displayed more power than their husbands during problem-solving discussions, what I want to know is, who wears the pants in your relationship?</p> <p><a href="http://creative.gettyimages.com/source/home/home.aspx" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Source</a></p> <!-- no strip poll --><form action="/382004" method="post" id="epoll_view_voting"> <div><div class="poll"> <div class="vote-form"> <div class="choices"><div class="form-item"> <label>Dear Poll: Who Wears the Pants?</label> <div class="form-item"> <label for="id-0-382004" class="option"><input type="radio" id="id-0-382004" name="edit[choice]" value="0-382004" class="form-radio" /> I do</label> </div> <div class="form-item"> <label for="id-1-382004" class="option"><input type="radio" id="id-1-382004" name="edit[choice]" value="1-382004" class="form-radio" /> He does</label> </div> <div class="form-item"> <label for="id-2-382004" class="option"><input type="radio" id="id-2-382004" name="edit[choice]" value="2-382004" class="form-radio" /> We both wear the pants, we have a pretty even playing field </label> </div> <div class="form-item"> <label for="id-3-382004" class="option"><input type="radio" id="id-3-382004" name="edit[choice]" value="3-382004" class="form-radio" /> Other: Please share!</label> </div> </div> </div><input type="hidden" name="edit[nid]" id="edit-nid" value="382004" /> <span class='button'><span><input class='fancybutton' type='submit' name="op" value="Vote" class="form-submit" /></span></span> </div><input type="hidden" name="edit[form_id]" id="edit-form_id" value="epoll_view_voting" /> </div> </div></form> <!-- no strip poll --> http://www.tressugar.com/382004#comment Love and Sex Marriage Dear Poll family dynamic Power Tue, 10 Jul 2007 16:00:00 -0700 DearSugar http://www.tressugar.com/382004 http://www.tressugar.com/274821 <a href="http://www.tressugar.com/274821"><img width=160 height=107 src='http://media.onsugar.com/files/users/0/3362/21_2007/E006351.large.jpg'></div></a><p>Do you have a hard time saying no to co-workers, friends, or family members? If so, you're not alone! The older we get, the harder it seems to stand your ground. Here are some pointers to help you be bold and strong when the time is right.</p> <p><span class="inline left"></span></p> <p>Click here to read more</p> <ul> <li> Before you say yes or no to someone or something, think the situation through and clearly understand what is being asked of you</li> <li> Everyone loves to hear the word yes and it's always much easier to please than to disappoint, but if you always aim to please, chances are you are going to get taken advantage of</li> <li> Many people fear saying no for no good reason, so ask yourself what's the worst thing that will happen if you do say no</li> <li>Having the ability to speak the truth and make your own decisions can be extremely powerful and rewarding so embrace the right to choose</li> <li> Being upfront and honest from the get go is extremely important. No one likes it when people go back on their word or make wishy washy promises</li> <li> While it is easier to say no to someone or decline an invitation over the phone or via <a href="/255235" >e-mail</a>, it is much more respectful to do it in person</li> </ul> <p>I hope these tips help -- while it is easier to be a yes woman, remember to put your needs first!</p> <p><a href="http://creative.gettyimages.com/source/home/home.aspx" target="_blank">Source</a></p> http://www.tressugar.com/274821#comment Love and Sex No The How-To Lounge Power Tue, 29 May 2007 09:30:00 -0700 DearSugar http://www.tressugar.com/274821 http://www.tressugar.com/147164 <a href="http://www.tressugar.com/147164"></a><p>When I dare to be powerful, to use my strength in the service of my vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid. -- Audre Lorde<br /> <SPAN class="inline left"></SPAN><br /> Over the last year, what are the ways you've dared to be particularly powerful and strong? When you've been really in touch with that, <i>has</i> it been less important whether or not you're afraid?<br /> <br><br /> <a href="http://www.gettyimages.com" target="_blank">Source</a></p> http://www.tressugar.com/147164#comment Love and Sex DearSugar Fear Inspiration Power Wise Guide Daring Strength Thu, 22 Feb 2007 13:00:00 -0800 DearSugar http://www.tressugar.com/147164 http://www.tressugar.com/5996902 <a href="http://www.tressugar.com/5996902"><img width=160 height=135 src='http://media.onsugar.com/files/ed2/301/3019466/45_2009/8fcb7b7da41d3638_jeans.large.jpg'></div></a><p>Where to begin? This <a href="http://online.wsj.com/public/article/SB10001424052748703574604574501463104873016.html#articleTabs%3Darticle" target="_blank">Wall Street Journal article earnestly extols the rise of denim</a>. On men. In the workplace. Even men whose workplace is the highest public office - the presidency. </p> <p>What packs the punch into a pair of power jeans? I'll let <b>WSJ</b> tell it:</p> <blockquote><p>Chosen well, jeans can suggest the wearer is confident and modern. Traditionally cut blue jeans carry a whiff of the laborer about them so denim on a leader suggests a willingness to roll up the sleeves and dig in.</p></blockquote> <p>A <i>whiff of the laborer</i>? So it's a populist thing? Yet it goes on to say that any old denim doth not a power jean make. Why not? Because it's all about fit and fade, tailoring and length. Men's Fashion Director Eric Jennings at Saks suggests men keep their power jeans "dark and straight." That means no acid wash (Russian President Medvedev), no skinny (Barack Obama), and no embroidery (Nicolas Sarkozy). </p> <p>So how does a VIP know when to put the power jean to work? A high-end boutique says if you have to ask, it's a no go. Here's my advice: just don't do it.</p> http://www.tressugar.com/5996902#comment Getty Fashion culture Presidents power jeans Wed, 04 Nov 2009 10:00:00 -0800 TresSugar http://www.tressugar.com/5996902 http://www.tressugar.com/5453982 <a href="http://www.tressugar.com/5453982"><img width=108 height=160 src='http://media.onsugar.com/files/ons1/301/3019466/41_2009/4890246e710c58d1_whipit.large.jpg'></div></a><p>It's rare to see empowering chick flicks (even that genre name is a little annoying), but <a href="http://www.buzzsugar.com/5368696" >Whip It</a>, starring Ellen Page, Drew Barrymore, Kristen Wiig, and the terrifyingly awesome Juliette Lewis, was fun and inspirational. </p> <p>The film is about teenager Bliss Cavendar (Ellen Page), who would rather skate on a roller derby team than don an evening gown and compete in beauty pageants as her mother wants her to. The following is what I learned about that outmoded term "girl power" from watching it:</p> <p>1. Your mom may not realize she's keeping you down with the same things that kept her down. Communicate with her - it may help you both.</p> <p>2. Being true to yourself may not just make you happier, it may make everyone around you happier. A lot of unnecessary tension ensues in Bliss's life because she hides her true self from her family.</p> <p>3. Boys can be fun, but they aren't everything. Wait for the right one (if that's your thing), and in the meantime, find yourself. To find out what else I learned, read more.</p> <p>4. It's OK to be competitive with other women if you aren't hurting or undermining anyone. Competition between women abounds in both of Bliss's worlds, the pageant world and the roller derby world, some good and some bad. It may not be as culturally acceptable for women to be competitive with each other, but a healthy dose of it keeps you in top form.</p> <p>5. It's important to find an activity that not only challenges you but brings out your signature strengths. Bliss is certainly challenged by beauty pageantry - but not in a good way. Roller derby brings out her best traits. </p> <p>6. Friends really can be the family you wish your family was. (Although you should give your family a chance!)</p> <p>7. Taking risks in your life can pay off. It would have been just as hard for Bliss to continue with the pageant world, but by going out of her comfort zone and reaching for something that scares and excites her, she comes out on top.</p> http://www.tressugar.com/5453982#comment culture Feminism Whip It Girl Power Empowerment Chick Flicks Mon, 05 Oct 2009 15:00:00 -0700 TresSugar http://www.tressugar.com/5453982 http://www.tressugar.com/1766878 <a href="http://www.tressugar.com/1766878"><img width=107 height=160 src='http://media.onsugar.com/files/upl1/19/193328/28_2008/81857079.large.jpg'></div></a><p><span class="inline left"></span>Adopting some wisdom from America's founding fathers, a bipartisan panel of former US officials concluded that the <a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2008/07/08/opinion/08baker.html?ref=opinion" target="_blank">president should consult Congress</a> before going to war. Congress last officially declared war, as called for in Article I of the Constitution, during World War II. </p> <p>The National War Powers Commission, led by former secretaries of states James Baker III and Warren Christopher, <a href="http://apnews.myway.com//article/20080708/D91PQJO02.html" target="_blank">proposed a law to require a congressional vote</a> of approval or disapproval before the US engages in significant armed conflict for more than a week, except in cases of emergencies. The proposal pushes for cooperation and dialogue between the White House and Congress and imagines a Senate-House group that <a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2008/07/09/washington/09powers.html?partner=rssnyt&amp;emc=rss" target="_blank">would assess the president's justification for war</a> along with sensitive intelligence. </p> <p>The Commission says it doesn't want to solve constitutional complexities; the Constitution holds that Congress declares war and controls funding, while the president is commander-in-chief. But the new law could reaffirm the notion that Congress is the president's war consultant, and not the other way around. Do you think this proposed revamping of war powers goes too far in tying the hands of the president? Or should Congress's unique ability to declare war be completely reasserted? </p> <p><a href="http://www.gettyimages.com" target="_blank">Source</a></p> http://www.tressugar.com/1766878#comment News Iraq National War Powers Commission War Powers James Baker III Warren Christopher Tue, 08 Jul 2008 14:30:00 -0700 LibertySugar http://www.tressugar.com/1766878 http://www.tressugar.com/3654818 <a href="http://www.tressugar.com/3654818"><img width=116 height=160 src='http://media.onsugar.com/files/ons1/301/3019466/33_2009/2b055920b714158c_nicoledaedone.large.jpg'></div></a><p><br /> <blockquote>"There’s a way that we actually have men take all the responsibility for sexuality, and then we get upset that they’re holding it."</p></blockquote> <p><br></p> <p>This is the second in a <a href="http://www.tressugar.com/tags/onetaste" >four-part series of interviews</a> I had with Nicole Daedone, who is emerging as the leader of <a href="http://www.tressugar.com/3654768" >the slow-sex movement</a> and who founded the <a href="http://www.onetaste.us/?int_life_ndaedone%20" target="_blank">OneTaste</a> urban retreat center in San Francisco. OneTaste invites men and women to learn about mindful sexuality by participating in workshops, yoga, and (for residents only) controversial "OMing" sessions in which men stroke women to orgasm during daily morning sessions. To read the second part of the interview with Nicole, read more.</p> <p><b>TrèsSugar:</b> What is the primary reason women come to OneTaste?<br /> <b>Nicole Daedone:</b> I think it's to connect with power - not what we’ve made power into, something that you lord over people - but to connect with that personal sense of power. I think that’s one of the biggest challenges for women in our age: we don’t have access to our own power, and we don’t have access to our power because the raw source of it is our sexuality and most women have never been trained how to hold that much power in our bodies. So there’s a way that we actually have men take all the responsibility for sexuality, and then we get upset that they’re holding it. Or they have this sort of power within them, and then we get upset that we don’t have that kind of power. </p> <p><b>TS:</b> I don't know if you've read Ariel Levy's book <b>Female Chauvinist Pigs</b>, but she talks about how a lot of young women feel that having power in sexuality means attracting men, but it's not about owning it or their own pleasure. And then they wonder why they don’t have good sex.<br /> <b>ND:</b> Well, I think that’s what power in its nascent stages looks like and I think that one of the reasons that we haven’t come to hold our power is that it's embarrassing. I remember when my orgasm was just starting to get turned on and I went from kind of, I was basically attractive, but I went to like “Wow!” I got really power drunk; power drunk doesn’t feel good. And I had to actually feel that something deeper was available. </p> <p><b>TS:</b> Do you think women are afraid of that power when they they feel it?<br /> <b>ND:</b> It’s terrifying. As a woman, there isn’t a lot of information about how to do it well. In terms of how to be sexual, there’s no map for it so I’m really having to feel my way around in the dark and make mistakes and that’s scary. By the same token, I think that one of the things that’s happening in this time is that we’re sensing something deeper in ourselves that’s saying we have to listen to our bodies, we have to listen to these sexual impulses and if we have to respond to them, we have to learn how to do it well and do it in a really healthy way.</p> http://www.tressugar.com/3654818#comment Love and Sex Interview Nicole Daedone OneTaste Sexual Power Mon, 17 Aug 2009 07:00:00 -0700 TresSugar http://www.tressugar.com/3654818