TresSugar

Ask an MBA Student: Is It OK For My Boyfriend to See His Ex?

TresSugar — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 09:00:44 -0800

Conventional Wisdom is a different kind of advice column. Your questions will be answered by people from all walks of life rather than by advice experts. This week, a guy working on his MBA tries to help out a woman nervous about her boyfriend's ex. If you have a question you'd like answered on Conventional Wisdom, you can submit it here.

Today's Question:
My boyfriend's ex-girlfriend just moved back in town and he wants to hang out with her. She's going to stop by his house this week so they can catch up. They broke up a couple of years ago, but they dated for a few years so this sort of makes me uncomfortable. Can I tell him that I don't want them to be friends? I don't know whether I should be upset or just let it go.

Signed,
Nervous

To read the MBA student's advice, read more.

Dear Nervous,

My advice is to let them hang out and catch up initially. It's natural for friends who haven't seen each other to meet up; there is nothing to worry about. I think it might be a good idea for you to be there, if your boyfriend is OK with that. If this is truly a friend situation, he shouldn't have a problem with you being there, and if the ex-girlfriend is moving back into town then she should want to get to know you. After they catch up, the novelty might go away and they might never see each other again as people change. However, if they continue to hang out and see each other a lot, you can let him know that it makes you uncomfortable. He should respect your wishes and tone it down.

Signed,
An MBA Student

Would You Rather Date Someone With a Little or A Lot of Experience?

TresSugar — Mon, 14 Sep 2009 09:00:00 -0700

No two people have identical romantic histories, so when you find yourself with a new significant other, disparate experiences can be an issue. For example, your partner's previous long-term relationship might be a source of insecurity if he or she is your first serious relationship. Or it might be frustrating if your new significant other is a relative novice and doesn't know the ins and outs of serious dating.

Which would you prefer - a partner who's experiencing almost everything for the first time with you or a well-seasoned significant other?

Do Tell: What Do You Envy About Your Mate?

TresSugar — Fri, 04 Sep 2009 04:00:00 -0700

When a relationship works, it often has a lot to do with how the partners complement each other's personalities. If you're super organized, your easy-going mate might balance out the stress you typically feel.

These differences could leave you (lovingly) envying the qualities of your partner. Whether it's his or her cooking skills, tech savvy, or ability to remember everyone's name, what's the quality that gets you green with envy?

Do You Care Who's Had More Sexual Partners?

TresSugar — Tue, 18 Aug 2009 04:00:00 -0700

An upcoming movie project titled One Night Stan follows a soon-to-be-married young man who gets his ego all bruised up when he finds out his fiancée has slept with more people than he has.

The Hollywood Reporter reports:

Stan plays out a scenario about which many men fantasize on the cusp of marriage. When Stan learns his fiancée, Julie, has had more sexual partners than he, he gets her blessing for one night to play catch-up. Unfortunately, his plans for a sex buffet don't come together quite the way he had hoped."

I asked you yesterday if you thought you should disclose your number of sexual partners. So what happens once you both know?

Sunday Confessional: She's Dreaming About Her Ex, Out Loud!

TresSugar — Sun, 05 Jul 2009 03:00:00 -0700

We're scouring the juicy (but anonymous!) secrets posted on Truu Confessions and letting you weigh in. This week a confessor's sleep talking is causing her relationship problems.

My boyfriend is so close to breaking up with me because apparently I have been saying my ex's name when boyfriend cuddles me in the middle of the night. I have zero feelings for the ex, so why is this happening?

Do you think this is a big deal?

You Asked: Their Friendship Hurts Me

DearSugar — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 12:30:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I've been with my fiance for two years now. He is the absolute love of my life, so when he recently proposed, I didn't hesitate to say yes! Before we dated, I dated his best friend for four years. My ex and I were broken up for close to two years before my fiance and I got together, but it still ended their friendship.

They have recently started to talk and become friends again, but it's causing quite a rift in our relationship. My ex could quite possibly be the biggest jerk in the world - he was threatening, jealous, and emotionally abusive toward me, and I don't want him in my life in any way, shape, or form. My fiance, on the other hand, thinks that their friendship is separate from our relationship, but it has already affected our otherwise perfect relationship. I don't want to seem unreasonable so how should I handle this situation? - He's Causing a Rift Ritta

To see DearSugar's answer read more

Dear He's Causing a Rift Ritta,

I'm sorry to hear that your relationship is going through some turmoil right now, but I'm sure your fiance has really missed his best friend throughout the years, so I'm not all that surprised that they're trying to rebuild their relationship. Instead of letting him taint this exciting time in your life, open up to your finance and explain how you feel.

Since you can't tell him who he can and cannot be friends with, you guys are going to have to come to a middle ground. If you need closure from your ex, now is the time to get it, but if you're not ready to go back to that time in your life, ask your fiance to respect your needs and understand your position. I can see how this could cause a rift in your relationship so keep the lines of communication open and ask for whatever you need to feel comfortable about their friendship. Good luck to you.

Source

True Confession - My Best Friend Is Sabotaging Me

DearSugar — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 06:00:00 -0700

Weigh in and tell us if you forgive or not forgive this True Confession.

"My best friend somehow steals every guy that I talk to or become interested in away from me. I am single and she is married, but she just loves the attention men give her and admittedly calls herself a tease. I chalk it up to jealousy, but I'm starting to resent her. I avoid hanging out with her at all costs and it's gotten to the point where I lie to her about the plans I have. Can I be forgiven for purposely excluding my best friend from my social life?"

Submit your own Confessionals here and see if you are forgiven!

Source

Dear Poll: What Is the Worst Sin of All?

DearSugar — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 06:00:00 -0800

The women of The View were chatting yesterday morning about a new Vatican study which states that men and women sin differently. According to the research, men are most prone to lust, gluttony, and sloth, while women are more prone to pride, envy, and anger. These findings actually make sense to me, but since we've probably experienced all of these sins once or twice before, tell me, which do you think is the worst sin of all?

Source

Do Tell: How Do You Overcome Jealousy?

DearSugar — Sun, 18 Jan 2009 10:00:00 -0800

Jealousy can bring out the worst in people. Whether you get steamed because your boyfriend has a late-night meeting with a pretty co-worker, or your good friend chose someone else to be her maid of honor, those hurt feelings can, in turn, make us do and say things to jeopardize our relationships. I find that being calm and honest with the person is the best approach, because if I followed through with my initial response, I'd probably end up regretting it. As human beings, we can't help but feel jealous from time to time, so how do you deal with these overwhelming feelings?

Source

Group Therapy: I'm Not Traveling, But I Wish I Was

Fri, 19 Dec 2008 04:00:00 -0800

For the past six years I have celebrated New Year's Eve abroad. This year, in an attempt to save money, I decided to stay at home. My siblings and the majority of my friends will be traveling to exotic and exciting locations after Christmas and I currently have a horrible case of travel envy! I find myself feeling depressed and disappointed that I'm not going anywhere. I know I made the right decision financially, but my tradition is now broken. I'm also worried that I won't have anyone to hang out with after New Years because everyone will be gone. How can I stop regretting my decision not to travel this holiday season? I feel like I've tried everything!

[EDITOR'S NOTE: To be read more GROUP THERAPY, click here or submit your own question here.]

Source