TresSugar

Do You Believe in Love at First Sight?

TresSugar — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 04:00:00 -0700

I am a ridiculous romantic, and although I've fallen in love with people I didn't initially feel more than passing interest in, I've also fallen head over heels in love with people the first time I set eyes on them. (So sue me. I'm a Leo.)

Some people would probably say that love at first sight is an absurd idea, but sometimes, you "just know," not after being with someone for a while, but as they catch your eye on the subway, at a cafe, or at the laundromat.

Do you believe in love at first sight? Has it ever happened to you?

Dear Poll: Do You Believe in Love at First Sight?

DearSugar — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 15:00:00 -0800

If you've ever thought the notion of love at first sight was only in the movies, I bet you'd be surprised to know that it does happen in real life too. I've never experienced it before - I've experienced lust at first sight - but I've heard people say they knew the moment they laid eyes on their significant other that he was the one! Even if you've yet to feel it, tell me, do you believe in love at first sight?

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12 Steps to Falling in Love

DearSugar — Tue, 26 Aug 2008 15:00:00 -0700

For some, being single and dating is a lot of fun, but for others, being single can be frustrating, lonely, and just plain exhausting. I think both have their pros and cons, but if you've been feeling unlucky in love, Rabbi Shmuley's (of Oprah fame) 12 steps to falling in love might be of some help.

Admit you can't fall in love: Since many people couple up to avoid loneliness, Shmuley feels that admitting the reason why you want to fall in love will help gain realistic expectations.
Get help: Opening up about wanting to, but having a difficult time finding love will help alleviate some of the pressure and burden.
Heal the love wounds: Make amends with former lovers you may have hurt in the past. Accepting responsibility for your actions will help you fall in love again in the future.
Take your love pulse: Really ask yourself how loving you are. Shmuley feels that you cannot love specifically if you don't also love generally.

If you want to hear his eight other suggestions, read more.

Call a moratorium on dating: Before getting back into the game again, take a break from the dating scene all together and regroup. Shmuley feels it's best to separate yourself from intimate, emotional, and physical contact with the opposite sex until you hunger for passion and intimacy again.
Increase your possibilities: Expand your horizons. Stop looking for Mr. Right and start looking for Mr. Right Now.
Commit first, fall in love later: Love at first sight doesn't happen every time so commit first and fall in love second. Sometimes your true colors shine once you feel secure in a committed relationship.
Avoid meaningless sex: According to Shmuley, casual sex numbs the heart and dulls the body.
Let go of people who are wasting your time: Stop dating men that you know are wrong for you. If they fear commitment, are unreliable, or there's just no connection, stop wasting your time and move on.
Recapture your mental virginity: Don't compare men. Get the old out of your mind so you can focus on the new.
Go deeper: Skip over the small talk and start having meaningful conversations on your dates. You'll be able to get to know someone much faster and you'll be left interested and wanting to learn more about that person.
Become a love missionary: Shmuley feels that the more love you spread, the more love you'll find!

Letting go of those who waste your time is my favorite tip, obviously one that's easier said than done, but great advice nonetheless. What do you think of these tips? Do any of them ring true to you?

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Do You Believe in Love at First Sight?

DearSugar — Tue, 30 Oct 2007 10:41:23 -0700

Love and attraction are two different things. I do believe in attraction at first sight. You can definitely see someone from across the room, like the way they look and want to meet them. After you meet, you could start dating which could eventually lead to falling in love, but I feel as if you can't truly love someone unless you know him or her.

So I'm curious. Do you believe in love at first sight? Do you think it's possible to see Mr. or Mrs. Right from afar and just know instantly that they're "the one"?

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Lost Love Letter, Recovered, Sparks Marriage 17 Years Later

TresSugar — Mon, 20 Jul 2009 09:00:00 -0700

Seventeen years ago, Steve Smith and Carmen Ruiz-Perez fell in love and were engaged in their 20s. After being together for a year in England, where Carmen was a foreign student, their relationship waned and Carmen returned to France.

A few years later, Steve wrote to her hoping they could get back together. Unfortunately, her mother put the letter on the mantelpiece and it slipped behind the fireplace - where it stayed for the next 10 years. During a renovation, the unopened letter was found and Carmen finally read the lines: “'I hope you are well. I was just writing to ask if you ever married and if you ever still thought of me?”

After getting the courage to call him up, still-single Carmen met up with Steve in Paris. It was love (again) at first sight. They married soon after, after 17 years of meeting one another. “I never got married,” said Carmen, “and now I'm marrying the man I have always loved.”

Although Steve’s letter wasn’t exactly a Shakespearean sonnet, his romanticism did the trick, even after ten years. Have you ever received a beautiful love letter?

Group Therapy: Am I Just Too Picky?

Wed, 10 Dec 2008 04:00:00 -0800

I am told by my friends that I have really high standards when it comes to dating, and that's why I never meet anyone. I've been single for six years now, which feels like a really long time! I'm looking for someone with a great personality and someone I have chemistry with, not love at first sight, and so far, the guys I've met aren't striking the right chord in me.After all this time I'm starting to feel really depressed and lonely because most of my other friends are dating, engaged, or married. I definitely don't want to be boyfriend hunting or relationship-obsessed; I actually feel guilty being depressed over this at all! I have a great life with friends but I can't help wondering if I should just start going out with guys I'm not interested in. I never have before because I feel like that's not productive either, but if this is supposed to be a numbers game, am I doing something wrong in waiting for someone I feel that spark with?

[EDITOR'S NOTE: To be read more GROUP THERAPY, click here or submit your own question here.]
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This Week With DearSugar

DearSugar — Sat, 15 Nov 2008 04:00:00 -0800

Do you believe in love at first sight?
Ask a Bad Boy why men gawk at other women when they're in a happy relationship!
How well do you know your nipples? Take this informative quiz and find out!
If your significant other is going out of town this weekend, check out my five ideas on how to enjoy your time apart.
What's the name of the hottest guy you've ever dated?
What questions do you like to ask on a first date?
Where do you stand on having sex on your period?
How did you meet your significant other?
Beware of this scary new sex crime: injecting people with HIV

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Do Tell: How Did You Meet Your Significant Other?

DearSugar — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 07:30:00 -0800

Most of you have been in at least one relationship before, which means you have a story that explains how you met! I always enjoy hearing how it all began - not only does it give me faith that it can happen to me too, but it gives a lot of insight into the couple and the individuals. Whether it was love at first sight or just a total fluke, do tell, how did you meet your significant other?

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You Asked: Should I Stay?

DearSugar — Mon, 09 Jun 2008 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I have been with my current boyfriend for four months now. I generally have a very good time with him, find him very attractive, and I even like his friends. He told me last night that he enjoys my company and is very happy with the way things have been going, but can't figure out why he isn't in love with me yet. I told him it was OK if he wasn't and that we can just enjoy being together. However, I'm finding myself falling more and more in love with him and I'm not sure if I can handle him not feeling the same way. At the same time, I recently got out of a long-term relationship a month before we started dating so I don't know if I should just relax and take it for what it's worth. Please help! - One Sided Sandy

To see DearSugar's answer read more

Dear One Sided Sandy,

There is no formula to falling in love - some people fall in love at first sight and others take their time to be completely sure before they let themselves feel such strong emotions, let alone share them with the person they're dating. It's also completely normal for one person to feel that love sooner than the other - it would be just all too perfect if you both felt it at the exact same time.

I think you took the right approach by telling your boyfriend that it's OK if he's not there yet but since you're starting to fall for him, I think you should take your own advice! You have a good foundation with this guy so I say just keep trudging along. Your boyfriend might view the L Word differently than you do, but if you continue enjoying each other's company, time will sooner tell if he has the capability of feeling that way towards you. If not, and if you feel like you're in a one sided relationship, then you can make some decisions on your future, but in the meantime Sandy, I think you should relax and take this four month relationship for what it is - two people who really like each other feeling out the unpaved road ahead.

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You Asked: Can I Call Dibs on a Wedding Dress Even Though I'm Not Engaged?

DearSugar — Mon, 07 Jul 2008 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

Like a lot of girls out there, I have already figured out what kind of wedding I want even though there's no groom just yet! Well, my close friend is getting married and while surfing some of the more popular wedding planning websites, I showed her my "dream" dress. She fell in love with it too and now says that it's her "dream" dress as well.

I know I don't own the dress or the design, and that anyone can buy it, but I can't help but feel shocked, crushed, and even betrayed by her. Granted I am not getting married anytime soon, but when it comes to wedding dresses, I often hear women say, "You'll know it's the one when you see it" and I KNOW! What should I do? Should I say something or am I crazy for thinking this way? - Jumping the Gun Gwen

To see DearSugar's answer read more

Dear Jumping the Gun Gwen,

I don't think you're crazy for feeling like you've found your dress - I've said that too a few times with no engagement ring in sight - but one thing to remember is your gown will most likely change depending on the groom and the location of your wedding. Also, keep in mind that trends change as the years go on so if you're not planning on getting married any time in the near future, what you think is your dream dress now might actually be something completely different in a few years.

With that said, I understand how frustrating it must be for your friend to hijack your dream gown. Just because she's getting married first doesn't give her the right to take away something you've always wanted, but you're right - you don't own the dress just yet. While you have every right to be irritated, make sure this is a fight worth fighting before bringing it up. You can also look at this situation another way; if this dress does remain your dream dress, when it's your turn to walk down the aisle, use hers - it sure will save you a lot of money!

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