TresSugar

You Asked: How Can I Say No?

DearSugar — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

My teenage daughter plays sports and has since she was in grade school. Not long after she started, a woman that lives in our town asked to carpool. I was OK with it at first but over the last five years, it has evolved from carpooling to my family being completely responsible for her kids without any compensation. When asked at the beginning of a year or season if I wanted to carpool again, I've said no over and over, but before long, their kids are just jumping into our car! We live 15 miles from school so it's not like I can just leave them there alone.

School is getting ready to start in a month and I'm dreading it. The price of gas has skyrocketed and while I don't mind paying for my kid to do this stuff, I have a major problem with these kids freeloading off my family. How do I keep these girls from asking for a ride every day? They don't seem to understand "No." - Fed Up Felisha

To see DearSugar's answer read more.

Dear Fed Up Felisha,

It sounds like you have a hard time saying no, but Felisha, it's time to put your foot down. Unfortunately this woman is deficient in the manners department so I advise you to have an adult conversation with her before the school year starts. Everyone knows how expensive gas is so I'd just be very matter of fact. Tell her that you'd be more than happy to carpool, but only if she's willing to do her part. And if giving her kids a lift isn't problematic for you besides the lack of compensation, simply tell her that the only way you feel comfortable driving her children is if she pitches in financially.

I understand not wanting to be looked at as the strict mom, but you need to stand your ground. Though being the bigger person might be less confrontational than demanding what's fair, you're only doing yourself a disservice by not speaking up. The sooner you say no, the sooner you'll get what's rightfully deserved.

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Two-Letter Acting at Its Best

GiggleSugar — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 14:00:00 -0800

Shia LaBeouf: The new face of D.A.R.E.?

Learn How to Say NO!

DearSugar — Tue, 29 May 2007 09:30:00 -0700

Do you have a hard time saying no to co-workers, friends, or family members? If so, you're not alone! The older we get, the harder it seems to stand your ground. Here are some pointers to help you be bold and strong when the time is right.

Click here to read more

Before you say yes or no to someone or something, think the situation through and clearly understand what is being asked of you
Everyone loves to hear the word yes and it's always much easier to please than to disappoint, but if you always aim to please, chances are you are going to get taken advantage of
Many people fear saying no for no good reason, so ask yourself what's the worst thing that will happen if you do say no
Having the ability to speak the truth and make your own decisions can be extremely powerful and rewarding so embrace the right to choose
Being upfront and honest from the get go is extremely important. No one likes it when people go back on their word or make wishy washy promises
While it is easier to say no to someone or decline an invitation over the phone or via e-mail, it is much more respectful to do it in person

I hope these tips help -- while it is easier to be a yes woman, remember to put your needs first!

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Sunday Confessional: She's Feeling Jealous

TresSugar — Sun, 22 Nov 2009 10:00:05 -0800

This week's anonymous confession comes from the TrèsSugar Community group Confession Booth. This confessor finds herself worried about her boyfriend's co-worker. She explains:

"Before we started dating my boyfriend slept with someone he still works with. He just recently told me this and it's driving me nuts!!!!!!"

Do you think this is a big deal?

Real or Fake? Headlines of the Week

TresSugar — Sun, 22 Nov 2009 08:00:07 -0800

News can get pretty weird. Our Stranger Than Fiction feature covers a lot of it, but there's much more useless information to know. I've gathered some of this week's most bizarre headlines and mixed in some made-up ones. See if you can spot the real from the fake.

Take the quiz

Play Battle of the Books - For a Chance to Win $1,000!

TresSugar — Sun, 22 Nov 2009 00:00:22 -0800

In TrèsSugar's Battle of the Books faceoff, we've pitted some of the most influential books against each other. Pick which one you'd rather read, and we'll find out what's top shelf.

Finding titles to add to your holiday reading list not incentive enough? We'll be giving away a $1,000 grand prize each month - you must be logged in, and you'll be entered once every time you play. (Check out the official rules here.) What are you waiting for? Get choosy.

East vs. West: Berlin Wall Divided Two Attitudes Toward Nudity

TresSugar — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 08:00:49 -0800

When the Berlin Wall fell 20 years ago last week, East and West Germany had to integrate two very different cultures. Freedom may have spread quickly through the East, but nudity - the East's favorite and perhaps only freedom - never caught on in the West.

Freikörperkultur (FKK), or liberal body culture, was really the only way to rebel in the East, where the most quotidian details of people's lives were observed by the Stasi, East Germany's secret police. Though the East German government forbid FKK at first, many government officials were into walking around nude, so they protested with the argument that "doing FKK" did not mean you weren't a good communist. Good point - don't they put kids in school uniforms to level the playing field? What's more egalitarian than wearing nothing!

Yet on the west side of the wall, the attitude toward nudity was more on par with America and its don't-even-discuss-it-in-public ethos. A West German interviewed a former East German for Vice magazine to find out what's so great about wearing nothing. Check out some of the highlights after the jump.

How Would You Feel?

TresSugar — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 04:00:04 -0800

This post comes from Group Therapy in our TrèsSugar Community. Feel free to add your advice in the comments!

I'm 20 years old and have been dating this guy for four years. Last night, I was using his computer and I saw that he searched for plus size lingerie. My feelings were instantly hurt. I felt so fat! I think that my boyfriend should not make me feel like that! He has never called me fat or anything, but just the fact that he looked at plus size lingerie says that he thinks it! If I ask him if he thinks I'm fat or anything he, of course, denies it. He says that if he thought I was ugly he wouldn't be with me. So, what now? Am I just overreacting? I am so hurt!

There's lots of great stuff going on in our community - join it, check it out, share your posts or advice in the great groups and maybe we'll feature it here on TrèsSugar!

10 Smart and Sexy Books

TresSugar — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 15:00:59 -0800

Forget the Literary Review's Bad Sex Scene award - we want the good ones, but not the smut . . . necessarily. Luckily, Nerve tracks the books with the best sex scenes all year with its Henry Miller awards. Named after the novelist, it rewards the best literary sex scenes in the English language. We've selected our 10 favorites.

Source: Flickr User jamelah

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Très Trivia! Are You in the Know?

TresSugar — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 14:00:38 -0800

This week China welcomed Barack Obama to town by selling random things with the president's face on it. Do you know what other stories lit up the headlines?

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