TresSugar

Some Adult Children Divorce Their Toxic Parents

TresSugar — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 10:00:00 -0700

You can choose your friends, but you can't choose your family. This fact of life means that many of us put up with people we might not otherwise get along with.

Yesterday's New York Times examined what happens when certain family members, namely parents, cross the line from imperfect to completely intolerable. Critical, demanding, non-accepting, or verbally abusive parents sometimes prove too toxic to tolerate, leading adults to "divorce" the people who brought them into the world.

While many mental health professionals typically emphasize salvaging relationships, Dr. Richard A. Friedman wrote in the Times column that in certain circumstances, it might be healthier to end the relationship altogether. Dr. Friedman compares cutting off contact with a parent to cutting off a limb in order to save the adult child's life. Painful, but sometimes necessary.

What is the best way to handle toxic parents? Would you avoid them, cut them out completely, or try your best to deal with them?

Top 5 Reasons Balloon Boy's Dad Is a Jerk

TresSugar — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 13:00:00 -0700

The more I hear about Richard Heene, father of Balloon Boy, the more I'm frightened by the man. Before he and his family took over the media yesterday, Richard was busy starring in videos in which he comes off as hostile and misogynistic.

Here are my top five reasons this man is a jerk:

It's likely that he tricked the media and government officials into thinking his 6-year-old son Falcon was flying away in a balloon. News just broke that Richard first called the local TV station to report that Falcon took off, while his wife called 911 and the FAA. His likely hoax cost taxpayers a lot of money.
On an episode of Wife Swap, Richard made a "bitchmeter" for his swapped wife and said: "You're a man's nightmare. I'm so glad my wife was born in Japan."
He's videotaped himself ranting about how "ugly chicks need makeup to look like hot chicks." (I've included the video above. It's scary.)
He had his kids star in a homemade rap video about the "pussification" of America. In a "pussified" world, "the females are typically referred to as 'soccer moms' while the males are referred to as 'pussies.' " Huh?
He makes horribly misogynistic YouTube videos, including one where he wonders whether Hillary Clinton is a reptile and another where he discusses whether Britney Spears's breasts are real.

If this family truly orchestrated the balloon fiasco for publicity, then Richard must not be surprised that the Internet is digging up countless examples of his douchiness. Perhaps that's what he wanted to happen.

Have Your Parents Had a Positive Influence on Your Life?

TresSugar — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 06:00:00 -0700

In a recent interview, actress Cameron Diaz discussed how her parents' 39-year-marriage contributed to her success. She explained:

"It's a bond that is so true, so pure, and so powerful, it is the most beautiful and inspiring thing that I have ever witnessed - the eternal love that my mom and dad shared. It was what has given me the strength and courage to live this extraordinary life and it is what powers the light that burns inside of me."

Cameron's comments about her parents are totally sweet! But since everyone's family is different, I'm curious: do you credit your life successes to your parents or have you had to overcome a complicated family situation?

Do Tell: How Did Your Parents Meet?

TresSugar — Mon, 06 Jul 2009 13:00:24 -0700

Whether they were set up by a mettlesome friend or collided at what they'd later call a "kegger," the story of how your parents met is unexpectedly endearing. Hearing how they once fidgeted on the shag carpet of a first date is as weird as it is comforting. So, tell us, how did yours go from strangers to mom and dad?

Do Tell: Were Your Parents Open About Their Sex Lives?

TresSugar — Thu, 11 Jun 2009 07:00:00 -0700

Most people I know get creeped out by the idea of their parents having sex (you probably thought "eeeeew" after reading that sentence). But some of the more freewheeling parents out there don't bother hiding their sexuality from their children.

Earlier this week on the Real Housewives of New Jersey, single mom Danielle spoke candidly about her love life with her young daughters. The girls informed their mother that her much younger boyfriend was just using her for her "goodies." Danielle told her girls she hopes they'll save their goodies for their husbands, since she doesn't want them to go through the same thing she has.

Some parents go even further than just talking about their sex lives with their children. In an interview this week, actor Shia LaBeouf says his sense of humor came from "seeing my parents have sex, smoke weed, my mom being naked."

Did you have parents like that, or did your parents lead you to believe they were asexual?

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Dear Poll: Would You Move Back in With Your Parents?

DearSugar — Tue, 24 Mar 2009 15:00:00 -0700

Living on your own as an independent woman is something we all strive for, but what happens when you just can't afford to make ends meet? I know moving back into your parents house isn't ideal, but for some it's the only option. So ladies, tell me, if you needed to move home until you got back on your feet, would you consider it?

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The Doctor Is In: Love and Sex With Dr. Drew, Part I

DearSugar — Mon, 02 Mar 2009 10:00:00 -0800

I don't think I've ever shared with you my admiration for Dr. Drew Pinsky, but I've got to say, he's one of my favorite television personalities - and let's be honest, he's pretty sexy too! While he is a physician first, he's made his expertise available to the public via Loveline, Celebrity Rehab, and now Sober House. His approach to helping people is the perfect combination of compassion and tough love, and I was lucky enough to sit down and talk with him about his new project, Sex . . . With Mom and Dad, where Dr. Drew helps families in need of guidance when it comes to the "taboo topic of sex."

In this two-part interview, you'll get to hear his opinion on sex, addiction, relationships, and how the world of dating has changed over the years. Tune in tomorrow for part two.

Why is it so important to talk to kids about sex?

There are multiple reasons. One, it gives parents a chance to shape their behavior and to communicate their values. Number two is, it diminishes the secrecy in a family system, which is always a bad thing. And ultimately, my hope is it'll give parents a chance to help kids examine how deeply embedded sexuality is in their emotional lives, and I think most parents are kind of sensitive to that.

To read more from this interview, read more.

Is it harder for you to talk to the kids or their parents about sex?

It's so different, it's pretty equal, they each have their own challenges. Sometimes it's the parents, when they're so rigid and resistant - I've got to say - sometimes it's the parents. Because the kids usually want to have the conversation, it's just awkward; they don't know how to initiate it, and we really help them break the ice.

What is the best piece of advice you received as a kid about sex?

I didn't receive any guidance or direction when I was a kid, and it was a very confusing time. After I became a physician, it became something I was attuned to. When I had an opportunity to do a radio show, the way I crafted the radio show was, I wished there was a place like that for me to go as a kid. Just having someplace to go with this is what I've always wanted to create for kids.

Be sure to tune in tomorrow to see the rest of my interview with Dr. Drew!

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Do Tell: How Has Your Relationship Changed With Your Parents?

DearSugar — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 09:00:00 -0800

Since we can't choose our parents, we have to take their good with their bad. And just like with any other relationship, age, maturity, and time can affect the way we interact with them. I know the relationship I have with my parents has changed numerous times over the years, so do tell, how has yours evolved?

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Would You Date Someone With a Strained Relationship With Their Family?

DearSugar — Tue, 10 Feb 2009 11:00:00 -0800

Our current bachelor, Jason Mesnick, got down to business last night when he traveled to the hometowns of the four remaining contestants to meet their families. As we all know, meeting someone's parents has the ability to explain a lot - we sure got some great insight last night! But I couldn't help but feel differently about Melissa once I learned that her parents were not willing to support her on the show, and that her friends had never even met them before!

While it's not fair to pass judgment on someone because of their families' actions, I'd definitely think twice before jumping into a relationship headfirst if I knew there was a background of turmoil. But how do you feel about dating someone with strained family relationships? Is it a huge red flag, or is it just a part of life?

You Asked: How Can I Deal With His Mother?

DearSugar — Wed, 07 Jan 2009 12:30:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

I've been seeing my boyfriend for a few months now; long enough that I've developed a relationship with his mother, but lately I'm starting to wish I could avoid her altogether. For a while she was calling me on a daily basis to "chat." Eventually I started ignoring her phone calls, which felt rude, but I didn't know what else to do. Topics of conversation ranged from her day-to-day business to problems she has with her son. She tried to talk to me about his money situation, his job and his previous relationship habits. For the most part I would simply respond with "Mmm" and "Right" but I felt uncomfortable with every "chat."

After I began neglecting her calls, they died down and I would talk with her whenever we saw each other, but the other night she called me to talk about some pretty personal stuff: her relationship with her ex husband, her opinion on my parents' relationship, and of course, her opinion on my relationship with her son. Although I did not contribute to the conversation, I felt extremely guilty after hanging up with her. If I found out that my mother was calling my boyfriend to discuss such personal matters I would feel incredibly betrayed. Although I haven't heard from her since, I'm still not sure how I should proceed. How do I deal with this without offending her and possibly straining my relationship with my boyfriend? And more importantly, do I tell him about this conversation? - Caught in the Middle Milly

To see DearSugar's answer read more

Dear Caught in the Middle Milly,

I don't blame you for feeling uncomfortable with these "chats" - they seem incredibly inappropriate. Before taking any next steps, I would tell your boyfriend what's going on; you don't want him to think that the two women in his life are ganging up on him and hopefully he'll have some words of wisdom for you.

In the meantime, I'd tell her the truth the next time she contacts you, gently of course, as she needs to know that confiding in you on such personal matters is putting you in a weird position. Let her know that while you enjoy catching up with her and developing your own relationship with her, you think it'd be best if she turned to her friends to discuss her personal life.

If your attempts don't change anything, your boyfriend is going to have to step in. Dealing with your significant other's parents - especially mothers - can be arduous, but since she isn't going anywhere, finding a middle ground will be best for all involved. Good luck to you.

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