TresSugar

Looking on the Brighter Side

DearSugar — Wed, 15 Oct 2008 13:00:00 -0700

To combat the impending Winter and the lagging economy, last week Smitten challenged its readers to list five of their favorite simple pleasures in life. By making ourselves more aware of the good things around us, we can take our minds off of the things in our lives that aren't going as well as we'd like. It's all about the power of positive thinking, so if you're a person who tends to see the glass as half empty, this is perfect for you! My simple pleasures for today: a good night's sleep, a hot shower, and a sunny day. What are yours?

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Paging Dr. Phil: The US is a Nation of Bitter Whiners! Right?

CitizenSugar — Fri, 11 Jul 2008 07:53:14 -0700

Former Senator Phil Gramm, economic adviser to John McCain, has seemingly unleashed a "bitter" comment of his own. The damning Gramm economic quote alleged that the US was "a nation of whiners" in that the country is feeling a "mental recession." Though he quickly clarified that he had been referring to some of the nation's leaders, the bitter was already out of the box.

McCain immediately hopped on the repudiation express saying, "I strongly disagree [with Phil Gramm's remarks.] Phil Gramm does not speak for me. I speak for me." Adding that a person who just lost a job "isn't suffering from a mental recession."

Obama made hay with the comment saying, "America already has one Dr. Phil. We don't need another one when it comes to the economy. It's not just a figment of your imagination. Let's be clear. This economic downturn is not in your head." Adding, "it isn't whining to ask government to step in and give families some relief."

Ahem. It isn't? "Bitter" vs. "Whiners?" Who wins in that match up? Oh, there's a clear victor - to find out who, read more.

The match up here is: should the government be held accountable and "give families some relief" or are citizens themselves responsible to figure their way out of this "mental recession." A possible answer is found in the McCain archive of famous quotes considered damning, which are really nothing but true: “I’ll look at you in the eye again and I’ll tell you that there are some jobs that won’t come back.”

The world has changed. The economy has changed. Like it or not, major changes are needed - the world is now whine- and relief-proof. We are not entering into a tough, temporary patch whereby the government can be expected to "give relief." And that could be the very definition of whining: I don't like what's happening to me, and I want you to fix it. Labeling tough love, "Dr. Phil"-esque, as Obama did, doesn't deal with the reality, and though I'm no Phil-fan, by saying that, Obama may have unwittingly pointed out the possible truth in Gramm's statement. If you don't like your life or your situation, sitting around and saying you don't like it, isn't going to change a lick of anything come morning.

Then, there's the fact that the bitter comment, was uttered by Obama himself, not a surrogate like Gramm. When he said that small-town voters, "get bitter, they cling to guns or religion or antipathy to people who aren’t like them or anti-immigrant sentiment or antitrade sentiment as a way to explain their frustrations," it's a character indictment and a commentary on the complexity of their mental capacities - not an assessment of the realities of a situation and the work required to reverse it.

At the end of the day (or this post) calling citizens "whiners" or "bitter" doesn't change a thing (nor is it especially productive) but I'd rather be inspired to work harder and smarter so I don't have to whine than be told I'm not going to understand anyway, so here's a bible, a check, and good luck five years from now when we're in a worse boat sinking faster and now I'm desperate because I haven't been relying on myself for this "relief."

But that's just one interpretation. What do you think?

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Where Do You Stand: Thinking About Cheating

DearSugar — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 09:00:00 -0700

The majority of you agree that cheating is cheating whether or not it’s a physical or emotional relationship, but I wonder if planning to, or thinking about cheating on your significant other is another form. I know I would be devastated if I ever found out a boyfriend had thoughts of cheating, even if he hadn't gone through with it.

Obviously fantasizing about someone is one thing, but there’s a difference between keeping something purely imaginative and actually entertaining the notion of participating in an outside relationship. Normal fantasies aside, do you think seriously contemplating cheating is just as bad as the act itself? Where do you stand when it comes to drawing the line for what constitutes cheating?

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Dear Poll: Are You a Swearer?

DearSugar — Thu, 19 Jun 2008 11:00:00 -0700

Though I'm not a big user of profanity, I've been known to curse a time or two when something is particularly frustrating, like a frozen computer or stopped traffic on the way to the airport. While it may just be an occasional slip for me, I'm not someone who finds swearing particularly disturbing either - unlike my grandmother, who I've never even heard utter the word "damn" under her breath! But which end of the swearing spectrum do you fall on?

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The How-To Lounge: Offering Advice Others Will Take

DearSugar — Wed, 21 May 2008 15:00:00 -0700

Giving advice can be very complicated. You don’t want to lead anyone astray, and if you want to have your words taken into account, you have to tread very carefully. You need to be honest without ruffling feathers and convincing without becoming demanding. If it sounds tricky, that’s because it is. Luckily, I’ve come up with some tried and true methods for offering advice others will take. You can check it out if you read more.

Most importantly, abstain from judgment - at least openly. Don’t shake your head in disappointment or sigh in disbelief. As soon as someone feels like she's being judged, she won’t be inclined to listen to a word you have to say.
Practice thinking before speaking. Consciously deciding what you’re going to say before you say it can make the difference between good and terrible advice.
Cater your wording to the person that you’re talking to. If your friend or relative doesn’t do well with authority, then approach things from a very casual point of view. If someone is particularly sensitive on a certain issue, use a tad bit more finesse than usual.
Honesty is incredibly important, but being kind is more significant. If you’re not nice, the advisee will focus on how you don’t understand him instead of on the advice you’re actually giving.
Referring to your own experiences and mistakes can create a more open and safe place for the people you’re advising. It also tends to make them feel like they can relate to you, which, of course, will make them more inclined to listen to what you have to say.

Remember: if he or she doesn't take your advice, it's nothing personal so don’t get frustrated. Plus, sometimes people are listening more than they let on!

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Dear Poll: Once a Cheater Always a Cheater?

DearSugar — Mon, 03 Mar 2008 13:00:00 -0800

We’ve all heard this familiar phrase before. To tell you the truth I’m not really sure of its origin, but I think it could qualify as “age old,” but is it true? Honestly, I just don’t know. I’ve definitely known some serial cheaters, but aren’t there people who can truly learn from their mistakes? Perhaps, but what do you think? If someone cheats once, will they always cheat?

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Do Tell: What's Your Superlative?

DearSugar — Tue, 26 Feb 2008 07:00:00 -0800

Over the weekend, I ran into an old friend from high school and we started reminiscing. While she was updating me on our old classmates, I was reminded of the superlatives that our high school yearbook printed for seniors. Of course everyone wanted to get most likely to succeed, but most of us got stuck with things like best hair or most childish. These were more for a good laugh than a defining personality trait, but for a second I did wonder if people had lived up to their superlatives. I was voted worst morning person so I guess that still rings true, although I think I could come up with something a little better for the older and wiser DearSugar! So ladies, let me ask you, if you could give yourself any superlative now, do tell, what would it be?

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Where Do You Stand: Using the Word "Rape" Casually

DearSugar — Mon, 11 Feb 2008 09:00:00 -0800

I was talking to a friend the other day about how her home is being renovated. It's costing her a ton of money, and instead of just saying, "the contractor is taking advantage of us," she said, "the contractor is raping us." I was really shocked to hear such a strong term used in such a casual way. I took offense that she was comparing a horrible thing such as rape to something as unimportant as how much it's going to cost to put in new hardwood floors.

Am I overreacting here or do you think it's OK to use the word "rape" in a casual way?

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Dear Poll: Do You Consider Yourself a Feminist?

DearSugar — Wed, 30 Jan 2008 13:00:00 -0800

"If you're a feminist, please stand." That's how my most influential college professor began her class. I didn't stand. I thought being a feminist meant actively protesting - which I had never done - or writing "man-hater" on my chest while burning my bra. Admittedly, I was completely stereotyping feminists.

To this day, I regret that I didn't stand up, because now I realize that you can be a feminist just by being an empowered woman. You can respect men and love everything girly under the sun while still being a feminist. But it's taken me a long time to erase those images of feminist stereotypes and recreate my own definition of feminism. So now, let me ask all of you.

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Do Tell: Would You Do Anything Differently?

DearSugar — Wed, 09 Jan 2008 08:00:00 -0800

Tony Parker and Eva Longoria have unfortunately had a rough start to their marriage. In case you've missed all the headlines, Tony's been accused of cheating on his wife within days of saying "I do." Since this is all speculation of course, they've been going about their daily business like nothing ever happened; although, who knows what's happening behind closed doors!

Since the media is a constant force in Hollywood, it's incredibly difficult to keep your private life private, so it seems like stepping out with a smile on your face is the best way to squash all the rumors. As onlookers, it's easy to say what you would do if you were in their shoes, so ladies, here's your chance. Do tell, if you were Eva Longoria, how would you handle this situation? Would you do as they did and make a statement denying the allegations, or would you avoid the media all together and keep these issues completely to yourself until you got all the facts?

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