TresSugar

You Asked: He's Completely Cutting Me Off

DearSugar — Fri, 10 Oct 2008 12:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I am currently dating my daughter's father. We had a lot of new-couple issues at first, but just as soon as I was sure we had worked through the kinks, I found out that he is going to move overseas for a year. I wanted to spend as much time as possible with him before he left, but it seems like he doesn't have the same desire. He says that he is trying to mentally prepare himself to leave so he is breaking away now to avoid being homesick later. I don't know how to take it. He leaves in a couple of days and we haven't talked or seen each other in about a week. Help!

- Left Behind Leslie

To see DearSugar's answer, read more.

Dear Left Behind Leslie,

Since I'm not sure whether you two are planning on continuing your relationship while he's away, it's difficult for me to understand the specifics of this situation. What I can tell you is that everyone handles feelings of sadness and loss differently, so it's very possible that your boyfriend is pulling away now so it will allow him to control the terms of his loss. He can decide when to be upset instead of having it forced upon him when he leaves. Still, I don't think this is a healthy approach nor do I think it's fair to you.

Break the rules: reach out to him via a phone call or email. Explain to him that while you understand his feelings, it's going to be hard either way and you'd rather enjoy the time you do have together. If you plan on trying to make your relationship work - it will be extremely challenging, but it is possible - then I think it's especially important you set the tone of communication now.

And finally, I don't know the age of you daughter, but the move of a parent can be difficult even at a very young age. It's important that, at the very least, you come together to discuss that aspect of your relationship. Best of luck to you.

Source

Do Tell: Have You Ever Lost an Animal in a Breakup?

DearSugar — Tue, 07 Oct 2008 07:00:00 -0700

There's nothing easy about a breakup, but when you own an animal together, things get even more complicated. The way one loves an animal is like nothing else - your pet is your most loyal friend, the one that brings you instant happiness, and your favorite cuddle buddy - so if your partner feels the same way about your four-legged friend, who gets custody? Of course sharing it is always an option, but the constant communication makes moving on that much harder, which is why one person usually ends up saying goodbye to their pet post-split. I've never owned an animal with anyone before, but what about you? Do tell, have you ever lost an animal in a breakup?

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You Asked: Does Love Fade?

DearSugar — Wed, 24 Sep 2008 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I've been with my boyfriend for just over four years. Those four years have been both turbulent and amazing, and also the best four years of my life. We've been through a lot together including his travel-oriented career, family drama, a few dramatic breakups, and me going to school 1,500 miles away. Somehow our love and our relationship has survived all that.

Currently I'm visiting him at his training site for his new job. He's at the site for two months, meaning that if I didn't visit, I wouldn't see him until Christmas. But the problem is, I don't know if I love him anymore. I'm here for a few more days and then I won't see him until December, or possibly Thanksgiving. Should I tell him now, leave early, and risk being wrong about my feelings? Or should I stay, not being sure? He's here for another three weeks after I leave, and I can't stand him being lonely and sad throughout that time; he has nobody here. How do I know if my love has faded?

- Lost Love Laney

To see DearSugar's answer, read more.

Dear Lost Love Laney,

Love certainly does fade, and while sometimes it's only temporary, often the change in feelings is permanent and a telltale sign that it's time to move on. Your relationship has been going on for some time and you've both obviously been through a lot together; it's natural to find your feelings of love changing and even dissipating. But if you've hit a point where you're unsure if you even have the desire to be with him, then I definitely think it's time to reassess. With that said, I don't think you should jump the gun and leave. In fact, since you have such a long history together and you're not sure when you'll see him again, I think waiting it out and seeing how your feelings change is the best thing you can do.

Once you've opened up to him about your doubts, you can't take them back, so it's important to be as sure as possible. Use the rest of your trip to get to the heart of your feelings. Perhaps you'll discover that something specific is lacking and make the appropriate changes. Or maybe you'll get home and realize that you are in fact ready to be on your own. I really do think both the time you're having with him as well as how you feel when you get back home will give you the clarity that you're looking for. Once you find it, act accordingly, but don't do anything drastic prematurely.

Source

What Do Your Grandparents Mean to You?

DearSugar — Wed, 06 Aug 2008 10:00:00 -0700

This morning, Leonardo DiCaprio is mourning the death of his grandmother, who passed away at 93 in her native Germany. Apparently Leo is close to heartbroken, which comes as no surprise, because they had always been very close.

As we all know, death is one of life's natural progressions, and for many people, losing a grandparents is their first experience with loss. The relationship one has with her grandparents can vary drastically from person to person. Some fear the elderly, while others completely relate. Some grew up with their grandparents acting as their parents, and other people barely know them at all. I've always been fascinated by my grandparents. I consider them a wealth of knowledge, and I could happily listen for hours to their stories about the good old days and how they met and fell in love. Do you, or did you, feel the same way about your grandparents? I'm curious, so tell me what they mean to you!

Source

You Asked: I Need Closure

DearSugar — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

For the past few months I had been seeing this great guy. He said and did sweet things for me the entire time we were dating. However, I recently discovered through a text message that he accidentally sent to me, that he's been in contact with another girl. We had already been intimate and it shocked me to find out he was seeing someone else - especially since he denied it early on in our relationship.

I was really hurt since he was the first guy I've liked in a long time. I wanted to stay strong and stand my ground, so I confronted him about the text message. He initially denied it, but eventually fessed up. I never got an explanation as to how long his two-timing has been going on or why he decided to see other girls behind my back. Instead, I just stopped talking to him. He kept asking that we meet in person to talk about things. He told me that he truly missed me and wanted to "get past the situation." I agreed to meet with him after a few requests, since I wanted to explain how much he had hurt me.

But as soon as I agreed, he became unreliable and difficult to reach. In the end we never talked about it. I'm not sure why, but part of me still wants to tell him how he wronged me. I'm worried that if I told him in a voicemail or email, I'd never hear back from him and only end up feeling foolish. I could really use your advice for some peace of mind.

- Bothered Beth

To see DearSugar's answer, read more.

Dear Bothered Beth,

Though I don't want to devalue your feelings for him, I think in the long run you'll be happy this guy accidentally let you in on his two-timing ways. Learning to let go is difficult, but you might be surprised how a little bit of time will do the trick. I think you're right about calling or emailing him - it's unlikely that you'll hear back. And as satisfying as you think it might be to let him have it, in the end, he'll still be the same guy and you'll still feel wounded. Instead, try writing a letter with everything you've had building up inside you. Write until you can't write anymore, but don't send it. Sometimes getting it all out is more important than having an audience to get it out, too; plus, next time you're feeling wistful about him, you can read your letter to remind you why you're better off without him.

Source

You Asked: He Broke Up With Me Out of the Blue

DearSugar — Fri, 22 Feb 2008 17:00:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

My boyfriend's mother died two weeks ago, and almost immediately thereafter he broke up with me. He had been taking care of her for the past six months and I know this whole ordeal has been really hard on him. He is the most loving, affectionate, and kind boyfriend I have ever had, and this has been really difficult for me to cope with. We were a very happy couple, and extremely close even while he was caring for his mom. I am just so confused about what happened to cause this break up. Do you have any advice on how to handle this?

- Shocked and Sad Serena

To see Dear Sugar's answer read more

Dear Shocked and Sad Serena,

While I can't speak to your boyfriend's thought process, I'm sure he's just struggling to cope right now. The best, though not easiest thing to do is give him space. Let all of your very valid questions stay unanswered - for now. It's very possible that he just needs time to work out his own personal issues before committing to your relationship, or it might be that this painful experience has caused him to reevaluate his life.

Whatever the reason, it's best to give him time to figure it out for himself. Once you feel less emotionally invested (this could take months by the way), give him a phone call to check up on how he's doing. From there, let the conversation steer naturally to your time together, and calmly inquire as to what changed. If nothing else it might be nice just to get some real closure. Good luck.

Source

Group Therapy: My Friend Chose Her Controlling Boyfriend Over Me

Thu, 21 Feb 2008 14:00:00 -0800

My best friend recently met a guy through an online dating site. I've met him just once; I invited her to a concert, and she invited him along without telling me. They were upset with each other that night, and I offered to cut the night short, since it was uncomfortable to sit through a concert while they were both so angry. (She confided that he was getting kicked out of his college because he had so many conflicts with other students there.) Apparently he took an instant dislike to me, and forbid her to ever see or contact me again. I am in no way a bad influence: I don't drink, smoke, do drugs, eat red meat, or sleep around.

He made her take down all of her networking websites, put her on his cell phone plan, and even moved in with her. Obviously, this guy is trying his hardest to isolate her. When I tried to connect the dots for her, she told me I was being a bad friend. She said she didn't want to lose me, but will only see me if he's not around, and won't ever pick up my phone calls.

I haven't heard from her except for an email engagement announcement that she sent to all her contacts. I care about her, and I can clearly see this is heading down an unhealthy path (they've only been dating for 3 months), but I'm also angry that she would treat me like this. I'm not even sure I could trust her friendship if we were to work through this. Any suggestions? Should I just give up on her?

[EDITOR'S NOTE: To be involved in more GROUP THERAPY, click here]

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Do Tell: One More Day

DearSugar — Fri, 09 Feb 2007 06:00:00 -0800

If you could have one more day with a relative who has died, who would you choose and why?

Source

She Said It, We Didn't

GiggleSugar — Wed, 23 Jan 2008 14:00:00 -0800

InTouch Weekly reported that, when asked about her recent weight loss, Tara Reid replied, "I was filming in the middle of nowhere, and my hotel room had no room service. So when I wanted to eat, it was difficult."

Source

Teenage Girls Support Alleged Richmond Rapist on MySpace

TresSugar — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 15:21:49 -0800

The news about the gang rape of a teenage girl in Richmond, CA, outside a homecoming dance while others watched and did nothing continues to get crazier.

A seventh suspect (the oldest so far at age 21) was arrested today, but even as details about the horrific crime continue to come out, one of the youngest accused rapists, who is 15, seems to have unlikely supporters: teenage girls on his MySpace page.

It's not clear if they think he's innocent, but they hope he's freed and that anyone who "snitched" on him gets theirs.

"F*uck the system. F*uck the snitchz. Free Cody," writes Vanessa.

What is going on here? Typical teen confusion? Are young girls oblivious to their own vulnerability? Are they repressing their knowledge of their vulnerability by supporting an accused rapist instead of a female rape survivor? Or do teen girls just learn to hate themselves and each other at an earlier age? Help me out - I am genuinely at a loss for words.