TresSugar

The How-To Lounge: When Your Wallet Is Lost or Stolen

DearSugar — Mon, 22 Sep 2008 13:00:00 -0700

The feeling in the pit of your stomach you get upon learning your wallet’s missing is about as awful as it gets. But knowing how to properly handle the situation can make a world of difference. Recently, I helped my friend through this mess, so let me share the truly invaluable tips I learned. To get the information just read more.

First, determine that your wallet is in fact gone. It sounds silly, but trust me, you don’t want to go through the hassle unless it’s absolutely necessary.
Call your credit card company immediately. If you can, provide them with the last time you know that you had it on you. The sooner you get in touch with them the faster you can make sure nothing is charged.
Many stores often allow purchases on debit cards without asking for proper ID or a pin number. Get online and make sure there are no weird purchases taking place in your checking account. Then call your bank and ask for new checking and savings account numbers.
File a police report as soon as possible. In the likelihood that your ID ends up getting used or a stolen item purchased on your cards is sold, it’s important to have this information on file.
Consider using a purse with a zipper or at the very least, make sure your purse is always tucked under your arm. A purse with a large opening is prime territory for pickpockets.
And some last reminders: Do not keep your social security card in your wallet; make copies of all your personal information (ID, social security card, birth certificate, and passport); never leave your purse unattended!

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Do Tell: What's in Your Purse?

DearSugar — Sun, 27 Jul 2008 10:00:00 -0700

A purse is a very personal thing; it's both a fashion statement and a medicine cabinet when you’re away from home. I always thought I’d be able to stick with the small purses I used in high school, but over time, I’ve needed more and more room to contain all the things I might use on an average day. I’ve got everything from a book to my iPod in mine - and then of course there's my makeup bag, my wallet, and my sunglasses! What about you? Do tell, ladies, what are the must-haves in your bag?

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Do Tell: What Would you Save?

DearSugar — Wed, 27 Jun 2007 07:00:00 -0700

If you were like me, you would know exactly what to take if you had to evacuate your house in a hurry. I would grab my photo albums, my jewelry and my memorabilia box that holds old letters, cards, and special little keepsakes that are irreplaceable. So ladies, if you had only 5 minutes left in your apartment or house before it was destroyed forever, do tell, what personal belongings would you want to save?

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Michael Jackson Art Exhibit - Love It or Leave It?

TresSugar — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 11:00:00 -0700

The King of Pop would have been halfway through his comeback concert series in London right now if not for his sudden passing, but his presence is still being felt in that city. Michael Jackson: The Official Exhibition is showing right now at London's O2 Arena, the site of Michael's ill-fated comeback tour. Personal belongings from the superstar's Neverland Ranch are featured, along with costumes, props, and other memorabilia from his epic career. Would you ever check it out, or does it freak you out?

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Ask Someone Dealing With Depression: Should I Be Mad at My Friend For Telling People I'm Depressed?

TresSugar — Mon, 31 Aug 2009 04:00:00 -0700

Conventional Wisdom is a different kind of advice column. Your questions will be answered by people from all walks of life rather than by advice experts. This week, someone who deals with depression gives advice to a woman who is mad at her friend for telling people in her circle that she is depressed. If you have a question, you can submit them here.

This week's question:

I shared my struggles with depression with my closest female friend and told her that I did not want anyone else to know about it. She decided that because I wasn't answering her calls she would call the wife of a leader in our church and ask her for my husband's cell phone number so she could call him, asking about me. My "best friend" told the woman that I was going through something serious and when the woman said, "At least she's not seeking outside help" my friend said, "Well, I don't know for sure if she is or isn't."

Why else would she call her and say those things unless her intentions were to let her know about my situation and to inform her I "might" be seeking outside help for my depression? I found out about this conversation from the leader's wife and she only admitted to it after she knew that I knew about it. She insists that she only had my good in mind.

The thing is, it was a really huge deal to me that these people not be in on it because I know that they would attack me for being depressed in the first place, and also if I sought help outside of the church. The last thing I needed at that time was some church discipline. I was really suffering! I am so mad at my best friend for saying anything; should I forgive her?

Signed,

Angry and Depressed

To hear what someone dealing with depression has to say, read more.

Dear Angry and Depressed,

There seem to be three related but separate issues here: one is your anger at your friend, the second is the question of how your church is handling this, and the third is how to actually manage your struggle with depression.

As someone who has been through a lot with both depression and anxiety, I empathize with your situation. Depression hurts. As for your friend, I think you need to assess who this friend is to you, and whether she reached out to others because she was simply worried and didn't know how to handle it. While the outcome might have been a problem, if she did it out of legitimate concern I think she may be a real friend who just handled things badly because she cares and was confused about what to do.

My major concern with what you have said is that your church community thinks there is something wrong with getting outside help. Admittedly, I am not religious and have never belonged to a church, but I strongly feel that a community of any kind that is truly concerned with one of their members' well-being will support them in what they need, and not be judgmental about what that support might be. I think it would be worth explaining to your friend that what she might have considered finding you support actually feels like discipline, and that she needs to be more sensitive to what you need.

Finally there is the question of your depression itself. I do not want to assume you are in a situation where professional help from a therapist or doctor would be appropriate, but severe depression is something you need to talk to a professional about. If you feel like you are not getting help from your friends, family, or church, you're taking care of yourself by asking for outside help. Doctors are legally required to respect your privacy, and you could ask if they would refer you to a therapist.

Far more people struggle with depression than we can imagine when we are sitting alone with our thoughts, and there is support out there for you. You may just have been going through a rough patch and not need anything further, but depression is too serious a condition not to explore your options. Don't be discouraged if it doesn't seem like you can't find the right person to help you right away, but there are also lots of great people out there who can help. As for your friend, tell her how her action made you feel, give her the benefit of the doubt, and seek some relief for your pain from professionals. Good luck!

You Asked: How Rude Can You Get?

DearSugar — Fri, 06 Feb 2009 12:00:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

A friend of mine and her family just moved to the area where I live, and they are currently waiting to move into their new home. They asked my husband and I if they could stay the weekend with us because their house wasn't quite ready. They have two kids; ages three and seven, and I have a 16-month-old baby who is on a eating, playing, and napping schedule. We told the family that they could stay under the pretense that they'd be quiet when my daughter went down for her nap and at night at her bedtime. We also told them to buy some food for themselves because we are on a budget, and they agreed.

On Sunday afternoon, they asked if they could stay another seven days because there were delays on their house. My husband was leaving the next day for a month, so the decision rested upon me. I felt badly for them so I agreed. Throughout the week, they did not clean up after themselves in the kitchen, their kids jumped all over our furniture, they ate and drank our food, lounged around like it was their home, were not quiet when my daughter was sleeping, and worst of all, their kids would hit and push my daughter and take her toys away from her, pretending they were theirs. I ended up kicking them out two days before the end of the week. My question is was I wrong in telling them to leave earlier than I agreed on? Were we rude by telling them they had to buy food for their family? I'm feeling guilty for making them stay in a hotel, but I was at my wits' end!
- Taken Advantage of Tina

To see DearSugar's answer read more.

Dear Taken Advantage of Tina,

Yes, you agreed to let this family stay with you, but they didn't hold up their end of the bargain. In fact, they were completely rude and disrespectful by not obeying the rules you placed in your home, with your family, and your personal belongings - I would have kicked them out, too! Your hands are full enough with a 16-month-old baby so my hat goes off to you for even extending the invitation in the first place. Since money is tight for everyone these days, I think asking them to purchase their own food was completely fair - you provided them a roof and a bed - why should you feed them, too?

If you can't shake the guilt you feel, perhaps you should have a chat with your friend. Tell her where you were coming from and hopefully she'll see how her family's behavior crossed the line and you'll get the overdue apology you so much deserve.

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Headline of the Day

GiggleSugar — Mon, 03 Nov 2008 13:58:53 -0800

Spoken, Not Heard: The 'First Ever Woman' Who Cannot Distinguish Voices . . . Except Bond Star Sean Connery's

A 60-year-old English woman is the first documented person who is unable to tell one voice from another - unless the voice belongs to Bond, James Bond star Sean Connery. If you're interested in this medical oddity, read more. The inability to distinguish voices - Phonagnosia - has been documented in people who've had strokes, but this is the first case scientists have found in which the person claims to have suffered from the disorder since childhood. This unfortunate woman (who can't even remember her daughter's voice) has devised many ways to cope with this in the real world, for example, telling different people fake names so that if they call and ask for that person, she'll know who she's talking to. To read more about this fascinating and sad disability, click here. To not get totally bummed out about it, watch the above video of Darrell Hammond impersonating Sean Connery, and you'll understand, perhaps, why it makes sense his inimitable voice is the only one she can recognize!

The Long and Short of the Guinness Book of World Records

LibertySugar — Wed, 17 Sep 2008 10:00:24 -0700

The 2009 Guinness World Records went on sale today. To mark the release, the world's shortest man, 2 foot 5 inch Pingping from China, posed with the world's longest legs, which stretch 4 feet 3 inches and belong to Russian Svetlana Pankratova.

Her are some other fresh records:

Most searched person on the Internet: Britney Spears, displacing Pairs Hilton
Most powerful actor: Brad Pitt, ending Tom Cruise's four-year domination
Most powerful actress: Angelina Jolie, knocking off Jennifer Aniston
Most lucrative movie partnership in history: Tim Burton and Johnny Depp, thanks to five films netting $570.6 million

Are you picking up the 54th edition of Guinness Book of World Records?

Film Magic

TSA Loses Laptop Containing All Data in Clear-to-Fly Program

CitizenSugar — Tue, 05 Aug 2008 15:45:55 -0700

The Transportation "Security" Administration might have to rethink its name after it misplaced a laptop containing all of the unencrypted data from 33,000 people who've enrolled in the TSA Clear program for over a week. The info in question includes names and passport, driver's license, and green card numbers - you know, the important stuff.

The laptop belonged to the private company Verified Identity Pass, which runs the program that allows passengers to pay a fee and register to clear security faster in 17 different states. The computer went missing on July 26, but the TSA wasn't notified until Sunday. All of the applicants have to be notified of the security breach. Obviously. The laptop has now been mysteriously recovered, hidden in a "not obvious" location. An investigation is underway as to whether the laptop was stolen and returned, or just misplaced.

Though they might have lost track of that data, they found a whole new (and personal) place to search. To see where, read more.

Meanwhile, the TSA has been given the new power to poke around in our laptops during screening. The grab-the-computer policy has been in place for a while, but they've only just disclosed it officially under pressure from civil liberties groups. TSA can peek through cell phones, iPods, pagers, and hard drives to their hearts' content. Maybe they'll find the data they misplaced?

Have you enrolled in this program? Does the missing info say anything about TSA's ability to keep us safe?

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Ask E. Jean for DearSugar: Should I Admit That I Snooped?

E Jean Carroll — Thu, 13 Mar 2008 10:00:00 -0700

Dear E. Jean,
I’ve been with my boyfriend for a little over a year-and-a-half. I’d seen some video tapes in the top drawer of his dresser, while helping him put away laundry. Of course my curiosity got the best of me and I finally watched two of three tapes this last weekend when he was playing golf. I know I shouldn’t have viewed them; and now I deeply regret doing so.

One of the tapes was of my boyfriend and an old "friend" in a hotel having sex. The second tape was my boyfriend having sex with the same girl while someone else video taped it. At some points, it looked to be a fourth person in the room. The video was very graphic - I’ll spare you the details. The videos are dated from a couple years ago.

I realize this girl is from his past; but what bothers me is he still has the tapes! I can't get the images of him and her out of my head and it disgusts me to know he allowed someone to shoot the two of them having sex.

How can I tell him how I feel without admitting I violated his privacy and watched the tapes? Should I secretly throw them away? I love him very much and I want to move on but I don't know how I can while keeping my anger bottled up like this. Help!

To see E. Jean's answer, read more

MY DEAR KUMQUAT: Ugh! How horrendous! Give me your halfwit boyfriend’s address. I want to take a running kick at his XXX. Not because he enjoyed a couple of diverting romps, (after all humans lead deep, frenzied, poetic, dangerous, tender, erotic lives); and not because he had himself video’d by a dumb cluck (you must keep an open mind about this), but because he ignored the Rules of Sex Tapes: Shoot it. Savor it. Bury it.

Note: Putting the videos in the top drawer⎯⎯ Traditional in all cultures as belonging to the girl friend⎯⎯ Is not burying them. It’s advertising them.

The wisest course is to forget it. You’ve annihilated the old girlfriend from your mind, do the same with the tapes. However, if you absolutely can’t let the matter rest (and apparently you were nearly flayed alive when you viewed the images), speak to him. Confess you broke his trust and watched the tapes. Then calmly and intelligently ask him to get rid of them. Don’t bully. Don’t judge. Don’t uncork your “bottled up” anger like a jealous dingbat.

Or, you can do what I did when I found my boyfriend’s cache of photos in which he was seen in several surprising positions with a lithe young lady with a vivid shade of red hair. (And they weren’t yogi positions either.) When he walked in the front door after work, I admitted nothing. I simply met him with a smile and two glasses of Veuve Clicquot.

The fact that I was standing in front of a glittering shrine in which hung the sacred Speedo's belonging to two old boyfriends, both Olympic butterfliers, plus every photo I owned of me smooching other guys, said everything I needed to say. I handed him the glass. I also slipped him a particularly heinous shot of the redhead. As he leaned nearer the flickering candlelight of the shrine to examine the photo, I whispered: “I’ll put mine in storage, Mr. Moose Balls, if you put yours.”

To see more advice from E. Jean visit Elle Magazine and AskEJean.com