TresSugar

You Asked: Is This Just a Fling?

DearSugar — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

Recently, I had a new employee hired under me; he's friends with my boss. At first he was just a flirt, but as time went on my attraction grew, and before I knew it we kissed one day, and it was like fireworks went off. After that kiss, we began talking every day, texting, and emailing, and then eventually sleeping together. We have the greatest chemistry and when we're together, I just melt! It's been about five months and we have had sex repeatedly. Sometimes I cook dinner and he will come over or sometimes we just cuddle and relax on the sofa without any intimacy.

We are compatible and I've grown to really like him, but I am beginning to think he is either losing interest or possibly dating someone else as my strong feelings are not being reciprocated as I'd like. We usually have sex at least once a week; however, it's been about a month and a half since the last time. I don't see him much any more outside of work. He doesn't come by my place nor do we go out anywhere. On the weekends he always has an excuse for not being able to do anything . . .

I have asked him if he was seeing someone and he says no. But why else would he be pulling away? The crazy thing is, in the office, he acts like everything is OK, showering me with attention throughout the day. So why the sudden changes? What should I do?

- Office Love Laura

To see DearSugar's answer, read more.

Dear Office Love Laura,

These are the perils of a work relationship. It sounds as though your co-worker is trying to break up without formally ending your relationship as that might cause drama in the workplace. Essentially, it doesn't matter why he's doing it - another person, disinterest, or sudden concerns of work-related issues - only that he's giving you the cues that from his end, it's over. I would guess that his nice behavior in the office is an attempt to keep things friendly between you two.

It's frustrating and, I'm sure, disappointing. Although it might seem satisfying to continue to confront him until you get an answer, I think from a professional standpoint it's far better to just back off and mentally put an end to things. It may be a challenge, but it's important that you don't let this relationship interfere with your job. And if he comes around again, certainly use caution.

Source

You Asked: I Slept With a Co-Worker and Now Things Are Weird

DearSugar — Wed, 26 Dec 2007 05:07:40 -0800

Dear Sugar,

I recently hooked up with a male co-worker who also happens to be my good friend. We had been dancing around a mutual attraction for about a year and finally slept together after having a few too many drinks one night. Because we're such good friends, it felt safe and comfortable. Neither of us are looking to be in a relationship right now, so it seemed like a good opportunity to have some fun with no strings attached. We decided that it was probably best to leave it as a one-time thing, though I made it clear that I was open to the possibility of it happening again.

Before we had sex, we agreed that we wouldn't let things get weird between us as friends. Well, that lasted about a day. I've been trying to play it cool, but now he's treating me like a clingy ex-girlfriend he's trying to ditch. He never accepts my invitations for group outings anymore, and he avoids situations where we might be alone together. I've tried giving him space, which is hard because we work together, but he still gives me the cold shoulder. I feel really hurt by this. I hate trying to walk a fine line between seeming too clingy and avoiding him. I'm still attracted to him, but most of all, I miss his friendship, and I want things to go back to normal.

I feel like if I talk to him about his behavior, it might make things even more awkward. But I'm worried that if keep my mouth shut, I'll risk losing his friendship altogether. How can I fix this?

-Things Are Awkward Now Nancy

To see Dear Sugar's answer read more

Dear Things Are Awkward Now Nancy,

I know you guys were friends before you slept together, but there was obviously more going on between you than just a casual friendship. I think this guy must have gotten scared off or nervous and that's why he's acting so immature.

You can't keep going on like this. I would approach him and say that you'd like to get together and talk about things. You have no idea what he's thinking. Does he like you but is nervous to start a relationship? Is he not interested in starting a relationship but afraid to tell you because he doesn't want to hurt your feelings? Or maybe he doesn't want to act like your friend and give you the idea that he likes you, so he's acting like a jerk instead. You'll have no idea unless he tells you.

He could also need a little time to sort through his feelings and may not be ready to talk about it yet. So just be patient, go about your business, and have as little contact with him as necessary. I'm sure with time, the weirdness will subside and you'll be able to talk things out. If not and he continues to act childish and different then you'll know that this guy definitely isn't worth your time.

Source

You Asked: Should I Worry About Dating My Boss?

DearSugar — Thu, 08 Feb 2007 06:00:00 -0800

DearSugar --

I work in a pretty small company, with people who are all between the ages of 24 and 40. A few months ago, my boss made a pass at me. I know that mixing business with pleasure is risky, but the thing is, I like him. He's smart, funny, cute and I now see why it's easy to fall for someone that you spend so much time with.

Most of us at work are single, and we'll go out for drinks or dinner together after work. My boss became more and more aggressive about wanting to go out on a date and finally I accepted. We have been together for about six weeks and it's been wonderful . . . until now. People at work have noticed we're dating and are starting to be mean to me. They think that I am dating him for perks and special treatment, but I am not; I genuinely like him and think I am falling in love with him. Should I feel guilty? -- Nervous Nancy

To see DEARSUGAR's answer, read more

Dear Nervous Nancy – I don’t think you should feel guilty one bit, but I do think you’d be wise to start updating your resume. I understand you’ve fallen for your boss, and I truly hope it’s a healthy and respectful relationship for you, Miss Nancy. I’m frankly a little bit nervous about the language you’ve used to describe this courtship (the "pass”, “more and more aggressive”), as from your note he sounds a little reckless or dominating. Please make sure you’re treated as peer outside the office, ok?

Rules against workplace romances between colleagues have changed over the years, but most businesses still have policies about bosses and direct reports, and for pretty good reasons. Besides, if there’s any collateral damage, you’ll pretty much feel the brunt of it, as you’re starting to see: the suspicion, negativity or jealousy of your colleagues; professional retaliation should you decide to end the relationship; all manner of heartbreak, awkwardness, and repercussion should he end the relationship.

I want this romance to be good for you, which means I really suggest you keep your eyes open, your head held high, and your business card in circulation.

Source

Have You Ever Had an Office Affair?

TresSugar — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 04:00:00 -0700

You don't have to be a late night comedian like David Letterman or Jimmy Kimmel to have an affair at work. Office romances are so prevalent these days that companies are asking in-office couples to sign "love contracts" to protect themselves and the company from lawsuits should something go wrong.

So how many people are finding love at work? According to a recent survey, 60 percent of employees in America have had an office relationship. That's up from 47 percent in 2003. Do you count among the people who have dipped their pens in the company ink?

Why Office Romance Is Not Okay...

GiggleSugar — Thu, 08 Feb 2007 00:00:00 -0800

Sexual tension makes people do the most foolish things.

Link Time!

DearSugar — Fri, 17 Oct 2008 15:50:00 -0700

Does your weight fluctuate with your relationship? - Jezebel
Have you ever suffered from singlism at the office? - Divine Caroline
Soothe your recession woes with a romance novel - Tango
Great grandmothers sometimes need sex toys too - Daily Bedpost
Time magazine's take on teen girls isn't too far off - gURL sex ed blog
Dating advice you definitely shouldn't follow - The Frisky
The sexual perils of a big age difference - Truehookupconfessions

Source

I Am Secretly Dating My Boss

DearSugar — Fri, 17 Nov 2006 08:00:09 -0800

Dear Sugar
I recently started hooking up with a co-worker of mine and so far so good. Actually, I don't even know why I am sugar coating it, truthfully, he is my boss. Out of the office, he is everything I have ever wanted in a boyfriend, but when we are at work, it's a hi, bye, and the occasional smile and wink. Our relationship must be kept at a low profile for obvious reasons, but are his actions at work any indication of how he really feels about me?

Over the past few months, my feelings for him have escalated. I am trying to play it cool when we are together, but I think he is catching on. He sends me what I think are flirtatious messages, but I can't tell what they mean since he is so cold to me at the office. Our dates are always very romantic but I have no idea what his intentions are. Am I setting myself up for heartbreak? Will this ever be more than an out-of-office fling? Hopeful Heidi

To see DEARSUGAR's answer read more

Dear Hopeful Heidi
Office romances are often very complicated, especially if he is your boss. Is inter-office dating allowed at your company? Are either one of your jobs on the line? Do you want to make a commitment with this man if he is willing?

Being coy at work might be best under the circumstances, since you don't want people talking thinking that you are just looking for an easy leg up. I think the best thing to do is be open with your feelings if you want to pursue this relationship.

Since you have been dating for several months, it is about time you have a discussion about the status of your relationship. Find out if his flirtatious hints are advances or just friendly acts in passing. The only way to find out if your relationship will ever be more than an office romance is to confront him about it. This could be an uncomfortable discussion since you report to this man, but it is the only way to get answers you need to satisfy your curiosity.

If you get the response you are looking for, hopefully you can feel more secure with your demure work day exchanges. If he is not ready to make the commitment you are expecting, it might be best to cool down the office heat. I hope everything works out for you.

8-Year-Old Bride Escapes Husband, Gets Annulment

LibertySugar — Fri, 18 Apr 2008 11:00:32 -0700

If it takes three stories to make a trend, here's your third with an arguably happy ending.

Nojoud, an 8-year-old Yemeni girl forced to marry a man in his 20s, took her destiny into her own hands. She ran away from her husband, and took a taxi to a judge's office. Luckily for her, the forward-thinking judge granted her an annulment. Nojoud is living safely with her uncle, and looking forward to going back to school.

Economic conditions are dire in Yemen, which borders Saudi Arabia in the Middle East. Marriage laws are murky - there is no minimum age for marriage, but child brides are not allowed to live with their husbands until they reach puberty. To see what happened in this case, read more.

Nojoud signed the marriage contract with the expectation that she would live with her parents, until she reached 18. Instead she was forced to consummate the marriage, and live with the man. Her father had arranged the marriage, after threats from the husband's entourage. Her older sister had been kidnapped and forced to marry her kidnapper.

Considering that Nojoud's tragic co-habitation and consummation were against Yemen law, how do you feel about Yemen's legal version of child marriage, which requires a girl to reach puberty before sexual relations begin? Is it hard for Western societies to accept a conception of marriage, which resembles a business transaction void of romance?

Source

Ask E. Jean for DearSugar: Is Dating at Work Off Limits?

E Jean Carroll — Thu, 11 Oct 2007 10:07:30 -0700

Dear E. Jean,

I realize that getting involved with a co-worker is a huge no-no, completely dumb, and bad for a girl’s career. But, this guy at work makes me crazy. He looks like Aaron Eckhart, except handsomer and sexier. We’re in two different departments at a well-known cable news channel (he’s a camera man, I’m a production assistant), but we keep running into one another. He’s adorable, always calls out my name, walks with me back to my office (and seems to have no idea I "accidentally" arranged for us to run into one another). I know he likes me. I know he doesn’t have a girlfriend. And I know you’re going to lecture me about falling for a guy at work. But, what can I do? I think I’m in love. Help! - Can’t Eat, Can’t Sleep, Can’t Think.

To see E. Jean's answer read more

MISS CAN’T, my kumquat:
Hell, the only reason to go to work is to meet cute guys. Lecture you? I LURVE you.
Rules against meeting men at work are bullhockey. Some of the wildest, deepest romances in history started at work: Jack and Jackie Kennedy, Bogart and Bacall, Bonnie and Clyde, Barbie and Ken, Angelina and Brad. Come, come. If you’re thrown together with an attractive cameraman day in and day out; and if you can observe the nature, character, humor, genius, and spirit of this cameraman in good times and in bad . . . .Phoo. Of course you’re falling in love. Keep it discreet, darling, and go for it!

To see more advice from E. Jean visit Elle Magazine and AskEJean.com

Come Story Telling with me!!! The Completed Story

DearSugar — Sun, 24 Jun 2007 11:41:40 -0700

I hope you all enjoyed this new feature as much as I did! Your wild imaginations made for a great story line! To read the completed tale you all helped create, read more

"You're late again, Amanda. I have had it....How do you expect to keep your job here if you can't even come to work on time? What's your excuse now?" My boss was so irritated I could see the steam billowing out of his ears.

"I forgot my cell phone at home and I'd only realized after I got on the train. I'm sorry," I replied, lying through my teeth. I'd slept in again. I couldn't help that all I won't say you don't but I'm honestly just tired of hearing non-stop excuses. Your tears will not sway me this time. I mean it, you're gone." Jake turned away as if to dismiss me, but I stayed there, shocked, glued to my seat. What was I going to do? I was left with no choice but to pack up my personal items from my cubicle and go to HR for my exit interview. As I began to do this, my coworker Jennifer stopped by to see how last night had went. I said "Forget about last night, I just got fired." She was as shocked as I was. Within 10 minutes the office was abuzz about my firing. Between the time I gathered my items and got to Human Resources, my mind was already racing. I didn't care about the gossip, and the interview was the last of my worries. Jake's going to tell my mother, oh God... not my mother.

They had been dating for almost a year, and now he found it easier than ever to chastise me as if I was his own child. He's wrong in that though; I'm not his daughter, and I'm not a child. Damn Jake. I completed my exit interview, got in my car and forgot about stupid Jake, when my cell rang. It was my mother. "Darling?" she asked, "Is that you?" as if anyone else would answer my cell phone. "In the flesh" I say, as I merge onto the freeway. "Sweetie. is everything alright? I'm hearing disturbing tales about your work ethic." Oh how to answer. Disturbing was a word I reserved for things like May September romance between my boss and my mother, having a half sibling 24 years younger than me and phone calls where the caller pretends to know nothing about the events they are about to inquire about. "Mom. I've decided to liquidate some of my assets" I wonder if she'll get the jest of this, understand that it means her gravy train is about to come to an end when my call waiting beeps. "Mom, I've got someone on the other line, I have to go, I'll talk to you later," I say quickly before she has time to respond and click over. It's Rita, my best friend and self-professed mystic.

"Hey Rita," I said, trying to keep the mental exhaustion out of my voice "Oh my Gawd! What's wrong I dreamt you were pregnant," Rita replies anxiously. I'm sure she hopes I am so her predictions can finally be validated.

"I just got fired and I'm hungover," I whined. "Come over, have some coffee and food and I'll read your cards." "Coffee yes, food no, cards puh-lease," I said as I made my way to Rita's house and thought to myself.. damn.. I wish I hooked up last night - at least my firing would've been worth it! Then I think "Did I hook up with someone?" Suddenly I was lost. I had just "accidentally" hung up on my mother and lost a job. Did I just have a one-night stand last night that I could remember? I was lost in thought and suddenly I slammed my brakes before I hit the car in front of me. I made it safe to Rita's house however.

I knocked on Rita's screen door and she answered it in her usual Bohemian attire wearing a flowing purple paisley dress that billowed around her in the breeze. "Oh, you poor thing!" she said, enveloping me in a warm, earth-mother hug and the smell of patchouli. "Just come in and relax, and tell me all about it."
I followed her into the living room, and as she went into the kitchen to get me a cup of coffee, I sank wearily down onto her sofa. Suddenly, as I settled in among the pile of hand-crocheted cushions on the sofa, an image popped into my head from the previous night Flashes: a curly haired stranger, being led into a red convertible, coffee, sex. Yes, I indeed did get laid last night, and apparently the guy ran out on me in the morning. I wasn't sure whether I should be glad I broke my dry spell, or whether I should feel guilty, or whether I should be mad some guy dashed on me before I woke up.

Rita walked into the room with my coffee and looked down at me serenely. "You shouldn't be mad he dashed, Amanda. You woke up at 11 AM. He had to leave for work at 9." Rita had read my mind. Well damn... was he at least cute??" I asked disappointed. "more importantly.. did I get off???" "I think it's time you started to think about your priorities dear friend," Rita said, "what are you going to do now that you've lost your job?" I sat there staring at the opposite wall. It had escaped my mind. The first thought that hit me was that I'll just end up running to my mother to get me a new job.

Rita had her arms crossed and looked down on me with a disapproving face. She shook her head. "Why don't you just pursue your dream job?" she asked. I looked at her. "Do you think I can just get up and be a fashion designer? That's not exactly an easy career to get into. Plus, it's not like I know anyone who can help me out, and that's basically the only way I can get a job with a resume like mine." I was exasperated. This day felt like it was spiraling out of control, and the incense was giving me a migraine. She smiled at me and said "well think about it honey but I have an appointment with the cookey landlord, apparently she thinks spirits are following her...ugh." We mutually hugged and I headed out.

As I walked downstairs and out the building I took a second to look at my surroundings. My cute little convertible parked in front of me, the trees blowing in the summer breeze, I looked down at my feet to be reminded that I did have great taste in my Jimmy Choos. What was I thinking? I haven't got it that bad! That job wasn't me in any way! With a new outlook on life, I hopped in my car, top down, music blaring and headed to JoAnne Crafts. I'd heard somewhere that they sold sewing materials there. I didn't even know how to use one, but I knew if I hadn't one, I would never get anything done.

The store was huge and I felt overwhelmed. I decided to ask an associate for assistance and I felt nervous for the first time in a long while. I stuttered "I'm...looking...for...ah...sewing...machine," I said, looking at the associate in the eyes. "Sure," he responded with a smile and lead me to the aisle. The whole time I was walking behind him I couldn't help but think how familiar he looked with his brown curly hair. He looked almost like the guy from last night, who happens to walk out on me this morning. "Was I that bad?" I thought to myself.
"Here they are ma'am," he said, pointing at the shelves filed with an array selection of sewing machines from $25.00 to $150.00. He started to walked away, when I stopped him and asked, "Excuse me.. but um.. I know this sounds shady.. but don't I know u?" He smiled, chuckled actually, "Nah. Unless you were at from Canada? Because I just moved here about three days ago..." Hmmm odd, I thought to myself, this guy looked way too familiar. "Oh really! So how do you like it here so far?" I asked shyly and curiously. "Oh you know, its alright if your into the whole "Hollywood scene," my buddies took me out to some clubs last night...it was the first real night I actually did something here. I think it was called Hyde? I guess its some celeb hot spot...I don’t know."

In my mind, my jaw dropped, my eyes fell to the floor, and I melted to the ground as I realized I was at Hyde last night and it was definitely the one night stand/leave in the morning without a goodbye guy. Completely embarrassed I shriveled up and began backing away like a dog with a tail between its legs. "Ohh Hyde really?" I quickly said as I picked up the machine and began grabbing my money as fast as I could How could he not remember me?????? I hope he doesn't tell his friend he saw me int he middle of the day.. OMG OMG OMG.. OK. Get yourself together.

As I rush out of the store, I bump into Jake, my good-for-nothing boss. "Amanda," he said with a confused look on his face. "Jake," I said surprisingly loud. Jake and I gave each other an weird look, almost like we were shocked to have seen each other in the same place. "Your mother wants to know..." "I have to get going Jake," I interrupted him. I was not in the mood to be lectured at. As I got inside my red Volvo, I looked at rear view mirror and saw Jake starring back at me. I quickly turned my eyes away, thinking if only I could get him back
for all this. Then I had an idea which would work. I grabbed my cell phone and called my cousin Denna. She owed me a favor and was up on everything through last night. As I drove, I explained to her what I needed.

She would get my mom out of the house and I would leave the pix of Jake and Alan in bed together on her pillow; a sort of good night kiss for my own mommy dearest. I pulled up next to the bushes across the street from their house. The shadow hid me, and as I saw my mother leave, I made my way across the street and went in through the kitchen door which was never locked. Then I placed the pic on her pillow and went back to me car to wait. For some reason I couldn't leave until she came back, until i knew it was over.

About an hour and a half later, I started to feel really guilty. I mean I despise Jake but I love my mother. How is making her miserable going to make Jake miserable? Maybe if we go for a nice mother/daughter dinner I can convince to help me with my aspirations in fashion. I ran upstairs to remove the photo from her pillow when I heard the front door open. I "Hello, who's home?" yelled a booming male voice I didn't recognize at all. "Uh, it's Amanda, Sidney's daughter," I stammered back. "Who are you?" I asked, as I turned around to walk downstairs to confront the unexpected visitor. As I rounded the turn I saw my favorite uncle standing there with two suitcases, arms open.

"I know who you are," my uncle laughed, and enveloped me in his big bear hug." I squealed, "Uncle Mike! What are you doing here??" "Didn't your mom tell you? I'm in town for a couple weeks, and I planned a nice celebratory dinner tonight. I can't tell you what we're celebrating until tonight though!"

I thought to myself, "So that's what Jake was trying to tell me outside the fabric store." How was I going to get out of this now? I couldn't exactly go to dinner tonight after outing my Mom's boyfriend. It's a good thing I came back in for the pic. My uncle looked at me and asked if I was okay. "Oh yeah, I'm fine" I said. "Your mother told me you've been struggling to find the right career." Wow my mom was actually nice enough not to say I was fired. "Yeah, I really want to get into fashion designing, but I have no idea where to start" I said. Uncle Mike said "Well, I'm sure you will figure it out soon enough. I need to get my things put away and ready for dinner. Do you know when your mother will be home?" "No, sorry, I haven't talked to her today".

***

As Uncle Mike took center stage, the room feel silent. "I have come here to tell you all something incredibly exciting. I won the lottery!!!!! Since you are the only family I have, I am here to deliver a little token of appreciation -- a million dollars for each of you. Amanda, use this wisely -- looks like your going to need this money more than all of us after your day!"