TresSugar

Have You Ever Dated a Mama's Boy?

TresSugar — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 15:00:00 -0800

In a way, that's a trick question.

Although "mama's boy" has negative connotations (he was smothered or spoiled by mom), a man who was raised with love and affection by a mother with boundaries often grows up to be what the author of Raising Boys Without Men calls a "head and heart" person.

This positive version of a mama's boy, says Peggy Drexler, is in touch with his and others' emotions and knows how to communicate. (This is assuming the mother herself is connected to her emotions and is a good communicator - a big assumption.)

Have you ever dated a man who was close to his mother? Was he spoiled, expecting you to do everything dear ol' mom did? Was he smothered, one wig and a rocking chair away from being Norman Bates? Or did it help him to respect women and teach him to be connected to his feelings?

Say What? Katie Roiphe on Feminism and Maternity Leave

TresSugar — Mon, 31 Aug 2009 13:00:00 -0700

"Historically, feminists have emphasized the difficulty, the drudgery of new motherhood. They have tried to analogize childcare to the work of men; and so for a long time, women have called motherhood a 'vocation.' The act of caring for a baby is demanding, and arduous, of course, but it is wilder and more narcotic than any kind of work I have ever done."

- Writer Katie Roiphe on the conflicted pleasures of having a baby and maternity leave. At the same time she talks about the pleasures of taking care of a new baby, she says that "part of the allure of maternity leave is you give up everything you are and care about."

Why Some Women Give Up Custody of Their Children

TresSugar — Fri, 31 Jul 2009 10:05:00 -0700

No matter how egalitarian people say they are, there's still an assumption that a woman's connection to her children is stronger - and perhaps more sacred - than a man's, and when a couple splits, she should naturally retain custody.

Rebekah Spicuglia understands the stigma of noncustodial motherhood all too well. She got pregnant when she was 18 and started taking classes at community college. Her husband, a restaurant worker who enjoyed staying at home and being around his family, didn't want to move when Spicuglia's educational ambitions landed her a spot at UC Berkeley. So she made the decision to move and leave her 3-year-old son Oscar with her husband. Now living in New York and divorced from Oscar’s father, she sees her son regularly and believes her decision was good for everyone involved. To hear what a psychologist has to say about the phenomenon and to weigh in yourself, read more.

Spicuglia joins the 30 percent of women in the US- over 2 million noncustodial mothers - who don't retain custody of their children after a divorce. If they are anything like Spicuglia, they may face judgment, hostility and disapproval.

Clinical psychologist Judith Sills explains why this is unfair and acknowledges that sometimes these decisions are best for the children, too. "The fact is," she says, "some good moms can protect their children best by recognizing someone else is the better parent . . . maybe they're emotionally overwhelmed; maybe to get financially on their feet; maybe because in a divorce, mom is desperate to leave the house, but she knows the kids need stability." The child's perception, she continues, has more to do with whether he or she has a stable, happy home than it does with the social norms that adults contend with.

How do you feel about women who decide to give up custody? Does it contradict your idea of what a "good mother" should do?

Socially Sophisticated? Thank Your Mom

TresSugar — Fri, 15 May 2009 12:00:00 -0700

Last weekend mothers got a big thank you for Mother's Day. If you fancy yourself a person with good social skills, you probably should have given your mom double the love. As you may have guessed, moms play a big role in developing kids' social awareness.

A new study reveals that people whose mothers talked to them about other people's feelings - for example, "When you grab his toy, it makes him sad" versus "Stop it!" - developed better social understanding. Mothers who didn't take a touchy-feely approach were more likely to raise adults lacking social sophistication.

So how did the study measure such skills? It looked at how well children could express a range of emotions, as well as how much they empathized with others. Subjects, who participated in the study for 14 years, were asked to do things like watch The Office and explain the characters' interactions. Sounds fun!

Do you think your mom made you a well-adjusted adult?

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Do Tell: How Are You Most Like Your Mom?

TresSugar — Tue, 05 May 2009 09:15:00 -0700

They say when we grow up, we turn into our mothers. I know that I'm often startled when I get glimpses of my mom's face in the mirror, but more fascinating to me are the ways our personalities often resemble one another.

As I get older, I'm more aware of the traits that make me similar to my mom, whether it's our fondness for cheese, our taste in earrings, or our tendency to interrupt people during spirited conversations. So in honor of Mother's Day this Sunday (you sent a card, right?!), tell me: how are you most like your mom, in both good and bad ways?

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Some Mothers Look Like Their Daughters Naturally . . .

TresSugar — Thu, 16 Apr 2009 07:00:00 -0700

And others will pay for the privilege.

This is straight up twinsanity! "Love you like a sister" is a sweet sentiment unless you're 50 years old and spend 10,000 British pounds (about $15,000) to look like your 28-year-old daughter. But that's just what Janet Cunliffe did to look like her daughter Jane.

In her 30s, Janet became unhappy with her breasts, which she thought were too small and saggy. She got plastic surgery in the hopes she could save her ailing marriage, but alas, she and her husband divorced. By 40, she moved to Spain and met someone new, but between ruptured implants, followed by even bigger breast implants, her post-marriage relationship ended. Once she moved back to England to live with her daughter, she began despairing about her age. This led to a punishing round of dieting, plastic surgery on her nose, eyes, and lips, and of course, hair extensions.

Now that people think Janet and Jane are sisters - and sometimes even twins - Janet claims she's happy. "It's not a competition," she argues. "This has always been about my own confidence and self-esteem. I haven't done this to get a man, I'm happy spending time with my daughter and reliving my youth, thanks to my new look."

Socializing with friends her own age, starting a new hobby, and meeting new people (activities to cultivate her inner self) didn't help her - but plastic surgery did? Wow. If this is progress - count me out. Click here to read more about Janet, Jane, and "Operation Overhaul."

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Do Tell: Do You and Your Mom Share the Same Feelings About Your Bodies?

DearSugar — Sun, 17 Aug 2008 10:00:00 -0700

Whether they’re a daily part of life or practically out of the picture, parents influence their children. And as we become adults, the markings of our influences become more clear. Recently a friend lamented to me about this very issue, cursing her mom for making her perpetually unhappy with her body. As a child, she often heard her mom express distaste at her own weight. It wasn’t long before my friend was suffering from the same worries. She's the spitting image of her mother, so in her mind, if her mom thought of herself as overweight, then my friend had to be overweight too.

It’s a difficult issue, but I don’t think my friend’s alone, especially when moms these days are making their pre-teens get waxed. So do tell: Good or bad, do you share your mom’s body issues?

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A Mother/Daughter Wedge Issue? One's Pro-Hillary . . .

CitizenSugar — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 14:00:53 -0700

The prospect of the first female president has raised tensions along the gender divide - it's not just boys vs. girls, older Hillary-loving moms are squaring off against their young, hip, hope-inspired Obama-voting daughters. Slate ran a piece on this very phenomenon, and we wanted to put it to the test.

We peeked in on one such mom and daughter, to see what happens when they stop being polite and start being real - true life: my mom's trying to get me to vote for Hillary! To see what happens, read more.

Is this a conversation you're familiar with? Do you think older women see the election differently than the younger generation? Are you just glad it's inspired passionate conversations like this? And how cute is the end of the conversation?!

Dear Poll: Do You Like Mama's Boys?

DearSugar — Wed, 14 Nov 2007 13:00:00 -0800

There's something to be said about a man who knows how to treat his mother. When he showers her with love, admiration, and respect, it's a pretty good indication on how he's going to treat his wife or girlfriend. Of course, independence and masculinity are important qualities for a man to convey, what I want to know is, is being a mama's boy a turn on or a turn off?

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Good Idea or Bad Idea: "Mommy Makeover"

DearSugar — Wed, 10 Oct 2007 13:00:00 -0700

Have you heard of the "mommy makeover"? It's a triple whammy under the knife including a breast lift with or without breast implants, a tummy tuck and some liposuction for women after giving birth. Pregnancy obviously takes a toll on your body, but some women are actually feeling resentful of their kids for their post pregnancy flaws.

According to the New York Times, last year, doctors nationwide performed more than 325,000 “mommy makeover procedures” on women ages 20 to 39, up 11 percent from 2005. While these surgeries are comforting for some women out there, others are feeling the "mommy makeover" as added pressure to be thin, perfect and "back to normal" after giving birth. The New York Times article quotes one mother, Karen Murphy, as saying: "Badges of motherhood have turned into badges of shame and, if you’re the one caught without a tummy tuck, then you won’t get invited to the party." So ladies, what I want to know is, do you think it's a good idea or a bad idea to have such surgeries for new mothers? Do you think there should be such emphasis placed on one's looks after giving birth or do you think a mom should be more concerned about her baby than her body?

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