TresSugar

Handle This: You Caught Him Reading Your Journal

DearSugar — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 10:30:00 -0700

If you were put in a situation like this, how would you handle it?

You recently lost your job and as a result, you've been pretty down and out. Thankfully you have a very supportive and loving live-in boyfriend, but truth be told, you've been craving your alone time. You have found solace in your journal, something you never had time for before, and it's really helping you sort through your feelings. Your boyfriend has noticed that you've been pulling back a little and has responded by being extra clingy, which in turn only irritates you.

The other night, while having dinner at home, your boyfriend made a strange comment - it sounded like he was privy to your personal thoughts only written in your journal. When you asked him point blank if he had read it, he nodded and quietly said yes. As you stormed out of the kitchen, he said that he was left with no other choice since you hadn't been willing to open up to him. You understand that he was just trying to help you during this rough patch, but you're furious - he betrayed your trust and went behind your back. You're going through enough as it is, so how would you handle it?

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Dear Poll: Has Anyone Ever Read Your Diary?

DearSugar — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 06:00:00 -0800

I'm a big proponent of journaling, but let's face it, keeping a diary was a lot easier as a teen, or pre-teen even, than it is now. When emotions run rampant or you simply need a way to clear your head, writing it all down in a diary can be great solace. A journal will always be an incredibly private possession, so if it were to get into the wrong person's hands, trouble and embarrassment could easily ensue. I think we all know better now, but ladies, tell me, has anyone ever read your diary before?

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Stop That Thought, Part II: Managing Important Worries

DearSugar — Mon, 20 Oct 2008 11:00:00 -0700

If you worry too much, you're not alone. But it's important to consider what kinds of worries are plaguing you. Some worries are totally unproductive, meaning that thinking about them won't change anything, and I have some tips for banishing those from your brain. But what about things you actually need to worry about, like paying the bills, making travel plans, whatever?

For these concerns, you need to make sure you're worrying at the right time. Fretting about giving a presentation when you're stuck on the train or trying to plan a dinner party when you should be working just makes you more stressed out. You should manage those worries and compartmentalize them so they don't dominate your day. For some coping mechanisms, read more.

Make a list. Who doesn't love making a list? If you find that something is occupying your thoughts, take a moment to make a list of things you need to do later, or write a note to yourself listing the things that are on your mind. Now that you've written the worries down, put the list aside along with your thoughts.
Pick a worry time. This may sound a bit silly, but it works for many people. Pick a specific time in your day - maybe 15 minutes when you get home from work - that is reserved for worrying. You aren't allowed to worry any other time, so use those 15 minutes to sort out what's on your mind and come up with a plan of action.
Accomplish something else. If you're worrying about something you have to do later, you may not be able to take care of it right away, so occupy your mind by doing something else that will give you a sense of accomplishment. Respond to some emails, clean your desk, or get some exercise. Just accomplishing one thing will help you feel better about your worries.

Got any other tips for taming worries? Share them below!

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Dear Poll: Have You Ever Read a Friend's Diary?

DearSugar — Fri, 29 Aug 2008 12:00:00 -0700

Since so many of you admitted to snooping, I thought I'd take it one step further. In this crazy world we all live in, it seems that writing in a journal is one of the only times where we can be truly one with our feelings; to write out our deepest and darkest secrets and innermost thoughts. It should go without saying that someones journal or diary is a very private, sacred possession yet so many people jump at the opportunity to turn the pages of someone else's sentiments. I understand that certain desperate situations call for that invasion of privacy, but tell me, have you ever read a friend's diary out of mere curiosity?

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Birthdays: Don't Get Grumpy, Get Thoughtful

DearSugar — Fri, 01 Aug 2008 11:00:00 -0700

Birthdays can be very public or very personal, depending on how you feel about them. Sure, there is potential for parties, surprises, and presents, but some people would prefer to celebrate silently without being the center of attention.

Whether you're big on birthdays or not, here's an interesting exercise. Every year, devote some time to writing in a journal and reflecting on the past year. Write down new experiences and things you've learned since your last birthday. It could be anything from an eye-opening trip to a funny anecdote or new insight into yourself. Record some favorite moments and reflect on new friends made. Think about what you're thankful for.

When you're done with that, outline what you're looking forward to in the next year. Not only will it make you feel better about turning another year older, but it will also be a valuable and entertaining way to look back on annual milestones.

Do any of you do this or something similar? If not, tell me how you commemorate birthdays below.

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Write Down Your New Year's Resolutions in a Journal

DearSugar — Mon, 31 Dec 2007 07:34:21 -0800

If you love to make New Year's Resolutions at the beginning of each year, why not make them seem more real and permanent by writing them down? You can write down your ambitions and dreams and make a to do list for the year. As you accomplish each goal, you can reflect about your experiences in your journal. Here are some of my faves.

Black & White Paisley Journal (10.95)	Writer's Log ($27.95)
Van Gogh Almond Blossoms Luxe Journal ($11.95)	Vera Bradley Spiral Notebook ($15.95)
Hand-bound Blank Journal ($22)	Basic Black Sketchbook ($9.95)
Embossed Leather Journal ($36)	Pocket Blank Journal ($29)

Unlock Your Creativity

DearSugar — Wed, 11 Jul 2007 08:00:00 -0700

I'm sure you've heard that you have two sides to your brain - the left side and the right side. The left side is responsible for thinking, organizing, and remembering while the right side has to do with creativity, imagination, and feelings.

As kids, we used much more of our right side and now that we are adults, we spend a lot of time using the left side. It's necessary and healthy for our spirits to unlock our creative and imaginative side, but the busier we get, the more we really need to set aside time for this type of self-expression.

Being creative usually involves art in someway, but it doesn't have to. Here are some ways to unleash your creative spirit:

Do something artsy like paint, draw, sculpt, sew, or knit.
Work on a scrapbook. There are so many ways you can personalize the pages, and once it's done, you'll have a tangible representation of your feelings and your life. Taking time to honor, record, and remember old memories is powerful. Not only that, but you and others will be able to look back on it and recall all those wonderful feelings again and again.
Write. Put your thoughts on paper in a journal, a letter to an old friend, an email, or a story.
Read. Pick up some fictional stories that allow you to lose yourself completely.
Do creative movement. Take up salsa dance, belly dancing, yoga, or the trapeze.

Want to see some other ideas? Then read more

If you used to play a musical instrument, pick it up again. If you've never played, it's never too late to start.
Sign up for a class you've always wanted to take - (woodworking is on my list).
Show your creativity in your appearance, with your clothes and accessories, how you do your hair, and what kind of makeup you wear.
Sing in the shower or in the car - really LOUD! I like to take songs I know and change the words.
Rearrange your living room or redecorate.
Design and plant a garden or re-pot some houseplants.
Spend time with kids - their creativity is bound to rub off on you. Play with them, dress up with them, put on a puppet show, and have fun with them.

Creativity is about expressing yourself. It's also about discovering yourself and your world, and seeing things in a new way. It's about letting go and not worrying about what others will think, so try and plan some times during your week to be creative. It's good for your soul.

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Self Help: Keep a Journal

DearSugar — Fri, 29 Jun 2007 08:00:00 -0700

Women spend a lot of time worrying and thinking about things. That's just our nature. If I spend too much time running thoughts or problems over and over in my own head, I get totally stressed out. Plus it clouds my brain and then I can't focus on anything else.

Talking to a trusted friend or a therapist is awesome, but sometimes you just want to get your thoughts out without anyone listening, judging, or offering advice. That's where journal writing comes in.

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I've kept a journal ever since junior high. Back then I had a locked book that said "My Diary" on the cover and it got me through my first period and my first crush. Having a journal has helped me through some tough times since then too. Writing in a journal is also a way to keep track of important events (good and bad). I can look back to entries I wrote many years ago and relive bad dates (these are good for a laugh), birthday celebrations, fights I've had with friends, and unforgettable nights out once we've made up, graduations, even amazing restaurants I had forgotten about.

A journal is always there for you, never talks back, and always remembers what you say. It's a way to tap into your creative and thoughtful side. I guarantee that once you've gotten your thoughts and feelings out on paper, you'll be able to sort through them all, and make better sense of a situation.

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Stress-Relief Kit: How to Worry Better

DearSugar — Thu, 15 Mar 2007 15:00:00 -0700

Worry operates a lot like clutter. It mounts, causes anxiety, gets in our way, and keeps us from getting things done. I don't really believe it's possible to quit worrying, but I do think we can worry better.

Click here to read more

Here's my system:

Get yourself a small journal -- I dig the little Moleskine ones -- and keep it with you at all times.
Start to be very vigilant about hearing your thoughts: this is key.
When you hear yourself worrying, whip out your notebook and write down all the things you're worrying about. Make a list. We love lists, right?
Make a date with yourself every Sunday to review what's in the notebook.
Make a promise not to worry about the things on that list until Sunday. Each time you catch yourself returning to a worry, gently but firmly remind yourself to wait until Sunday.
Plan to allow yourself an hour on Sunday. Open the notebook and attend to each worry as if you were handling a pile of clutter or an inbox full of emails.
I like the DRAF system: Discard, Refer, Act, File.
Assign each worry in your notebook one of these actions.
Discard it if there's nothing you or anyone else can do. This can mean turning it over to God, a higher power, to the Universe, or simply accepting that it's not something that's possible to resolve. Be honest and be realistic. No hoarding. If you or someone else can't actually do anything about it, out it goes.
Refer means pass it over to someone else. Delegate it. Ask for help. Or, if necessary, do some research, learn more about what you can do to help yourself around this worry. Talk to a friend, a partner or a professional about it.
Act on it if you can. These are juicy ones. Life is hard enough, ladies. If there's something on that list you can handle, have control over or can get behind you, do it now. Worrying makes things harder. We do not want things to be harder. Get crackin'.
File it away. Literally. If you're anything like me, the worries you file will mainly constitute worries about something from the past. If it's over and done with, ladies, take out a sheet of paper, write that worry on it, and put it in a file. Label the file: Completed. This means you let it go. Date the sheet of paper and include your initials. Mean it. Make a big, bold line through that worry in your notebook. Repeat as necessary.

And then, ladies, comes Monday. Start again, noticing your thoughts.

Which Celebrity Journal Would You Want to Read?

DearSugar — Mon, 19 Feb 2007 08:00:00 -0800

For many of us, a journal becomes a safe and neutral place to really be ourselves and to reveal our most private thoughts. If you were to find a lost journal on the street, which celebrity's most intimate secrets would you want to read about? Whose private life would read like a page-turner for you?

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