TresSugar

Church of England Reaches Out to Those "Living in Sin"

TresSugar — Thu, 23 Jul 2009 13:00:00 -0700

Accepting that modern couples may be turned off by traditionally rigid morals, the Church of England is making an effort to welcome families who have had children out of wedlock.

Today, the Church unveiled a new "hatch and match" service that offers a two-for-one wedding and baptism ceremony. Now couples can get married and have their children baptized all in one day!

But not everyone is happy by the Church's effort to stay relevant. Some argue that it condones having children before marriage, while another member of the faith said: "It's a shame that what should be a bride's day now stands to be hijacked by screaming kids."

The Church hopes the new offering will atone for the tradition of shunning unmarried mothers by welcoming them back into the Church without judgment. Now let's just see if the women (and their partners and children) will take the offer.

Source: Flickr User Cornell University Library

You Asked: Will Moving In Ruin Everything?

DearSugar — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 13:30:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

My boyfriend of almost two years just got into law school and I couldn't be happier for him. For the past four months we have been discussing moving in together when both of our leases are up in October and the only uncertainty was where. Now that he knows where he'll be for the next three years, we've started to search for the right areas, prices, and furniture. He is very excited about this move, but I am freaking out. This is the most healthy relationship I have ever been in, I am extremely happy and in love, but what if moving in together ruins everything? I understand that it is the next step but I can't help but look seven months down the road. So much can happen over the next seven months and I'm starting to really freak myself out. Do you have any advice? - Tripping Tanna

To see DearSugar's answer read more

Dear Tripping Tanna,

Moving in with your boyfriend is a huge step so don't be so hard on yourself for freaking out a little! While it may seem like the time is right, I highly advise you to really discuss the seriousness of what you're doing. Make sure you're on the same page about money, your expectations for the future, how to handle arguments and house guests, how his study/school schedule will affect you, etc. While it might seem like all fun and games, living with someone takes a lot of compromise and understanding too.

You're right, seven months is a ways away, but keep it all relative Tanna. If you're paranoid that something is going to go wrong between now and then, you're going to taint this exciting time in your life. Talk to your boyfriend about the way you're feeling so he can help calm your nerves, and it also might be a good idea to talk to friends that have cohabited before. While living together means something different for every couple, they might have some words of wisdom for you.

You say everything is going well in your relationship so far so I'd just take a step back and trust that nothing will change for the worse - I'm sure living together will just bring you even closer together! Good luck.

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Which Comes First? Living Together or Marriage

DearSugar — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 08:00:00 -0700

I am in full support of living with someone before you commit to marriage - there are just certain things you can only learn about a person after living with them - but cohabitation pre-"I do" isn't for everyone. I know many variables play into your opinion on this topic, but tell me which will come first for you.

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You Asked: I Want Him Out!

DearSugar — Wed, 08 Apr 2009 13:01:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

My boyfriend has been living with me for over a year now. He is unemployed and a generally nice guy, but I'm no longer in love with him. I constantly tell him how I feel, but he just brushes me off - I think he thinks I'm joking. He stays home all day but never looks for work, he hasn't helped out around the house in months, and while I don't want to leave him high and dry, I just can't do it anymore - he's starting to drive me nuts! What should I do? - Over Him Hayden

To see DearSugar's answer, read more.

Dear Over Him Hayden,

If you're ready to end this relationship, end it, because you'll only be doing your boyfriend a disservice by staying with him out of fear or obligation. Since he isn't taking your words to heart, it's clearly time for a serious talk. Figure out what you want your next steps to be and let him know where you stand. I understand that you don't want to leave him in the lurch, so perhaps you can put your heads together to come up with a temporary plan until he can get his feet back on the ground. This won't be easy, but if you're unhappy, something has to change. Good luck to you.

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Dos and Don'ts of Living Together Before Marriage

DearSugar — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 10:30:00 -0700

When couples get serious in their relationship, they start to think about taking things to the next level, and living together is usually the next step. Many prefer to do it before they get married to strengthen their bond and see if they're compatible, but before you pack up your boxes and move in on the fly, here are some things to consider.

Do	Don't
Do be flexible about where you'll live. Take space, cost, and convenience into consideration. And instead of moving into one of your places, consider finding a completely new place.	Don't move in for the wrong reasons. You shouldn't live together just because it'll save money or it's close to your favorite health food store. Decide to share a place because of where you are in your relationship.

To see the rest of my dos and don'ts read more.

Don't

Do communicate each other's needs, expectations, and schedules before moving in. He should know that on Tuesday nights, you need the place to yourself to host your all-girls potluck dinner.
Do respect those needs, expectations, and schedules. If he can't stand a dirty kitchen, don't leave your dishes in the sink.
Do discuss your finances. Whether you split things even-steven or one person pays more than the other, be sure you're fully aware of your responsibilities.
Do make sure you're on the same page when it comes to having pets, house guests, and time alone.
Do divvy up the chores and responsibilities that come with your home evenly and fairly.

Don't assume that moving in together means you're getting married. If that's the only reason you're doing it, perhaps you should wait until you're engaged first.
Don't buy a place together unless you're ready. It's better to rent together first, without any financial ties.
Don't be bossy or stubborn about decorating. Try to compromise with a new style that works for you as a couple.
Don't let living together take the romance out of your relationship. Be sure to schedule weekly dates to keep the magic alive.

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DearSugar Needs Your Help: Am I Even in Love With Him?

DearSugar — Sat, 28 Mar 2009 09:00:00 -0700

DearSugar and Conflicted Constance need your help. She feels like she moved too fast in her relationship and now she's unsure if she even loves her live-in boyfriend anymore. What advice do you have for her?

Dear Sugar,

I have been with my boyfriend for about a year, and I just recently moved in with him. He is 10 years older than me, he has his life together, he's smart, makes me feel safe, is in love with me, and would do anything for me. But recently I have been wondering if we are right for each other. I think I moved in prematurely and now I am unsure if it was the right decision at all. Something has definitely changed between us and I'm left longing for more. He is a great person, but I wonder if I'm only with him because he is stable and trustworthy, more than the fact that I am madly in love. When I think about leaving him, I feel sad that I wouldn't have him in my life anymore, but I am conflicted - I don't want to settle either. How do I know if he's right for me? Do you have any advice for how I can figure this out? - Conflicted Constance

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The Dos and Don'ts of Bathing Suit Shopping

DearSugar — Tue, 24 Mar 2009 07:30:00 -0700

Now that Spring has sprung, it's time to start thinking about Summer! If you have plans to hit the beach, a comfy and flattering bathing suit is a must, but I'm with you if you're dreading that shopping trip. Before getting too discouraged, I have some easy tips for making bathing suit shopping as painless as possible. To see my dos and don'ts, just read more.

Don't

Shop with your body shape in mind.
Bring a close friend with you if you need a second opinion.
Get a spray tan before shopping - nothing is worse than trying on suits when you're feeling pasty white.
Make sure the suit fits properly. If your top is too big, it won't do your girls justice, and if your bottoms are too small, it'll cut into your side - not a good look.
Look in a three-way mirror so you can check out your backside.
Choose a color or print that flatters your skin tone, hair, and eye color.
Shop online (if the suits are returnable) so you can try them on in the comfort of your own home.

Go bathing suit shopping on a full stomach.
Berate yourself or fixate on what's "wrong" with your body - pay attention to the entire package.
Forget that fluorescent lights never do you justice.
Pay attention to the size of the suit. Most bathing suits run particularly small.

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Relationship Protocol: How Do You Feel About Your Man Staying Out Late?

DearSugar — Wed, 04 Mar 2009 09:00:00 -0800

I caught up on Monday night's episode of The City last night, and I have to say, Jay's late-night antics really made me doubt his trustworthiness. He's currently living with his girlfriend, Whitney, while he looks for a new apartment, and while she's home cozy in bed, he's out being the rock star that he is until the wee hours of the morning, doing who knows what!

I happen to agree with the saying "nothing good happens after midnight" - well, maybe 2 a.m.! - but how would you feel if your significant other was out on the town until, two, three, or four in the morning? Would it be a red flag that he was up to no good, or does the time he comes home have no relevance to you whatsoever?

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You Asked: Why Is He Moving Backwards?

DearSugar — Fri, 30 Jan 2009 12:00:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

My boyfriend and I have been together for two years and we have lived together for one. We have a pretty good relationship and we love each other dearly. My boyfriend, however, keeps bringing up the notion that we moved too quickly in our relationship, and he now feels weird about sharing things with me. I feel like he is trying to take steps backward instead of forward, and it's doing more damage than it is good. He insists that "independence is a good thing," but I have not robbed him of that. It's feeling like he is influenced by what his friends do and say, but our situation works well for us, or it did until now. I feel truly desperate and hurt, and have no clue where to go from here. - Taking Steps Back Taylor

To see DearSugar's answer read more.

Dear Taking Steps Back Taylor,

I'm sorry you're feeling upset right now; I know it can't feel very good to have your boyfriend take steps back in your relationship. But I'm left wondering if there's something else, much deeper, going on here. It's almost like he got spooked about something, or his friends are negatively impacting his path with you. Have any of your close friends gotten engaged, married, divorced, or separated? If so, that could be what's making him reevaluate his own situation.

Since we are both simply speculating here, I suggest you talk to your boyfriend ASAP. Let him know how you're feeling, that his actions are making you insecure in your relationship, and ask him to open up to you. While you may not feel that you've taken away any of his independence, he could be feeling smothered so make sure you know what he needs in order to be content in the relationship. Hopefully, after you both express your concerns and needs, you'll be able to get back to a happy middle ground. Good luck.

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You Asked: Should I Move in With My Boyfriend?

DearSugar — Fri, 16 Jan 2009 09:00:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

My boyfriend of six months recently asked me to move in with him. We're together every night and he first suggested I move in to his place, but he changed his mind when he found a house he wanted to buy. The deal he proposed was that he'd pay the mortgage and the house would be in his name, and I'd help out with the bills and groceries as best I can (I'm currently trying to pay off my student loans). While living together sounds great, I'm worried that if something should happen down the road, I could end up homeless and left with nothing. Is this a common fear when cohabiting? Do you have any advice? - Decision-Making Time Tanya

To see DearSugar's answer, read more.

Dear Decision-Making Time Tanya,

Moving in together is a huge step in a relationship, so being 100 percent ready is crucial. With that said, you can never be prepared for the unexpected, and fights and struggles will definitely ensue, so be aware that communication will be key.

Money is obviously a big part of cohabitation, but if you split the mortgage or just pay the bills, you'd still be in the same boat if things were to go south later on down the road - if the house is in his name, you'd be the one to move out. While I'm a big advocate of living together before marriage, doing it prematurely could wreak havoc on an otherwise good relationship. Weigh your options together and if you're willing to take a chance, I say go for - it could end up being the best thing for your relationship. Good luck!

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