TresSugar

How Much Do You Care About Your Neighbors?

DearSugar — Wed, 06 Aug 2008 15:00:00 -0700

I was hardly surprised to read that neighbors who live near The Hills house in Los Angeles are pretty annoyed about the ever-present reality show commotion. With the TV crews, paparazzi, and drive-by sightseers, the once-quiet block has transformed into a modern media circus, so it's understandable that the neighbors would get peeved.

Whether you live in a house or an apartment building, neighbors are always a minor or major consideration, depending on how considerate you are. Since I live in a multiunit building, I try to respect the close quarters and stay relatively quiet in my day-to-day activities. My general philosophy is, if I keep a low profile most of the time, the neighbors will understand if it gets a little loud from time to time when I have people over. If you live in a party house, you've probably come up with different ways to deal with neighbors. Maybe you ignore them all together, or perhaps you've become good friends with the people who live in your 'hood. Either way, what's your general philosophy on respecting and befriending the neighbors?

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This or That: Your Neighbor Is a Stomper or a Bed Rocker?

DearSugar — Fri, 11 Jul 2008 16:00:00 -0700

You just moved into a new apartment, and while you used to live on the top floor, you’re now living right in the middle. You haven’t had many issues with the building as a whole, and you’ve never even seen or heard your downstairs neighbor, but it only takes a week for you to realize your upstairs neighbor may be a problem. Would if be worse if . . .

This: All you hear when she’s home is the stomping of feet or the booming voices from her TV? Worse still, she seems to have a strange habit of watching TV in the middle of the night; the reverberations of infomercials keep you up.

Or . . .

That: She’s fairly quiet until she’s having loud and very kinky sex (in all rooms of the house)? You’d get over it more easily if it didn’t happen all week long!

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Eco-Turf War Erupts Between Ed Begley & the Science Guy

CitizenSugar — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 12:15:17 -0700

The Green Movement may have just gotten nasty. Science Guy, Billy Nye and actor Ed Begley, Jr. are engaging in an “keeping up with the Jones’ eco race”. Though the tale of the neighborhood war calls them sort of unflatteringly, "moderately famous," Hey, Ed Begley was great in HBO's Recount) now the battle for the planet taken center stage on their block.

According to a neighbor who lives between the two TV personalities (poor 83-year-old Frema Rood) the competition started the minute Bill Nye moved into the neighborhood announcing his intentions to “...best Ed Begley at his own game.”

Since then the two have been trying to out-solar panel one another - in a race which appears to be favoring Nye. The Science Guy’s panels have a few newer features like a system that displays when he’s creating more power than he’s using. Rub it in, much?

Of course, Begley has had a 20-year head start. To see how, and what the two have done in their planetary battle royale, read more.

For those of you who haven’t seen Living with Ed, the HGTV show featuring the trials and triumphs of living an almost completely eco-friendly life, Begley does things like use beer as an insecticide and has installed a weather monitoring sprinkler system which actually checks the forecast to shut down on rainy days. That's more accurate than the weather guy, I imagine.

But Nye is no slouch either - in fact, he is gaining points in sheer good looks. Nye has used recycled plastic lumber to build a patio cover and has copper rain gutters which Begley has coveted openly. Begley's eco-dump has wires sticking out of his appliances, bricks piled high around the yard and, the most damning eyesore, red rain barrels that stand out from his house’s white façade. The actor claim's he's working on solving this problem with an underground cistern to store water, a move he says has Nye already green with envy.

Do you have eco-rivlaries in your own 'hood? Battle to see who's recycling can is fullest? Is this just what the planet needs? A little good old fashioned neighborhood rivalry?

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You Asked: My Neighbor Is Being Abused

DearSugar — Tue, 29 Jan 2008 17:00:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

Recently, my fiancé and I awoke to the screaming of obscenities from a couple who lives downstairs. We groggily listened to this disturbance before it escalated to what sounded like furniture being thrown around the room. Then we heard the female cry out these exact words: "Help me! My boyfriend is abusing me!" I immediately dialed 911. After I finished the call, we heard more violent knocking around and, finally, a car speeding off.

A few minutes after the police arrived, they knocked on our door since we were the ones to call the police. To our surprise, the woman denied the entire thing! The policeman told us that there were major chips and dents outside the door and walls downstairs. He believed us but couldn't do anything if the woman didn't want to help herself first.

This already has happened twice. We feel helpless in this situation. We want to do something, but we're afraid to confront this violent man who is abusing her. We have our own lives to keep safe, too. It seems all we can do is assist her anonymously. How can we tolerate listening to these repeated disputes and then have our help rejected whenever we try to protect her?

- Helpless Hailey

To see DearSugar's answer read more

Dear Helpless Hailey,

This is a very difficult and depressing situation to witness. First of all, I want to applaud you and your fiancé for making that 911 call - you'd be surprised how many people would rather let something awful take place than risk getting involved. That said, your safety is very important and I wouldn't chance confronting the abuser. However, if you can safely approach the woman when she's alone, tell her that you're concerned for her safety and ask her if there is anything you can do to help. Give her the name of somewhere she can go in the neighborhood to seek support; approach a local women's clinic or college to find the information specific to your community.

Sadly, there's not much more you can do, other than call 911, file a noise complaint with the police, and inform your landlord or apartment office of the disturbances. Next time you hear any sort of dispute coming from their apartment, call the police immediately and hopefully they can catch the couple in the midst of their fighting, and at the very least, give the abuser a scare. You can also locate more resources at The National Domestic Abuse Hotline. Keep yourself safe.

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You Asked: My Neighbors Are Having Sex and It's Really Loud!

DearSugar — Mon, 22 Oct 2007 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I just moved into my first condo that I bought myself and I love it, but I'm having a problem with my neighbors. They seriously have sex every single night, so loudly it shakes my walls. They scream out things I shouldn't hear, and the bed creaks rhythmically. It goes on for at least a half an hour a night and it makes me really uncomfortable.

Now, I mean everyone needs to get theirs, but every night? And that loud? I can't just ask them to keep it down, can I? What should I do? I really can't deal anymore.

-Can't Sleep Stella

To see Dear Sugar's answer read more

Dear Can't Sleep Stella,

I've totally had this problem before too, but it was with a roommate I shared an apartment. I felt as if I had to talk to her abut it since we were friends, but I can guess that you probably don't want the first conversation you have with your new neighbors to be about their outrageous sexual escapades!

If I were you, I'd leave an anonymous note on their door. Make it short and sweet. Say something cute like, "Hi there. I thought you'd want to know that I'm totally jealous that you two are getting busy every night. Hearing you (and I do hear you) just rubs it in my face even more, so could you do this single girl a favor and keep it down? Thanks." That note is sure to get the point across without making them feel attacked or self-conscious. If you don't feel comfortable taking that route, could you call your land lord and have him or her talk to them about it for you? Whatever way you decide to broach the topic, do it sooner than later. You shouldn't feel uncomfortable in your own home. Good luck!

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The How-To Lounge: Welcoming Neighbors

DearSugar — Thu, 04 Oct 2007 16:00:00 -0700

Getting new neighbors can be a lot of fun, that is if you get the quiet, respectful kind! One way to start the neighborly relationship off on the right foot is to welcome them with open arms. For some ideas, click here to read more

Be friendly but not over bearing
Don't be too aggressive when they first move in - remember they are probably quite busy and overwhelmed getting organized
Once you have given them a few days to get settled, ring their doorbell and introduce yourself
Host an intimate dinner party with other neighbors so everyone can meet and get to know each other
Send them a goodie bag with the essentials you need when you move: a bottle of wine of course, snacks in case they haven't gotten a chance to go to the store yet, a restaurant guide of your favorites in the neighborhood, the necessary tools to get a house in good shape that they might have forgotten (a hammer, push pins, scissors, duct tape, etc)

Good luck with your new neighbors!

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Rape Victim Asks Community to Use Anger to Bring Change

TresSugar — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 14:00:00 -0800

Adding something positive to a very dark situation, the 15-year-old girl who was gang raped outside her homecoming dance in Northern California asked her supporters to channel their anger toward making sure nothing like this happens again. Speaking to a few hundred people gathered on campus, the victim's pastor read these words on her behalf:

"We realize people are angry about this. But let the anger cause change, change that is necessary to keep our children, our neighbors and our friends safe."

The school district is implementing tougher security following this incomprehensible act of violence. Sadly, the school had been pushing for tighter security measures but didn't have the funding to do so until now. Even still, some worry that fences and lighting won't be enough.

This story has deeply disturbed many of us, so I can only imagine how those in the community must feel not only angry, but scared and confused. After the news that some of the victim's peers are defending the alleged rapists on MySpace, it's comforting to see that there are also many people who support her. Why do you think it took a gang rape watched by 20 people for something to be done to protect young girls at the school?

Stranger Than Fiction: Car Crashes Into Couple's Bedroom

TresSugar — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 12:30:00 -0700

Imagine if you will, sleeping soundly in your bed with your boyfriend. Maybe you're spooning, maybe he's snoring, you're dreaming of kittens ice-skating...whatever.

Suddenly, a car crashes through your bedroom. Motor fluid sprays in your now-awake faces as you both struggle to get out from under the weight of the car, which now lies on top of you.

Well, that's exactly what happened to two Nevada college students last week when a drunk driver, thinking he was headed into the home his ex-girlfriend now shares with a new boyfriend, drove instead into their bedroom at 4 a.m.

Only Trent Wood's lower body was pinned by the car, but his screaming girlfriend Kristin Palmer's entire body was pinned. In less than an hour, thanks to neighbors who called 911, emergency workers removed the car from the couple. Wood says he was ecstatic he and his girlfriend only suffered minor scrapes and burns, and not paralysis as he feared.

He told a reporter, "When you experience something like that there's no limits anymore, you can try to do whatever you want to do. We feel like we have more of a purpose, like we were meant to live." I bet the drunk driver, who is up sh*t creek without a paddle (or car), has the opposite sentiment.

What Politician Would You Like as a Neighbor?

CitizenSugar — Sun, 04 Jan 2009 10:00:51 -0800

Former Republican vice presidential candidate (and new grandma) Sarah Palin recently won a poll on the most desirable celebrity neighbors with 14 percent, closely followed by Oprah Winfrey.

The 2008 campaign gave us an up close look at the lives of Palin, John McCain, Barack Obama and Joe Biden, but I suspect being neighbors with Condoleezza Rice, Eliot Spitzer or Rod R. Blagojevich would be pretty entertaining as well. What politician do you wish you could borrow eggs and sugar from?

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Freeloading Neighbor

DearSugar — Thu, 01 Jun 2006 15:10:44 -0700

Dear Sugar
I have a neighbor that totally freeloads off of me. I am a working mom with 2 kids and I have a nanny. My neighbor allows her son to come over to my house every single week day to play with my kids.

Our boys are friends so of course I would never say no to him coming over. However, shouldn't she pay for her own nanny instead of relying on us to provide childcare? What's worse, she never thanks us for our generosity and avoids meeting us by having her son walk home at the end of the day.

I don't want to be petty but I don't like the unfairness of it. How can I bring this up with tactfully? Ticked off Tracey

Dear Ticked Off Tracey
That stinks! There's really no way to win this one. You don't want to seem un-neighborly, but you also don't want to be taken advantage of. There's always one in the bunch who doesn't follow the "do unto other's..." golden rule. You should approach your neighbor in a friendly manner - bring over a pie or a bottle of wine. Explain to her that your nanny is feeding and caring for her child all day. Associate the blame with a cost and say that your nanny is going to charge you for the additional responsibility of an extra child. Ask her how she plans to handle this?