TresSugar

Awkward! I Feel Guilty For Believing Hateful Gossip

TresSugar — Tue, 08 Sep 2009 04:00:00 -0700

Thanks to a reader with an issue (sorry, reader!), we have an awkward scenario for you that she needs you to weigh in on.

"I recently discovered that a friend had been lying and conning me for about eight years. As the friendship dissolved, I realized she'd played everyone in her life against the others, to the point of telling people I had been abusing her daughter.

During the friendship, she told me horror stories about a friend that I met through her. As with most con artists, her lies were based on readily available information, making them seem very plausible. Because of this, I told the mutual friend I thought she was neglecting her son and being a bad parent. Now that I don't believe a word this con artist has ever told me, I feel a tremendous amount of guilt and regret having accused and lectured the mutual friend.

This mutual friend (who is still friends with the con artist) cut off all ties with me, but should I reach out to her and explain everything or let it rest? The ex-friend has been telling terrible lies about me since I stopped talking to the mutual friend."

DearSugar Needs Your Help: His Trash Talking Is Getting to Me

DearSugar — Sat, 17 Jan 2009 09:00:00 -0800

DearSugar and Irked Izzy need your help. Her ex-fiance is badmouthing her and it's recently hit too close to home. Should she let it go, or confront him and stir up all those emotions from her split?

Dear Sugar,

Last February, my fiance, who I had been with for six years, called off our wedding that was only four months away. I am eternally grateful that he did this because it turns out that he was very wrong for me, but he wasn't very nice about our breakup and he left me completely high and dry. He refused to pay my parents back for any of the deposits for the huge wedding they were throwing for us; however, I let bygones be bygones.

I recently met a friend of my new co-worker who, lo and behold, dates my ex. Before we put two and two together, she went on to tell me about him, that he was once engaged, and she proceeded to run her mouth about his ex: me. Everything she said was a total lie, obviously fed to her by him, and I was left mortified. While I know the truth about our relationship and breakup, it still angers me to no end that he's lying to people about it. What should I do? Talk to him? Tell this girl the truth? Just forget about him altogether? I'm at a loss. - Irked Izzy

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Dear Poll: Do You Have an Office Gossip?

DearSugar — Thu, 18 Dec 2008 09:00:00 -0800

No matter how much you try to avoid it, gossip is an ever-present part of life. It can be mean and hurtful if what you're gossiping about isn't true, but at the same time, it can be kind of fun to share news and other personal tidbits of information with your significant other or best friend! Gossip around the office, however, is a whole different story. While it's inevitable, it can put someone's reputation in jeopardy. In my past office experiences, there's been one token office gossip that everyone knew to avoid, so tell me, do you have one in your office too?

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True Confession - I Keep Their Secrets

DearSugar — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 07:00:00 -0700

Weigh in and tell us if you forgive or not forgive this True Confession.

"I have some pretty strange friendships with the married men in my circle of friends. They tell me all about their affairs but I don't say anything to their wives. Am I as much at fault here?"

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Have You Ever Lied to Your Family About Your Living Situation?

DearSugar — Tue, 30 Sep 2008 09:00:00 -0700

You could have cut the tension with a knife last night on The Hills when Heidi's mom made a surprise appearance for her daughter's birthday. Apparently she was unaware that Spencer had moved back in and was disappointed, to say the least, to have been kept in the dark. Although Heidi's mom's distress was mostly due to her daughter's dysfunctional relationship, I know not all parents are accepting of their kids cohabitating with their significant others before marriage. So if you're parents fall into that category, tell me, have you ever lied to them about your living situation in order to share an address with your significant other?

Photo courtesy of MTV

Are You Honest When Your Friends Ask About Their Weight?

DearSugar — Mon, 31 Mar 2008 12:00:00 -0700

I don't like to lie, but sometimes I won't tell the whole truth in order to protect someone's feelings. Like when a friend asks if I think they look amazing in an outfit that I wouldn't be caught dead in, I might just point out the elements of it I do like.

It gets trickier when a friend asks you if you think they've gained weight or if you like their new boyfriend. If the honest answer is the negative one, it can be a very hard terrain to negotiate. I aways wonder how other people handle these sorts of predicaments so ladies, how do you deal with these kind of questions? Do you tell your friends the truth when they ask even if it might hurt their feelings?

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Do Tell: Have You Ever Lied to Get Out of a Fight?

DearSugar — Wed, 27 Feb 2008 15:00:00 -0800

There are certain rules we all know: Communication is key and honesty is the best policy. But sometimes, anything seems easier than fighting with your partner, including telling him a little white lie. Now I don't condone lying, but I think sometimes avoiding a confrontation with a lie is probably better than having the confrontation to begin with. But what do you think? Do tell ladies, have you ever lied to get out of an argument? If so, what was it?

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All These Years, I Knew It!

GiggleSugar — Mon, 21 Jan 2008 13:00:00 -0800

If only we could say the same for the numbers on the birth certificate.

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Would You Do a Background Check on Your Man?

DearSugar — Thu, 17 Jan 2008 16:00:00 -0800

Have you ever given your all in a relationship only to find out months later that your boyfriend wasn't everything you thought he was - that he was in fact leading a secret life on the side? If so, I can guarantee you're not the only one. It can be a scary world out there and with Internet dating being so prevalent, it's easier than ever to become anyone you want, leaving the past behind you. You can lie about past experiences, relationships, even careers, which is why so many women are either Googling new suitors or going as far as getting background checks to make sure they aren't getting the wool pulled over their eyes. According to an article on ABCNews.com you can log onto sites such as the Corra Group, a Los Angeles-based company that launched a website for dating-related background searches, and get all the answers you need.

By signing up online for as little as $39, along with the name and birth date of a significant other, you can get information about a person's address history, property ownership, as well as any bankruptcy claims, civil judgments, or aliases. For $20 more, the search includes criminal records, and an $89 fee gets you a nationwide federal crime search.

While this might seem like an excessive measure, it's always better to be safe than sorry. So let me ask you this: Would you ever run a background check on your new boyfriend, or do you feel like your intuition is strong enough that you wouldn't have to go to such extremes?

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Sunday Confessional: I Lied and Told My Ex I Was Pregnant

DearSugar — Sun, 18 Nov 2007 09:00:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

I made a horrible mistake. I lied to get my ex-boyfriend back and told him I was pregnant with his baby. I desperately wanted him to stay with me, and I thought this would keep us together. I know what I did was stupid and dishonest, and I feel incredibly guilty. To make matters worse, I had to keep lying to cover up my first lie. I told him I had an abortion, and even called off of work for three days to make it seem real.

We are back together now, but I feel awful about my lies. Every time I see him, it's all I think about. I need to get rid of this huge weight on my chest, but I'm worried that if I tell him the truth he won't be able to forgive me, and he'll leave. Do you think I should be forgiven for my lies?

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