TresSugar

Meet Matchmaker Amy Andersen, Part III

TresSugar — Fri, 28 Aug 2009 10:00:00 -0700

This week I've been sharing my interviews with Amy Andersen, matchmaker to successful singles who can afford her pricey services. Amy has shared her thoughts on gold diggers, as well as her belief that a woman should not take the reins on a date as she might at work. Here's what she has to say about her female clients.

You spoke about how women and men should assume more traditional roles when dating. Is it possible for your female clients to still “be women” in the traditional sense when they are pursuing men through your service?

Amy Andersen: Half our clients are women. Our female clients, just like the male clients, are absolutely exceptional in every sense of the word. They’ve worked hard in their lives to achieve academic and professional success. They have great friends and are very well-rounded except for the fact that they find it really hard to find a man of substance, who is commitment-minded, and shares the same core values as they do - especially when it comes to raising a family. It is very much possible for a woman to still “be a woman” in the traditional sense when she is pursuing a man through Linx Dating. Our service can be likened to a friend introducing you to a friend. Yes, there is some formality involved, but beyond that it is perfectly easy for a woman to enjoy herself and be courted by a genuinely good guy whom I have met individually through the interview process.

For Amy's advice on where to find a guy, read more.

In your professional opinion, where is the best place for a woman to meet a man?

AA: You need to envision the types of guys you like and you desire to end up with. After this, then start thinking like guy. If you are into the athletic jock type, where would the jocks hang out? Maybe they participate in a coed runners club or spend their Saturdays at a sporting-good store. If you are into the academic type, where would he hang out? He’s at a lecture, in a bookstore, part of a coed book club. Once you start thinking like this, then you need to map out a strategic game plan and develop your own strategies and plans to place yourself in these seemingly target-rich environments. This thinking could be carried over to any type of guy you are into. Once you start thinking like them and discover where they hang out, then you end up in these favorable environments. The next step is learning to flirt and approach, but that’s another discussion.

What do you make of Amy's approach to dating? Does her emphasis on "traditional" gender roles come off as refreshing or infuriating? Would you ever consider using a matchmaker?

Meet Matchmaker Amy Andersen, Part II

TresSugar — Thu, 27 Aug 2009 09:10:00 -0700

Yesterday I shared part one of my interview with Amy Andersen, a high-end matchmaker who works with 800 successful singles. Amy tries to bring together young professionals who are interested in finding like-minded, quality matches - all for a price, of course; specifically, her rate is $6,000 for eight matches. In today's installment, Amy talks about modern dating and traditional gender roles.

Is traditional dating on the way to becoming obsolete thanks to the more casual hookup?

Amy Andersen: I think the causal hookup is fine when you are in your early to mid-20s, but for anyone who has chosen a career path that is more rooted in academia and a solid professional track, they crave dating through a more traditional and old world experience.

To be honest, tons of women get sick of guys who are forgetful or, frankly, who have become terribly spoiled and too lazy to show their dates what it means to be a gentleman. My clients are absolutely relieved to hear that this network adheres to a very old world approach, one with manners and chivalry. For the men, this means opening doors, being complimentary to their dates, not expecting that they will come upstairs for a quickie at the end of the night, instead looking forward to a kiss on the cheek. For our female clients, this means allowing oneself to embrace their femininity, take a deep breath, relax, allow the man to "be the man" and the woman to "be a woman."

To find out if all of Amy's clients are into this approach, and to see what exactly Amy means by "being a woman," read more.

Are all your clients into this approach?

AA: We find that it is a common misconception that a woman who is high-powered, extremely well educated, and attractive cannot accentuate her femininity on a date or in life without undermining her business acumen and strengths. Instead both can balance one another and be complementary, not the opposite. Another great reason why it is so fabulous to be a woman!

What does it mean exactly for a man to be a man?

AA: For a man to be a man, it means taking the lead when dating. It means allowing him to be a gentleman and not "castrating" him because he is trying to be chivalrous. It means allowing him to open the doors, walk on the outside of the street, to suggest a wine he likes at dinner that he thinks his date will like, to let him feel special on the date. Men want to feel useful and that they will be a provider for their ultimate mate, so sometimes when women are so used to be overly independent, men will wonder, "Where do I fit into this picture?"

And what does it mean for a woman to be a woman?

AA: Although she might be in control in every aspect of her life, it means being gracious, ladylike, exuding her femininity, and not taking the reins on the date as she might be used to in her work life. It means talking about things other than work, it means flirting, being silly at times, and not being so serious. It means putting on a skirt or dress, wearing a little lip gloss, and being thankful for being a woman. I’m not suggesting that a woman should be submissive or not use her mind; it is quite the opposite. Our guys in Linx crave cerebral and opinionated women, but she should let her date feel that he is worthy and attractive.

What do you make of Amy's thoughts on gender roles? Stay tuned to find out what Amy has to say about her female clients and the best way to meet a guy.

Meet Matchmaker Amy Andersen, Part I

TresSugar — Wed, 26 Aug 2009 10:00:00 -0700

I'll admit it: one of my guilty TV pleasures is The Millionaire Matchmaker. I find the orchestrated pairings entertaining and stomach-churning at the same time. Of course, there are other matchmakers hard at work without reality TV contracts.

In the San Francisco Bay Area, Amy Andersen works with 800 singles, half of whom are women. Amy's company, Linx Dating, doesn't call itself a "millionaires" club; instead it fashions itself as a service for both "successful" men and women. Of course, you have to pay to play. Amy's fee starts at $6,000 for eight hand-picked matches. $30,000 gets you 15 introductions, a nationwide search, and a cocktail party. Amy also offers date coaching, image makeovers, wardrobe overhauls, fitness training, and networking cocktail parties.

This sort of "high-end" matchmaking can be controversial, so I thought it would be enlightening to ask Amy to share her take on matchmaking and modern love.

Why do people come to you for your services?

Amy Andersen: People come to me because they are educated and hardworking, (typically) young professionals who are interested in finding a like-minded, quality match. Often our clients have dabbled in online dating (to mixed results), most have attempted the bar scene to unpleasant outcomes, and due to their success and taking their professional careers seriously, they refuse to date their colleagues. Thus, the resources shrink, and choices become limited and sparse.

To find out what qualities Amy's clients look for in a date, and to see how she would answer critics, read more.

What are the top qualities a man looks for in a woman?

AA: I would say being physically fit is way up there -and keep in mind, fitness can be wide ranging; she doesn't have to be an Ironman triathlete, just someone who cares about her health and enjoys fitness - along with being confident and happy with who she is. It's also important she has a life outside the relationship - in other words, not clingy. Being warm and nurturing is also way up there!

What are the top qualities a woman looks for in a man?

AA: A woman looks for good DNA! She wants a man who is going to be a good provider - so she looks for financial stability. Our clients are not looking for a guy jockeying between jobs and floating around trying to figure out what to do with his life. She also looks for physical appearance, often wanting him to be fit or tall. And finally someone who is a good communicator, not a game player.

What would you say to critics who think you're setting up gold-diggers with men who want trophy wives?

AA: We couldn't be more opposite of matchmakers who only represent men and simply have women in their databases. Unlike The Millionaire Matchmaker or other firms, we represent both men and women, and not just average but exceptional professionals. So many of our female clients are just as, if not more, successful than their male counterparts. A critic could speculate that men gravitate toward the network to meet a highly affluent woman! It really could not be further from the truth that we work with gold diggers. Everyone in Linx is an equal, and each client pays for the service. Thus there are not unusual expectations, or women desiring rich men, or men desiring a casual hookup.

Can money buy you love?

AA: Money can buy you the option to meet someone great, but it can’t buy you chemistry which leads to love. That is left up to two people and fate.

Come back tomorrow to find out what Amy thinks about "hooking up" and traditional gender roles.

Slow Sex Movement Guru: Women and the Power of Sexuality

TresSugar — Mon, 17 Aug 2009 07:00:00 -0700

"There’s a way that we actually have men take all the responsibility for sexuality, and then we get upset that they’re holding it."

This is the second in a four-part series of interviews I had with Nicole Daedone, who is emerging as the leader of the slow-sex movement and who founded the OneTaste urban retreat center in San Francisco. OneTaste invites men and women to learn about mindful sexuality by participating in workshops, yoga, and (for residents only) controversial "OMing" sessions in which men stroke women to orgasm during daily morning sessions. To read the second part of the interview with Nicole, read more.

TrèsSugar: What is the primary reason women come to OneTaste?
Nicole Daedone: I think it's to connect with power - not what we’ve made power into, something that you lord over people - but to connect with that personal sense of power. I think that’s one of the biggest challenges for women in our age: we don’t have access to our own power, and we don’t have access to our power because the raw source of it is our sexuality and most women have never been trained how to hold that much power in our bodies. So there’s a way that we actually have men take all the responsibility for sexuality, and then we get upset that they’re holding it. Or they have this sort of power within them, and then we get upset that we don’t have that kind of power.

TS: I don't know if you've read Ariel Levy's book Female Chauvinist Pigs, but she talks about how a lot of young women feel that having power in sexuality means attracting men, but it's not about owning it or their own pleasure. And then they wonder why they don’t have good sex.
ND: Well, I think that’s what power in its nascent stages looks like and I think that one of the reasons that we haven’t come to hold our power is that it's embarrassing. I remember when my orgasm was just starting to get turned on and I went from kind of, I was basically attractive, but I went to like “Wow!” I got really power drunk; power drunk doesn’t feel good. And I had to actually feel that something deeper was available.

TS: Do you think women are afraid of that power when they they feel it?
ND: It’s terrifying. As a woman, there isn’t a lot of information about how to do it well. In terms of how to be sexual, there’s no map for it so I’m really having to feel my way around in the dark and make mistakes and that’s scary. By the same token, I think that one of the things that’s happening in this time is that we’re sensing something deeper in ourselves that’s saying we have to listen to our bodies, we have to listen to these sexual impulses and if we have to respond to them, we have to learn how to do it well and do it in a really healthy way.

Slow Sex Movement Guru: On Romance and Sex

TresSugar — Fri, 14 Aug 2009 13:15:00 -0700

"I think that when you actually have raw intimacy, it isn’t sex, it isn’t romance, and it isn’t spirituality - it's just a pure connection."

This is the first in a four-part series of interviews I had with Nicole Daedone, who is emerging as the leader of the slow-sex movement and who founded the OneTaste urban retreat center in San Francisco. OneTaste invites men and women to learn about mindful sexuality by participating in workshops, yoga, and (for residents only) controversial "OMing" sessions in which men stroke women to orgasm during daily morning sessions. To read the first part of the interview and to see a Nightline segment on OneTaste, OMing sessions and Nicole, read more.

TrèsSugar: What is the goal of the OneTaste retreat center?
Nicole Daedone: I get apprehensive about using the word "revolutionize," but it's to revolutionize the way we look at sex. I think that we've gotten extremely distant from the actual "it" that it is and that it's gotten kind of pathological the further away we've gotten away from the source of it. That's why I like the idea of slow sex. You know, in the same way that we've industrialized food, we've industrialized sex. We've lost the meaning and the meaning really is simple: it's the most elemental energy that allows two people to come together and tune into their own body at the same time, which is a pretty profound thing. I think that we've lost track of that.

TS: In the age of the Internet and easily accessible fast food sex, I could see why slow sex would be important. But I was really struck by a comment on your website when you say that romance and all the expectations around it can also get in the way. I think a lot of heterosexual women feel, "I try to have sex to connect with this person, and sometimes the man is using sex to disconnect from me." So I was curious how you think that women's ideas about romance might actually create a problem, too.
ND: My experience is that romance is, to put it in Buddhist terms, the "near friend." It's when it's so close but it's not the "it" that you're looking for - but it's enough to keep yourself comfortable. And that if you go to the deeper, value-neutral sexuality, you can have romance as a byproduct. But if you go to romance, you aren’t going all the way and you don’t get the value-neutral energy that you can use the sexuality for. And so what I’m interested in is having people go to the raw, rich, nutrient place of sexuality and then learn how to use it for a deeper purpose.

TS: So you would say that the romance part is a delusion in a way?
ND: I don’t know that it's a delusion, but I think that it can be an obstacle in that it can be misused as a means of actually decreasing intimacy. So if I have this idea about who you are and I just keep trying to stuff you into that idea, and not actually discover who you are or have curiosity, that's the biggest danger of romance, that I have an idea of what I want and I keep trying to fit you into it. I don’t relate to the parts of you that don't correspond with the idea.

TS: We're so used to pathologizing male sexuality ("all they’re looking for is sex" or something like that) that I think there is a way in which we don't think about how, for some women, "all they’re looking for is romance" and that, too, may rob them of a true experience with the person.
ND: Exactly. I think that when you actually have raw intimacy, it isn't sex, it isn't romance, and it isn't spirituality - it's just a pure connection.

Paper Heart's Charlyne Yi Talks Love and Dating

TresSugar — Mon, 03 Aug 2009 07:00:00 -0700

In Paper Heart, opening in theaters this Friday, Charlyne Yi plays a documentary filmmaker intent on finding out what people, young and old, feel about love. During her travels and interviews, she falls in love with geek heartthrob Michael Cera. Not only did Charlyne star in Paper Heart with Cera (and Seth Rogen and funny man Demetri Martin), she won the Waldo Salt Screenwriting Award for co-penning the film’s script! We asked the wisecracking Yi her thoughts on modern love and dating. . .

TS: Do you think that cynics are the true romantics?
CY: Before we begin, I'd like to clarify I am no Love Guru (Mike Meyers). I don't think anyone can really define love. It's one wild, wild beast. And I don't think anyone is wrong or right. For this, I'm just gonna share my personal op. That's short for opinion. I don't believe anyone is truly "cynical." I think we all have doubts and question love, but I don't think there's anything wrong with that. It's normal and healthy. To find out what else Charlyne thinks about dating and love, read more.

Perhaps sometimes people are wary of love because they're trying to be smart, don't understand love, or of the fear of getting hurt again, or even hurting the other person . . . after all love is such a fragile thing. It would be awful to say you loved someone when you were unsure. When you're in a relationship, you're responsible for each other's feelings. And that is super scary. And I think there are no real cynics. Because there is a flicker of hope within them, where they wish they had somebody. I think everybody wants to mean something to somebody, even if they are "cynical" or "skeptical."

TS: How would you describe dating for the so-called Generation Y set? What makes dating different for them compared to previous generations?
CY: I'm not sure. I've only lived in this generation. But I've noticed my parent's generation got married really early on, around 19-early twenties. Most people I hang out with don't get married until much much older like mid 30s.

TS: What’s the best thing about dating?
CY: When you've reached the point in the relationship when you don't have to try anymore. And you both can spend time doing the most boring thing, and yet have fun.

TS: . . . the worst thing?
CY: Not being able to read the other person's mind. Uncertainty about how the other person is feeling.

TS: What is the best dating advice you ever got?
CY: I made up my own advice. I figure if I'm my gross weird self in the very beginning, instead of trying to show my best side and impress them, and later revealing who I really am, I would just be me. And this sounds dumb, but if I need to fart, I'm gonna do it. And maybe if they accept all of me early on, they've passed the test. And actually like me.

TS: What’s the biggest “don’t” on a date?
CY: Don't: Punch me in the face.

TS: Describe the worst date you were ever on.
CY: It was sad, the guy started crying at dinner about his ex-girlfriend. I felt bad.

TS: What are the elements of a good date?
CY: I don't think it matters where you are. It could be the dullest of all places or most dreadful. It just matters if the person you're out with and you are having fun and can actually carry an enjoyable conversation. And they can make me laugh.

TS: Should established couples still go on dates, or is this strictly the penance singles must suffer?
CY: I don't understand this question. Maybe because I don't know what penance means.

TS: Is dating obsolete?
CY: Again, don't understand this question. Seriously.

TS: Thanks, Charlyne! We can't wait to see this cute movie. . .

Source

Chelsea Handler Dishes With TrèsSugar

TresSugar — Wed, 10 Jun 2009 07:00:00 -0700

"TrèsSugar: Describe your ideal man.
Chelsea Handler: Someone who gets the joke.
TrèsSugar: Do you think you’ll ever find him?
Chelsea Handler: Probably not."

Comedian, writer, talk show host - triple threat Chelsea Handler does it all. The host of Chelsea Lately on E! Entertainment agreed to answer our burning questions on everything from whether or not she’s a feminist to what her weirdest wedding moment was. To check out the exclusive TrèsSugar interview, read more

TrèsSugar: Hi, Chelsea! I busted a gut reading My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands and I think Are You There, Vodka? It’s Me, Chelsea might be one of the most brilliant titles for a book ever. I love how you seem like the rare woman - gorgeous, and not trading on that but rather on your wit and subverting “proper” female behavior. Thanks for answering our questions!
Chelsea Handler: Well, thank you very much.

TS (I realize I kinda ambushed her here!): Are you a feminist?
CH: I feel like focusing on the idea of feminism is saying that we haven't achieved it yet. I believe in behaving at a level and having people meet you at a level that says: I'm a very highly functioning woman.

TS: Christopher Hitchens infamously said that only women who are fat, unattractive, Jewish or lesbian can be funny. How would you respond to him if you could?
CH: Well, I am half-Jewish, so he must have been right.

TS: Do you think humor for women is a defense mechanism, a survival skill? In your case, why did you think you became so funny?
CH: I think people are born the way they are born, and circumstances either add or take away from who you are deep down. I love to laugh, and in turn, love when I can make other people laugh.

TS: What in your past laid the groundwork for the way you see the world?
CH: Probably my father's 10 used cars that were in our driveway my entire life. I would say it was the opposite of rose-colored glasses.

TS: Who are your comic influences and heroes?
CH: I never intended on being a comedian, so it would be dishonest to say that I was
really influenced by anyone other than the idea of expressing my opinions. My brothers, sisters, and parents were definitely the biggest influences in my life.

TS: What’s a typical Chelsea Friday night?
CH: Dinner with friends usually at my house and a plethora of cocktails before, during, and after.

TS: Describe your ideal man. Do you think you’ll ever find him?
CH: Someone who gets the joke. Probably not.

TS: What was the weirdest wedding you ever went to?
CH: The one where the bride was smoking a cigarette in her wedding gown. That was pretty magnificent.

TS: What’s your biggest deal breaker in relationships?
CH:I usually don't break up with guys, I wait for them to break up with me.

TS: What’s your biggest piece of advice to today’s woman?

CH: Be ambitious for not only yourself, but also for the people around you, be generous, and be forthright. Karma is real, and it will reward you if you are doing the same for others.

TrèsSugar: Thanks, Chelsea!

Source

Exclusive: Interview With Jane Krakowski of 30 Rock, Part II

TresSugar — Sun, 17 May 2009 01:30:00 -0700

Yesterday Jane Krakowski, who plays Jenna on 30 Rock, talked to us about the show, its characters, and guest stars, and I tried to get the scoop on next season. (I didn't.) Today she talks all about her character Jenna - as only Jenna would have it. How'd she become so in love with herself? What's her character's redeeming quality? See what Jane has to say for her character in part two of this TrèsSugar exclusive.

TrèsSugar Exclusive: Interview With Jane Krakowski of 30 Rock

TresSugar — Sat, 16 May 2009 02:00:00 -0700

Yesterday I got the chance to talk to Jane Krakowski, who plays Jenna on 30 Rock. While she was promoting her Gone With the Wind webisodes for Breyers ice cream, she did dish on 30 Rock and her thoughts on costars Tina Fey, Alec Baldwin, and Tracy Morgan. Stay tuned for part II tomorrow, where she'll talk more about her character - the bubbly, lovely, and narcissistic Jenna.

Greg Behrendt on the Best Advice He’s Ever Received

DearSugar — Thu, 29 Jan 2009 06:00:00 -0800

Even if you haven't read the book, I'm sure most of you are counting down the days until He's Just Not That Into You comes out on the big screen! As a big fan of the advice that Greg Behrendt and co-author Liz Tuccillo dish out, I jumped at the chance to talk to the man himself to get the inside scoop on dating, the rules of the game, and how his book has affected women everywhere.

To see what Greg has to say about the best piece of advice he's ever received, read more

What's the best piece of advice you've ever gotten from someone?

The best piece of advice I've heard lately is a quote from Mike Tyson which is "Everyone has a plan until they get hit in the face." I think that's an interesting way of looking at life. We never know what's around the corner. I think it's your responsibility to make your life good. The most important thing is to look at what's actually happening in your relationship and not what you want to have happen.

Stay tuned because I have a lot more to share from my interview with Greg!