TresSugar

Dear Poll: In Dating, Is Your Parents' Approval Important?

DearSugar — Fri, 28 Nov 2008 10:00:00 -0800

The holidays are here, and I bet some of you are bringing your significant others home to meet your family for the first time. The thought of introducing a new guy to the family could easily make you feel anxious - especially if you fear he may not measure up to the picture-perfect guy your parents have in mind - so what would happen if you consider him marriage material and your parents don't approve? Ladies, what I want to know is . . .

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Handle This: Your Mom Ignores Your New Relationship

DearSugar — Mon, 06 Oct 2008 08:00:00 -0700

About a year ago you ended your engagement to your fiance, who you had been with since high school. You tried to make it work, but in the end, too much had happened that you guys couldn’t repair. Now, six months later, you’ve met someone who you feel strongly about.

But introducing him to your family has proven to be difficult. While most people are being friendly, your mother is acting beyond stubborn. Not only does she refuse to have him over, she won't accept him as your boyfriend. According to your brother, she’s having a hard time letting go of your past relationship, so how do you handle this?

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Have You Ever Lied to Your Family About Your Living Situation?

DearSugar — Tue, 30 Sep 2008 09:00:00 -0700

You could have cut the tension with a knife last night on The Hills when Heidi's mom made a surprise appearance for her daughter's birthday. Apparently she was unaware that Spencer had moved back in and was disappointed, to say the least, to have been kept in the dark. Although Heidi's mom's distress was mostly due to her daughter's dysfunctional relationship, I know not all parents are accepting of their kids cohabitating with their significant others before marriage. So if you're parents fall into that category, tell me, have you ever lied to them about your living situation in order to share an address with your significant other?

Photo courtesy of MTV

Handle This: Your Parents Don't Support Your Marriage

DearSugar — Thu, 14 Aug 2008 08:00:00 -0700

When you receive a surprise proposal from your boyfriend of two years, you’re thrilled to spread the news to your family. But when you tell your parents, they seem disappointed and angry - they tell you that you’re far too young to be getting married.

After numerous arguments, they inform you that they won’t financially or emotionally support you unless you hold off on the wedding for another couple of years. Meanwhile your boyfriend is getting more frustrated with the situation, so how do you handle this?

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When Is the Right Time to Introduce Him to the Fam?

DearSugar — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 12:00:00 -0700

When you meet someone really amazing, all you want to do is shout it from the rooftops. Usually, though, it's a better idea to give a more practical introduction, especially when it comes to your family. Parents can be very protective of their children - no matter how grown up they might be - thus, meeting the parents ends up being kind of a big deal, even if you’re not thinking of it as one. So I’m curious, when do you think is the best time to introduce him to your family? One month, four months, six months? Is there such a thing as too soon? Is there such a thing as too late?

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DearSugar Needs Your Help: Should We Proceed?

DearSugar — Sat, 08 Mar 2008 09:00:00 -0800

DearSugar and Not Liked Nancy need your help. She has been with her boyfriend for five years now and his parents still don't approve of her. They are planning on moving in together and getting married this year, but the disapproval of his parents is putting a real damper on their happiness. What can they do to all get along?
Dear Sugar,

My boyfriend and I have been dating for nearly five years and have been talking about getting engaged in the next month or so and moving in together. We're ecstatic to take this next step and so are all of our friends. Here is the obstacle: his parents don't like me. When we first started dating, they disapproved of me for really superficial reasons: they felt I was too "aggressive," they didn't like that I came from a single parent family, and they feel like I'm inherently not good enough for him. After the rocky start (of about a year), I believed we had made progress and his parents were warming up to me. His mother was always very nice to me, said a lot of positive things about me to my boyfriend and her friends, and asked fairly often when we'd get married. However, my boyfriend recently called her to tell her about these developments and she seemed taken aback, shocked, and displeased. I can only imagine how his dad will react, given that he has always liked me less than his mom. I get the impression that he's always assumed my boyfriend would have found someone else better by now.

We both come from a very family oriented background so having parental approval is something that's important to both of us. Unlike his family, mine has always loved and embraced my boyfriend wholeheartedly and can't wait for us to marry. While he is less concerned with having his parents' complete approval, it means a lot to me. I was reduced to tears after he told me about his conversation and her reaction made me feel as if my family and I would never be good enough for his. I don't want to start off my relationship with them as in-laws on the wrong foot, but at the same time, if they honestly have so many reservations about me, I'm tempted to just say "screw them" and go on with my life. I just don't know what to do. My boyfriend isn't letting their opinions affect our relationship, but I can't help but take their viewpoint to heart. Does anyone have any advice for me?

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Do Tell: Do You Still Strive For Your Parents' Approval?

DearSugar — Fri, 30 May 2008 10:00:00 -0700

I think it's safe to say that, growing up, we all wanted the approval of our parents, and even though I've just entered my 30s, that urge hasn't subsided. They are still the first people I call when I have a work accomplishment or when I've achieved a personal goal - I guess that's just the kid in me that I'm not ready to let go of just yet. Of course our parents are proud of us regardless, but do tell, do you still strive for that extra approval from your parents or do you lean towards the more independent end of the spectrum?

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You Asked: How Can I Make my Parents Approve?

DearSugar — Mon, 11 Jun 2007 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar--

I am the youngest child in my family and grew up with three older brothers. I am extremely close with my parents, but they have always babied me and have been extremely overprotective, especially when it comes to my love life. I have only brought one guy home to meet my parents and it really didn't go well. My father was basically trying to find something "wrong" with him the entire time so I now try to keep my dating life separate from my home life.

I have been dating a wonderful man for about 7 months now who I truly love -- I even think he could be "the one", but I am petrified to introduce him to my parents, specifically my father. My boyfriend is 10 years older than I am who recently got out of a terrible marriage, and although those factors are not ideal, I love him. I have never felt this way before and have never been treated this way by anyone in my life, and I'm ready to share my happiness, and the man who is responsible for my happiness, with the rest of my family. I know my father will find fault in his divorce and age, so my question is this: How can I make my family see past those issues like I have? -- In Love Laurie

To see DEARSUGAR's answer read more

Dear In Love Laurie ---

I can completely relate to overprotective parents, but just keep reminding yourself that they only want the best for you, and in your father's eyes, no one will ever be good enough for his only daughter. With that said, you need to do what makes you happy -- it sounds like you have found a man whom you truly love and who loves you back, so that's the first step!

Do your parents even know you are dating or will this be a huge shock to them? Does your boyfriend know how overprotective your family is? I would first give him some insight on how your parents might react so he is at least prepared if he isn't welcomed with open arms. If your brothers haven't met him yet, perhaps start there, they might be able to report good news to the rest of your family. When you're ready for your parents to meet him, perhaps suggest a dinner or lunch date, nothing too formal, but pick a restaurant that isn't too loud so everyone can chat and get to know each other.

Since you have always kept your love life to yourself, the mere fact that you are initiating this meeting will be telling enough that this man really means something to you, so hopefully your dad will take that into consideration. Remember to be yourself, don't try to push your boyfriend onto your parents, let them warm up to him at their own pace. Hopefully seeing you together and how happy he makes you will be reason enough for your parents to love him just as much as you do. Good luck.

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How Can I Persuade My Parents To Approve?

DearSugar — Mon, 06 Nov 2006 10:45:09 -0800

Dear Sugar
I am hopelessly in love with an older man. His charm and witty sense of humor make him irresistible to me. All of the guys I have met that are my age are immature and indecisive. I feel like I've finally found someone I can relate to and who's on the same page as me.

The problem is that my parents aren't supportive of my decision to move in with him. He is a different religion than I am, he has two children and he is 22 years older than me. My parents didn't think our relationship would last, and now that we are moving in together they are panicked.

I am so sick of my parents bugging me about why I am with him. I happen to love him deeply; I love his children as my own and I am devoted to making us work. As close as I am with my parents, I am not going to let them break us up, however their incessant disdain is draining me. Is there anything I can do to convince them to accept my boyfriend? Determined Dita

To see DEARSUGAR's answer read more

Dear Determined Dita
Being happy in your relationship should be your number one priority. Age is technically just a number, although an important factor to to take into consideration if you see a future with this man. Are your parents aware that their lack of support is very painful for you? Does the difference in your religion trouble you as well? Even though you love his children, do you want a family of your own one day?

I hope that you can see that your parents are just trying to look out for your well being, however, their approach is only hurting you. Being with a man 22 years your senior could lead to a harder life for you later down the road. People can be very judgmental when it comes to differences in: age, race, religion, etc... and perhaps your parents are trying to spare you from being exposed to hardships that could be otherwise avoided.

You sound very committed to this relationship, so finding a middle ground with your parents is a must. Try talking with them about your feelings and let them know you are moving in with your boyfriend regardless of their cynicism. Express that their support would make all the difference in the world to you. Reiterate how wonderful your relationship makes you feel and that they will only drive you away if they don't learn to accept your decision.

You are the best judge of your own choices in life, so if being involved and committed to this relationship feels right to you; then go with it. You only live once and it might as well be with the man of your dreams.

You Asked: Why Can't We All Just Get Along?

DearSugar — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 11:30:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

I have a somewhat unique problem. While I love my boyfriend with all my heart, and know that he loves me in return, my parents don't approve of him. There has never been a falling out between them, and I still don't have a clear understanding as to why they dislike him; they just tell me to trust them because they "know best." My parents demanded that I break up with him, which I did for a while, until I realized how miserable I was without him.

We are now back together but my parents are in the dark about it. I feel sick inside knowing that I am betraying them, but then again, I'm thrilled to have this amazing guy who loves me more than I had ever imagined. I want everyone to get along, but I don't know how to make that happen - my parents are incredibly stubborn. Do you have any advice? - Torn Tory

To see DearSugar's answer, read more.

Dear Torn Tory,

Your parents having such strong feelings about you not being with this man raises a few red flags to me. While I don't doubt the fact that your boyfriend loves you, I'm left assuming that your parents know something you don't and they are simply trying to protect you. Since you don't have a clear understanding as to where they are coming from, a talk is definitely in order.

Ask your parents to be honest with you so you can get to the bottom of this once and for all, but remember that you'll have to be honest with them too, and that means coming clean about being back together. If they don't have a good reason why you shouldn't be together, explain to them why it's so important to you that they back off. Your happiness is what matters here so if this is all about a clashing of personalities, hopefully in time they'll be able to come to a middle ground. However, if your parents do have evidence to back up their ill will for this man, listen to what they have to say. Your parents might be older and wiser, but at the end of the day, the choice is ultimately up to you. Good luck to you.

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