TresSugar

Are You Having a Hard Time Being Optimistic?

DearSugar — Fri, 06 Mar 2009 10:30:00 -0800

When I asked you a while back if you were a pessimist or an optimist, most of you owned up to being a realist, but now that the going is getting tough and life feels grim, I'm wondering if you're finding yourself being more pessimistic. If this sounds familiar, you might want to know that according to a recent study, optimistic women actually live longer, so it's time to look at that glass as half full, not half empty!

A study conducted by researchers at the University of Pittsburgh looked at more than 100,000 women over age 50 and found that after eight years, optimistic women were 14 percent more likely to be alive over the pessimists they studied. Though many factors played into those results, Dr. Hilary Tindle, who headed this study, stated:

. . . optimistic people have more friends and a larger social network on which they can rely during crises; they also tend to cope better on their own with stress, a risk factor that has been associated with high blood pressure, heart disease and early death in previous studies.

I think it's pretty obvious that looking on the bright side makes everything a lot easier, but tell me, are you struggling to do that now with so much uncertainty in the air?

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Dear Poll: Are You an Optimist or a Pessimist?

DearSugar — Mon, 04 Aug 2008 16:00:00 -0700

It's an eternal question and one of the most telling adjectives you can use to describe someone's personality. So tell me, are you a glass half full or a glass half empty kind of gal?

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The Adventures of Debbie Downer

GiggleSugar — Sun, 27 May 2007 01:09:49 -0700

This time, Debbie Downer goes to the happiest place on the planet, Disneyland. Will the magical kingdom have what it takes to turn Debbie's frown upside down? Or will her dry delivery of informational tidbits regarding deadly terrorist attacks, the feline AIDS epidemic, and her own fertility struggles ruin the trip for everyone? Watch and see. (And yes, even the SNL cast couldn't keep a straight face during this one!)

Product of the Day: The Pessimist's Mug

GiggleSugar — Fri, 16 Feb 2007 04:00:00 -0800

The Pessimist's Mug from Despair, Inc. is supposed to "make everything taste bitter." Not like I need any help, but perhaps if "pervasive hope" and "overwhelming positivity" threaten to overtake me, a sip from this chalice of doom will be just what I need.

OMG BFF LOL: Two Mall Rats Talk Shopping and Wanting

TresSugar — Wed, 27 May 2009 07:00:00 -0700

Well, I guess this says something about the state of current girlhood in America, but it's not, um, pretty. OMG BFF LOL is a cartoon from artist Charlie White's exhibit The Girl Studies. It follows two girls who love shopping at the mall, and like, shopping some more.

In this episode, the two Barbie-like teens walk in and exclaim malls are like heaven - everything you could ever want on a never-ending path of tiled floors. But then the pessimist of the duo contemplates that the mall is much more like hell: everything you could want, but you can't have it all. Deep! My favorite quote? "I love to want."

At first, OMG BFF LOL just seems senseless and over the top, and then it seems like a hellish prequel to Sex and the City. Maybe the unending cycle of wanting-getting-wanting will die with malls?

Do America's Best Days Lie Ahead or in the Past?

LibertySugar — Mon, 29 Sep 2008 12:15:04 -0700

Forty-four percent of respondents believe America's best days are still to come, according to a poll just released. The pessimists, who think the good days have passed, represent 41 percent of the surveyed group.

Optimism about the country's future appears tied to individual economic status - voters who make less than $40,000 a year are more likely to say the best days are behind the US. Those making more think the future will be better than the past and present.

The beginning of the 21st century has been tough for America - terrorists brought down the Twin Towers, the US itself launched a war without UN approval, added $42 trillion to the debt, and saw a surplus morph into a deficit of half a trillion dollars. Even though hard times could make you want to kiss the best days goodbye, perhaps this adversity will inspire America to reinvent itself for modern, and better, days.

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You Asked: For Love or Money?

DearSugar — Tue, 20 Nov 2007 06:00:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

Currently I have two men who are after me. I have always been a pessimist about marriage since my parents divorced when I was a teenager. I am currently in a relationship with someone who is adorable, so romantic, sweet, caring and has a good job/career. The other man that is courting me is a good male friend who is about 20 years older than me. He is a billionaire, and even though we are not dating, he has asked me to marry him on numerous occasions. (Before you lay into me, I know why he wants to marry me and he knows the reason I would marry him.) He is a very nice guy and even though I am not currently in love with him, I feel that over time, I truly think I could.

My question to you is this: Do I marry for love (which according to most married people I speak to, they say it dwindles) or do I marry for money and learn to love him in the romantic sense? - Gold Digging Gretta

To see Dear Sugar's answer read more

Dear Gold Digging Gretta,

I have to say here, I am confused. You say you're currently dating a romantic, sweet and caring man who has a good career, so what's the problem? Thousands of women would kill for a guy with those qualities! Sure, money can give you financial security, but since you don't have any romantic feelings for him now, what makes you think you could grow to love him later down the road? As cliché as this may sound, money does not buy you love.

Although you didn't grow up with a good example of how wonderful relationships can be, not all marriages are dysfunctional. It sounds to me like you simply haven't found the right man if you have to ask me this question in the first place. If you choose to go with the older man, you will end up feeling like you're living a lie since you'd simply be with him for his money. Although you might be able to have everything material, you're going to end up feeling empty inside. With that said, if there's something missing in your current relationship, I wouldn't necessarily stay with him either.

At the end of the day, you want to wake up next to someone you love and respect, but more important, you want to love and respect yourself and the choices you make for your future. If I were you, I'd put both these men behind you and wait for someone that has the entire package. Good luck.

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De-Motivation Posters

GiggleSugar — Fri, 25 May 2007 00:02:00 -0700

We live in a world with too many self-help books and motivational speakers telling us "you can do it!" I wanna be more pessimistic and European. This poster is a good start.

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One Man's View Of Dating

GiggleSugar — Tue, 08 May 2007 10:57:54 -0700

It's perversely reassuring that some men are as pessimistic as I am.

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Online Dating Uncertainty

DearSugar — Fri, 16 Jun 2006 04:50:22 -0700

Dear Sugar
I met someone online, and within the month that we've been talking via e-mail and the telephone, we've come to a point where we can talk about anything.

We talk about marriage, kids, life and even sex. I have yet to meet him, but what are some things that I can look for to see if he is the one or if this is all just a big waste of time?

He just moved from California to AZ for a 2 yr training period, but we have talked about me moving there. Do you have any advice? Cyber Love

Dear Cyber Love
I think that you need to meet your cyber prince charming face to face to see if this is the real deal. You can completely hide behind a computer or a telephone and pretend to be anyone you want to be.

I don't mean to sound pessimistic and ruin your hopes for an everlasting love affair with this man, but for all intents and purposes, he's a stranger. You've got to spend some time together before you uproot your life for him.

Also, it's only been a month (and it sounds like a very exciting month), but it takes time to really get to know another person. It definitely sounds like you are off to a good start, but there's no need to rush it - especially if it's meant to be.

Lastly, when you go and meet him - please do it for the first time in a public place. I've heard lots of amazing internet romance stories, but unfortunately, I've also heard a lot of scary, creepy ones. It's just better to be safe than sorry.