TresSugar

Sunday Confessional - I'm Ashamed of How We Met

DearSugar — Sun, 15 Mar 2009 09:00:00 -0700

My boyfriend and I have been together for just under three months and everything has been absolutely amazing. We have a wonderful connection, he's sweet, generous, and loving, and the passion is undeniable. Things have been going so well that we recently decided to meet each other's families.

While I'm really excited to take this next step in our relationship, I've also been experiencing a lot of anxiety about it - my family has no idea that we met through an online dating website; and neither do my friends. I know my older brothers and sister will never let me hear the end of it and I fear that this news will spread like wildfire. I know that how we met is just a formality, but I can't help but feel incredibly embarrassed that I had to resort to such measures.

My boyfriend is perfectly comfortable with the truth of how we met, and I know that my insecurity about it can't make him feel very good, but I just can't help it - I'm ashamed to admit that I was an online dater! Would it be terrible if I asked my boyfriend to lie to my family for me?

Submit your own Sunday Confessionals here and see if you are forgiven!

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Five Rules For Meeting His Parents

DearSugar — Wed, 15 Oct 2008 10:00:00 -0700

The holidays are fast approaching, so if you're meeting your boyfriend's parents for the first time, you might want to check out the five helpful tips that Glamour magazine is sharing with us in their November issue. As we all know, meeting the parents is a huge rite of passage, one that is never taken lightly, so check out my take on their five suggestions below and a few of my own, too.

Be present. If you're overly consumed with a pimple on your face or worrying that you're not saying the right thing, you could in turn come off aloof. Make sure his parents know you're interested in the conversation and in the moment.
Don't overspend to impress. Sending a thank you note, flowers, or bringing a small gift as a thank you for hosting you is always a nice gesture, but don't go overboard - you don't want to seem like you're trying too hard.
Volley the hard questions to him. If his parents put you on the spot to the point of uncomfortableness, turn to your boyfriend and cue him to take over. He'll know how to pull back the reins.

To see two more of Glamour's tips and to check out my additions, just read more.

Drink in moderation (the night before, too!). Being hung over isn't cute, so make sure you're bright-eyed and bushy-tailed when meeting his parents for the first time. No one likes a drunk and chances are his parents will notice how much you drink, so know your limits and act like a lady.
Treat them like friends, not fogies. You don't want to age his parents by sparking up dull conversation about the weather. They are people in addition to being your boyfriend's parents so engage them like you'd want to be engaged!

In addition, here's what I suggest!

Have your boyfriend debrief you pre-visit. If you go in knowing what they are interested in, you'll be able to have an edge by knowing exactly what to say!
Be yourself. There's a reason your boyfriend wants to show you off to his parents so relax, take a deep breath, and let them get to know you.
Don't be too affectionate with your boyfriend. A little PDA goes a long way, especially in front of adults. Even if you're usually a very touchy-feely couple, tone it down a notch; you don't want to make them feel uncomfortable or come off as needy.

If you've already been through this, do you have any tips to add? If so, please share them in the comments below.

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Group Therapy: Should I Have Met His Parents by Now?

Thu, 21 Feb 2008 03:00:00 -0800

My boyfriend and I have been together for six months but I haven't met his family. They live in another state but how long is normal to wait until he introduces them to me? I don't want to pressure him, but should I ask him? I feel like we're ready to take that next step in our relationship. Help!

[EDITOR'S NOTE: To be involved in more GROUP THERAPY, click here]

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Which Comes First? Meeting His Parents or Him Meeting Yours

DearSugar — Fri, 19 Dec 2008 06:00:00 -0800

When you're in a relationship, I happen to think that meeting the parents is a huge deal. Let's face it - I wouldn't introduce my mom and dad to just any Joe Schmo! I like to meet his parents early in the relationship, too, since an evening with his mom and dad could give some eye-opening insight into the kind of person he is. I know geography has a lot to do with it, but if you had it your way, which would come first: meeting his parents or him meeting yours?

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When Is the Right Time to Introduce Him to the Fam?

DearSugar — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 12:00:00 -0700

When you meet someone really amazing, all you want to do is shout it from the rooftops. Usually, though, it's a better idea to give a more practical introduction, especially when it comes to your family. Parents can be very protective of their children - no matter how grown up they might be - thus, meeting the parents ends up being kind of a big deal, even if you’re not thinking of it as one. So I’m curious, when do you think is the best time to introduce him to your family? One month, four months, six months? Is there such a thing as too soon? Is there such a thing as too late?

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Sunday Confessional: He Lied to My Parents

DearSugar — Sun, 16 Mar 2008 06:58:54 -0700

My boyfriend and I have been together for about six months, and recently, I decided it was time to introduce him to my parents. Both of my parents are fairly intimidating. They’re both highly opinionated and have high-profile careers. My boyfriend was extremely nervous about meeting them because he’s currently unemployed and living at home - he’s trying to finish his last semester of schooling to become an x-ray technician. My boyfriend is an extremely hard worker, and I have absolutely no worries that he’ll be successful down the road.

At the dinner, things were going well until my parents asked about his future plans. Instead of being honest, he started in on a bunch of lies about what he does for a living - talking about his last job as a marketing assistant as if he’s still doing it. The lie might not have been so bad if I hadn’t already told my parents that he was unemployed and in school. I could tell they were very confused and realized that he was blatantly lying to them.

I confronted him on the way home, and he said he lied because he wanted them to like him, but it seemed more like a machismo thing to me. We got into a huge fight. He thought I was being judgmental and blowing it out of proportion. The irony is that my parents didn’t even care about the unemployment, but now they feel like he’s untrustworthy; they're no longer supportive of our relationship. I also can't help but wonder what else he might lie about just to make himself look better. Should I assume this is a one-time thing and just forgive him?

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Girl Crush du Jour: Alison Brie

TresSugar — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 14:00:12 -0800

Adorable. No word better sums up actress Alison Brie. And while I am sure the 26-year-old would prefer a more sophisticated adjective, she does play Trudy Campbell on Mad Men and ain't nothin' more sophisticated than that. Combine that with her success as the strung-out community college student on NBC's Community, and how I could not be crushing?

Other than radiating ebullience in real life, Alison, who says she's rarely recognized on the street, seems nothing like either character. She grew up with hippie parents in South Pasadena, CA, where she still lives and showed up to a Pasadena Weekly interview in a "Die Yuppie Scum" t-shirt.

But Alison's not as innocent as she or her characters look. She told Pasadena Weekly: "I don’t know why people see me . . . like I’m all prim and proper, when I couldn’t be more different. People think I come off that way, but I’m not.”

She's right. In this 2007 skit, she dishes it right back to the Internet's most infamous yogi, The Underminer, when he asks her to be in his variety show that's like "Curb Your Enthusiasm meets You Can't Do That on Television." Namaste! Watch it below.

Tips on Meeting Your Significant Other's Family

DearSugar — Wed, 19 Dec 2007 09:00:00 -0800

Meeting your significant other's family is an exciting time, but it can be really nerve wracking. It's perfectly normal to feel anxious and to hope everything will go smoothly, but just remember that his parents are probably a little nervous and giddy, too. Here are some helpful tips to keep in mind:

Don't rush into meeting his family if you're not ready. Even though Christmas is days away and he wants you to come home to meet everyone, only go if you feel it's right.
Have your boyfriend show you family pictures so when you meet everyone for the first time, you'll be familiar with their faces, and maybe even impress them by knowing their names. Try to learn a little bit about each family member, too, so you'll have a few topics to chat about.
Bring a little gift. It doesn't have to be expensive, just a small gesture to show you care like a bottle of wine or flowers. Trust me, it'll make a great first impression!
Compliments are always appreciated, so go ahead and tell his parents what a sweet gentleman their son is. If you're at their house, why not compliment the food and their decorating style as well.
Above all, be yourself. Your significant other obviously loves you for who you are, so there's no doubt that they'll love you, too.

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This or That: Completely Late or a Terrible Dinner Date?

DearSugar — Fri, 20 Jun 2008 15:00:00 -0700

Your parents are hosting a Sunday night dinner at their house to meet your boyfriend for the first time. You’re a mix of excitement and nerves, and you know that your parents’ expectations are high. Unfortunately, your boyfriend is coming from a weekend away so you haven’t seen him or done any of the obligatory meet-the-parents prep talk beforehand. Would it be worse if . . .

This: He’s unbelievably late and doesn’t answer his phone when you call? You’re not sure whether to be worried or angry. He shows up an hour and a half late with dinner cold and only a mediocre excuse.

Or . . .

That: He’s right on time, even bearing a bottle of wine but then proceeds to be a rude dinner guest? He has zero manners and barely manages to answer a question with more than one word.

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A Do or a Don't: Taking a Date to Meet the Folks

DearSugar — Wed, 02 Jul 2008 12:00:00 -0700

Normally when we talk about meeting the parents, it’s thought of as a formal introduction of boyfriend to family. In other words, it’s a big step. But lately, I’ve noticed a somewhat blasé attitude about family intros. In fact, more and more people I know seem to be giving up the formality and presenting their parents with their newest date or even crush!

Certainly many rituals surrounding dating and family no longer exist, and I wonder if the conventional family meet and greet is the next to go. So ladies, tell me, is the unceremonious interaction between family and new boyfriends or even potential boyfriends a do or a don't? And if it's a do, is there ever such thing as “too soon”?

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